I must believe in the clues if I want to open the door. Xiao fumbled for the right thought. He knew all the clues lay before him, but he also knew he and Jiang had tried every possible combination. They had poured water and food from the magic bowls onto the door. They had looked for levers and secret handles, they had prayed, they had cried, they had bared the souls before Kuan Yin, but so far nothing worked. And then, as if in an epiphany, Xiao picked up the jade hairpin. It must be this. But how?

Xiao traced the carved words on the Gold Door with the hairpin. Perhaps reading isn't enough; perhaps I need to touch them with the hairpin. Xiao ran the hairpin through each of the characters, and then he worked backwards. We read from left to right, but have we always read that way? He traced backwards over the words:
     Only Tao can save you.
     Spirits travel from China to the land of freedom.
     But only I, Fan Xiliang,
     have found the way.
     Anyone can if he . . .

If he what? If he opens the door? Of course anyone can be free, that's obvious, but is that what Xiliang meant? Xiao continued tracing back and forth, first in one direction, then in the other, praying there was a connection between the hairpin and the engraved words.
     No one listened to me, now millions are dead.
     They could all be free if they-


If they what?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Then Xiao remembered his dreams. Kuan Yin appeared to me, then the workmen appeared to me, even Fan Xiliang appeared to me. Good God, it seems as if everyone in China appeared in my dreams, but why, why?

Xiao took a deep breath. The bowls would provide his sustenance forever; the only thing he lacked was freedom-yet somehow, he knew he held that knowledge in his hands; his only problem was in knowing how to put the pieces together.

And then, Xiao's epiphany erupted. Just before he neared the end of the incantation, he dropped the hairpin and felt a deeper hole in one of the characters in the message. The hole was almost like a keyhole and the jade hairpin fit into it perfectly. Holding his finger on the spot, Xiao reached down, groping for the hairpin. He saw it out of the corner of his eye and pulled it with his big toe gently toward himself. Then he stooped down, making sure his right index finger was still firmly imbedded in the tiny hole as he picked up the ancient piece of jade. Gently he inserted it and the door opened and as the door slid open, Xiao inched forward, his mind racing forward and backward at the same time. It can't have been this simple. Holding the hairpin in my left hand? Is that it? Xiao knew his trust in the gods and his faith in his ancestors played the largest part, but he was amazed to discover that the only thing that kept him and Jiang from opening the portal together that they were both right handed. Jiangnu and Xiliang must have been left-handed, that's why he held the jade in his left hand!

At first everything on the other side was dark and silent; it was quieter than anything Xiao had ever remembered. Foot after foot, Xiao advanced, wondering why he was leaving the security of the cavern, wondering why he had waited so long. I'm not sure where I'm going, but I know I can never go back. The spirits are on my side; I must go on.

As Xiao groped his way around a corner, he discovered that the rest of the cavern was lit by more incandescent walls and ceilings. When he looked back, he saw a small dark area separating his former life in the cave from his new life in the tunnel. If I need to go back, I can walk toward the darkness-the darkness will lead me back to the main cave, but I don't think I can live in the darkness anymore. I don't think I want to live in the past. I didn't choose my life, but I can choose my future-and I can do that now, today, right this minute. Gaily, Xiao strode further into the tunnel, and as he rounded another bend, he was excited that he was finally beginning to make his own choices in life.

Ahead of him were seven tunnels leading in as many different directions and after carefully peering into one of the shafts, Xiao realized that it, too, spread out, web like, into dozens of more possible exits.

If I try all of these tunnels, I'll spend eternity here and if I go wandering down the wrong tunnel, I may never be able to return. Xiao, always the non-reactionary, sat down and waited for help from Kuan Yin. The goddess will help me if I open my eyes and wait. She's my salvation and my rock. I will wait for her help and intervention.

Xiao sat and listened to his inner voices-but the moment he sat, he heard that singing again-that Sybil sibilantly somnolently singing that began to fill the entire cave. Fan Xiliang! It has to be Fan Xiliang! Xiao raced toward the sound, knowing he had made the right decision to enter the tunnel, knowing he would never return to his old life, knowing he would never see Jiang again.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sung Li yelled for Man-Ho. "Send this message to Beijing. I want Jiang followed twenty-four hour seven. No matter where he goes, I want him shadowed."

"Are you hoping he'll win the Gold Medal?"

"I'm hoping for the best for China. If he wins, he wins, but if he loses, well-" Man-Ho knew him well enough to understand that answer. If Jiang loses, he'll be castrated-but not until Sung Li plays with him . . . and by then, it might not matter if Jiang's castrated or not; there might not be enough meat left to serve the empire.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Granny?" Xiao stood in shock as he stared at the men and women mingling around him. "Granny, is that you?"

XiaoXiao raced toward her grandson. "Not to worry, not to worry, it's just my spirit, but you're alive, you're well and alive."

Xiao was speechless and it took him a long moment before he could allow the words to stumble out of his mouth, "Where am I? Where are we?"

"We're waiting for our journey to the next life, but you have many years yet to live-you're heading in a different direction. My friends and I are waiting to be reborn, waiting to see how we do in the next life."

"The next life? Then you're dead, Granny, you're dead?"

"No one ever dies. Our souls live forever. I'm no more dead than you are. I'm just in a different level, waiting for my next assignment."

"You talk like it's a job. Granny, you can't be dead, I won't let you be dead."

XiaoXiao hugged her grandson. She had never done that while she was alive-it was something she had been trained never to do. Never show your emotions, never touch anyone. Never invade another person's private space. But now both Xiao and XiaoXiao were comforted by her action. "I've passed on to another plane, Xiao, but everything is fine. There's no death at the end of the tunnel-at least not the way we thought. Our souls live forever; we're just recycled from time to time."

"And I've been recycled? I've lived past lives?"

"I would imagine so-just like all these other souls. We live, we're recycled; we live again. That's the Tao, that's the meaning of life. It's two sided like everything else, but there's never an ending, our souls never cease to exist."

Xiao wanted to grab hold of his granny and be with her forever, but the large mass of people in front of him had begun to head off toward the far right.

"I have to go to go to my next incarnation, but you need to escape. Follow the tunnels that lead to the left. Always go to the left and you will come out on the other side of the Great Wall, down river, away from Sung Li. When you see the river the second time, you'll meet your expeditor: the great Goddess Kuan Yin. She'll help you fulfill your destiny.

XiaoXiao kissed Xiao and backed away slowly before joining her new friends and heading off to the far distant right. He'll be okay, now, thank you goddess for allowing me to see Xiao this one last time. Thank you for protecting him.

And then Xiao was truly alone for the first time in his life-his soul felt empty, knowing the only person who had ever loved him unequivocally was gone. Perhaps I can help Granny on her next journey; perhaps that's the meaning of life: to help each other as we journey from one level to the next, as we journey through each reincarnation.

Xiao had a spring to his step now, aware that death was just an adventure, knowing that his current adventure would lead him from one stage of life to another.

As soon as Xiao entered the tunnel on the left-hand side, it branched out into three different directions. Keep to the left, always to the left, that's what Granny told me. Xiao ran his hand along the wall to his left. No matter what, I'm not letting go of this wall. I'll follow Granny's directions until I'm free.

After proceeding for ten minutes or so, Xiao entered another luminescent cavern, but this room seemed more real than the earth above him. There was an ocean to his right, filled with red and orange colored fish and gray and white seals. There was a small forest directly in front of him and Xiao saw new creatures, new animals, new plants-things that he had never imagined before. To his far left, he saw a city where men stood waiting for him outside the wall. I don't trust cities, I've never trusted city people. Perhaps I should just go through the forest; perhaps I should avoid the strangers lurking for me in the distance. Did I say lurking, lurking like the bear that raped me so many years ago?

Xiao paused, taking three swallows of breath, No, I must follow Granny's advice and stay to the left . . . even if I have to go through that city, I must stay to the left. With his hand firmly placed on the left hand side of the wall, Xiao proceeded cautiously, knowing that as long as he trusted XiaoXiao, his namesake-his precious Granny, he would be safe. Besides, what's the worst that can happen? If I do die, I'll just be reborn.

At first the city appeared to be too far away to reach in a day's march, but within moments, Xiao was at the front gate. More magic, I suppose, why is it that I've never experienced so much magic before? Why did I have to turn twenty before I witnessed it?

"Welcome to the land of the immortals, "Feng Xiao. "We've been waiting for you. Kuan Yin and the other gods are waiting. You are a very special boy; we have great plans for you and for your future.'

On-Lun gently took Xiao's hand and led him through the imperial gates-past the foo dogs guarding the entrance, past the three-headed guard, past the perpetually singing harp, until they reached the first of several dozen palaces. This is Kuan Yin's palace, "Please climb the stairs, she is waiting for you."

Kuan Yin's palace was made of a shimmering light-filled rock that reminded him a little of the luminescent ceiling in the cavern. The walls were paper thin, however, and even though they glowed and shimmered, he couldn't see through them because they were as solid as the Great Wall. Once inside, Xiao became totally disoriented. He had suspected that there would be rooms or a throne or windows or furniture, but there was nothing. The palace was just a vastness of space that went on forever. There were no windows, no openings, nothing except Xiao-and for a long moment, he felt as if he was floating on ice in the middle of the Arctic Ocean, as glimmering lights sparkled above him and flashes of whiteness hung below.

Xiao stood at the entrance and gasped when Kuan Yin touched him on the shoulder. "I'm here, don't worry; I've always been here. I'm in you and around you and have taken care of you since the Great Gods created all life a million years ago."

"All life, "Xiao stammered. "Does that mean they created you, as well?"

"Yes," Kuan Yin laughed for the first time in over two thousand years, "my soul lives forever just like yours; the only difference is that I reached perfection long before the Great Gods created man. I was perfect, waiting to find a perfect creation like you. Now you're on the same journey, trying to attain nirvana. but when that happens, you'll dwell here in the land of the immortals with the rest of us."

Xiao stood with his mouth gaping, as he stared around him because each time he shifted his eyes, he saw Kuan Yin: she was everywhere.

"How can you be everywhere at the same time? You're moving faster than my eyes blink."

"I'm omnipresent and eternal."

But you said you were created. How can you be eternal when you had a beginning?"

"That's a mystery you'll understand when you live in the land of the immortals, but for now, just believe that you, too, will live forever. Life is a never-ending circle. God is in all of us and God is inside and outside and on and under the circle."

This was more than Xiao could fathom. He was thankful he wasn't a god. He had enough trouble being mortal and seeking the meaning of his own life. Xiao sucked in a mouthful of air, "but what about me? How can I be free?"

"You have been free from the moment of your creation-you only have to accept it. You must know inside you that you are free. You have always been free."

Xiao thought back to the time he had seen The Wizard of Oz at the movies. It was the only western film China had allowed her people to see, and now he wondered if Kuan Yin was one of the characters from the Chinese version of the movie.

"No, I'm real," Kuan Yin said, as she read Xiao's mind. "I've never been to America, and I've never seen The Wizard of Oz. I've always been me, but you are a thousand different variations of yourself. You are Fan Xiliang and Ka-Lok Shao and Goi-Hong Tang and Cheng-Keng Chen. You are Ali Punjabi and J. P. Stoffenhoffer, and you are Clyde and the tsetse fly. You are eternal because you are still seeking nirvana, but when you reach it, you won't have to ask any more questions because you'll be filled with the spirit of eternal life. Right now, all you need to know is that you can leave through the tunnel-keep your hand on the left and follow the tunnel. It will lead you outside this cave, underneath the Great Wall, and it will take you all the way to Canton. Then you can escape and follow your destiny; when you know who you are in this life, you will return to China to prepare for your next journey. Most people are like your Granny; they take one day at a time; they're unable to see the future because they're too busy struggling in the present, but that's where you're different, you have always seen your past and know you have a future. Just make sure you listen to your heart and follow your inner voices and remember that I will be with you, day and night, until you find your life's meaning . . . and then you'll need to return to China."

I haven't left China and she's talking about my return.

"I know, I should take this step-by-step-but you don't have much time."

Xiao realized again that Kuan Yin could read every thought in his brain. "Sung Li must think I'm dead. I should have all the time in the world."

"Sung Li is not the issue. Jiang is. He doesn't know you're alive. He doesn't know that he's the reincarnation of Meng Jiangnu and you're the reincarnation of Fan Xiliang. He doesn't know that Fan Xiliang always dies before Meng Jiangnu-not a whole lot sooner-but he always dies first. You need Jiang alive for as long as possible so you can reunite. You need enough time to work through your problems in this life, so you'll be prepared for your new life as an immortal."

Xiao understood about fifty percent of what Kuan Yin said but he knew she was right about Jiang. She knew Jiang was in much more trouble now without him and he knew Sung Li would vent his anger and his lust on Jiang.

"I must leave, gracious goddess, thank you, thank-" Before Xiao could finish, the goddess, the palace, and the city of immortals was gone and Xiao stood alone in the tunnel, his hand on the left-hand wall, knowing what he must do.


On to Chapter Thirty-Seven
Victory
Back to Thirty-Five
Reunited
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