Humor Me by Chris James    Humor Me
by Chris James

  Sexual Situations
  Rated Mature 18+

Humor Me by Chris James

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Author Introduction
    I wanted to tell a story that was ninty-nine percent flashback, filled with sexual escapades and all kinds of kinky twists, here it is. If you're upset by reading about teenage boys having sex then this is not for you, leave now, make room for readers who can enjoy a quick hot story.

The apartment complex where I worked had sixteen high rise buildings, two hundred apartments in each building. That was thirty-two hundred apartments in all. Figure a third of them held elderly folks with no children. That left two thirds of the apartments occupied by families and single folks.

I don't know why, but most of the families had at least two kids. There were two thousand, one hundred and sixteen kids to be exact. Or to speak to my specific interest, eight hundred and forty-two of those kids were between the ages of twelve and eighteen.

That were enough kids to fill an elementary, middle and high school, which sat in a cluster three blocks away on the edge of Larchmont Park. Recreation facilities for all those teenage bodies were at a premium. That's why the apartment complex had two Olympic sized swimming pools, one of them was enclosed. The pools sat inside a six acre fenced area at the center of all those tall buildings.

Eight hundred and forty two kids was a major number, but that was made more manageable by the fact that I was only interested in the boys. There were three hundred and seventy-two boys in my preferred age group and at least half of them were nice looking.

I began working at the pool complex when I was sixteen, that was three years ago. It was a logical choice for a summer job given my preferences. Where else could I see so many cute boys running around half naked? I won't go into what I got to see in the shower rooms. That comes later on in the story.

A hundred and eighty some cute boys, most of which seemed to spend the summer at the pool under my jurisdiction. If one in ten was destined to be gay then I had eighteen sure things hanging around, but I didn't pay attention to that old adage. I had spotted several of those gay boys right off the bat, but didn't care. No, I preferred the straight acting boys, clever boys, ones that played around behind everyone's backs. Played like I did, back when I was younger.

I was thirteen when my older brother started lifting weights with a few of his buddies. One day a weight bench appeared in our basement and my brother and his friends began a three times a week ritual of pumping iron. The session would last several hours and I wasn't allowed down in the basement until they were done.

The guys were all high school jocks, about as straight acting as you could get. In my mind I was jealous of their muscles and at the same time fascinated by their bodies. I was just a scrawny kid and they paid little attention to me as they came and went. All except for this one guy Brett who was quite nice to me.

One afternoon I came home from school to what I thought was an empty house. My brother was over at his girlfriend's house and there wasn't supposed to be any weight lifting this afternoon. I was surprised by the sound of clinking weights in the basement and crept down the stairs to see who was there.

Humor Me by Chris James

"Hey, kiddo," Brett said when he saw me. "Your bro said I could put in a little time on the bench, hope you don't mind?"

"Naw, that's cool. Uh, can I spot for you?"

Brett smiled, knowing full well I couldn't even lift the weights he was tossing around. "Ok, just be careful."

He was wearing tight gym shorts, the gray stretchy kind that gave form to the audacious bulge in his crotch. I stood over him, behind the bar as if I was spotting. My eyes took in his bare muscular torso, his flexing arms and the bulge in his shorts, especially the bulge.

Brett bench pressed for a while and broke quite a sweat. I ran upstairs and got him a towel. He sat up to dry off. "Want to try it, kiddo?"

"I can't lift that much weight," I laughed.

"I'll start you off with just the bar for practice."

"Ok," I said.

He took all the weights off the bar and I lay back on the bench. Rather than stand behind my head, Brett stood over the bench and helped me adjust my grip. I easily lifted the bar off the stands and pushed it up and down several times. I should have been paying attention to the bar but I was staring right up into Brett's crotch which hovered over my head about twelve inches away.

"You like that?" he asked, taking the bar out of my hands and laying it back up on the stand.

He was standing right above me when I croaked, "Yeah, its great."

"You can't take your eyes off of it, can you? I know you've been looking at my crotch. Want a better look?"

With that he slid down his shorts and I was staring up into the mound of flesh he had for a cock and gasping at the way his ball sac dangled almost in my face. Slowly his body lowered as Brett squatted, bringing his cock in contact with my nose.

"Smell my sweaty balls," he said.

I couldn't help myself as they were right in my face. I inhaled the sour odor.

"Lick me," he said. "Go on, humor me."

I was in a trance as my tongue darted out and licked at the fleshy sac. I watched from below as his cock started to rise. He had a huge cock from my angle of vision and as I licked his balls it became fully erect.

Brett put a hand above the base of his cock and pushed down until it was pointed at my mouth. He eased down, pressing the head of his cock against my lips. I didn't want to, I shouldn't be doing this but I did. His cock entered my mouth and I tasted the salt of his sweat.

Up and down, Brett pushed his cock in and out of my mouth as I just lay there allowing him to use me. His hands gripped the bar above my head and his thrusts became more pronounced, his cock pushing in towards the back of my throat.

"Suck me, kiddo. I know you want to," Brett gasped.

He was right, I had often thought of what it would be like to suck a cock. I just never figured out it would be one like Brett's. I applied my lips to his shaft and Brett moaned as I began sucking. His rhythm got a bit faster but he didn't push in deeper. A good thing, I had all I could handle.

"Oh, boy, you do that fine," he gasped. His hands left the bar and came down on either side of my head. He held my skull up off the bench as he pumped his cock in my face. He was so strong I just went limp except for my sucking lips. Brett pumped away, gasping and groaning until I felt his cock stiffen.

I knew what that meant from my own jerking off experiences. Brett was gonna come and there was no way I could take my mouth away from the blast that was about to occur.

"Uh, uh," he began and I felt the squirts pulse in my throat. I was already breathing heavily through my nose so the only thing I could do was swallow. His come filled my mouth until I swallowed and I felt him begin to relax. Ok, I had just sucked the cock of the straightest jock my brother ever knew. What happens now?

As his cock shriveled Brett looked down and smiled, pulling his shorts back in place. "Good man. Let's just keep this our little secret, ok?"

I nodded, like I was going to rat out the big guy who would then squash me like a bug. He leaned down in my face and placed a hand on my chest. The hand traveled down my body and grasped at the stiff little cock I still had in my jeans.

"Oh, what have we here?" Brett smiled, as if he didn't already know. "Sucking cock turns you on?" He pushed down my jeans and my five inch stiffie sprang up. "Well good for you."

Brett backed off the bench and went to his knees as he guided my cock into his mouth. I squawked out loud and tried to sit up as he started to suck me. One of his large hands pressed me back down on the bench. Oh my, so this is what it feels like to have my cock sucked.

He got in maybe two dozen sucks before I blasted off, nothing as dramatic as his orgasm but it felt awesome. I watched him lick his lips as he stood back up and pulled me to my feet.

"Our secret, ok?" he said sticking out his hand. We shook on the deal.

We did it again the following week. Brett knew when my brother wouldn't be home and my parents both worked. Our afternoon sessions continued for several months and I learned the pleasure of being a great cock sucker. Brett always returned the favor but he refused to do it together at the same time. And then it suddenly stopped.

I looked for Brett every afternoon but he wasn't there and I was afraid to ask my brother where he was. I got the answer one night at the dinner table when my brother said that his friend Brett had joined the Navy. Now that I'm older I understand he's probably enjoying a little weight bench sex in some foreign land.

Having time to think about it when he was gone, I decided that Brett and I had been doing things that I wanted to keep doing for the rest of my life. The summer before my fourteenth birthday I started looking for another partner at my local swimming pool and found one right away.

His name was Ernie and he was twelve. The kid didn't seem to have a lot of friends but when I caught him playing with himself in the showers I became his best buddy. It was easy, his cock was new to the jerk off game and so I provided him with guidance. When he had his first orgasm in my hand I knew he was hooked.

We went to his house for lunch the next day and Ernie showed me his room. Now most kids have posters on their walls, Batman, Superman, some baseball or football star. Ernie had a full length poster of some bodybuilder guy I didn't know. Hell, the guy was half naked and had a bulge in his shorts like Brett. It said a lot about Ernie in a language I could understand.

Fortunately his parents both worked and his older sister had a job at the mall during the day. Being alone with Ernie meant we could continue to explore the wonderful world of sex that he had just discovered and I was tying to perfect.

Since I was the experienced one, Ernie allowed me to lead the way. That first afternoon we tried just about everything I already knew and some things I had only heard about. Just having another boy so willing to experiment meant I finally got to try anal sex.

As I pumped away in Ernie's backside I thought, if this is as good as it gets then I'm never going to have sex with girls. For his part Ernie moaned and groaned with pleasure until I filled his guts with my sperm. So now we had discovered something he really enjoyed. When I offered him the chance to screw me he declined, to him receiving was better than giving.

Ernie was a clean freak and so every time we performed a sexual act he led me to the bathroom. I never had a boy wash my body before and I got to enjoy his little phobia about dirt. It was Ernie that finally introduced condoms to our sessions and he insisted that I wear them.

The summer waned and the school year began. Ernie and I were two grades apart but now that we had discovered each other our time at school took on a whole new angle. We rode our bikes to school together and agreed on a time for our first meeting. No matter what class period, I would raise my hand when the time came and get a hall pass for the bathroom.

Ernie and I would meet in one of the stalls and most of the time he would suck me off. Several times that first month he would produce a condom and I would get what I really wanted. Getting my rocks off first thing in the morning always made the day go faster. After school we would ride our bikes to his house and I would return the favor to Ernie and then screw him again.

The nice thing about our sex was that we became so in tune to each other. Our mutual oral sessions always ended with a simultaneous orgasm. And although my cock was larger than Ernie's, he managed to swallow my length with great skill.

His cock was about four and a half inches long but he had a large mushrooming head on it and I enjoyed the way it used to swell in my throat before he came. Often I would do nothing but lick the head until he begged me to stop and finish him off.

My cock was a little over six inches long and Ernie developed a way of gulping it down so that I used to come deep in his throat. Somehow he never seemed to gag on it and nothing felt better than plunging my way in to the root.

One afternoon he asked if he could sit on my cock and we tried what soon became my favorite position. With Ernie bouncing up and down on my cock I would jerk the shaft of his cock until he came. Continuing to plunge deep in his ass I would start a second round of stroking until he came yet again. I once managed to get him off three times before I succumbed to the feeling myself. Granted there was only a little ejaculate that third time but the astonished look on his face when he got off was priceless.

And then there was kissing. Ernie was a great kisser and I loved the feel of his lips on mine. He would sometimes kiss every inch of my body, but only if I had showered first. It was a great turn on, but he didn't so it that often. What mattered most was that I had a sex partner and the expectation that we would be doing this forever. I should have known my luck wouldn't hold out that long.

At first Ernie seemed to enjoy the way I fucked him but then over time he wanted me to do it harder. At some point, around Christmas of that year, he started having these fantasies about getting raped. At first, tying him up before sex was just part of the game. Then he wanted me to spank him with my hand and then use his father's belt. I was afraid of hurting him but Ernie insisted that it was a turn on.

When the belt started leaving marks on his butt I wanted to back off but Ernie wanted more. As I continued to screw him I began to notice that his ass hole didn't seem quite right, as if what I had been doing was stretching him open. Ernie confessed that he had been using a shampoo bottle to thrill himself when he masturbated.

Masturbated? I was astonished that he had the urge after what we did every single day, I sure didn't. The bottle had stretched his butt hole to the point that Ernie wanted something bigger to increase the sensations. At thirteen, his butt couldn't handle the plastic baseball bat he tried to use and he went to the doctor.

One look told the physician that he had a troubled boy on his hands. The welts from the belt I applied and the stretch marks around his rectum set off the medical alarms. Unfortunately I was home the night the policeman stopped by to have a chat with me and my parents.

What Ernie and I had been doing wasn't illegal at our age. I wasn't being charged with anything. But just knowing that Ernie had ratted me out to the cops for what we did in private was scary enough. The cop suggested that Ernie's parents would not like to see me and their son together again and would get a court order if necessary to keep me away. He then suggested to my parents that I needed counseling for my continued abuse of the younger boy.

I had never considered what Ernie and I did as abusive until he took it overboard. Sex was fun but my parents signed me up with a shrink for counseling sessions. Fortunately none of this was known at school or I would have been in deep shit. Ernie was moved to another middle school and I was told not to contact him.

My shrink was a nice old guy who asked me what I thought about what had happened with Ernie. What could I say, he knew all about it. I tried dancing around the subject for a while but knew he would wear me down eventually. He finally said I could talk to him about anything and he was not allowed to tell anyone and that included my parents.

Admitting to someone that I liked having sex with boys was the hardest thing I had ever done. I told him how Ernie and I had become friends and how I thought things had just gotten out of hand. He asked what I had wanted sex with Ernie to mean. I was puzzled, I didn't understand. Did I love Ernie or just the sex?

It was a question that shocked me. Did I love Ernie? I don't know, maybe. The shrink explained that boys having sex together was common enough but that Ernie and I had taken it over the edge. Sex was often a result of one person loving another and expressing it that way. There were other ways to express love too.

My feelings for Ernie and his need for more aggressive and even violent sexual contact meant something. I was willing to give Ernie what he was asking for and at the same time Ernie seemed to be punishing himself for what we were doing. I came to the conclusion that what I wanted from Ernie was not something that he felt comfortable in giving me.

The shrink summed it up. Maybe I had feelings for other boys but Ernie just needed a friend and was willing to give me what I wanted to keep that friendship. He gave until it hurt him and then he didn't know how to back off. My inevitable conclusion was that Ernie didn't plan to spend his life loving boys, but I did.

It was hard coming out as gay when I was just barely fifteen, but there it was. The shrink was a pretty liberal guy who said there were many boys in my position. He said there were gay groups meant for kids only and I might find them in the phone book. He suggested I not try to enter into a relationship based on sex with another boy until I had learned to accept myself.

All this self discovery took months of talk and I felt like a monster at times for what I was feeling. I thought about calling the hotline number I found in the phone book but I didn't. We had reached a point in therapy where the shrink decided there was little else to talk about. I needed to go live my life and if the issue came up again I could always come back to him.

Now I found myself looking at boys through different eyes. I found them sexy by nature, awkward at discovering how to express that sexuality for sure, but willing to explore that new dimension. For my part I wasn't willing to just have a jerk off buddy, I had already been too far beyond that point.

The County Fair was a big event where I come from. My attraction to the carnival atmosphere and all the boys was like a magnet so I went there on a Saturday morning. It was a frustrating three hours of window shopping every cute teenager I saw but they were all in bunches. I rode the bumper cars with one thirteen year old boy that caught my attention only to have his parents drag him away.

I was about to give up when a boy stood next to me as I threw darts at some brightly colored balloons in hopes of winning a stuffed animal. The kid was older, maybe seventeen, and he was a wiz with a dart. He popped six in a row and the carnival barker handed him a huge stuffed elephant. The boy looked over at me and smiled.

"I practice at home," he confided. "If you look closely, their darts all have crooked feathers to make them miss the target."

I had noticed my darts wouldn't travel straight. So that's how they did it.

"Hey, you're right, they cheat," I said.

"Nothing is honest at the carnival," he said. "Are you thirsty?"

"Yeah, but I'm not going to spend three dollars for a soda," I replied.

"Yeah. But I've got sodas in my cooler if you want one."

I followed him out to the parking lot. He was all smiles and we laughed as he carried the huge elephant on his head. His van was parked against the outer fence and he opened the side door before tossing the elephant inside. The van looked cool, the inside all carpeted with fabric covered walls.

"Hop in," he said and I didn't think twice.

"You do all this yourself?" I asked, looking around the interior.

"Yeah, I need to build in seats back here or maybe put in a bed." He took a cola out of the cooler which sat behind the seats. "Do you party?"

"Party, you mean like with drugs?" I said.

"Not drugs, just pot," he said.

"I never tried it," I said.

The boy produced a bag of green stuff and proceeded to roll a joint right there in front of me. The taboo on drugs had been pounded into my head by parents and teachers. But in fact I had never met anyone who smoked pot. Ernie and I had snuck a cigarette here and there, they tasted better after sex, but never pot. I never planned on trying drugs but here it was and for some reason I wanted this boy to like me. Well, maybe if I did it just this once.

My first taste made me cough, the second puff on the joint made me feel quite good. In fact my head felt light, my body sort of hummed and I was smiling a lot. The boy stubbed it out after I took my third puff.

"It's good stuff, maybe we should stop for now," he said.

That was ok, anything he said was ok by me. I looked at his face through slightly blurred vision. He had a nice face although his hair was wild and looked like he had slept on it. He had green eyes and a nice smile which he now turned on me.

"Know what I like to do when I'm stoned?" he asked. I shook my head with great effort and that produced a rush of the light headed feeling. "Let me show you," he said.

He put a hand on my chest and pushed me back on the carpet, my head resting on a pile of pillows he had against the wall. In all it took him less than a minute to undress me but my mind took twice as long to register the fact. I didn't object because my body seemed to like what he was doing and my cock was stiff before I knew it.

"Oh, you have a beautiful cock," he said. No one had ever said that to me before and I when I looked down I could only agree with him. My cock seemed to pulse with a life of its own and I laughed. It took another minute before I realized the boy was taking off his own clothes.

"Ever been naked with another boy before?" he asked and I nodded in reply. "Oh? What did you do?"

I could only tell the truth. "Everything," I said.

"Cool," he replied. "My name is Todd."

"Chris," I said as my hand reached out for his cock.

The buzz in my head subsided into a mellow hum as we sucked each other. My cock experienced pure delight and I understood on some level that Todd was really experienced at this. He brought me close to the edge and backed off, licking my balls and spreading my legs. The feel of his tongue on my ass hole made me tremble. Neither Brett nor Ernie had ever done that to me and I marveled at the way my body responded.

I could feel Todd's cock swell in my mouth and waited for him to come. Instead he pulled out and flipped me over. With my face in the pillows I felt his cock push against the wetness he had left on my butt hole. I had no idea of how it was going to feel when he pushed into me but I wanted it to happen.

Todd had to know I wasn't experienced but that didn't matter. I felt the pressure increase and suddenly there was a blinding flash of pain as he penetrated my virgin hole. I screamed into the pillow as the pain continued but Todd didn't pull out. I felt his cock slide deeper, the unfamiliar pressure of something large in my gut. And then he stopped moving.

He leaned over and whispered in my ear. "I know it hurts the first time and I'm sorry. I won't move for a while until you get used to the feeling. Try and relax, that will make the pain go away."

The pain had already subsided once he stopped moving but I found it hard to relax. The fullness in my ass didn't move for a while and I became used to the feeling.

"Ok, I'm going to back out," Todd said and I felt his cock begin to withdraw. The pain was lessened and the fire in my ass went out. Todd pulled himself all the way out and rolled me over. I stared up at him and he wiped the tears away with his fingers.

"We're not done but it won't hurt as much if we do it this way."

He raised my legs in the air like I had done to Ernie so many times. Todd wore no condom and I thought back to Ernie's taboo on dirty sex. I felt the cock rub against my ass hole and tensed.

"Relax, I'm just going to lube you up," he said.

His cock was rubbing against my opening and I felt it become slippery down there. He was oozing pre-cum much as I had done with Ernie those first few times. Todd smiled and wrapped his hands behind my back. My feet were on his shoulders and he began to push into me.

This time the pain was less, either because he was better lubricated or because I knew what to expect. I didn't feel any more relaxed but his cock seemed to slide in much easier. The feeling of fullness returned and I knew he was going deeper this time. His hands came out from behind my back and he grasped my ankles as he leaned upwards. The effect pushed his cock deeper and I felt a stab of the fire but it didn't burn me.

His cock slid past my prostate and I felt a deep tingling at the base of my cock. Todd placed a hand on my withered cock and began to rub on the shaft with his fingers. I felt myself responding, my cock gaining a return to the hardness I loved so well. With my focus so distracted, Todd managed to penetrate me all the way and I didn't notice until I felt his balls against my ass.

His movement became a slow in and out that was less painful and to my amazement was starting to feel quite good. It slowly dawned on me that I now understood what had made Ernie go so wild. I had fucked Ernie much harder, too hard but Todd was breaking me in easy.

I felt like I was just getting into the groove of this thing when Todd moaned, gasped and filled me with his come. The feeling inside went liquid as he spurted and I gasped in return because I could feel his warm sperm filling my guts. It was so different, so enticing, I wanted to quickly come myself but Todd withdrew his hand.

"Oh," I said. My voice held the sound of disappointment.

Todd smiled. "I don't want to waste what you have for me." With that he withdrew his cock and I felt totally empty as my ass hole quivered with the excitement of its first experience.

Todd slid his hands down my thighs and his mouth inhaled my cock. Within seconds I was enjoying the best blow job I had ever had. The things he could do with his tongue, his lips, even his teeth, thrilled me. I arched my back as my cock thrust upwards and Todd slid my length to the back of his throat. I came with a mighty blast, spurting again and again until I collapsed.

As I lay there panting, Todd smiled and stuck out his tongue which was coated with my sperm. He licked his lips. "Sweet as a candy boy," he said. "You ok down there?"

My butt hole was still warm from his friction and I could feel his come beginning to ooze out. "Awesome," I said.

"Sorry, but there was no way I could tell you how it would feel. The pain goes away if you relax and I don't force it. Did you like the experience?"


We finished off the joint and I told him all about Brett and Ernie. Todd told me about the older boy he had loved when he was thirteen. But unlike my Brett, this one had raped him. Todd leaned over and showed me the stretch marks around his anus. I ran my finger around his butt hole and Todd laughed. "You want to try that?"

"Maybe," I said, "but later. Do you have a lot of boyfriends?"

"Not now, but I've had a lot of sex with dozens of boys. I don't usually talk about it. But now that we've met, where do we go from here?"

"You want me as a boyfriend?" I asked.

"Hmm, let me see. You're cute, have a great body and aren't afraid of having sex. What do you think?"

"I never had a boyfriend before," I said.

"We can do it that way if you want, just don't fall in love with me," Todd said. "Five months from now I'm going away to college out West."

"Oh," I said," you're leaving."

"In five months. But I promise you that when I go there will be another to take my place."

"Another guy, but how?"

"I will tell you when the time comes for you to know. Do you like to swim?"

"Yes, but I don't know all the strokes," I admitted.

"You will when I teach you. Your body is lean like a swimmer's, all you need is practice."

"You teach lessons?"

"I just fucked you, didn't I?"

We both laughed and I kissed him on the cheek.

"Don't go acting gay on me, kiddo, I like straight acting boys."

"But I'm probably gay," I said. It was the first time I had said that out loud to anyone.

"And so am I, but I don't ever want to act like a woman. Guys can kiss in private, but never on the cheek."

"I don't do drugs," I said. "I just smoked your pot so you would like me."

"Well this isn't my van or my pot, they belong to my brother. I just wanted to party with you and see where it took us. I promise, no more drugs between us, ok?"

"This isn't yours?"

"No, I drive an old Ford my Dad gave me. At least it has a big back seat."

True to his word, Todd taught me how to be a good swimmer and in return we shared everything in the backseat of his Ford. The weeks went by and I found myself falling in love with him but I couldn't break my promise not to. He introduced me to the manager of the pool where he worked all summer. The place was huge and the manager promised me a job when I turned sixteen.

The week Todd had to leave I moped about. He said I would find dozens of boys at the pool if I approached them the right way. "Finding sex will be easy, finding a boyfriend to call your own will be a lot harder." A hug and a kiss later he was gone until Christmas. But in fact Todd didn't come home at Christmas and I never saw him again.

I turned sixteen in April and started at the pool three weeks later, cleaning the locker rooms. The manager enrolled me in the Lifeguard courses but until I was certified it was trash cans and mopping floors. But I couldn't complain, I saw lots of naked boys from the first day I started that job.

Now that I'm nineteen I can look back and see that Todd really did set me on the right path. I've had sex with dozens of cute boys and all without ever using drugs to open the door. As for boyfriends there have been a few, but not the one I'm looking for. I see a few candidates here and there but they need to grow up a bit first. I've enrolled in the local community college because I won't ever go far from this job. I'd be a fool to leave, don't you think? Just humor me and say yes.

"Humor Me" Copyright © 6 Aug 2009 by Chris James. All rights reserved.
    This work may not be duplicated in any form (physical, electronic, audio, or otherwise) without the author's written permission. All applicable copyright laws apply. All individuals depicted are fictional with any resemblance to real persons being purely coincidental.

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