Spring was up and running in Washington when they had a late winter storm on the fifth of May. Along the Tidal Basin in the Nation's Capital the cherry blossoms began to fall off the trees. A few freaky snowflakes swirled around just to confuse everyone, including the birds that were trying to build a nest in the tree off Louie's porch.

This was not to be confused with Spring Break which the school system had decided was to be taken in early March while the East Coast was still in the throes of winter. Alan was still chuckling about this contradiction as he sat reading the paper while munching on a dry piece of breakfast toast.

The story that caught his immediate attention was buried on page five. It said the SDS was planning another march on Washington to protest the war. Alan had been following their activities for months out on the West Coast and in New York. He had finally read Tom Hayden's manifesto, something the press called the Port Huron Papers.

Now they were calling for another protest rally here in Washington, tens of thousands would come and this time it seemed inevitable that Alan and John would be in the middle of it all. There was only one problem and it was a rather big one.

Master Sergeant William J. Bateman was a man who staunchly supported his country's military policy. His job put him too close to the decision makers for their hawkish attitude not to rub off on him. And John, being the good son, had always respected his father's beliefs and expected the same consideration. So far things had only been to a simmer between them about the anti-war movement.

But on this fateful Saturday morning, the Sergeant and his wife decided to take the family car in for a tune up. He borrowed John's Beetle to drive them home and followed his wife down to the dealership. He was sitting behind her at a stoplight on Georgia Avenue when he decided to push the seat back to accommodate his long legs and that's when he discovered a copy of the manifesto and a few pieces of SDS literature under the seat.

The discovery had sent the Sergeant searching through John's room while he and Alan were at the movies. John was dropped off at home that night after their date completely ignorant of the rage that awaited beyond his front door. He had never encountered his father's wrath like this before. It was only something he remembered from childhood when his brothers were beaten.

Standing in the kitchen, clutching a document that made him sick to his stomach, the Sergeant let John have it with both barrels.

"I can't believe that you would put your name on crap like this," he yelled. "What the hell were you thinking? Who do you think feeds and clothes us? Can you imagine what will happen if someone sees our family name on this piece of shit.

"Let me tell you that I have worked too hard and too long getting where I am to allow your stupidity to bring us all down. I could lose my security clearance. Do you understand what that would mean? My job, you ungrateful little shit, that's what. What were you thinking? Tell me."

At first John admitted his guilt and tried to make peace with his father but the man would have none of it. John wouldn't fight back until Alan's name came up. The Sergeant could only think that John had been influenced by his friend and forbid them from seeing one another.

Rising to Alan's defense John made the biggest mistake in the whole affair.

"He isn't responsible," John cried out, "I am, I've already told you that. You can punish me but I won't stop seeing my friends."

"You live in my house and I make the rules," his father yelled back.

"Then I'm out of here. You just don't understand, I love him," John screamed. It was too late to take the words back.

The Sergeant stared aghast at his son's revelation. Maybe all his fears about his youngest boy being too soft in what he considered to be a harsh world took over his emotions. It was too much for him to accept that his son was queer and something snapped inside.

Two hours later the phone rang and Alan grabbed it off the nightstand. His mother picked up at the same time.

"Hello, Alan?" he heard.

"I got it Mom," Alan said, "it's for me."

"It's awfully late for the phone, dear," she said.

"Yes, Mom, I won't be on long." Thankfully she hung up the extension.

"John, what's up, is everything ok?" Alan asked.

"No," John said, and then he started to cry.

"John, where are you? I'm coming over right now."

Between sobs, John said," The plaza, at the diner…my father threw a fit… I'm fucked."

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes, stay there," Alan said and hung up on him.

His mother was in her robe and his father was standing at the bedroom door when Alan appeared in the hall fully dressed.

"What's the matter, dear," she asked.

"Louie's got an emergency at the hospital, I gotta help him do surgery," Alan lied. Damn, he hated lying to his parents but thankfully they didn't question him further.

"What a horrible thing. You be careful, dear. It's late, I'll make you breakfast when you get back," she said.

"I'll call you before I come home," Alan said.

All sorts of scenarios played through his head as Alan drove out into the night, what had happened? The Sergeant had always been a concern as his love for John had developed. With his mind racing full tilt, Alan pulled into the parking lot beside the diner. John would be the one to tell him everything.

Alan found him slumped in a back booth, a cup of coffee still untouched on the table in front of him. He choked back a sob as John raised his head and exposed the bruises on his face.

"Oh, John…he hit you."

The boy tried to smile but it only became a grimace of pain.

"My fault," he said," I talked back to him."

"I hope you hit him back too, what happened?"

"He found the manifesto in my car. He said you were to blame and he said I couldn't see you anymore. And…I told him I loved you."

"Oh no…"

"He forbid me to see you and I couldn't accept that, it just came tumbling out. Alan. I'm sorry. Shit, it was like he lost it and started hitting me, calling me a 'faggot' and a 'pussy.' I just let him hit me" John grimaced in pain," I think he broke my nose too."

"We have to get you to a doctor," Alan said.

"No, I can't afford it…call Louie, he'll know what to do," John suggested

It was almost two in the morning as the phone rang at Louie's house. Alan waited anxiously for him to pick up. This just seemed to be the culmination of a month's worth of craziness.

The game they had played on Rouse had achieved the effect they had hoped for. The presence of a real Buddhist monk had brought a new dimension of thought to the kids in their social studies classes. Mr. Bell had sponsored an after school club focusing on current events, this was their cover for the beginnings of the movement. Alan was beginning to see peace signs appear in the neighborhood graffiti and embroidered on jackets and shirts at school. It was so cool to know they had begun to make people think.

But just as Rouse feared the school was becoming polarized, the hawks and the doves, the hippies and the jocks. Even the faculty seemed involved. Alan made sure his principal understood that it wasn't just happening in his school, the nation was becoming divided over the war.

Louie didn't answer, he was still out but that didn't stop them, Alan had the key. They left the diner and John eased himself into the passenger seat of Alan's car with a great deal of pain.

"Talking to my father won't work," John said. He must have been reading Alan's thoughts.

"We have to give it a try…sometime."

"I won't give you up," John said, "no matter what my father says."

"You're almost eighteen, there's nothing he can do about us."

"I just won't go home," John said. His voice was flat and unemotional, it gave Alan a chill.

"But how…"

"I'll take a job this summer and find a place to stay, I can do it. Besides, I know you'll be there to help me, you have the power to do anything."

It was not what Alan wanted to hear. They had agreed to never use the gift on their own behalf, only for the good of others. Even the thought of using it on Sergeant Bateman seemed like cheating. This was their problem and they would have to face it together.

"You know I'll do whatever I can," Alan began," but I can't use…"

"No, I don't even want you to think that way," John said." But just knowing that you have this hidden strength has done something to you in the past few months. You've become more aggressive and assertive, people listen to you. There's a truth behind the things you say. Even though we don't always agree, I think you have a plan of attack that's working for the movement."

"I'm not worried about the movement right now, I'm concerned that my boyfriend is bleeding internally and he won't see a doctor," Alan said.

"Louie's a doctor, he'll check me out," John said.

"I'd feel better about that if you were a collie."

John tried to laugh but caught his breath instead, there were definitely some broken ribs, Alan thought. Louie's house was dark but Alan pulled in the driveway and ran to open the front door. He helped John walk the fifty feet or so to the door and then took him into the kitchen.

Louie kept a first aid kit under the sink and Alan wanted to do something, anything to make John feel better. He helped John off with his jacket and shirt. He was even more horrified at the abrasions and bruises on the rest of his body.

"Oh shit…"

"Looks a lot worse than it is, I'm sure," John said, trying to make light of his injuries.

Alan boiled water for tea and began to clean the blood off John's face and neck. For sure his nose was broken and he had several lacerations on his ear and forehead. Mr. Bateman must have been wearing a ring. The teapot was just beginning to whistle when they heard the front door open and shut.

"So who's up in my house so late," Louie began from the front hallway and then he walked into the kitchen and saw John.

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph," he said," what happened?"

"My father takes a dim view of his queer son," was all John had to say.

Louie became the consummate professional immediately and went for his medial kit. He probed and prodded John's nose, ribs and back.

"Maybe a rib but the nose is definitely broken," he said. "We need to get you X-rayed to see if there are any internal injuries. And I mean right now."

"I don't want to go to the emergency room, they'll ask too many questions," John said. "I may hate my father for what he did but I don't want him arrested."

"Honey, he should be shot," Louie said.

"No, it's my fault. I didn't give him a chance to think about it first, he just reacted to a string of bad news."

Alan thought John was being too kind but he understood. Louie insisted they had to see inside the boy so despite protests they went to the Bethesda emergency room. Alan sat in the waiting room while Louie, announcing himself as a doctor, was allowed beyond the swinging doors to the trauma room.

Alan had read the dated Reader's Digest magazine cover to cover before Louie returned with a smile.

"He'll be alright, there was nothing internal," Louie said. "John insists he won't do anything to get his father in trouble but the man is a menace. I feel like calling the cops and letting them sort the whole thing out."

"No, we can't go against John like that," Alan replied. "I've been thinking that maybe I should go talk with John's mother, she likes me."

"But that was before she knew you were gay, am I right?"

"Yeah. But its John she really cares about, I'm just the messenger. He can't go home, Louie. Can he stay with you? I know I'm asking a lot but I'll never ask for another thing as long as I live."

"I've already told him he can stay with me. I love him almost as much as you do, kiddo. It's going to take a little time for him to heal properly. That nose may require some surgery or he could develop breathing problems, he needs our care."

"Oh Lord, that's gonna be expensive, isn't it? His folks don't have much money and John won't ask for anything now," Alan said.

"You let me worry about the bills. We take care of our own family and John is one of us," Louie replied. "He has a long life ahead of him and we both want him in top form. He's worth it…and so are you."

The nurse who came to inform them that John was ready to be transported home found Alan in tears hugging Louie for all he was worth. She couldn't know they were tears of joy and relief, the emergency room of a major hospital saw more than its share of grief.

John could hardly lift himself out of the wheelchair to get in the car. His body felt like it had been run over by a truck. Alan helped him into the passenger seat and climbed in back.

"My thanks to you both," John sighed," I feel better now."

"We'll put you to bed right away," Louie said," you'll have to stay there for at least a week I'm afraid."

"Yeah, nothing but a steady diet of chicken soup and cello music for you," Alan laughed.

"Don't make me laugh, it hurts," John said. "No, seriously, I love you both for all this…I couldn't have done it alone."

"You'll never be alone, we're the Three Musketeers, no, that's a candy bar," Louie said. So John laughed and then groaned in pain.

Alan slid back in the door at home just as the sun was rising. He wasn't sure what to tell his parents, they already though he saw too much of John as it was. So again he lied, telling them that Louie had a sick dog that required constant care and that he was going to sleep over at the hospital for a few days. They had the telephone number, which rolled over to Louie's in case of emergency, they could reach him if needed.

The only problem Alan could think of as he packed was if the Sergeant or Mrs. Bateman started looking for John. What if they decided to call his parents and rant about how their queer son had corrupted the boy? Alan knew it was time to tell his parents he was gay, but he wanted it to be on his terms and not when some crazy fucker blew the whistle on his affair with John. No, despite what John had said, Alan knew he would have to deal with Mr. and Mrs. Bateman within a matter of days.

Louie was still in bed. After all it was ten o'clock on a Sunday morning. That was like the middle of the night to a respectable drag queen. Alan crept up the stairs to the Blue Room and found John asleep as well.

He took off his clothes and sat cautiously on the bed, careful not to disturb the bandaged boy beside him. He stared down at John's face and forced himself not to enter the boy's troubled mind. The doctor had given Louie a prescription for John's pain but the boy had refused the medicine, he felt it wasn't natural and Alan agreed.

Casting his aura around them both, Alan slipped quietly into bed beside John's body. He didn't know if what he was thinking was possible but then the impossibility of it seemed only due to his lack of experience.

His mind reached out for Master Deeban, hoping the monk's wisdom would join him in thought. Physical separation was meaningless to the Nine. Their power existed on a different plane from this world. It was Namkhai who first responded and addressed the problem at hand.

"His body has suffered much, my student," Namkhai's voice spoke in his mind.

"Yes, teacher, the father has not been worthy of his son. Will you teach me how to heal this body?"

"The body will heal at your touch but the mind is broken as well," the Master's voice added. "To return the body to balance we must seek an answer to the tragedy of his spirit."

"I wish to use the power of the Eye for that purpose," Alan told them," I will council the parents, but mending their relationship will take some time. The boy has suffered because of me and I must do something to make this right."

"We will work to heal the body together," the Master's voice said," and the spirit will be left in your hands. It is well you have sought wisdom from your teachers. A wise student should not venture into the unknown without guidance."

"I have learned that lesson and it humbles me. But I have promised never to enter his mind without his knowledge," Alan said. "Will I have to break that promise?"

"The healing force will seek to enter every corner of his being," was Namkhai's response. "I am sure he will understand the need when you tell him. Be at peace, my student. Your purpose is noble and your intent is from the heart."

"He is a warrior for our cause," Alan thought," and we need every able bodied man if we are to succeed."

"Then let us begin," the Master commanded.

The aura grew stronger around John's sleeping form and Alan watched the boy relax into a deeper sleep. Pulling back the covers, he exposed John's bruised torso, gasping at the feeling of pain his mind absorbed.

With trembling hands, Alan touched John's chest and felt radiant warmth spread from beneath his fingers. It suddenly felt as if his hands were on fire and he stared down at them, expecting the skin to char and burn away under his gaze. Slowly his hands moved up towards John's battered face. And as he touched the palm of a hand on each of the boy's cheeks, John sighed in his sleep and smiled.

A feeling of intense joy overcame him and Alan knew he had entered John's mind. There was the echo of voices in his head and he realized it was John talking. The boy was dreaming and Alan began to see fragments of the images dancing behind his eyelids. Tall grass, a coppery sun and then himself staring down into John's eyes. He was reading John's thoughts.

"I believe this silly boy is falling in love with me," John's inner voice said, "I know what you're after my beautiful one."

And then through John's ears he heard the sound of birds flying over. And John thought," How easy it would be to fly, Alan would love to fly with me. If I lay my head on his chest I would hear his heartbeat. Can you tell if someone is in love by listening to their heart? But he is so confusing, so confident and scary. If only he was as afraid of this love as I am."

The memories were associated with the first day he and John had been together out at the Buddhist temple. Alan had been so infatuated with the boy and John seemed to know it. But of course, he knew it all along. Funny, back then it seemed he would never fall in love with me.

But then John's eyes beheld him standing there in the tall grass and Alan saw himself in the light of new love, conceived in John's mind the very moment their eyes met. He had touched something deep, some need John had.

Alan felt tears begin coursing down his cheeks as the shared dream focused on the instant their love was born. He watched as his arms reached down to the boy on the grass and he was pulled down into a magical embrace that would be etched in his mind forever.

And then he found himself embracing John as he lay on the blue silky sheets of their bed. No longer did he see a broken suffering boy, but before him a completely healed body. There was no sign of a single angry mark upon his smooth youthful flesh.

"Are you satisfied, my student?" Namkhai's voice asked.

"I am in awe of the lesson, "Alan responded, wiping the tears from his face." It is truly amazing, his body seems completely healed…how can I thank you?" Alan asked.

"It is not us that should be thanked," the Master's voice said, "you have performed the necessary task. The power of healing has always been a part of your gift. You have only needed our help to unlock that door. We will leave you now with only one caution. There will be much about the boy's healing you will be asked to explain. Be careful who might learn the answers that only you can provide. Protect yourself from those who would learn the secrets of the Nine."

"I will listen to the Master's wisdom, but there are only two," Alan responded.

"And tomorrow there may be a hundred," Namkhai's voice called out.

He felt their presence fade from his mind and Alan found himself still caught up in the aura with John. It had all really happened. John's body showed no sign of damage at all. Even the scars on his ear from a childhood injury were gone. The body had been cleansed of every blemish.

Alan still felt John's mind was open to him, like wind blowing across an open doorway it stood before him and yet he dared not enter there again. To trespass now would be unforgivable. Especially since John had always been so open and honest, what else would he find that he did not already know?

Instead, Alan lay himself down on the bed and it became the hot sands of their private beach. His mind went deep into the solitude of those long, curling waves crashing gently along the shoreline.

"John, can you hear me?" Alan asked the air before him.

"It's so hot out here," John replied.

"The warmth is meant to heal you, my love."

"Yes…my body feels different now," John said.

"I love every inch of that body too," Alan said with a smile.

"It's yours for the asking, anytime…anywhere."

"How about we have intense sex on Rouse's desk first thing on Monday morning, you get to be on top first," Alan laughed.

"If you say so…only you could make it happen."

"No, John, you're wrong…only you make me happen. Now roll over and let me slap some lotion on your back."

"I love you, Alan…I always will."

"Me too…always," Alan replied.

They slept on together for most of the day until finally Louie came to check on his patient. Alan was awakened when Louie shook him roughly.

"Wake up…you're not going to believe this," Louie said in a whisper.

"What time is it?" Alan asked quietly.

"Three o'clock, but look, the bruises are gone from John's body…it's nothing less than a miracle."

"Louie…I have something to tell you," Alan said a bit too loudly.

John was awakened by all the talking and after waiting in vain for a wave of pain to happen glanced down at his body under the covers. He quickly sat up and stared in awe at them both.

"What? Oh, Alan…you did this?" John grabbed him and Alan felt the power in his hug that said he was fully recovered. Poor Louie, he was amazed that John could even move.

"I guess this will require some explanation, but it's a long story," Alan sighed.

John wouldn't relinquish his hold on Alan for hours, which made their late brunch rather awkward. Louie was told all the details of their visit to the New York monastery and the discovery of Alan's gift.

He was amazed and surprised at the new talents he now saw in his young friend. It was John's turn to be amazed when Alan told of the gathering of minds and the healing power which had flowed through his hands. By then Louie had finished his examination, confirming the fact that John's body showed no signs of a beating.

They both sat back and stared at Alan like he was some kind of superhero, it became increasingly awkward and Alan had to bring a little reality back to their lives.

"I can tell you all about this but now you're sworn to secrecy. If I thought you might tell someone else I have the power to remove the memory of this conversation completely. That's not a threat, but I must protect myself and those who are my mentors."

Alan wasn't sure he could actually remove the knowledge but it seemed like a reasonable idea, who knew what he could actually do?

"My God, I spent all those years in medical school and I can't do one tenth of what you did this morning," Louie said. "How are we going to explain how fast John healed?"

"John will have to stay home from school for a while, I guess," Alan said.

"Why? Think about it, nobody except the hospital and my parents knows about the injuries. All I have to do is avoid those two groups of people," John said. "And I won't be going home anytime soon."

"But I will," Alan said. "I promised my Master that I would council your parents and show them the error of their ways."

"You can't do that," John said," my father might come after you."

"Boy would that be a mistake," Louie said," Alan could stand him on his head in the middle of the Beltway."

"I won't do that, but he's right, John. Your father cannot harm me and I don't think he will want to. He blames me for all this and I intend to prove him wrong."

"I can't answer for him," John said, "I don't know him anymore."

Alan looked over at Louie who took the hint and said he had to make a phone call. Alan led John into the living room and they sprawled on the couch.

"The healing process has cured the physical part of your problems," Alan began, "but you might notice that you have no real emotional feelings towards your father. I pushed your mind into a neutral zone regarding him. My promise to the Master also included healing your mind as well as that of your parents."

"You just seem to do whatever you want," John said.

"Don't be angry with me, John. I feel a sense of frustration building up inside of you. I'm not taking over your life."

"But you already have sort of, haven't you? You wave that magic wand and it all happens just the way you want it to."

"You know me better than that, I do nothing for myself. All this has been about you and how much I care what happens in your life. If I don't have your love then I don't want this power to help us achieve our goals. And I mean that.

"You're a patient person, John, you always have been. You need to show that patience, now more than ever. I want to talk to your mother right away, she needs to know you're alright or she'll worry herself to death."

"Yeah, she will," John agreed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be angry with you."

"Your father will come later, after he's cooled down and realizes you're the same person you were before the fight, the same son he's always loved. Now he knows something that disturbs him greatly, his son is gay, and we both know that frightens him more than anything. We're back to that trust factor again, John, you have to trust me. I would never do anything to hurt you."

"You were inside my head this morning, I guess?"

"Namkhai said it would happen when I began the healing process, I'm sorry."

"Well, about all you'd get are my silly fantasies anyway," John smiled.

"I don't have to enter your mind to know what you're thinking when we're together, "Alan said." As for the rest, you've never hidden anything from me and I respect that. Its part of what makes our love so intense. Just give me some time to work on these problems and trust me to do what's best for the both of us…ok?"

"Ok," John agreed. "Holy Cow, thanks to you I feel like a new man, let's go back to bed."

School on Monday followed the usual boring course until they got to Mr. Bell's social studies class. John was ill at ease all morning but just grateful that no one knew what had happened in his life over the weekend. But he knew Alan was all excited about the SDS again which didn't help his attitude. Those radicals didn't fit in with his view of non-violent protest. Hadn't Alan learned anything these past few months?

And that hurt, deep inside John felt pain whenever Alan strayed from the path. Namkhai would not be pleased, but then he was sure that the monk's powers allowed him to look into their lives whenever he wished. Damn, why did love have to hurt so much?

Mr. Bell began the class with a short announcement.

"Ok, people, just a sad note on the current state of affairs. Martin Willis, Class of '65 was killed in action over the weekend. Martin was the star running back on our football team in 1965 and was one of my best students. I was sorry to hear about his death and thought I would share this with you.

"But the other tragic note I wanted to share was that our own Principal Rouse's son was killed in action on the Mekong Delta last week. He was in the Navy and his boat capsized while trying to rescue civilian survivors of a Viet Cong raid on a small village.

"We all know of a friend or brother who was killed in this war. It never seems to hit home until someone close to you dies, no matter what you think of the cause. I know some of you are violently opposed to the war and others just sit by and hope your turn never comes.

"But you need to have special regard for a man who loses his son in a conflict such as this and I'm asking you all to walk quietly in the hallways this week. Principal Rouse is not the kind of man to share his grief publicly but he's been very kind to you people and I'm asking you to return that favor."

Alan and John looked at one another and shared a moment of guilt. Poor Rouse, his son had been both a source of pride and despair the past several weeks thanks to their interference.

"Shit, I didn't know he was gonna die," Alan whispered.

"We were too aggressive, damn it, " John mumbled back.

John gave a half-hearted oral report on social engineering. His mind was in such turmoil he couldn't concentrate. The pages blurred before his eyes, the news of death stalking his thoughts. He stumbled back to his desk and caught the look of concern on Mr. Bell's face.

Alan didn't seem to notice the pain and followed with a rabble-rousing speech about how the military-industrial complex was pursuing an immoral war for monetary gain, his normal fare. For some reason the two boys weren't on the same track today and Bell began to wonder why.

Steven Bell had seen a lot of students come and go in his seven years of teaching high school but he knew that John and Alan were unique. They had captured his attention long before bringing the Buddhist monk to his class assembly.

The monk had been simply wonderful with the students. Bell knew John's Buddhist beliefs and had watched the quiet respect this elderly monk had shown to both boys. He was envious as his own Buddhist studies had suffered these past several years, his life filled with more and more things that demanded his attention.

It was a shame to watch them. John was one of his better students too. Some kind of change seemed to be taking place in the boy and Bell hoped his schoolwork wouldn't suffer.

Alan Sommers was a different matter altogether. He was the best student in any of Bell's classes. His mind absorbed everything and he would have been an ideal student except that he seemed to dominate the rest of the class. The fact that he was an outspoken anti-war, wanna-be radical type didn't phase Bell in the least. He loved students with strong opinions and the fire to defend them.

So it was quite a shock when he realized that Alan was probably gay and that John was his lover. Their deference to each other as friends spoke loudly of a certain physical sensuality that ran beneath the surface. Bell had watched the evolution of their relationship with curiosity and a tinge of regret. Just as every man secretly mourns the loss of adolescence, he had enjoyed glimpsing the quick flashes of their love.

With a glance, John's eyes would shine with an intensity of feeling towards the blonde boy across the narrow aisle and Alan would turn his head with a smile. It was the weirdest thing too. Alan seemed like he could catch those thoughts, Bell had seen it time and again.

And then there was the strange light. A glow often seemed to surround them as they quietly sat through his lectures. Bell had stood between those desks after class and stared up at the ceiling, where had the light come from?

It horrified him when he became aroused at their interplay. Oh Lord, he could never have an affair with a student. It happened occasionally in his profession, teachers who became involved with the children under their care and went too far. That would never happen to him, he was too focused on his love of teaching. Besides…his lover would kill him.

No, Steven Bell, social studies teacher and all around good guy had been closeted for most of his life and things would remain that way. His lover of four years was another professional, one who worked for the county government and made twice the salary. But Bell was the happier man, his students involved him in the subject he taught and he enjoyed watching their lives evolve.

Now as he watched the two boys leave his classroom, Bell frowned, he didn't like the way Alan was becoming so indifferent to the feelings of others in this class. It was all right to be pro-activist but others had the right to speak up for their beliefs as well.

It was John who seemed the most stifled by Alan's aggressiveness, as if he was almost afraid to defend his differing opinion. This did not bode well for what Bell imagined was a healthy and robust gay love affair. Ah, to be eighteen again and so full of life.

And the approach of John's birthday only seemed to make him more depressed, that and the impending confrontation with his parents. He followed Alan out into the parking lot behind A wing. After Bell's class, Alan was planning to cut the last two periods and drive over to the Bateman house.

"Wish me luck?" Alan asked.

"Give Mom my love, will you? Are you sure you want to do this now, shouldn't we wait…?"

"No waiting," Alan said emphatically, "the feelings are all on the surface right where I can see them without having to play any games. I love you, John. This will turn out all right, trust me?"

"I do. Will you come by afterwards? I'll be a crazy man until you tell me what happened."

"Ok," Alan laughed. John hugged him briefly since there were others wandering the asphalt lot. He watched as Alan drove off and heard the bell ring for sixth period.

There was no way he could go back into the building and then he saw Mr. Bell standing at the door watching him.

"You'll be late for class," Bell called out and John didn't care, he turned and ran across the lot towards the practice fields. Bell shook his head, he wouldn't report the boy. He understood the need to be alone.

Alan gave the Bateman's kitchen door a quiet knock and waited. Connie Bateman had always been open with him and Alan was counting on that now. If the woman would only accept his relationship with John then…the door opened.

"Alan…I'm…I'm glad you came," Connie said and Alan could tell that at the moment she meant it.

"Hi, Mrs. B, do you have time to talk?"

"Sure, come on in, no one else is home."

"I was counting on that," Alan said.

Alan sat at the kitchen table and watched as she poured him a cup of coffee and another for herself. The pot was freshly brewed, almost as if she had been expecting him.

"John sends his love and doesn't want you to worry about him," Alan said.

She paused at the stove, her shoulders sagging and Alan was afraid she might begin crying. But the moment seemed to pass and he watched her shoulders square as she turned to him with a smile.

"Thank you for telling me that," she said. "I didn't see what my husband did to him when they fought, he ran out of here so fast I didn't get to…" Her hands began to tremble and Alan took the cups from her and placed them on the table.

"I'm sorry," she said. "His father has such an awful temper sometimes but even he was shocked when John didn't fight back."

"He wouldn't, Mrs. B, he can't. I understand his beliefs much better now and he's become afraid of his capacity for violence. I think he let his father beat him to teach the Sergeant a lesson," Alan said.

"But that makes no sense…" she began.

"Sure it does, I'll bet the Sergeant feels guilty as hell right now, doesn't he?"

"He hasn't slept in two days…yes, he feels guilt."

"Once those feelings come out in the open the healing can begin," Alan said. "I was hoping we could all sit down and talk about it."

"Oh, I don't know if that would be a good thing right now," Connie said.

"He won't be able to hit John again, I assure you. I think John felt guilty enough about his relationship with me to take the punishment, the next time he won't. I think the Sergeant knows he will have to be reasonable. John could hurt him otherwise. Despite his beliefs I don't think he'll allow his father to best him again. I don't want to see anyone else get hurt, I won't allow it."

She stared at his face and sipped her coffee before placing the cup down gently on the saucer.

"You really love him, don't you?" she asked.

"As much as you do," Alan replied. "I came here to answer any questions you might have about us. I'm sure John would want me to be totally honest."

"Do your parents know?"

"No…not yet. I've been waiting for the right time to tell them. I know my mother will feel the worst about it. She has some pretty strong religious feelings. My dad will want to know when I first knew and wonder if he's at fault. It's all pretty senseless, I have always been what I am, I've known since I was a child."

"Has John…"

"I think it's better if he told you the whole story but I think he's known he was different for a long time. It's not something a boy can easily discuss with his parents, I'm sure you see that."

"I'm afraid for him," she said," the things I read…"

"Aren't always true, but some of it is," Alan said. "I don't know how to make you understand that what we have is no different than the love you share with your husband. We're just two people who have discovered that life is better when we're together. I think John is the most amazing person I've ever met. I don't think anything could keep us apart."

Connie gave him a brief smile, "I remember what it was like to fall in love. I haven't always been a wife and mother, I was seventeen once. It's just that you boys have such a hard road ahead, your homosexuality won't be accepted by a lot of people."

"And that's why we have each other," Alan said. "John and I have many gay friends. It's almost like having a second family. Maybe before you start worrying I should tell you that John is staying with a dear friend of ours, he's a doctor. The Sergeant did quite a lot of damage during the fight but John is healing very well, he's back in school already."

She seemed relieved to hear the news so Alan went on.

"His life will go on without his father if that's the way it has to be. But I thought you and I might have a chance to bring your family back together. I'm sure it won't happen overnight, the feelings are much too strong right now between them.

"The Sergeant needs to get some distance from this. He needs to reach an understanding of what it means to have a gay son. I think it's better if John continues to live away for a while, he's well taken care of, I assure you."

Connie reached across the table and took his hand. Alan gazed into her face and felt the fear behind those eyes. He could have so easily cast his thoughts across the gap between them and entered her mind but he hesitated, maybe he wouldn't need to, she was already on his side.

"Tell me what it's like for you, Alan. How do you survive being gay?"

"It's easy now, Mrs. B…I have John's love."

But he didn't stop there. He told her about their self-discovery and the moment when they fell in love. Choosing his words carefully, he described how it felt to be with John up at the monastery in New York. Warming to the task, Alan told her how John had felt a void for most of his life, avoiding the question of sexuality and submerging his feelings in favor of a belief, a philosophy of life.

It was this openness to understanding that had brought them together in the first place. Connie sat quietly and nodded in agreement, she understood her son only too well.

Alan wrote down Louie's phone number and handed it over.

"Maybe you'd like to call him after I leave, he's terribly afraid that you'll reject him too."

"No…never. I love all my sons equally, Alan. Maybe I worry more about John because he's the youngest, but I would never push him away because he's different. It just makes me sad that his father isn't made of stronger stuff. I won't pretend to understand how gay relationships work but if you love someone you have to accept their faults or it destroys all the good you've made together."

"I knew I could count on you, Mrs. B."

It was the beginning of Connie Bateman's education about the gay world her son had chosen to enter and she couldn't have had a better teacher. Alan began at the beginning, describing the gay family that had formed around them and the support they received from all their friends. It was almost five o'clock when the conversation wound down, the Sergeant would be home soon.

"I'd better go," Alan said.

"Thank you, Alan. I know you're doing this for John's sake but you've made me feel a lot better too," Connie replied.

"It's important to both of us, Mrs. B. We each have a family to keep together."

"You'll always be a part of my family, Alan."

"Thanks…Mom," Alan said.

She gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and as he opened the door to leave she reached for the phone to call John. It had all gone so well, he thought, but then he had been sure of her feelings before he began. The Sergeant was going to be the tough nut to crack, but now he had an ally.

Alan pulled into Louie's driveway and wondered if John's conversation with his mother had gone well, he even didn't have to ask. He opened the front door and John tackled him in the front hallway, smothering him with kisses as they fell to the floor. He gave John two points for the takedown.

Three days later John turned eighteen and Louie threw a big dinner party at the only decent Japanese restaurant in town. The whole restaurant was decorated for the private party and the staff seemed pleased that the evening was dedicated to one group of patrons. Alan wondered how much this was costing Louie but laughed it off when he saw Ta Ta and his sister on the guest list, John would be pleased.

Louie had promised John a special guest and sent Alan off on the errand. It was one of the few times that Louie had let him drive the Mustang. It felt so good behind the wheel Alan admitted to himself that he immediately wanted one. Connie looked so nervous when he picked her up at the Plaza that he didn't think she would ever let go of his hand.

"I almost told John I was coming when he called last night," she said," but I couldn't spoil the surprise."

"I think he suspects anyway," Alan replied. "Are you nervous about seeing him or is it our gay crowd?"

"Both, I'm sure," she laughed. "If they're all as nice as you then I shouldn't be worried at all, should I?"

"No, Mom, you have nothing to fear," Alan said.

There was a tearful reunion between mother and son that left the crowd staring into their drinks around the bar. John introduced his mother to everyone, including Ta Ta who was dressed to kill in a suit and tie this evening, a rarity Louie assured them.

Connie had especially kind words for Louie and thanked him profusely for taking care of her son. Alan had never seen Louie blush so deeply. Or Ta Ta be so gracious for that matter. It was as if the gay family understood their place in getting Connie and John back together.

The dinner went off without a hitch even though the restaurant had put only a dozen candles on the birthday cake. John hugged and kissed each guest after the most rousing rendition of Happy Birthday Alan had ever heard. Louie and several of the guests retired to the bar, leaving John and Alan alone with their collective Mom. She watched as her son held Alan's hand. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world for them to be doing.

"Your friends are nice people," she said. "I can't help but notice that they're all much older, don't you boys have any friends your own age?"

"You want to take this one, John?" Alan asked.

"Sure. Mom, we know there are other gay teens out there…somewhere. At least you have some idea how hard it's been for the both of us and I imagine we're the lucky ones. There is no place in our society for young gays. It took Alan a long time to be accepted by these people. Older gay men are afraid of us, maybe we remind them of their own tortured youth, I don't know. I do know that there are other boys and girls out there who have no one to turn to, it's the harshest phase in gay life."

"That's awful, how can we be so cruel?"

"Too many people think of it as a disease or the result of child abuse. Worse yet, some believe that gays can changed into heterosexuals. Society is sadly mistaken if they even think I'd want to change," Alan said.

"Is anybody doing something about it?" Connie asked.

"A few ministers in the District are trying to reach out to the kids, but as John said, the adults are scared of the law. The politics of the situation need to change first. Mr. Devine's sister knows of several young kids who have committed suicide rather than come out."

"Then let me help, find out who I can talk to," Connie said.

"You mean that, Mom?" John asked.

"I certainly do. Just because you're different than other kids doesn't mean you're any less in the eyes of God. This whole thing has opened my eyes, John. I have you both to thank for that. Maybe I can get myself certified as a social worker. That might finally give some meaning to the MFA I earned in college."

"In that case maybe you'd better talk with Ta…uh, Mr. Devine, he has all the contacts in the world," Alan said.

"You're the most wonderful mom a kid could have," John said.

"Ditto that," Alan agreed.

Alan drove them all back to the Plaza so Connie could pick up her car. She hugged them both before she left and they were both very proud of her. John snuggled into Alan's arms and hugged him for the longest time.

"This is the best birthday I've ever had," he said. "I just wish my dad had been there."

"Your father will come around. He'll have no choice if he wants his family together again. Your mother is a very strong woman, she will make him understand. I won't have to push."

"Do you ever think about us and the future?" John asked," I almost wish we could be married."

"Are you proposing to me?" Alan asked.

"I would if things were different. I'm beginning to feel like a man already and I want the same things every man wants, don't you want a family of your own?"

"I guess, but in case you haven't noticed we aren't gonna have any pregnancies here," Alan chuckled.

"We could adopt kids. I just want to spend the rest of my life in love with you."

"How about we wait a while before having kids? At least until we graduate college. Besides, I'm enjoying what we have right now, I don't want to share," Alan replied.

"Whatever you say, dear. Can we go home now? I want to show you how much I love you."



On to Chapter Fourteen

Back to Chapter Twelve

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Singer Without a Song is © 2005 - 2006 by Chris James.
    This work may not be duplicated in any form (physical, electronic, audio, or otherwise) without the author's written permission. All applicable copyright laws apply. All individuals depicted are fictional with any resemblance to real persons being purely coincidental.


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