Paul hooked back up with some of his old gay college chums from D.C., adult companionship, friends and nothing more. Work kept him busy as the business expanded and it seemed that moving to Columbia had been the right choice. He hadn't set foot in Baltimore for two years and now he felt good about himself.

But his friends thought differently, they saw Paul as the proverbial lonely guy and set about trying to change things. They dragged him into Washington to watch naked boys shake their things on stage at the stripper bars. Something he hadn't done in years.

And as fortune would have it they ended their night at the sleaziest place in town, the Bayside Boys Club, a little hole in the wall place known for its good bartenders and gorgeous boys.

Paul had been there before; it had a raunchy charm and was full of distractions. He was working his way through the throng when Paul found himself face to face with this charming boy, or more likely face to chest. The young man was only five feet two inches tall.

"Excuse me," the boy said over the huge disco soundtrack that thumped throughout the bar. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bump into you like that."

"Baltimore," Paul said, "Canton is my best guess."

"Excuse me?" the boy repeated. "Yes, I'm from Canton, how did you know?"

"The accent, it's a dead giveaway."

"I don't know how you can hear it in here…that bad is it? I'm Michael by the way and that person over there at the bar staring at you is Tommy, he's my boyfriend."

"Will he be jealous if I talk to you?" Paul asked.

"He was born jealous and he'll have to get over it, I have," Michael laughed.

His dark wavy hair and pearly white teeth made him so attractive when he smiled; the muscular body rippling under his powder blue tank top gave Michael a smooth feline appearance. He was such a lovely boy, too lovely to just let go with a casual hello and good-bye.

"Do you work out at the gym?" Paul asked.

"No, silly man. When have you ever met a Baltomoron that went to a gym?" Michael laughed.

"I did," Paul said with a smile.

"Naw, you aren't from B'more."

"Owings Mills, does that count?"

Mike laughed. "Close enough, you don't live there anymore?"

"Columbia," Paul said and then he looked up. Tommy had brought up a fresh drink for the boy and was introduced.

"Tommy this is Paul, he's from Baltimore too," Michael said.

"Yeah," Paul replied, "we were just swapping lies about how great the city was, you from Canton also?"

"Naw, I grew up in Pigtown on the West Side. When Mikey first ran away from home I saw him at the bus station downtown, I was a bike messenger back then. He looked so miserable and hungry I took him home and we settled in together."

"So you've been together for a long time then?" Paul asked.

"Bout two years, he was fourteen then and I was seventeen," Tommy said. "We lived in a real pretty shit hole back then, fifty dollars a week and no hot water. Damn near froze to death the first winter, didn't we Mikey."

"We even thought about eatin the rats runnin in the alley," Mikey said. "It was pretty fucked up until Tommy got a job down here. I finally got a job dancing on the back stage here six months ago. Made some good money too, and then they started letting me dance on the bar last month. Just don't tell anybody I'm only sixteen or they'll throw me out."

"Your secret's safe with me," Paul said. "You guys had enough of this crowd? Hell, they're gettin drunk enough to start pinching my ass now. Are you hungry? Let's go find dinner, my treat."

"Yeah, my ass is bruised enough already," Michael said. "Hey, I thought you were supposed to be keepin them off me, Tommy." He gave the big blonde a playful slap on the face. "Come on, I got two hours before I have to be back."

They ate at a good Chinese restaurant; Michael knew all about the food and talked incessantly while Tommy just picked at the morsels on his plate.

"I love to cook too, you should come over and let me make dinner for you," Michael said.

"You sure Tommy won't mind?"

"Oh don't worry about him; he gets what he wants when he's a good boy. Ain't that right, Tommy?"

"Sure kid, whatever you say," Tommy mumbled.

"How do you handle all those guys groping your boy up on the bar," Paul asked.

"I don't watch," Tommy said with a smile. "Mikey is a big boy so I usually stay home and watch the tube. Somebody fucks with him; Mikey will just as soon punch him out as I will. Shit, he beats me up sometimes."

Paul didn't find it hard to believe that the young boy was a fierce fighter; he came from the right part of Baltimore for that.

"Did you ever know a couple of clowns used to hang out at the Park named Joey and Robby?" Paul asked.

"Joey Dabrowski and Robby Barnes, what a pair," Michael said, "how'd you know them? Don't tell me you like 'em that young? Naughty, naughty, Paul."

"Didn't really happen like that," Paul said. "I met Joey through a friend of mine who knew Brian Bookbinder, remember him?"

"Brian, sure, I always thought he was queer."

"Well he is, split for California earlier this year. Out doing the gay scene, if you know what I mean."

"Lord, poor California. San Francisco I bet." Michael said.

"Exactly," Paul replied. "Anyway, Bob introduced me to Brian and he brought Joey along for a ride to introduce him to me. I thought the kid might be fifteen, but of course he wasn't. So one thing leads to another and Joey starts hanging out with me. He was running around with me when he killed that bastard of a boyfriend his mother had…did you hear about that?

"He did the right thing," Michael said.

"Well killing that man fucked him up pretty good and he was a basket case even his mom couldn't handle," Paul said. "So I took him to a shrink and the boy told her about us. Look, I never slept with him, honest, he was just too young. I thought we could be friends a few years and see what might happen, it didn't work that way."

"That was dumb," Tommy laughed.

"I made a deal with the doctor. She got the kid to straighten out and I would disappear from the scene. I know he was too young for me, but we thought a lot about each other, it was real hard to walk away from that boy," Paul confided.

"Oh how sad," Michael said, "but how brave of you. Joey doesn't know what a good friend he had in you, does he?"

"Maybe, I don't know. I had to walk away without saying good-bye, which hurt a lot. I haven't been back up there since. Two years and I don't know what's happened to him."

"I do," Michael said. "Look, I gotta go back to the bar, it pays the bills. Why don't you come by next weekend and between sets I'll tell you what I know about Joey, OK?"

"Thanks," Paul said, "He was awfully cute back then, he could whistle so loud it just about split my eardrums. I suppose you're a member of the whistler's club too?"

"Oh yeah," Michael laughed, "real loud, wanna hear?"

"Uh, no thanks, you might bring the roof down on us in this old place," Paul said. "So it was you, Brian, Joey and Robby back then."

"It wasn't just us, Paul. The club has been around for generations, new ones come and old ones like me just leave. I imagine there have been boys whistling at each other in that old neighborhood since the city got started, you know the hustlers have been there at least that long."

"Oh brother, I never thought about it like that, wow. But it all seems so crazy, how can little boys like Robby get caught up in something like that?"

"Oh Lord, honey," Michael said, "Robby's a blonde goddess now; she certainly is, um, um. I knew he was gay the minute I laid eyes on him, maybe that's why he got involved. Joey hasn't really changed at all, lots taller, about six-foot as I remember. But the eyes still hold you."

"Yes, that's the way I remember him too."

"He's still there Paul, maybe you should go see him, he's legal now," Michael suggested.

"Maybe," Paul said, "when I'm ready."

And that's what he was thinking about when Bob called out of the blue and said he was throwing an early Christmas party. Going back up to Baltimore would certainly bring on a whole bunch of feelings he had been trying to forget. Paul had almost declined until Robby got on the phone.

"Hey Paul, how are you?"

"Fine, Robby. I hear you've moved in with Bob," Paul responded.

"Yeah, things are workin out. Are you comin to the party?" Robby asked.

"Oh I don't know…" Paul started to say.

"You have to come, Paul, we all miss you man," Robby said, "Please, I'll even invite Joey just so you two can see each other."

"I'm not sure he wants to see me, Robby, those were some tough times we went through."

"You forget he's my best friend. I know he took it pretty hard when you disappeared but that's over. Please Paul, you have to come, he wants to see you."

"Alright Robby, you win, I'll come," Paul said.

"You won't be disappointed. But his life just ain't been all that easy, somehow all the good things seem to slip through his fingers because he can't keep his mind on them long enough to figure them out. What you guys had was real, Paul. Right now he's just wasting his life away."

My God, Paul thought, this kid has become wise beyond his years. In his own way Robby had come to the crux of the problem just as Paul saw it. A lack of discipline kept Joey from succeeding in life. Maybe the years had changed his little Joey, he might be ready to evolve and take on some responsibility, but then maybe it was too late. It was all just so tempting, he had to go and find out.

The drive to Bob's did bring back memories and a few surprises too. Where the hell did that off ramp come from? The beltway had changed, the potholes had multiplied a few thousand times over and Paul cursed his way off the highway at the Towson exit.

There was already a mass of cars in front of the house and all the way down the block but right in front of the house were three red traffic cones and a sign that said, "Reserved for Paul" in what had to be Robby's block printing. He actually felt himself blush at the undeserved attention, but he loved it nevertheless.

He stopped the car in the street and got out to move the cones when he caught a flash of blonde descending upon him at a high rate of speed. Robby had been waiting for him and nearly knocked him over with the enthusiasm of his greeting.

"Oh Paul, man it's good to see you, you look great," Robby said.

"My but you've grown," Paul replied. "Look at you."

My God, Paul thought, the kid is a knockout. Just look at that face and that beautiful hair. Lord but Bob is a lucky SOB. They hugged and he felt Robby's hands slide around his waist and pull them close, it was almost as if he were greeting a lover, what's up with this?

"Bob's stuck in the kitchen and we have a million people in the house," Robby informed him, "but I've been waiting for you."

"I see that, thanks for the parking spot, that was very kind of you," Paul said. "Maybe I better park now before traffic backs up, unless you want to do it?"

"Me?" Robby said, "you'd let me drive that car?"

"If you want to, maybe after you get your license I'll take you out."

"Oh, but I don't date anymore," Robby said.

"I meant for a drive, Robby. You have a commitment to Bob now, don't you?"

"Yeah sorta, I guess…but some rules I just might break for you," Robby said.

The smile that followed nearly knocked Paul over. Shit, the kid's hot for me, but why?

He watched as the boy backed his car into the space, slow and efficient were words that came to mind. At least Robby respected his car, but did he respect his relationship with Bob?

They walked into the house and the noise level hit them first, there must have been thirty people in the living room alone. Paul recognized several people from his bar hopping days in B'more, including a certain gentleman who owned the Bayside Boys Club in Washington.

My, my, Bob certainly had pulled out all the stops for this party. Robby followed him around the room and Paul couldn't help but notice how every eye followed the boy at his side. Robby knew that he was hot; smiling and talking to every person he passed.

Paul made his way into the kitchen where Bob was giving orders to the two hired caterers that were making canapés and finger sandwiches at an incredible rate.

"Hey, Bob, nice crowd you have out there," Paul said.

"Paul, dear man, I'm so glad you came, I've been swamped with guests. Maybe we invited too many, I don't know. Shit, we'll be making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in about an hour. I'm running out of food," Bob groaned.

"Can I run to the store for you? I mean it, let me help," Paul replied.

"Oh really, would you? What a dear, I'm sorry; guess I got carried away with the season. You know where the Safeway is, don't you? Just some finger food, anything will do."

"I'll leave right now," Paul said, "Back in a flash."

He worked his way back through the crowd towards the front door and as he reached for the knob Robby was at his side.

"Where you goin?" the boy asked.

"Bob needs food, too many guests and not enough eats make for a bad party. Thought I would dash to the Safeway," Paul replied.

"I'll come with you," Robby said. It wasn't so much a request as a statement, he was going.

Paul felt a bit strange as Robby got in his car, where was Joey? Should he ask or just let it slide? But the boy was reading his mind.

"I'm sorry Paul, I feel guilty. Joey couldn't come. His step-father can be a real jerk sometimes," Robby said.

"No, it's alright," Paul said. "So he's still living at home?"

"Yeah, he can't do anything else. I know I promised you he would be here but I couldn't pull it off."

"Oh Robby, I've had plenty of chances to see him myself and didn't. Please, don't blame yourself. Your intentions were good and maybe Roy has a good reason for not letting him come. Joey will just have to deal with that, it's his responsibility."

"Yeah, you're right," Robby said. "So you're not too disappointed?"

"Sure, I miss seeing him but damn, I got to see you. All I remembered was this cute little boy and here you are all grown up, handsome as the devil."

Robby blushed and put his hand on Paul's shoulder as they pulled into the grocery store lot.

"I never had a chance with you," Robby said. "I wish we could have dated but you were so into Joey back then. I remember telling myself that if Joey ever fucked up with you I was gonna offer myself to you right away."

"Why are you telling me this now," Paul asked. "I thought you were happy with Bob?"

"Bob is Bob. He's been kind and loving, but I always hoped there would be more excitement. I feel like I'm missing something but I don't know what it is?"

"People in relationships need to make their own excitement, Robby. Whatever you feel is missing can be found," Paul said.

Robby leaned over and kissed him, and he felt the boy's passion. But when Robby's hand slid to his crotch and started rubbing his cock he grabbed it and held it off.

"Please," Paul said. "Don't do this to Bob; it isn't even fair to me. You're sixteen, we can't have a relationship. Look, maybe you do feel the fun is gone from your relationship with Bob. But you owe it to him to talk about it, you have to tell him how you feel. You're a sweet and very lovely boy but you can't just screw around behind his back, and definitely not with me."

They walked into the store and Paul grabbed armloads of fresh vegetables, he swiftly moved along to the cheeses and potted meats. Robby followed along, his head was hanging low and Paul felt sorry for the boy. He grabbed a dozen boxes of assorted crackers and headed for the frozen food section with the boy in tow.

There wasn't a line on checkout number three so he paid for the six bags of goodies and wheeled the cart back out to the lot. It was fully dark by now and the overhead lights had come on. With the groceries safely in the trunk they got in the car and Paul put the key in the ignition, then he stopped.

"Look Robby, maybe this whole relationship with Bob happened too soon for you. I've often felt maybe I would have had a better chance with Joey if he'd been older. As an adult he could have shared things with me on more equal terms. Right now you're dependent on Bob for everything and that can't make you feel equal. It has to create hard feelings between you I'm sure."

Robby was leaning against the window, the sad mask of his face reflected in the glass by the overhead lights in the parking lot. Damn, the kid was only sixteen and already Paul could feel the boy felt lost in a hopeless love affair. These kinds of emotions were hard for an adult to comprehend much less a kid at his age, no wonder Robby felt trapped.

What could he say; would the boy take any offering as a sign of interest in him sexually? Oh Lord, he'd gladly take Robby to bed and beyond if only...yeah, there it was again. He had a conscience, Barkley had seen that. Underage and gay, the temptation was so strong.

Bob would be devastated. If the boy was only free then they could begin to approach each other on much more level ground. He had held back for Joey's sake, this would have been so different. What a selfish thought, Bob was one of his dearest friends.

"I don't think I can stay with Bob much longer," Robby finally said. "But he's been so kind to me I'll hate myself if he gets hurt."

Exactly what Paul thought, Robby was again showing mature thinking. He had to tell the boy something.

"It will hurt him, we both know that. But don't you think it far better to be honest with him? He needs to know how you feel and maybe he'll surprise you. Bob will get through the pain and move on, but what about you, what will you do?"

"I don't know," Robby said. "Since you left my father won't talk to me. He beat the crap out of me, I can't take a chance that he might do it again. I haven't been honest with Bob about that either, I still feel guilty about the lie."

"So what's the truth?" Paul asked.

"My father knows I'm gay, he kept calling me faggot while he was slammin his fist into my face. I can't ever go back there. I didn't want Bob to do something stupid about it, it's over."

So that's what brought the boy out of the city, Paul thought. Damn, the lives these kids led. He had hoped Robby would be able to leave Bob and go home but that option seemed to be out, what could he do now? No wonder the kid felt so trapped. Aw shit, the poor boy was really on his own now.

Paul looked at his hands on the wheel, had they grown older in appearance these last few years, or was it his imagination? Why did he just know he was going to cave in to this boy, was he getting old and insecure?

Maybe there were too many injustices in the world and he wanted the chance to change all that. It might kill his friendship with Bob, he hoped the man would understand, someone had to act for the boy and soon. Someone had to give the kid hope before he despaired beyond the point of no return and became just another statistic in the morning paper. He knew what he was going to do; he had to be that someone for Robby.

"Alright, Robby, listen to me. I'll make you a promise and I mean this. If you ever leave Bob I'll get you a job and a place to live where you'll feel safe and nobody will hassle you for your sexuality. I know some people in Washington; they've formed an organization for kids like you. Kids that have been thrown away by ignorant parents who can't deal with their gay and lesbian children.

"I know life just doesn't seem fair sometimes but you're a bright kid, think of the future and where you want to be in ten years. You've been working hard in school; you did the things you had to do. But just like Joey, I think you deserve a chance to make it in life. I feel badly I never got the chance with him, but if all it takes is a little shove in the right direction then consider yourself pushed, OK?"

Robby turned from the window and their eyes met. The boy had tears streaming down his face and Paul couldn't resist anymore, he took Robby in his arms and let him sob. All these kids ever wanted were a little kindness and respect, their world was just so fragile. I may kill myself for this in the morning, he thought…but I'll die with a smile on my face.

He wiped the tears from Robby's face with a tissue and made the boy blow his nose.

"We have to get back now, Bob is waiting for us to rescue his party and the frozen egg rolls are probably melting," Paul said.

"I understand why Joey loved you so much," Robby said. "I just couldn't see any way out and you come along and show me how. I know Bob's your friend and I don't want to hurt that, but if you can, will you let me love you too?"

"In time you'll come to understand that love is something that's best when it's cooked over a slow flame, Robby. Don't love me yet, get to know me first and then do it only if you find me worthy of it. Then it will mean something real and strong, something we won't casually toss aside when our feelings get hurt. Maybe then I can love you back and life will be exciting and new for us both. I look forward to that, don't you?"

"Oh yes," Robby said, a smile lighting up his face. "I promise you something too, I'll wait for you Paul and no matter how long it takes, someday I just know you'll be all mine."

"I might hold you to that promise, it's the best offer I've had in years."

They drove back to Bob's and helped out in the kitchen. Paul avoided being alone with Robby, and he could see the boy was trying to cool his ardor. Bob was so into his role as host he didn't sense a thing. After three hours Paul begged off and went home.

Bob had suffered after the separation with Brian, the boy he had dragged from the depravity of hustling life in the city had grown to become someone he barely knew. Brian had reached full adulthood without the slightest idea of what to do with his life, they fought about that.

He supposed it was his own damn fault that the boy had packed his belongings, every bit of clothing and the trinkets that Bob had bought him, and headed west. The relationship had lasted four years, in retrospective it shouldn't have lasted a week, but it gave them both something.

Bob still wanted to be friends but knew that wouldn't happen until Brian had put some distance and time between them, he needed to grow up. When the call finally came, and he knew it would, he would be there with open arms. Love didn't die that easily in his heart.

It was a Thursday morning, four days after the party, when the phone on Paul's desk at work rang.

"Hello, Paul, this is Robby."

"Hi Robby, how are you?" Paul said. Oh God, he thought, here we go.

"I took your advice and had a talk with Bob last night. I told him the truth about my father and that... well I said I couldn't keep on living with him anymore."

"Oh man, that took a lot of courage."

"Yeah, I suppose," the boy replied, "He took it pretty hard."

"So what's the final outcome," Paul asked.

"I gotta move out after Christmas. He was gonna buy me a car for my birthday next month and he has all these presents he bought for Christmas. I feel like shit, Paul."

"I guess you still need a place to go, am I right?"

"Can't I stay with you?" Robby asked.

"I don't think that would be a wise move for either of us. I'll get you a place to stay, I promised you that, and someplace to work if you want. You'll be seventeen next month, what about school?"

"I thought I could live with you and go to school there, maybe I'll just quit," Robby said.

"That's certainly one option, but I want to talk about it before you leave school. Is Bob there?" Paul asked.

"No, he left out really early this morning," Robby said, "I'll tell him to call you. I don't want to be here for Christmas, can you get me a place before then?"

"Probably not. Look, I'll let you stay at my apartment until we find you a place. We need to have a talk anyway, when can you pack up?"

"I already did, it ain't much," Robby said.

"I think we should talk to Bob before you leave, I guess I'll drive up there this afternoon and see him. I'm sorry it had to happen this way, Robby. Sorry for the both of you," Paul said.

"Yeah, me too."

Paul finished up the report on his desk and downloaded it to Andy, his technical support man, for a check on language. It seemed like only yesterday when the electronics business was so much simpler and information didn't have to filter down through so many checks and re-checks. But the new design they had put forward for the Navy job was reaching the final stages and they couldn't afford any mistakes at this point. If this hit big, Paul decided he might just take a vacation, the last one had been to the beach with Joey so very long ago.

Bob, what was he going to say to Bob? Hey buddy, just dropped by to steal your boyfriend? God, it did look like that didn't it? I'll sure have a lot to say to Sam at next Tuesday's session. Damn, would Sam think he'd lost his marbles? He probably had, at least now he understood himself better.

Dr. Samuel Waterson was the doctor he approached about three months after he left Baltimore. Paul realized that Dr. Barkley had been right to some degree, he did like his boys a little on the young side and he wanted to know why. Waterson was recommended to him by an acquaintance, a gay friendly doctor was the phrase he had heard, it seemed important at the time.

They had been meeting for a long time now although Paul thought several times about walking away. Waterson kept bringing up challenging points that needed resolution. Bringing Robby into his life would give the good doctor a cornucopia of goodies to hold over his head, but he trusted Waterson to be honest with him.

Paul had discovered the adolescent within himself was still very much alive. Put him in the company of kids and he became one. He'd had a few casual relationships over the years with adult men and found them satisfying for a time. Like many gay men, he knew he was searching for something and just not finding it.

It had occurred to him this past summer that Joey was eighteen and perfectly legal now, he had mentioned this to Waterson. With a frown, the man had told him it wouldn't be the same. The ideal he held of Joey in his mind was of the cute little boy in desperate need and now the adult version wouldn't hold up to that long ago image. If Paul wanted to set himself up to fail he could go back and try picking up the pieces with Joey where they had left off.

That's why he'd been so reluctant to go to Bob's party. He didn't want to destroy the image he held of the little boy and the correction he had made to a grave error when he walked away. But the good doctor had said the same thing Barkley did, it was only a matter of time before his resolve crumbled. Given enough time to rationalize his thoughts Paul would sleep with an underage boy.

Damn but Waterson was good at pushing his buttons. But he couldn't turn his back on Robby; the boy had no place to go. The gay world was so afraid of its adolescent self, the negative image of gay men recruiting for the homo sex machine was painted with broad strokes by an unforgiving segment of heterosexual society. How can we be so foolish?

Paul didn't make Robby gay, he was born that way, and all the moral platitudes in the world didn't justify throwing away the life of a child in need. He's almost seventeen, in many societies boy's that age were already married and sharing an equal load with other adults, what's wrong with us? We market condoms, cigarettes and alcohol to kids and then act in mock horror when they use the products, how hypocritical can you get?

Paul knew he could use all these things to justify having a relationship with Robby. His being admittedly gay made the pill easier to swallow. But he was still underage and that meant trouble any way you looked at it. No, he should take the boy in and ship him out the moment he found a place for him to land with both feet on the ground.

Maybe a boarding school…that was a good idea. It would keep the boy away and allow him to grow up. If Robby wanted a relationship in a few years then fine, he could wait that long. Allow the boy to visit on holidays and get rid of the king sized bed, which ought to put some perspective on their desires.

The thoughts were still boiling in his head as he made his way around the potholes to Bob's that afternoon, at least the Lincoln was in the driveway. They sat at the kitchen table, Bob looked drawn and melancholy, he hadn't slept well at all last night. Robby was tense, afraid of what might go down here this afternoon, his future was at stake.

"Before you tell us what's on your mind, Paul, I want you to know something," Bob began. "Robby told me about your conversation last weekend, he even told me he made a pass at you and you stopped him cold. At least I now know you didn't come here to steal something from me, I still value our friendship."

Bless the kid for his honesty, Paul thought.

Paul nodded. "No, I appreciate the feelings you both have and I came here to try and help us all understand what happens next. I told Robby his feelings towards you in the beginning probably stemmed from his fear of rejection by his father. But I also told him that age is a major factor, he's just too young to be in a committed relationship. We both remember sixteen, Bob. I know I couldn't have made something like this work back then either, could you?"

"No, probably not," Bob admitted. "I'm sorry, Robby, maybe I've pushed too hard for something only I wanted. I shouldn't have pressured you like this, it isn't fair."

"I just didn't want to hurt you, Bob, you're such a good man. I told Paul I felt like shit for feeling this way, I wish I knew why."

"Well that's part of what I wanted to talk with you about, the feelings," Paul said. "I hope you can remain good friends, you know each other pretty well by now and I can't see any reason for that to end. Robby, you will soon discover that the gay world is actually pretty small and intimate. You have to choose your friends carefully or risk being hurt.

"It's never smart to make friends just because the people you meet are gay, that might be the point of introduction but after that they need to prove themselves worthy of a closer look. I think we both agree, Bob is a worthy friend, he's proven that time and again to me and now you know him for the same qualities."

"Thank you," Bob said, "Now you're embarrassing me."

"He's right, Bob, you have been a good friend, I don't want to lose that between us," Robby said. He patted Bob's hand as it lay on the table and the man grasped his fingers in return.

"You haven't dear boy, you haven't," Bob replied.

"So now we need to decide how Robby gets on with his life. As you might expect I have a few suggestions, do you want to hear them?" Paul asked.

"You're killing me here," Robby groaned, "what suggestions?"

"OK, first Robby at sixteen, underage and homeless. I recommend we petition the court to give him his majority since his parents won't recognize their responsibility to him. He needs the legal distinction to get on with his life, his gay life."

"What's a majority?" Robby asked.

"It means the State of Maryland will recognize that you've reached the age of responsibility. It's not the same as being an adult but it's as close as you can get. It will allow you to take control of your life and give you the power of a judge to back you up."

"How very clever," Bob said, "you're right, he'll need that to overcome all kinds of issues, even discrimination."

"That's what I thought, it just might come in handy later on," Paul said. "Second, what about school? I know you've started to put some effort into your studies; do you want to give all that up? Think now, you're so close to graduation I'll bet you can smell it."

"I guess," Robby said, "but it never was much fun."

"It isn't supposed to be that much fun," Bob said. "I've watched you make some real progress, Robby, don't waste it now."

"In three years you'll get a diploma and then you can decide to go on if you want and learn more. I think Bob and I both want you to graduate because it will make your adult life so much easier," Paul said. "That brings me to point number three, where will you live?"

"You said I couldn't stay with you, why's that?" Robby asked.

"For the same reason you can't live here," Paul said. "It isn't that we don't care for you, Robby, but you have to admit that being in close proximity to you offers a lot of temptations. If you really care about us in return then you'll like my next suggestion, it solves two of your problems at the same time. I want you to go to a boarding school."

"What, like military school? I hate that idea," Robby groaned.

"No, I can't see you in a uniform and gay at the same time," Paul laughed. "Those folks don't like us very much.

"Then where?" Robby asked.

"How about a nice little school, there are several in this area or even up in Pennsylvania. Whatever you decide we'll have to move fast," Paul said. "I think a small school would be best, you need the individual attention."

"Yeah, but will they accept a gay kid?" Robby asked.

"Hey, don't you ever think you're the only gay kid on the block," Paul said. "Some people think we're everywhere. If even one kid in ten is gay, then that means ten out of a hundred and even if that means half of those are lesbian then there might be five gay boys in every hundred kids at school. I'm sure you'll find another boy or two that meet that criteria, friends that you can talk too, even sleep with if you decide that's what you want."

"What?" Robby exclaimed, "How can you say that?"

"Because it would be the most normal thing in the world for you to find a nice boy your own age and fall into a relationship. Maybe we never told you, but Bob had a boyfriend when he was fifteen and I fell in love for the first time when I was seventeen. Shit happens, Robby. People come into your life and it just happens, don't close the door before you get there."

"Have you looked at any schools?" Bob asked.

"Yeah, I called a few this morning when the idea hit me," Paul said. "But I won't take another step until Robby says go. If he's going to live life as an adult he needs to make these decisions for himself, we just get to help, that's all."

"Schools like that are expensive, aren't they," Robby asked. "I can't ask for money, not from either of you."

"You won't have to," Paul said. "I expect to pay for it if I can't get you a scholarship. I expect old Den Mother Bob will sell a few more Girl Scout cookies to raise some dollars too. That base is covered and so the call is yours, you make the decision."

Silence settled over the room and Paul had a flashback to that morning at his kitchen table when Joey was asked to make some hard choices too, life seemed to run in tight little circles. Robby had a blank look on his face, the wheels were turning upstairs in his head, the combination seemed to click in place and he began to smile.

"I trust you guys more than anybody I know," Robby said. "I don't think you'd steer me wrong so I agree, let's find a school."

From there it became much easier, they became focused as a team to find a school and move on, Bob seemed the most grateful. This way he could still have Robby as a friend and the door to their future was still open.

He was the one who actually found the perfect school, tucked away in the countryside on a small campus with a knowledgeable staff of excellent teachers. He left it up to Paul to make the arrangements on such short notice. The man had a way with words and his checkbook was heavier.

Paul's lawyer, Tom, made arrangements to petition the court on behalf of the boy. He sent a letter to Robby's father explaining the situation and hoping the man would not object to the proceeding. When the guy called his office and said he would object Tom informed him there was no statute of limitations on child abuse. They had pictures and witnesses ready to go on that charge. Mr. Barnes backed off in a hurry, even offered to sign documents if the nice lawyer would bring them by, it was a done deal.

Although he wished he could have done something really nice for the boy's Christmas, Paul decided to wait for Robby's birthday just after the New Year. A small dinner party with some friends would work out best. Robby had moved into his Columbia apartment building, sleeping in the second bedroom which Paul had hastily cleared of his weights and barbells.

They had quiet evenings at home, shared preparation of the dinners they ate and cleaned house together. He tried to show only companionship to the boy, no overt touching or anything that might suggest he was open for a sexual romp between the sheets. For his part, Robby kissed Paul on the cheek at bedtimes and after his shower he dressed in the bathroom. Nudity was mutually agreed as forbidden territory for them both.

Paul had arranged for Bob to meet them in Washington for dinner, he had reserved a private room at Devenny's, the swank new restaurant on Capitol Hill. He had invited Michael and Tommy as well, only to be informed Tommy was no longer in the picture.

It seems Michael had come home early from work to find his boyfriend screwing one of the neighborhood ruffians in the middle of their shared bed. Tommy was out within minutes and so was the little home wrecker. Michael was over it already, Paul said he could bring anyone he liked to the party.

Since Robby had agreed to stay in school, maybe it wasn't necessary to give him a trip down horror lane with Michael's story of woe, but they hadn't seen each other in quite a while, it might be fun. Since the poor kid didn't have a coat and tie to his name, Paul took him out to the men's store at the Hecht Company. It proved an amusing afternoon with the sweet young clerk all aflutter at fitting the boy out with just the right shade of blue to match his eyes while trying to keep from drooling.

Paul hoped Robby would meet some nice young man at school and fall in love, preferably the day after he started. Just having this vision of loveliness around the house was a total distraction. He only had to hold out for two weeks more, and then semester would start.

Despite the rules they'd come up with to get along, he knew Robby was lusting after him. He caught the sideways glances and heard the boy masturbating at night; it was such a turn on. Now here stood this young man in his first good suit, his long blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail which made him look so much older, it was tempting.

The party commenced on the evening of January second at seven-thirty in the evening. Robby was now seventeen, and for Paul that was a milestone in their shared life. Michael arrived with an attractive older man, maybe all of twenty-five. He introduced the guy as Roger, an ex-Marine who occasionally danced at the Bayside.

They all sat and drank at the bar while waiting for Bob. Roger and Michael ordered margaritas; the bartender didn't give Michael a second look and the boy winked at Paul. Paul ordered a martini and the bartender turned to Robby, who in turn looked over Paul who shrugged back. Robby ordered a rum and coke and the man went to make their drinks.

"Wow, this is the first time I ever got served in a bar," Robby said.

"Well don't count on it happing regular like," Michael said. "The bartender knows me; he was stuffin dollars in my sock just last weekend while I was dancing. He's one of us."

Michael had made a big deal out of seeing Robby. Paul was grateful as he knew Robby was unsure what to expect. Michael threw his arms around the boy and gave him a big kiss, half the bar turned to watch but soon lost interest. That's Washington for you, Paul thought, besides half the crowd was gay. The boys were rattling on when Bob arrived; his surprise date was Brian, back from the California wars.

"So look who called me last night, the Baltimore surfer boy. Hasn't he got a beautiful tan?" Bob said.

Brian, the Marine and the other two boys all moved to a table in the corner to swap lies, leaving Bob and Paul sitting at the bar.

"Brother, bet that was some surprise," Paul said.

"He had a horrible time of it, caught pneumonia and broke his leg surfing. He lived on the street for three months too, sold his ass to the highest bidder. So I guess now that he's seen the bottom of the barrel he's come home to daddy," Bob replied.

"And is daddy still willing to take him in?" Paul asked.

"Aw hell, you know I am. I must have a sign in the front yard that says sucker, what can I do? Brian then Robby then Brian again, I feel like a yo-yo."

"But you love every minute, is that what I'm hearing?"

"I guess. He has no place to go, he hitched a ride back here with two queers and sucked dick the whole way, he feels sick about it. He sounds like he's got a terrible cold, coughed all night long too. I gave him some medicine but I think I ought to take him to a doctor tomorrow, maybe he caught something out there," Bob said.

"The coughing doesn't sound good, maybe he caught TB?" Paul suggested.

"It isn't just that, he's got welts on his legs. He thinks they came from being out in the salt water too long but I don't know about that either."

"So have him checked out, but I wouldn't go getting too cozy until you do, it might be contagious," Paul said.

"I may be dumb but I ain't stupid, I just hope he's all right," Bob said.

The party went off quite well, and after dinner when they brought out the cake poor Robby had tears in his eyes. At nine-thirty Michael said he had to leave, he was due on the bar at ten o'clock sharp. Paul had given Robby an expensive watch, and the boy received cards from the others.

Bob begged off doing anything else, Brian wasn't feeling too well and needed to rest. Paul hugged Brian good-bye; the boy felt warm and was way too thin, something was definitely wrong here. That left four of them and Paul decided to follow Michael to the bar.

Michael got them through the door past the bouncer with three words, "They're with me." Robby's eyes got huge at the sight of naked guys gyrating on the bar to the thump and bump of the heavy dance tracks.

Paul watched as every eye in the place turned towards the boy, fresh meat had a smell that could energize an entire room full of gay men. He put his hand on Robby's shoulder and steered him through the crowd towards the back, everyone knew what that hand meant, the boy's mine.

They sat on a bench along the wall; the crowd in front of them sat nearly on top of the tiny stage, the bar was all the way across the room.

"Holy shit," Robby yelled in Paul's ear, "is this legal?"

"The dancing is yeah, the touching isn't. Watch that boy on the stage, see the guy sticks a bill in his socks and then shyly cops a feel up his leg. Michael says you make more money if you don't let them touch your goodies. Once you let them touch your dick they got what they wanted and don't give the dancer any more cash. What do you think of that boy on the corner of the bar, pretty nice, huh?"

"I guess, how can they do this stuff? I'd feel so weird takin my clothes off in front of a whole room full of guys," Robby said.

"They do it for a living, kiddo, they need the money. You ought to be familiar with how that works," Paul said, he hoped he wasn't being too unkind.

"Yeah, I guess. I gotta pee," Robby said.

"OK, I'll show you where it is."

Paul wasn't about to take his eyes off the kid, not for one single minute. In a place like this it would be asking for trouble. They crowded into the toilet together and peed side by side in the bowl. Robby's cock began to get enlarged as he watched Paul's stream of water.

"Please don't get horny on me…and definitely not here," Paul said.

Robby blushed before he flushed, caught again. Paul thought it was just so damn cute, but it was scary too. Back in the bar they watched as Michael hopped up on the bar and caught the rhythm of the music, his body moved in waves to the beat, muscles rippling to the pulse, and then he began to strip.

Paul could sense that Robby was holding his breath as Michael got down to his tiny briefs and then flung them back behind the bar. For such a little guy he sure had the right kind of equipment to attract a crowd, and they flocked towards him.

Michael danced with large exaggerated moves, gathering attention away from the other two dancers on the bar. Then he gyrated his pelvis towards the man standing in front of him. The guy reached up to touch but Michael moved back and wagged his finger no, the guy was almost drooling before Michael came back to him. Paul watched the bills sprouting out of the boy's socks; he was on a roll tonight.

Robby was just drinking in everything and Paul found himself getting caught up in the action as well even though he'd seen Michael dance a hundred times. And then he felt the hand on his leg and realized he didn't know how long it had been there. He put his own hand over it and was about to yank it away but somehow he couldn't. Robby wanted to share this small intimacy and he just couldn't say no, not tonight.

Michael finished his set and came towards their table. He took a sip off Paul's drink and pulled the sweaty bills out of his sock, dropping them on the table. He was wearing only ragged hole-ridden cutoffs, his dance outfit, when he plopped down in Paul's lap.

"Hey big boy, buy me a drink?"

"Buy you? Look at all that cash, you might be able to buy me," Paul laughed.

"Oh yeah, and how much would that be?" Michael asked.

"He ain't for sale," Robby said, and he raised his hand which was still clutching Paul's.

"Oh yeah, have we got something going here?" Michael said. "I think you two would make a sweet couple, blonde on blonde, and all those blue eyes to boot, go for it girlfriend. I gotta do a set on the stage, watch my stash, will ya?"

Paul idly started stacking and smoothing the wrinkles out of Michael's pile of damp money. He focused real hard on the task, avoiding the obvious.

"So he thinks we're made for each other," Robby said, "I agree."

"You would," Paul replied, "that's why I'm not saying anything, I'll only incriminate myself."

"So you think so too, right?"

"Someday, Robby, someday...I can't think in here, it's too loud."

Robby smiled. "So let's leave."

They drove the thirty miles north to the condo, both quietly listening to the stereo, fearful of sharing a word, of letting out any feelings that might tip the balance one way or the other. Paul parked the car and they walked up the short flight of stairs to the door.

"I had a wonderful time tonight, Paul," Robby said. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome, it isn't every day you get to turn seventeen," Paul replied.

"I liked your present best," Robby said, "I'm gonna need the watch so I'll know when to call you from the school."

"That will be fine; I want you to keep in touch."

"Good night, Paul," the boy said and kissed him on the cheek.

Paul lay in bed wondering about the feelings that had passed between them tonight, maybe it was just the atmosphere at the bar but he felt something had changed. He was beginning to think Robby might break the rules they had established. God help me, Paul didn't know if he could say no right now. He heard the click of the latch on his bedroom door and it swung slowly open.

"Paul, are you asleep yet?"

"No kiddo, what's up?"

Robby crossed the room and sat beside him on the bed.

"I can't fool myself any longer, Paul. You gave me such a nice present, I mean the watch is great, but I didn't get what I really wanted. I want you."

"I know...I'm sorry. It's just such a big step for us both, can't you see that?"

"I don't care; I've been carrying this thing about you around inside me for years, please, let me in Paul, please."

How sweet it all sounded, how wonderful the boy smelled, how could he resist? Paul threw open the covers and allowed Robby in his bed.

In all his years of sexual activity Paul had never encountered a creature as sensual and giving as Robby. Their shared nakedness helped give the illusion that they had become one being, attached here and there as their sexual congress progressed.

From all of his manipulations, Robby finally got what he wanted. The boy had the strength and desires of a man. It was enough to make them feel totally committed in body and soul. Despite the concerns about how this youth might probably love him and leave him, Paul had some of the most challenging sex of his life.

The boy's passion was everywhere, his tongue alive in Paul's mouth before traveling to his crotch and then back again. Their foreplay went on forever, neither wanting to reach any conclusions in a hurry, allowing things to happen at will.

So here he was, face to cock with the boy, stopping occasionally to allow the tide of passion to subside, to prolong the process and avoid a climax. The boy read his body so very well, taking him to the brink and backing off, he could only repay the compliment.

Robby reached over and from the pocket of his robe pulled out a condom. What audacity; he had expected this all along. God he knows me only too well, Paul thought. Robby rolled the latex tube down Paul's cock and sat in his lap. The boy adjusted his weight, balancing on the balls of his feet and slid Paul deep into his warm core in one swift move.

In some ways Paul realized it was a like having sex with himself, he'd often thought Robby looked like a reflection of his teenage self, the boy's body seemed that familiar too. It fed his fantasy as they worked up a sweat and managed to orgasm at the same moment.

OK, this was hot sex…and something that changed the rules. "Happy Birthday, Robby, and many, many more," Paul said.

"I just got the best present of my whole life," Robby said. "See, I told you we were meant to be together, it was magical."

"Yes it was," Paul admitted. "And it will be just as good next year on your birthday."

"What? You're going to make me wait a year to do this again?"

Paul smiled. "Probably not, but I'll have to think about it."

Paul got up to pee at seven am and then stumbled into the kitchen to use the phone; he called in sick to the office. With only four hours of sleep and the heady experience with Robby last night he just couldn't face the world, he crawled back in bed.

At noon the smell of fresh coffee woke him, Robby was making breakfast. Paul pushed himself through a series of stretching exercises, a regular routine that always cleared away the cobwebs and got the blood pumping. Several times a week he followed this up with a three mile run down to the park and back before showering for work. This morning he just took the shower and dressed.

Robby was in the kitchen making pancakes when Paul walked in the room. The boy's hair was still wet from his own morning routine and he was wearing Paul's kitchen apron but nothing else, his bare ass stuck out through the slit in the back.

"Morning, kiddo," Paul said, "How long have you been up?"

"About an hour, Bob called while you were in the shower. He says to tell you that they admitted Brian to the hospital this morning, he couldn't breathe and Bob called an ambulance. He says he thinks it's the pneumonia thing again."

"Damn, I hope that's all it is."

"Why'd you say that…what else is there?" Robby asked.

"I know you don't read the paper regularly but there have been some pretty strange things goin around San Francisco recently. Wait, I'll show you," Paul said.

He went into the living room and dug through a stack of magazines in the corner. He selected two copies and brought them back into the kitchen.

"I subscribe to several gay monthlies, in case you ever want to see what's happening in the gay world, it's always quite an interesting read. Anyway, this piece is about the incidence of pneumonia producing viruses that seem to be circulating out there on the West Coast.

"This one has an article about a similar sickness, pneumonia with high fever and sores that sprout on the body like a cancer growth. They say it's linked to a lowering of the immune system's ability to suppress the virus, in other words, they don't know what to do about it."

"That doesn't sound good, I'm not sure what it means, but it doesn't sound good," Robby said. "Is this what Brian has, can't they just give him a shot of something?"

"I don't want to scare you, kiddo, but several dozen people have died from this in San Francisco and they say a lot more may already be sick or infected."

"Oh no, not Brian, oh man, does Bob know about this?"

"Yeah, I'm afraid so, we've discussed it before. The whole thing is, it started in the gay community out there, and some people think it's only a gay disease, but I don't think it's going to stop there. They just don't know enough about it yet but it's something we need to be aware of, just like we would about any kind of germs or sickness."

"But we can't get it, can we?" Robby asked.

"I don't think so, it's not like it's just floating around in the air attacking gay people. Unfortunately too many gay men have all kinds of kinky sex you probably never even imagined possible, that's why I'm glad you aren't dating anymore."

"I may not be, but what about my friends, what about Joey? I think he still goes out even though he tells me he doesn't. He might get it, we can't let that happen, Paul, we gotta warn him about this shit," Robby said.

"Don't panic, we can tell him, but will he listen?" Paul said.

"Oh God, we gotta make him understand, I don't want him to die. Is Brian gonna die?"

"I don't even know he's got this thing, we'll just have to wait and find out. Do you want to go see him?" Paul asked.

"Yeah, I do. I don't care if it scares me, I just gotta see him," Robby said.

"Ok, I'll call Bob today and see what we can do."

This was a side of the boy Paul had never seen; it was good to know he valued his friendships so closely. He would call Bob but he was afraid the news wasn't going to be good. And when he did it wasn't good news at all, Brian was in intensive care. He couldn't have visitors except for Bob who told the hospital he was the boy's father. Robby would have to wait.

Within days Brian's condition improved slightly and they removed him from the high- tech machines and tubes that had snaked into various orifices in his poor malnourished body. He could finally breathe without a ventilator and they moved him into a private room with a quarantine sign on the door, the hospital was taking no chances. Blood tests had confirmed that his white cell count had dropped dramatically, he was stable for now, but the doctors were scared he could go either way.

Robby was finally allowed in, introduced by Bob as Brian's brother. They didn't look at all alike but who knew. They made the boy don a set of green surgical clothes, rubber gloves were placed on his hands and a surgical mask covered his face, only then did they allow him in the room with Brian.

Paul and Bob stayed outside, peering through the small glass plate in the door as Robby approached the bed.

"He's in terrible shape," Bob said. "They've labeled it as acquired immune deficiency syndrome Paul. He has the gay disease the doctor told me, and they call it AIDS. The sores on his body are cancerous growths his body just can't fight, his lungs are filling up again and soon they say his heart will fail.

"I feel like a small boy standing here. I watched my mother die when I was seven and I was helpless then too. I can't even find the tears to rid myself of this pain. I love him and he's going to be taken away from me. It all just happened so fast, I can't find the time to think about it anymore."

"What did the doctor say, how long has he been sick?" Paul asked.

"They don't know. At a guess they say he could have caught it two years ago, maybe right after he got to California, what does it matter? It's just that it's been festering inside of him, waiting for him to grow weak and then it burst out and ravaged him."

"I'm sorry Bob, what can I do?" Paul asked.

"Help me find a place to bury him, will ya? I really feel like taking his ashes back to Atlantic City, he was a true wonder when we were there; it's my happiest memory of him. Maybe we could rent a boat, scatter his ashes to the wind and let them blow across the waves. Look at poor Robby in there; he's had quite a shock."

"I think Brian was one of his best friends, the leader of the pack when he was still a member," Paul said. "Thank God he's out of that now, but I still think I'll have him checked out. I just don't want to scare him any more than he already is just from looking at Brian. He even mentioned that Joey might be out there picking up tricks again, I'm worried for all of them now."

"How is Robby doing, is he looking forward to school?" Bob asked.

"I hope so. It's been terribly uncomfortable having him around the house, you know that."

"Have you slept together yet?"

"Do you really want to know? I can't keep it from you, we did on his birthday. I gave in that night and I've been tormenting myself over that ever since. I don't want it like that between us, he's too damn young."

"So now you know how I feel, good," Bob said, "seems we have our own little club here now don't we?" He managed a smile. "I don't hate you for it, how could I? We've been through so much together and now this. I can't imagine how it will all end."

"It doesn't, it can't, and we have to fight back. Look at Robby, he's scared to death in there, but he's there. This thing is going to create so much fear and negativity as it spreads it might just set us back on the path to extinction. I can't imagine just accepting that fate without a fight. Brian isn't going to be the only boy who dies from this. This town is going to come apart at the seams.

"Shit, Bob, they can't teach the kids to read, do you think they'll do any better when this starts spreading around. These kids fuck each other like animals; it's going to be a plague within a few years unless they find a cure.

"But who will take care of the thousands, maybe millions of us who are going through what Brian is enduring? The medical community is going to be crushed under the sheer numbers. I remember once you said I ought to get into politics, maybe that time is now."

"My God, you're serious aren't you?" Bob said.

"I keep feeling I ought to be the somebody, as in somebody has to do something about this, why fight it? If that's my fate in life then so be it, at least my record is clean."

"Are you serious, you'll come out publicly? You know the public will want to know why you're doing this," Bob said.

"I'm doing it because of the two boys in that room, one dying and the other so very much alive. I need him to stay that way, Bob. Robby has to live to make this all possible, he has to be there when we succeed," Paul said.

And that's when Bob started to cry, for Brian, for himself ... and for all the boys who needed to go on living.


On to Chapter Eight

Back to Chapter Six

Chapter Index

Chris James Home Page


Whistler's Club is © 2009 by Chris James.
    This work may not be duplicated in any form (physical, electronic, audio, or otherwise) without the author's written permission. All applicable copyright laws apply. All individuals depicted are fictional with any resemblance to real persons being purely coincidental.


SITE NAVIGATION

Home Page

Authors

Stories by the Writer

Suggested Reading

Suggested Viewing

Links and Resources

Bricks and Musings

Privacy Policy

Terms of Service

Contact

All Site Content
© 2003 - 2022
Tarheel Writer