It was almost ten o'clock before Paul was boarded on the plane that would return him to BWI airport. They were due in at six in the morning and he planned to grab a taxi home, pick up his car and head straight to the Park.

Bob's call the day before had shaken him, that bastard Bill had been set free. Someone had made a major mistake. Now he was afraid he would have to commit a crime himself to rid the world of that piece of shit.

Paul was out of his seat the minute the plane came to a stop at the gate, grabbing his flight bag he pushed up the aisle towards the exit door. He felt panic now, what if Bill had already gotten to the boys? He started to sprint up the exit ramp but came to a sudden stop, standing in the doorway was Joey and his heart skipped a beat.

"My God," Paul said, "how did you get here? Is everything alright?"

"I think it will be now, you're here," Joey managed to croak.

They had time to say little else before Bob, Brian and little Robby descended on him, welcoming him back. Bob knew they weren't going anywhere before the events of last evening were told so he directed them into a nearby lounge, deserted at this time of the morning.

Paul sat in a daze as Bob related the facts as best he could, his only thought was that the boys had almost been lost to a crazy man while he had been three thousand miles away. Bob told most of it with Robby and Brian throwing in little pieces; only Joey kept silent, gripping Paul's hand as he relived the horror.

Paul had a million questions but they would have to keep, Joey's voice was shot, he could barely whisper. But the boy pulled him closer; he had to say something urgently.

"It was you," Joey's voice rasped, "you saved Mike and me. I remembered what you said about the bully, not to let him rule my life but to face the fear. When Bill came at me, you were there inside telling me what to do."

"Oh God, little man, you did the right thing. I know it's hard for you to understand but you're the hero in this story not me. I don't know if I could have made the same brave decisions you did, you fought the bully and won." Paul was trembling as they walked through the deserted concourse towards the parking lot. Joey never let go of his hand.

The boys fell asleep in the car on the way back and Paul turned to look at the tangled pile of bodies in the back seat. Robby was a real cutie, he could see why Joey was attracted to the little guy. They rode past Joey's house but the place was dark and Bob suggested Sharon must still be at the hospital so they headed up towards Johns Hopkins.

Paul went in alone to see if Mike was in emergency and found Sharon asleep on a chair in the waiting room, he gave her a gentle nudge.

"Sharon, its Paul ... are you awake?"

"Huh, oh Paul. I'm so glad you came, it's been awful. Joey ran away and I don't know where he is, it's all so confusing, the cops are lookin for him."

"He's out in the car, Sharon. He's asleep and perfectly fine."

They walked out to the parking lot and Sharon stared at her sleeping son through the window.

"Poor Joey, he saved Mike's life, but at such a cost," She said. "Thanks for finding him. I don't know what to do now?"

"Is Mike alright?" Paul asked.

"He's bruised pretty badly, Bill did such awful things to him. I can't imagine why, and it's just ... " and then she began to cry.

"Sharon, I think it's best if I take Joey home with me and let him get some sleep. He can't talk anyway; his voice is completely worn out. This evening I'll bring him home and we can talk, I guess the police will want to see him too.

"In the meantime, I'm going to call my lawyer and see if he should even be talking to them. He'll call the police and make the arrangements so don't you worry. Right now he just needs rest; the trauma of what he did is going to hit him pretty hard, he might need to see a doctor too."

"Oh Paul, what would I do without you. I need to stay with Mike; they want to keep him for a few days. They're worried that there might be some internal problems so I have to be here. Please, tell Joey I'm not mad at him, he did the right thing, the only thing he could do. How could I be angry with him for that, Bill deserved what he got. I just don't know where Joey got the courage or the strength to fight that bastard?"

"Your son is an amazing boy, Sharon. He's a survivor and I'll do whatever it takes to help him," Paul said. "I promise, I'll do what I can for all of you, ok?"

Sharon kissed him on the cheek again and hurried back into the hospital as Paul climbed back in the car.

"Seems she's got a thing for you old buddy," Bob chuckled.

"Yeah, I'll be sleeping with the whole family real soon," Paul said, "let's take the little one home first."

It took a few minutes to wake him but Paul finally managed to rouse Robby from his slumber. The boy looked longingly at Joey as he got out of the car so Paul stood on the sidewalk with him for a moment.

"You miss him, don't you?" Paul asked.

"Yeah, he's my best friend," Robby replied.

"Well he still is, don't you worry, he'll be coming home soon and you guys can be together again. Take this card and call my house any time you want, Joey will be glad to talk to you I'm sure."

"I think he's your best friend too," Robby said, "Can we share him?"

"I'd like that very much," Paul replied.

Robby walked back down the street, hoping he could sneak back into the house unnoticed, he turned to wave at Paul and saw the man standing there staring at him. He liked Paul. If Joey ever screws up that friendship, he thought, I'm gonna date him myself.

Paul carried Joey into the house and settled him on the bed. In the darkened room he stripped off the boy's shoes and socks and removed his clothing. He tucked the kid down under the blankets and made sure the drapes were pulled tight; he was planning to let the boy sleep all day if that's what it took.

Moving quietly he took off his own travel wrinkled suit and put on a bathrobe. Jet lag had a grip on him now but he couldn't sleep just yet, in an hour he would be able to call the lawyer, he had to set those wheels in motion before he could rest.

The incident had happened too late to make the morning paper, but there was a short bit on the morning television news. Bill's name was mentioned in conjunction with the old rape case of the little girl and the new assault on his nephew. Joey's name wasn't used but the reporter mentioned that Bill was killed by the older brother of the little boy who was nearly hanged by the uncle. What a tangled mess.

That was it but Paul knew there would be more follow ups, the story was just too juicy to let go that easily. At nine o'clock he called Tom Deets, the lawyer, and told the story as he knew it. He asked the man to hold off the cops for a few days. The boy would certainly suffer from post-traumatic stress Tom agreed; the city would buy that. Besides, Bill wasn't going anywhere now was he?

That comment made Paul wince; it could have been Joey lying down there in the morgue. He hung up the phone and a great weariness came over him as he stretched out on the couch, he didn't want to disturb Joey's sleep in any way so he lay there and was out in minutes.

The cry was blood curdling and ended in a strangling sound that instantly brought Paul to his feet. He rushed into the bedroom and turned on the light, Joey was on the floor beside the bed, his whole body shaking. The carpet was soaked with vomit and the kid was on all fours panting heavily, staring at his shoes. Paul got down on the floor and stared at them too. Blood had soaked into the dirty laces, Bill's blood he was sure. He picked up the shoes and tossed them into the closet. The nightmares had begun.

Paul took Joey in the bathroom and laid a cool washcloth on his face, calming him down again. The boy kept spitting in the wash basin so he mixed a little mouthwash in a glass of water to ease the dryness in Joey's throat. He still couldn't talk but Paul knew he wanted to say so much and he would in time. He put the poor boy back into bed but left the light on in the bathroom, giving some dimension to the dark corners of the room to sooth the fears that would continue to come.

"You need sleep now, Joey, later we'll talk, OK? I'll sit here with you for a while so relax, everything's all right now. I talked to your mom, she says she's not mad at you, you're her hero. We'll go see her tonight, so you relax."

Joey smiled and then reached up to grab his neck. Paul leaned over and Joey kissed him, a brief peck but all the reassurance he needed. The boy lay back and closed his eyes again.

Lord knows the trauma wasn't confined to Joey, and sometime in the next hour as he sat watching the boy sleep it hit him too. He had almost lost this kid to that bastard, the thought made him cry.

At first he was surprised when the tears began to roll, he hadn't cried since the divorce. But back then he was just feeling sorry for himself and the mess his life had become, now he realized just what he might have lost forever and it was unbearable. Through the tears a small smile reached his lips, these tiny drops of water had provided all the proof he needed, he really loved this boy.

In the other room Paul heard the phone softly ring and he was glad he had unplugged the phone beside the bed. Quietly he rose, hurrying to answer before it disturbed the boy's sleep. It was his lawyer calling back, the heat was off. The police had agreed to a three day waiting period, but on the condition that Joey would see a doctor before the meeting.

"That seems reasonable, Tom," Paul said, "Any doctor's come to mind?"

"I know a good one at Hopkins," Tom replied, "she handles things like this a lot, did some case work for me last year. If you want I'll call her right now and set up an appointment, you sound exhausted, buddy."

"Yeah, I'm beat, been up all night on a flight back from the West Coast and the boy has already awakened in a panic, screaming and everything. You had better call the doctor, maybe we can meet tomorrow."

"Are you sure he should be there? Maybe he would be better off in the hospital, they know how to deal with these things."

"No, Tom. It's just like Nam; remember you and me and Charlie makes three? It's just like what the kid is going through, I've been there and so have you. Killing someone is only the first stage of the nightmare; soon he'll be questioning his motives and blaming himself. I went through all that; it fucked me up for a long time and ruined my marriage along with a thousand other things. No, he stays right here; I'm the best thing for him right now.

"Tomorrow the doctors can have a look at him, but he needs the rest so his mind can be fresh for the challenge. It won't be long before the news media is jumping at a chance to find him and set up an interview. To them the kid's a fucking story for the front page, to me he's just a frightened little boy and someone I love very much. He needs to be protected from all that. He can hide out here for as long as it takes for the story to die down, help me here please, will you?"

"OK, I see what you mean, I agree. I'll keep you informed; you do have the mother's permission for him to be there, don't you?" Tom asked.

"In spades, Tom. It's all OK, believe me," Paul said.

"Good, I'll be back in touch."

Paul put the phone down and then felt the eyes on the back of his neck; he turned to find Joey standing in the bedroom doorway. He wasn't sure how much the kid had heard until Joey crossed the room and sat in his lap.

"You were in Vietnam?" Joey whispered, and then Paul knew the boy had heard everything.

"Yes, I've been to hell and back, just like you. We both need to sleep kiddo, and then we'll talk, I promise."

"I love you, Paul," Joey whispered, "I love you very much."

"Thank you, Joey, that's the nicest thing I've ever heard you say. If we love each other enough maybe we'll get through these bad times together, agreed?"

"Yes," Joey said, "yes, we will."

Paul put the boy back down on the bed again and crawled in beside him, they snuggled together, becoming one body and they slept. Joey didn't awaken again, he felt safe here in this man's arms.

Paul stirred about three in the afternoon and heard the sound of water running in the bathroom. He got out of bed and crossed the room, peeking around the open door. To his delight Joey was covered in soap bubbles and so was half the room.

"Sorry," the boy said, "guess I used too much."

"Wish I had my camera," Paul laughed, "I never saw so many bubbles before."

Later they sat at the kitchen table and he fed Joey orange juice and antibiotics while making them both a big breakfast.

"Joey, I'm sorry you heard the conversation I had with my friend Tom. I promise to always share the truth with you but some things should be left until you're older and can understand them more easily. Vietnam was the hardest eighteen months of my life and I'm lucky to have survived.

"Taking a life is not an easy thing to accept, but that man left you no choices to make, he brought about his own destruction. I believe there are forces in the universe that set everything in motion and surely some greater force put you in that place to do just what you were supposed to do, you saved a life. I went to Nam believing that I was part of a greater good, to save the lives of the poor people we were defending. We lost that horrible war, but you won yours and no one can take that away from you."

"I don't feel like I won anything," Joey whispered.

"I know and that's the hardest part to accept. Twenty or thirty years from now you'll have the luxury to look back on all this and see that you did the right thing. Mike will be an old man by then and it will all be because of you.

"Don't judge yourself too harshly is all I ask now, Joey, give it some room. Very soon you'll realize that the fear you kept locked inside is gone. You have to let go, open yourself to new and better feelings."

"Did you have to kill anyone in Vietnam?" Joey asked.

"Yes, I did, I had to, and they would have killed me if they could. The same goes for you in this situation; he was crazy, Joey, out of his fuckin mind. There was no other way this could have ended.

"The world is sometimes a harsh place to get an education, at least I was nineteen when I went to war, but I don't think I was any better prepared to deal with it than you are now. I want you to grow up and become a wonderful young man, you've had a hard time of it up to now, but it's time to put those things aside and move on. The bully didn't win this time, now you need to bring your family back together, they're hurting too."

Joey sat staring at him across the table, their eyes locked, sharing the feelings that had brought them to this small place in time. Joey felt he had finally gained some real insight into how much Paul really loved him, he felt truly elated at the moment.

If he could just hang on to what they had here, keep Paul in his life, the world could never harm him. That's what it was really all about anyway, the need to feel safe and wanted.

"I meant what I said last night," Joey said, "you're the reason I'm here, you made it all come out right." He toyed with the empty glass in his hand. "I feel safe with you, Paul. I've never felt that way with another guy before."

"I think the issue of sex is something we don't need to add into the equation right now, isn't there enough going on in your head?"

"I'm sixteen, my dick gets hard when you say the word sex," Joey said with a grin. Paul knew this was totally out of place with what they had been talking about, but maybe that was good. He realized that Tom was right; there were some things he just couldn't mend, that would take time and professional experience.

"You heard me talk about taking you to see a doctor tomorrow, is that alright?"

"What kind of doctor?" Joey asked.

"A psychiatrist, someone you can trust."

"Oh," Joey said. "Is this what you want me to do?"

"I have a lot of wants kiddo, but your needs come first. You were gonna have to see a doctor anyway; the cops will want to have you evaluated. This way we get to pick the doctor and I understand she knows a lot about the kind of things you've been through."

"I couldn't tell her about us, could I? That would get you in trouble," Joey said.

"Yeah, maybe you better just think of me as a good friend of your mom's, but if you want to tell her about the dating, that's your choice."

"I'm not gonna tell some lady about having sex with guys, no way," Joey said, "I'll tell her about Bill and what he did but that's all."

"Whatever you tell her will be alright, Joey; she's just there to help you understand your feelings about what happened."

"I don't know if I'm gonna like this, but if you say it's alright then I'll do it, will you be there?" Joey asked.

"I'll be waiting for you outside if you want. Look, you better put some clothes on so we can go see your mom," Paul said. "And Joey, thanks for the vote of confidence, I needed that right now."

"I'm sorry if this brought back some bad stuff in your head," Joey said, "you're pretty cool, ya know that?"

When the kiss came Paul was ready, he'd been waiting for some signs that things were still alright between them, he needed to know that more than anything. They walked back to the bedroom to dress and Joey saw that Paul had laid out clean clothes.

"You need to look your best," Paul said. "I'll wash the others."

"I can't ... I won't wear those sneakers again," Joey said.

"I already dumped them in the trash; we'll get you another pair."

Joey slid on the white Nike shoes sitting with his clothes, and they fit. "These are yours, huh?"

"If they fit you I guess they aren't anymore," Paul laughed.

"They fit nice ... you sure?"

"Yup, go on ... just keep them clean."

Joey smiled. "Oh yeah, you know it."

Sharon was sitting on the couch with Roy Mott when they arrived. Mike ran to get the door and after hugging Joey just didn't want to let go of his hero. They sat quietly, politely talking about anything but what had brought them here, while the air conditioner in the window slowly sucked the heat from the house.

Roy seemed to be pretty friendly and Paul was relieved when he caught the guy giving Sharon a lover's eye. So that's why he always seemed to be here, Paul thought. It disturbed him to think that this policeman might get onto his relationship with Joey, but if he had any idea it never showed.

"Why don't you boys run upstairs while the grownups have a talk," Sharon said. The command was implicit in her words.

"Yes, ma'am," Mike said and they ran, taking two and three steps at a time. Paul knew they would be listening at the grate, Joey had told him about that little secret.

"Before you start asking questions," Paul said, "I made him an appointment with a doctor at Hopkins tomorrow afternoon. I'm sure Roy knows that the detectives want him to have an evaluation to make sure he's alright between the ears."

"Yeah, he was just telling me about the hearing," Sharon said.

"I mentioned that the coroner's office will hold a hearing next week on the death, pretty much a formality. Were you here when the incident occurred?" Roy asked.

"No, I was in San Francisco at a business meeting," Paul said. "Joey was to have spent the night with Brian. I think they came to see you that night ... didn't they, Sharon?"

"Yes, I told Bob about Bill making bail and getting out of jail."

"OK, Bob said Joey was acting funny after he heard that, it's probably what brought him down here in time to save Mike," Paul added.

"Well thank God he did," Roy said. "The officers that were posted out front didn't hear a thing; Bill must have seen them and come in through the basement door."

"I just don't understand how Joey managed to hit him hard enough, you know, he's a skinny little boy," Sharon said.

"He's taken a few lessons from me, Sharon," Paul said. "I boxed when I was in school, but I thought he might need some of that discipline. It might help if he resumes his schoolwork. He's learned how to focus his mind and body to give him strength, he's been practicing on me, want to see the bruises?"

"Oh my," Sharon said, "you taught him self defense? I'll be damned; Bill always took the boy for a scaredy cat, guess that's a mistake he won't have a chance to repeat."

"So how are you taking his death, Sharon? I don't mean to pry but it's a pretty traumatic event in your life too," Paul asked.

"I cried last night for a bit, but I've been crying for years about the men I choose and it didn't do me no good now did it? I've got good people like you and Roy here to support me and I have my two boys safe and sound. God couldn't treat me no better than that."

"You've been a real help, Paul," Roy said. "Sharon tells me the boy likes you a whole lot. I have a daughter a bit older than Joey and she's a handful. Look, we should be honest with you, Sharon and I have been talking about getting married. I know this is probably a bad time for it but we've sort of been seeing each other for about eight months. My wife died two years ago and Sharon kept me from drowning in a bottle, I owe her big time for that. We should probably wait on this for a while, don't you think?"

"No, I think it's a great idea, get married now. I told Joey this family needs something to bring it all together with no secrets and no fear, this would be perfect. The worst is over; you both need something else to focus on, something joyful and happy. Sounds like a wedding to me."

"Oh Roy, he's right," Sharon said. "It would bring us closer together. The boys need a father and I could help Annie, what's gonna stop us?"

"Nothing dear, nothing at all," Roy said.

Paul walked to the corner store and bought an overpriced bottle of champagne which they drank while Sharon told the boys their news. Mike acted real happy but Joey seemed to just be along for the ride. After another hour of conversation Paul decided he had to go, he needed to leave these people to discover themselves tonight and Joey needed to be a part of that. With the hugs and handshakes all completed, Joey walked him down the block to the car.

"I suppose you think it's a good idea, the marriage?" Joey asked.

"Shit, you heard every word upstairs didn't you?" Paul said.

"Would you want me to have a cop as a step-father?" Joey asked.

"Oh come on, your mom needs this above all, Joey. You can't deny her the relationship, it wouldn't be fair. Mike needs a father and so do you. But yes, I'm worried about what it means for us, and that's selfish."

"I know mom loves the guy, shit, they've been hanging around at the bar for months. I just don't want to lose what we have going ... "

"I love you, kiddo, nothing's gonna change that. It looks like your momma's gonna keep wearing the pants in the family anyway, we'll have to move with the flow, just like Bruce Lee," Paul said.

"Will you take me to the doctor tomorrow?" Joey asked.

"Yes, I'll be here at three o'clock, you better be ready," Paul said.

"OK ... I love you Paul, I won't sleep well alone ya know, maybe I'll pull on it just for you."

"Right, you pull on it ten times a day," Paul threw back.

Their evening together ended in a hug and a quick kiss delivered in a dark corner by the trash dumpster behind the Brick House Bar on the corner. Then Paul had to drive away, surprised that this time it was easier. He knew that leaving Joey behind didn't mean the end of what they had. If their love had survived the past twenty-four hours then they could deal with anything. If it meant they would spend less time together, maybe it would be better time.

At three o'clock the following day Paul found himself driving around the block trying to find a parking spot close to Joey's house. On the fourth trip around the block he just double parked in front and gave a honk on the horn. Both Mike and Joey came through the door and skipped across the sidewalk to the car.

"Hey, Mike," Paul said, "How's it going?"

"Real fine, Paul, you guys gonna be gone long?" the boy asked.

"Naw, bout an hour or two, what's up?" Paul replied.

"I ain't supposed to tell you but Roy wants to invite you to dinner tonight, they're gonna be married on Friday."

"Yeah," Joey said, "gonna be a big party over at the bar too, even we're invited."

"Well, since I'm not supposed to know, you tell Roy I'll be back about six o'clock, OK?" Paul said, "We'll let him ask me then."

"OK," Mike said and he ran back into the house.

They drove towards Hopkins in silence and it wasn't until Paul was parking the car in the lot that Joey had his say.

"I don't know about this, I'm kinda scared. What if I say something, what if she thinks I'm gay?"

"Are you gay, Joey?"

"No, I don't think so, but she might think that."

"It's OK if she thinks it, she's your doctor. Anything you tell her is just between you two, she'll tell you that. Maybe she'll ask you to draw a picture and then want you to explain what it means. That's the kind of things these doctor's do."

"So if I draw a picture of Bruce Lee she'll want to know what I think of him?"

"Yeah, something like that. Psychiatrists see things in what you say and feel, it's the way they learn what's going on in your head. I mean, that's the simple explanation, I'm sure it's more complicated than that. I don't think you have anything to be afraid of from her, OK?"

Paul sat in the waiting room outside the clinic. He had liked the doctor when they were introduced; she had a disarming smile and spoke gently with Joey. He tried not to show any outward emotions but the suspense was killing him.

He wished he could be a fly on the wall in there. After about an hour's time Joey came through the door, his face was drawn and he looked contemplative. Dr. Barkley followed him into the waiting room and told Paul she would like to see the boy again next week, same time. He assured her that would be fine.

It was outside and away from other people that Joey told him what had happened.

"Well first she asked me what had happened with Bill, ya know, so I told her all the details. It was hard telling her how I felt. She asked if I was having sex now and I told her I wasn't yet but that I was workin on it. Sometimes her questions were funny but I had to think hard to give her some answers. She asked about you and I told her you were mom's friend just helping out with me, was that ok?"

"Sure, we can't keep me out of this entirely," Paul said.

"I don't know, maybe I goofed too. She asked me who I loved and I told her my mom, Mike, Robby and you. She said it was OK to love guys, just not sexually. I told her that Robby and I did it before, but she said that was just kid stuff, experimentation was the word she used. But she asked if I had ever done it with a man and I don't think she believed me when I said no."

"So you think she's suspicious now?" Paul asked.

"Yeah, I think she knows I lied, I'm sorry."

"No need to be sorry, you just keep on going the way you are, it'll be fine. I think as long as you don't just say you've had sex with guys she'll get over it and move on."

"Cool," Joey said, "by the way, when are we gonna have sex?"

"And when do you turn eighteen?"

"Aww, that's what you always say."

Sharon and Roy were married at the City Clerk's office on Friday afternoon and the celebration at the bar carried well into Saturday morning. Paul took lots of photographs at the party, including several of Joey sneaking sips of Roy's beer every time his step-father turned his back.

Just what this marriage might mean to his love for Joey came to him through the lens of the camera as he watched; they looked like a family interacting with one another. He knew this would lessen the time he would get to spend with the boy, but it was all for the best he assured himself. Joey needed a father and Sharon needed her family whole again.

Poor Joey was barely reading at a third grade level, he had a lot to catch up on. Dr. Barkley continued to see the boy on Thursdays. Paul looked forward to those afternoons when they could be alone together; otherwise he hadn't been able to see the Joey at all.

Roy had decided to fill Saturdays with family outings and Sunday took them all to church. The rest of the week both boys had a curfew at ten o'clock. Roy knew the neighborhood and what went on down the block in the Park. Dating for Joey became a thing of the past.

In the fourth week of Joey's appointments with Dr. Barkley the session ended as usual but the boy seemed upset when he came into the lobby. The doctor asked Paul if they might have a word in private.

"Mr. Saunders," Barkley began as they sat in her office, "Joey tells me you two have known each other for quite a while, is that right?"

"Yes, I recall we met right about the time he turned fourteen," Paul replied.

"I have reason to believe that you've been having sexual relations with the boy, are you a pedophile, Mr. Saunders?"

And there it was. Paul was stunned at the woman's bluntness but not really surprised that she had jumped to that conclusion.

"I won't lie to you, Doctor, but you're very wrong," Paul said evenly.

"I only have Joey's statements of how he feels about you. I gather you're gay, and if nothing inappropriate is happening between you I'd say that was unusual. If you will allow me, Mr. Saunders, might I make a suggestion?"

"Alright, please do."

"I understand, as I'm sure you do, that Joey has a history of relationships with men like you. I don't condone his behavior; it always produces negative consequences for the children involved. I have counseled many young men who were involved in similar activities as children, they lead dysfunctional lives and many of them are incapable of normal sexual relations later in life.

"I don't believe I'm going to violate my professional ethics by telling you that the boy loves you very much. You came along at a vulnerable time in his life and I believe helped him through a traumatic period.

"But having said that I also believe you're capable of great harm to the boy if for any reason you begin having sexual relations with him. Psychiatry doesn't really understand pedophilia, Mr. Saunders. But it's illegal and confusing to the child so I'm going to make two suggestions and hope you agree with me.

"First, you need to terminate your relationship with the boy. I don't care how this is done but I'm sure you'll find a means that will let him down easily. I don't think you're a bad man, Mr. Saunders and I'm sure you know what the legal consequences are for these types of activities if anything happens. It won't be easy for either of you but it will be the best thing for Joey, and I think we both want that.

"Finally, I think you need to seek some professional treatment yourself. Having sex with underage boys or young men half your age is abhorrent to both society and the legal system; you could put yourself at grave risk."

"Sever the relationship completely?" Paul asked. "Joey understands that I won't have sex with him, we've discussed it."

"And even that is considered illegal, Mr. Saunders. At this time there's nothing that legally binds me to make a report to the authorities, but that may change. No, I consider the needs of the child foremost and I think if you were arrested Joey would feel like he's to blame, after what has just happened to him it would cause severe trauma.

"Understand me, Mr. Saunders, I want to continue therapy with the boy, he needs to deal with a lot of issues. But if you continue to see him it will be counterproductive for you both and I will have no choice but to make the problem known to his parents. After that I'm sure his new step-father will likely press charges and you will certainly go to jail, Mr. Saunders."

"I see," Paul said. "You may feel you're right, Doctor, but we are definitely not having sex. Joey is the most important thing here. I know about his past, but I was hoping to end all that. Oh Lord, how do I tell him good-bye?"

"It might be easier if you relocate, is there a possibility of you being able to move?"

"Yeah, maybe," Paul said. "I could move the office closer to Washington, there are some new office parks going up and I could find a place there. I would have to get out of my condo. Joey knows where it is and might come looking for me. This won't be easy; it might take some time to arrange. I guess I could begin by changing my phone number so he can't reach me."

"However you do it, the break must be swift and sure," Barkley said. "I'll have to deal with him emotionally after you're gone. It will make my job easier if I know we both agree to do it for Joey's sake."

"Alright, if you think this is absolutely necessary ... I agree," Paul said. "I want you to keep sending me the bill for his therapy. In some small way at least I'll know that you're doing what's best for him even if I can't. Thank you for being honest with me."

"You still need therapy, Mr. Saunders. I'll send you a list of some therapists that you should consider. I just hope we understand each other. If you can accept an adult relationship with another man you may find the transition easier, but I'll leave the rest of that suggestion to your own therapist. Good-bye, Mr. Saunders ... and good luck."

On one hand Paul felt a great weight lifted from his shoulders, he had known all along that it might be only a matter of time. Now he had to face up to the very real problem of severing the relationship and this would probably be the hardest thing he would ever have to do.

He was glad that Joey would have her shoulder to cry on in the coming weeks when he didn't come around anymore. What was he going to tell the boy? Whatever it was wouldn't affect either of them very well. Barkley was right; this was something he never should have started.

Dr. Barkley sat at her desk transcribing the notes of her conversation with Paul and wondering if she had done the right thing. She hoped he would follow her instructions, she would certainly know if he didn't, the boy would tell her.

Picking up her notes of the session with Joey she glanced at the last page where she had tried to copy down their conversation verbatim, it somehow seemed important to remember just how it had happened.

Joey - "Yeah, I like Paul a lot, he does things for me and we spend a lot of time together."

Dr. - "What kinds of things do you do?"

Joey - "We spent almost a week at the beach together, I'd never been there before, it was so cool. We did the arcades and I learned to body surf until I got too much sunburn."

Dr. - "You stayed over at the beach together; did you share the same bed?"

Joey - "Uh, yeah, what's wrong with that?"

Dr. - "Nothing I suppose, how many nights were you together?"

Joey - "Four, no five nights, I slept like a log too, the sun just took all my energy away."

Dr. - "Did you have any sexual encounters with Paul during that time?"

Joey - "No ... why you asking me that?"

Dr. - "Because you've had sex with men before, you told me that."

Joey - "I don't want to talk about it."

Dr. - "But we need to tell the truth, Joey. I believe you're continuing to act out with these men you've met at the Park. These guys are involving you in something that's not only illegal but is going to affect the way you think about yourself, it hurts you to do these things."

Joey - "Paul loves me; he doesn't want to hurt me."

Dr. - "I'm sure he does love you, Joey, but for all the wrong reasons. You may feel you love him but it's different from the kind of love you have for your family. You're very young to be involved in a sexual relationship with anyone; I don't think that love is any part of what you really feel towards Paul."

Joey - "Well you're wrong, lady, I love him and we're not having sex. I don't want you getting him in any trouble either. If anything happens to Paul I just might run away and never come here again."

Dr. - "That's a pretty severe answer. Why do you feel you love him? You told me that you weren't a homosexual, that sex was just for fun, why do you love this man so much?"

Joey - (tears in his eyes) "I love him cause he saved my life, he cared when nobody else did and if you fuck with him I'm gonna go crazy, do you understand that? I've been with a lot of guys but I never loved any of them except Paul. He loves me too, how can you fuck that up?"

Dr. - "I don't want to hurt you, Joey. I'm just trying to understand how your relationship with Paul could be a good thing when a boy your age having sex with a grown man can have so many negative consequences in life."

Joey - "We're not having sex, he won't touch me. You'll just have to trust me. I love him and if anything happens to him you will be responsible for what I do in return. Please don't hurt him, I told you all this cause you said it could help, don't fuck it up now. (cries)

And that's where the transcript ended. She couldn't have written anything else, it was all too emotional. Her hand was trembling at that point. It had come down to a matter of choice. She could believe that the boy might harm himself over the love affair with Paul or go have the man arrested for molesting the boy. But there was no proof, Joey wouldn't talk.

She chose to believe that the boy's threat was real, he might just do himself harm. But with continued therapy she might have a chance to change those feelings. Paul could thank his lucky stars that the boy loved him, but she was sure he already understood that. It would take a brave man to accomplish the task she had set forth as a condition of her continued silence.

Joey was relieved when Paul came out of the doctor's office with a smile on his face. He was afraid the doctor would call the cops but it seemed she had taken his threat seriously after all.

"She knows too much about me," Joey said. "I'm sorry Paul; I didn't mean to tell her."

"It's OK, kiddo, she's only concerned about you, and nothing's going to happen to me." The lie came so easily, it had to.

Somehow he knew the boy would be over him long before he could forget the time they had shared. It was just so damned unfair, he had been responsible, and there had been no sex. He drove Joey home as if nothing was wrong and the boy kissed his cheek before exiting the car.

It was the last time he would see the boy, it had to be. He drove out to Towson and told Bob the whole situation, and then he went home and cried. Paul called a real estate agent the next day and put his condo on the market, with a second call he had his phone number changed.

His business partner seemed elated when Paul said they were going to relocate their offices to one of the high tech business communities halfway between Baltimore and Washington. It took only a week to find a new office space and only a few days more to find a nice townhouse nearby. For ten days prior to the move Paul camped out in a motel, intentionally cutting himself off from the world and the boy who was certainly trying to find him.

The bills from Dr, Barkley continued to arrive for the next four months, and then nothing. She sent him a brief note acknowledging that Joey had dropped out of therapy and that she was aware that Paul had moved away. There was nothing about the boy's reaction to his complete disappearance; he could only imagine how bad it had been.

He was living further from Bob now as well. But although he didn't consciously avoid the man they didn't see much of one another. Paul knew it was for the best, being around Brian would only jeopardize his vanishing act.


On to Chapter Seven

Back to Chapter Five

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"Whistler's Club" Copyright © 2010 by Chris James. All rights reserved.
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