Marcel leaned against the concrete wall of the field changing rooms as he watched the events unfolding before him. Marty Lee and Mike seemed to be having a rather intense conversation. Well, Marty Lee was doing most of the talking while Mike was just standing there taking it all in. Marcel couldn't hear all of the conversation taking place, but he heard enough to know what it was about.

He wanted to go over, but he really didn't like Marty Lee. Something about him had been setting Marcel off since the moment they had first met. He'd heard a lot about him, but actually meeting him in person was a different story. Something about him just didn't ring true to Marcel. He was hiding. He was cold. And he wasn't honest.

His eyes gave him away. Marcel had seen so many others like him. He used to pity them, but now he just hated them. People like Marty Lee hurt other people. People like Marty Lee had hurt him.

He watched Mike drive away in Marty Lee's car with Dade in tow and took the opportunity to confront Marty Lee. Something in Marty Lee reminded him so much of his attackers at Drake. He wanted to take all his anger out on Marty Lee, but he had enough self control to do otherwise. And he was still surprised by his latest actions. He actually seemed ... genuine. Something Marcel hadn't seen in him yet. It gave him pause to think that maybe ... just maybe Marty Lee wasn't a complete and utter prick. That was still a big maybe.

"Didn't know you had it in you." Marcel said as Marty Lee walked past him.

"Oh, Marcel." Marty Lee said surprised by Marcel's presence, still too lost in thought to be fully aware of his surroundings.

"That was a nice thing you just did. Surprising but nice."

"I thought you didn't like me? No one else seems to." Marty Lee said in an uncharacteristically unguarded moment.

"You didn't exactly endear yourself when we first met. I didn't like you the first moment I saw you. You had a different look in your face then. Now ... you actually seem a bit lost. What's wrong? Conscience getting to you?"

"I don't have one. Don't talk to me." Marty Lee said flatly as he began walking off smartly.

Marcel smiled to himself as he watched Marty Lee walk away. Clearly something was getting to him. And he was pretty sure it was his conscience. He actually felt somewhat sorry for him. He was a completely different story to Brad. Brad was bravado and no brains when he was the local asshole. Marty Lee on the other hand was a lot more complicated. That's what actually scared Marcel. Marty Lee was a hell of a lot smarter and more calculating than Brad ever was. And underneath it all, Brad wasn't so bad. Marcel was actually beginning to like him. But as for Marty Lee, he still wasn't sure. Marcel had just caught him off guard and it showed. Still ... he seemed lonely in his vulnerable state. Something Marcel could often relate to.

"Hey!" Marcel yelled suddenly. "Marty Lee!"

"What?" Marty Lee said annoyed as he stopped to look at Marcel with a flustered look still on his face. "What do you want?"

Marcel stood there for a moment just studying Marty Lee's eyes. Trying to seek out his true nature. See if he actually had some kind of heart in him.

"What?" Marty Lee asked again, still annoyed. "What is it?"

"You wanna ... maybe grab something to eat before next class?"

"Huh?"

"I asked if you wanted to get something to eat."

"That's what I thought you said." Marty Lee said in surprise.

"So?"

"Uhh no." Marty Lee said shaking his head, seemingly annoyed at either himself or Marcel. "Just leave me alone."

Marcel shrugged his shoulders as Marty Lee walked off again. At least he could say he tried. He didn't know whether he'd ever feel inclined to go out on a limb with Marty Lee again. But he knew he'd got to him. Perhaps that was enough for now.

* * * * * *

"You should've seen his face, Mike." Dade said looking like some kind of lost soul as he stared aimlessly out the window of Marty Lee's WRX.

"It'll be ok, Dade. He'll come around." Mike said reassuringly. "You'll see."

"He didn't even say anything. He just sat there ..."

"I still can't believe it myself. Everything he's believed for so long has just been turned upside down. Give him time."

"Things were already bad between us. There was a time when I thought that nothing could come between him and me but lately ... and especially today, I think I've lost him. He could hate me. I wouldn't blame him."

"Don't talk like that, Dade. And don't think any stupid shit either." Mike said surprising Dade with his authority. "Storm's not the only one who cares about you. I was there on that bridge too you know. I know why you went up there now. You should have said something. Don't start thinking this is an excuse to go back up there. I need you to be strong. You're not the only one who goes through shit. Mom's not here anymore to look after us. We have to start taking care of ourselves. I don't want to sound harsh, but to be honest, I've just about had enough of picking up everyone else's problems. I've had my own, you know; but I deal with it. You're stronger than I am whether you believe it or not. You have to own this, Dade. You have to accept it and just move past it. Don't hate me for what I'm saying to you, but it's time for all of us to just get on with it. Storm will come around. Just have a little faith."

"Ok." Dade said still a little shocked by Mike's abrupt but true comments.

"Listen, you're not going back to school like this. But I'm not leaving you alone either."

"Where are you taking me?"

"To spend some time with your future sister in law."

"Sarah? I don't think that's a good idea. I'll just bring her down."

"She needs the company. And I'm not giving you an option."

"Man, you're getting old." Dade said with a tiny smile as he patted Mike on the shoulder. "You're younger than Storm, older than me; but I swear, you're the oldest one of all of us."

"Everyone's different, Dade. You know that."

"I suppose that's why you're the captain too. Maturity as well as responsibility and leadership, huh? Something like that?"

"You forgot humility." Mike smirked.

"You won't even pat yourself on the back now. Just admit it, you're the responsible, mature one of us. Storm's bossy. There's a difference."

"He loves you." Mike said trying not to laugh too much at Dade's last comment. "Just give him time."

"Does it change anything between us, Mike?" Dade asked somewhat anxiously.

"Why would it? I'm the adopted one, remember? It wouldn't matter to me anyway. Besides, that's not why I love you or why you're my brother. You're my brother because we're family. And we're family because we were raised that way. I mean, let's be honest here, I'm not your blood. But I am your family. I don't expect you to ever say otherwise, right?"

"Hell no." Dade said emphatically. "Fuck that. We are family. Mom should have just adopted you as soon as your Mom died so it would have been official a long time ago. She loved you your whole life, Mike. No ... I'll never ever say otherwise. Never."

"Thank you." Mike said somewhat uplifted by Dade's response. "So what makes you think Storm will be any different with you?"

"I guess you have a good argument there."

"You know I do. Just try to have a good day with Sarah. I'll take care of everything at school."

* * * * * *

Dade felt somewhat awkward at the moment. He would have rather just gone back to school, but Mike wanted Dade somewhere he could be kept an eye on. So that place ended up being Sarah's. Dade hated the idea. He didn't want to be a burden to Sarah and to be honest, it had been a while since the two had spent any time alone. Dade loved Sarah, but there was a small period there when they weren't talking too much and since then they hadn't really spent enough time together.

"Hey, Spunky." Sarah said with a smile as she entered the lounge.

She had a tired look on her face which was understandable. Dade's eyes filled with sadness at seeing Sarah in such a weak state. So unlike her true spirit. She pulled her legs up on the couch as she sat down next to Dade. She wore an oversized tee and some tracks, but she still seemed so beautiful to Dade. Maybe Mike was right. Being around Sarah would be good for him. Seeing someone who had real problems might put things into a bit of perspective for him.

Sarah's beauty was in her radiance. Her spirit and her determination. It sent a chill up Dade's spine to think that they could have lost Sarah as well as June. That would have just been too much.

"You look beautiful." Dade said with a genuine smile. "Hope you don't mind. Mike insisted."

"Trust me, I love having the company. And it's been a while since you and I have spent any real time together on our own." Sarah said nudging Dade playfully. "I need to spend more time with my future brother in law."

"Man, that's so cool." Dade said with a grin. "You guys have any idea when?"

"Well ..." Sarah said with a serious tone. "Mike and I were talking last night. We were going to tell everyone this tonight, but I may as well tell you now. You know I'm on chemo and everything now, right?"

"Yeah." Dade responded with an equally serious tone. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Shit happens. But anyway, I'm gonna need some more specialized treatment and Merlow General doesn't have the facilities to treat me. Not fully."

"What does that mean?" Dade asked with intense concern.

"It means I can hang around here and make do. Or I can move to the big city where they have better facilities."

"Aww no." Dade said with frustrated disappointment. "No, Sarah. Not you too. You're leaving?"

"Connie doesn't want to take any risks, so ... it looks like I am."

Dade couldn't believe how overwhelmed he felt at Sarah's news. His eyes began filling with tears as he realized the implications of what Sarah had said. She'd been around all his life. She was part of the scenery. Part of the fabric that wove together the strands of all their lives.

"For how long?"

"A while. A long while." Sarah said with tears in her eyes. "Till I'm better."

"You're leaving us? You're really leaving?"

"I'm sorry, Dade. I never meant for this. This is just how life goes sometimes."

Dade fell forward and held his face in his hands as he cried his eyes out. Sarah may not have died but he felt as if everyone was going to lose her anyway. The thought of it was more overwhelming than he'd ever have imagined. Not Sarah, not their Sarah.

"It's ok, Dade. You can still call me anytime you need me. It beats praying to try and talk to me." Sarah said with a twisted smile. "It'll be ok. We're family. You're part of my life. Everyone here is. This isn't the end."

Dade turned to face Sarah, his eyes bloodshot from crying, and he still felt blown away by her spirit. Here she was, the sick one, comforting him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her as tight as he could without feeling as though he'd squash her.

"I love you, Sarah. I don't say that enough, but after your scare and losing Mom and especially now that you're leaving, I have to say it more often. But if it's what you have to do to get better, I'm behind you all the way."

"I love you too, Bro. I know we've had our problems, Dade, but ..."

"What problems?" Dade interrupted. "No problems. Fuck 'em. I don't care. I just want you to be well, Sarah. That's all I care about. If I can ever do anything, I'll do it yesterday. Just tell me."

"Thank you." Sarah said as let herself rest in Dade's arms. "I'll be calling you little brother soon enough. Don't be sad, Dade. You're not losing a friend, you're gaining a sister."

"That's going to be so cool." Dade said, his eyes still watered, as he smiled at Sarah. "We'll really be family."

"We've always been family, Dade. Only now it'll just be official."

"When's the big day?"

"There are two things I want for our wedding, Dade. I have to be married here in Merlow surrounded by all the people I love. That means you guys. I want you guys to be there or it just won't be the same."

"What's the second thing?"

"I want to be married before my hair starts falling out." Sarah said with a laugh. "So both of those mean that we'll be getting married before I leave."

"What about Mike?"

"I've been trying to convince him to just stay long enough to finish out his school year, but he wants to come with me. We'll talk more tonight."

"How soon are you leaving?"

"I'm not sure exactly. A couple weeks at the most. Time isn't on my side. I have to move as soon as I can. Connie's already started on the arrangements. We'll be staying with Carey to start with until she finds us our own place. I think Mike and I will get married here in Merlow and when we go on our honeymoon, we'll leave then. I want to leave Merlow on a happy day. That's all I can ask for. I want my ... not to sound pessimistic, but let's say things don't go well ... I want my last memories of this place to be happy ones."

"You've got the best angel up there watching over you, Sarah. No matter where you are, we'll be here to support you." Dade said as he squeezed Sarah's hand. "No matter what you need. If there's anything you need from me, please use me. It'll make me feel so good if I know I can help."

"Thank you, Dade." Sarah sighed with a blissful smile. "I'm so glad you came over. Don't be sad for me. Be happy. I love you guys to death."

"Bad choice of words." Dade said with a mock cross look on his face.

"Ok, I love you guys to ... life?"

"Better." Dade grinned.

"Everything will work out. I won't give up. And you can bet when I'm back on my feet and invincible again, I'll be back here in a shot giving you hell."

"That's the Sarah I know."

"You're going to stay till the party tonight, aren't you?"

"After what you've just told me, I'm gonna be here every day till you leave. You'll be glad to see the back of me when you finally go."

"Never." Sarah said with a warm smile as she picked up the DVD remote. "Now go grab us some popcorn from the kitchen and let's watch a movie."

* * * * * *

"Mike! Have you seen Storm?" Lucas yelled as he ran up to Mike, who was already out on the field getting ready for training.

"No."

"I haven't heard from him since this morning."

"Joined at the hip already, are ya?" Mike said with a cheeky grin.

"No, Dude." Lucas said shaking his head with a mock scowl on his face. "I was just wondering. Why? Did I sound a little bit too possessive?"

"No. I was just messing with ya."

"Oh. That's good. I'm starting to get a bit paranoid. If I had it my way we would be joined at the hip. It's just that it's taken so long to get this point. You know what I mean, Dude?"

"I know."

"But I'm scared I might be overcrowding him. I don't want to scare him off."

"Don't worry about it. So you love the guy. So you wanna keep him close. There's nothing wrong with that. Just try to relax. Enjoy what you have. Don't force it. You don't have to. You already have it."

"Thanks, Dude." Lucas said genuinely relieved and grateful for Mike's advice. "You're right. That's so cool. Yeah, just go with it."

"Exactly."

"That's why you're the captain." Lucas said prodding Mike in the chest. "How's everything going with Sarah? Think she's up for our party tonight?"

"Marcel's already spilled the beans. But she's looking forward to it. You coming over straight after training or what?"

"Nah, Dude. I have to go home and say goodbye to my parents."

"I know Sarah would want you there tonight but ... if you're feeling down after they leave ..."

"Dude, no way. I'm there!" Lucas said emphatically. "How about you? Are you doing ok? You seemed a bit distracted when I first saw you."

"Oh ... it's nothing."

"You sure, Dude?" Lucas said with his sheepish smile. "We've kissed you know. That means you can't put anything past old Dude Boy."

"I don't know whether my kids will want to hear that story." Mike said with a laugh. "Thanks for reminding me."

"I feel kind of special, you know?" Lucas said with just a hint of mischief in his voice. "I'm the only guy you've ever kissed on the lips. Dude, I'm your guy! For the rest of your life, I'll be the only guy you ever kissed. You know how cool that is?"

"Shut up, Sheridan." Mike blushed. "It was just a kiss. Nothing more. No pangs or lust. Just a kiss."

"I know. That's what I like about it. So when are we gonna do it again?"

"When I die."

"That long, huh?"

"Longer."

"Well, then I'll settle for you telling me what's up. Or just telling me how you're doing."

"Doing better now." Mike smiled, still somewhat red from Lucas' banter. "I did have a few things on my mind, but I don't want to get into it now. Maybe after training we can go grab a bite before you head home."

"Sounds like a plot, Dude." Lucas grinned. "It's about time we hung out again. We have to start doing it more often."

"Yeah ..." Mike said with a subtle frown. "We should."

* * * * * *

Claire stood at the front door of Sarah's house with a care basket in one hand and flowers in the other. She pushed the doorbell and waited nervously for an answer. Nervous only because she hadn't spent that much time with Sarah lately and she wasn't sure if she was visiting Sarah too soon after being out of hospital. She wanted to give Sarah time to rest, but she also wanted to show that she was thinking of her. They'd been good friends in the past and right now Claire was hoping they would be again. She wanted to give Sarah any support she could during this period.

"Hi, Claire." Dade said in surprise as he answered the door, before his usual mischief filled grin appeared. "Come to finish what we started have ya?"

"Oh ... hi, Dade." Claire said with equal surprise. "No. I'm here to see Sarah."

"Naturally. Come on in." Dade said as he held the door open for Claire. "Sarah's in the lounge. Do you want a drink or something?"

"I'm fine, thanks."

"I'll let you guys talk. I've got to get the sounds set up for Sarah's party. Go on in. I'll be downstairs if you change your mind." Dade said with a grin as he closed the door behind Claire and headed into the rumpus.

"Hey." Claire said somewhat nervously as she entered Sarah's lounge.

"Claire!" Sarah said with a beaming smile as she jumped to her feet and greeted Claire with a warm hug.

Sarah kissed her friend on the cheek as the two held each other in a familial embrace. Sarah took Claire's hand as they both slumped down onto the couch and Claire handed Sarah her gifts. Sarah took the flowers and chocolates with a thankful grin, ripping open the box and offering Claire some. Claire declined politely, as she always did, and while doing so realized just how happy she was to be with her old friend.

"Thanks for these." Sarah said as she licked the tips of her fingers clean of any remaining chocolate. "I've been hanging out for a sugar rush all day."

"You look better." Claire said with a smile.

"I feel better just being home again. Thanks for coming over."

"I wasn't sure whether I should have waited a while longer before coming over. In case you needed more time to rest without any visitors."

"I'm glad you came. It's nice to have some female company. I love my boys but ... they're all boys you know and sometimes you just wanna be a girl." Sarah said as she cocked her head to the side with a contemplative smile. "You know what I mean?"

"Yeah. You and I are lucky, we have all these spunky guys around us. But even for me, I don't really have many close girlfriends. You're my closest one. I know you guys are all really tight, but I've missed you and I hanging out."

"You picked a good day to come over, I wanted to ask you something."

"What?"

"You remember how I told you that Mike and I were getting married?"

"Oh yeah."

"I asked you to be my bridesmaid."

"Yeah ..." Claire said with a rush of butterflies overwhelming her as she anticipated what Sarah was about to say.

"It's happening soon so ... would you?"

"Be your bridesmaid?"

"Yeah. It would mean a lot to me."

"Are you kidding!?" Claire said almost flying off the chair as she jumped up in excitement. "I'd love to! Oh, this is so cool!"

"I know." Sarah said with just as much excitement as Claire gave her a big hug.

"Thank you, Sarah. Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Claire yelled excitedly. "Oh, I'm so happy. This is going to be so cool. Are you sure you want me though? There's nobody else?"

"I know Mike's going to ask Storm to be his bridesm ... - I mean best man." Sarah laughed as she covered her mouth in embarrassment. "I meant best man. And I can't exactly see Marcel in a dress being my bridesmaid, can you?"

"Hmm ..." Claire said as if in deep thought. "I'm not sure. I guess it would depend on the dress."

"You're just as bad as I am." Sarah said throwing a pillow at Claire. "So you're fine with it?"

"I'm honored." Claire said as she held her hand over her stomach in an effort to calm herself. "Sorry to be such a teeny bopper about it. I'm just so excited. Anyone would think I was getting married. Do you have a date set yet? Do you need any help with the organizing? I can help with anything you want me to."

"I know you're good at organizing things: that's why you're on the student council; but let's just see how we go. I don't want you to worry about anything except all the girly stuff you and I have to worry about. Leave the rest for the boys."

"Are you kidding?" Claire said emphatically. "You can't let those men try to organize this. I mean Storm might be bi or gay, but he's no queer eye for the straight guy if you know what I mean. And Marcel? He's too manly to pick out flowers. I think out of everyone, Mike's the best to do anything sensitive. Color coordinating, all the rest of that stuff. Leave it to us. Oh listen to me, you just asked me to be your bridesmaid and I'm already trying to run the show."

"It's ok." Sarah sighed. "I'm just happy that it's actually happening. And Storm actually has some of the better fashion sense of all of us. But don't let him know I said that. He likes to look cool but he wouldn't want you knowing how much he actually obsesses over looking cool. That's our Storm, he's a man out to please the world whether he admits it or not. You're right about Marcel though. He's a hard nut."

"So when's the big day?"

"Mike and I will finalize a firm date. I already know where I want to have the wedding. It won't be anything extravagant since we're having it on such short notice. But I know it'll be beautiful."

"Where are you having it?"

"Down on the beach. No shoes. Just sand, suits, dresses and the sun. As long as I'm surrounded by the people I love, I don't care about anything else. I just want to be married to my baby with our family and friends there to share it. That's all I want."

"That sounds just perfect." Claire sighed as she began dreaming away. "You're so lucky to have a guy like Mike. You guys are just meant to be."

"We are." Sarah smiled. "One thing about going for a ride in the tunnel of light, you seem to come back knowing what you want from life. And I want him. What about you? How's everything with Josh?"

"All you need to know is my luck hasn't changed. I still get all the guys who like guys." Claire said as she feigned a smile. "I wish I could just be single, but I'm one of those lame girls who just wants her knight in shining armor to ride her away to their kingdom."

Sarah brushed her hand along Claire's arm sympathetically. Claire tried to hide her disappointment and dejectedness, but there was no denying how lonely she seemed right now.

"I want it more than anything. Just to have someone want me in return. Josh could've lived a lie and I would've lived it right with him. That's so lame, but it's true. I don't know what's wrong with me. I never seem to find anyone who really wants me. It's got to the point where I don't care anymore whether they want me or not. I just want someone to hold me. Josh did that. He loved me ... but I couldn't be what he wanted. Even Dade this morning. He told me how he used to have this big crush on me. He was flirting with me and I know he was joking, but if he had pushed it just a little more, I would've jumped at him."

"Who wouldn't? That guy just oozes it and he probably doesn't even realize."

"Oh no, he realizes it very well." Claire said with a blush. "When he wants to use it, he uses it very well. If he really wanted me, he'd have me before he even finished asking. I don't know what it is about him."

"Listen, you're going to hang around for my party tonight, aren't you? It might make you feel better."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. You have to stay. It was only supposed to be a small party, but so many people have called me wishing me well that I ended up inviting half the school. So now I'm inviting you. Please?"

"Sure." Claire smiled. "Might be fun. I'd love to."

* * * * * *

I sat here beside Mom's grave trying to digest what Dade had told me. It had been raining, but I didn't care. I've never been afraid of the rain. I suppose it fits with my name that I'm so fond of the weather, rain or shine. I guess it helps living in a place as beautiful as Merlow.

I needed to think. To digest what Dade had told me. My mind still reeled from it. Still had trouble comprehending the immense implications of it all. I know he'd had a hard time with it, but he'd had a lot longer to deal with it all. You don't find out your brother isn't your real brother every day of the week. That's what I was still having trouble dealing with. I felt as though my whole life had just been one big fraud. Like my family wasn't my family. My Dad was my dad and I loved him, but he was not the father I needed him to be, not now, and I doubted he ever would be. I didnn't think he could be that father to Dade either. Whether Dade thought so or not, I was the closest thing he'd had to that for the last few years. I never tried to be, I just was. I'm not perfect and I never will be, but I'd always been loyal to Dade and tried to protect him.

That's why I was so hurt by what I felt was a betrayal. I know things have been changing between us for a while, but I always thought he'd have my back and I'd have his. That's what brothers do. Still, he's not exactly the brother I thought he was. That was just too much for me to deal with in one day. A lifetime just turned upside down.

Now that I'd had time to think though, I missed him. I was feeling lonely for him. I knew now why he'd been hurting and the truth is, I wouldn't have given a flying fuck if he had been some alien with super powers. He'd still have been my brother. Him learning all of this ... it's no wonder he was on that bridge. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes as everything began to make sense. Surely he may have resented me, but not for the reasons I thought. He resented me because I was, in his eyes, a real son. Something he thought he would never be.

So many signs I should have seen that make so much sense now, but like they say, hindsight is 20/20. The way he acted, his resentment of me, his depression. I could almost pin the point that he changed on me. I didn't know how he managed to keep this inside for so long. I didn't know if I could have done the same without doing something stupid. Even now I felt the urge to just find him and make sure he's ok. To just be the big brother and fuck everything else that'd happened. To just take care of him. To take care of my brother.

Just being here next to Mom's grave always seemed to have a sort of calming effect on me. Or it'd make things clearer to me. As if she were here in the flesh and we were having one of our talks. That's why I came here as well, actually. To talk to her.

"I can understand why you didn't want to tell him, Mom. I know you wanted to protect him, but I wish you had told me. I don't know what to do, Mom. Who do I turn to now that you're not here? Who do I ask for help? There's no one else in the world I trust as much as you. Everything's just turned to shit since you died, Mom. You held us together. It's all falling apart. It's all just falling apart." I said with a defeated sigh, my eyes flicking over the withering flowers on Mom's grave.

"I don't know what's going to happen to Sarah now that you're gone. Merlow isn't exactly a bustling city with an abundance of Dr. June Marcus'. I know someone can succeed you, but they can never replace you. Watch over her, Mom. She can't leave us. She just can't."

"There's so much pain around us right now. I know if you were here, you could make it all better. You'd put things into perspective or be our strength. Marcel told me what you said to him. He came to you first. Everybody came to you. Marcel. Mike. Sarah. It never surprised me. You were just that kind of person. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a downer. I just needed to be near you. For the rest of my life, this is the closest I'm ever going to be to you. That's a pretty depressing thought, Mom." I said as my eyes began to water. "So what if people think I'm a Mommy's boy. I was and I don't care. I'd give anything to be a Mommy's boy for just one more day. You never even got to say goodbye."

It was then that I felt my tears begin sliding silently down my face. I let them come. I ran my hands through the blades of grass beside her grave. Closed my eyes and pretended that somehow the grass would connect me to her. Would let me be closer to her. I felt so lonely right now it was indescribable. I sat cross legged on the ground, rubbing my arms and huddling over as I cried. Steady and silent. Those were my tears, that was my cry.

"And then there's still Dade. When he told me ... I just felt lonely. Shocked. I couldn't say anything. The old me would've probably flipped a lid, but I try to keep my stormy side in check. I think I'm growing up, Mom. But I still don't know what to do. I would've died for Dade, Mom. I can't remember if I told you what happened on the bridge, but I suppose you know now. I would've died before I let him go. That's how much I loved ... love? Love him? Oh geez, I can hear you right now." I said with a small laugh that cut back a sob. "You're telling me that he's my brother no matter what. That I have to look after him. That we're family."

I sat there with a warm smile on my face as I placed my hand on the mound of dirt resting on her grave. I could feel her there with me. I let out an almost happy sigh as I felt a warmth inside me. Heard her voice in my head telling me what I have to do.

"You're right, Mom." I said with a nod. "He is my brother. Nothing's changed. Nothing's changed at all. You're telling me not to think too much. To feel my way through. To listen to what's inside me. Don't overanalyse. Just follow my heart. Thank you."

Some people would call me crazy, sitting here talking to Mom like this. Ask me if I care. I got what I had come for. I stood up and blew her a kiss before placing another rose on her grave. A rush of emotion came over me as I stood there for a moment, just basking in her company.

The night was getting colder as I turned to leave. But I couldn't help feeling a little more directed than before I came. She may be dead, but I'm still gonna be a pain in the ass and bug her every time shit hits the fan. And why not? She may not be here anymore, but she'll always be my Mom. And I'll always need her.

* * * * * *

Dade's mind was still consumed with everything that had happened to him lately. In a way he was glad that so much had happened since his mother's death because it distracted him from his grief. Grief that still surfaced every so often.

The situation with Storm had caused him so much distress today. And it only added to the rejection he still felt from Marcel. The news of Sarah's impending departure also played on his mind. Not to mention that with her he was bound to lose Mike as well. All in all life was looking pretty shit for the youngest Marcus.

He'd managed to chill out a bit here with Sarah though and he'd enjoyed his day with her. Helping to organize everything for her party tonight had given him enough distraction to actually try and relax. Sarah had been on the phone talking to well-wishers all day. That meant Dade was left with Claire to get everything set up.

It was more fun than either of them had expected. They actually shared quite a few laughs, which made Dade remember just how good friends they once were. It seemed odd hanging out without Josh to finish their little group, but they still had fun. And Dade knew it wouldn't be appropriate for Josh to be here right now. Claire was still a little raw from being cut loose. So was Dade for that matter. Being rejected was something they had in common right now.

"Well, wouldn't you know it? We're pretty much all set." Dade said with a sigh of relief as he fell back onto his chair. "Thanks for your help, Claire. That was fun."

"Anything else I can do to help?" Claire asked as she sat down beside Dade.

"No. I'm pretty buggered now. How about you?"

"You gave me all the easy jobs. I didn't have to set all these sounds up. You have the DJ duties tonight do you?"

"I hope not. I plan on partying." Dade said with a grin. "You're staying, right?"

"I'm not really in a party mood. I might hang around till it fills up and then make a quiet exit."

"Come on, Carlyle. You can do better than that. It'll be fun."

"You think so?"

"Sure. Besides, I wanna spend as much time with Mike and Sarah before they leave. Tonight's the perfect opportunity."

"Bit of a shock, aye?"

"Still sinking in. It's for the best. I can understand why Sarah has to go. And I know Mike will want to go with her, but I won't pretend I'm not going to miss them. Mike especially." Dade said with a distracted look on his face as he contemplated the notion of Mike leaving Merlow. "It's getting a lot emptier around this place."

"Well, you know me, I'll always be here." Claire said with a reassuring pat of Dade's hand.

Dade's eyes caught Claire's movement with a sharp look of surprise. She'd implied nothing but genuine support, yet still Dade seemed to jolt at her touch. He gave her a classic Dade raised eyebrow as he sat beside her. It was as if lightbulbs were going on in his head.

Claire sensed this and felt a sudden sense of awkwardness come over her. Whether intentional or innocent, Dade had been flirting with her all day. Except this time there was no flirting implied. Yet she felt more awkward than at any of those moments because of the look Dade was giving her.

She quickly pulled her hand away and turned her attention away from Dade. When she turned back he was still staring back at her with his eyebrow raised. As if he was questioning something about her in his head.

"I should probably go and get ready." Claire said with a gulp of anxiety.

"Why?" Dade asked as he slid his hand back over Claire's. "You don't want this?"

"Dade ..." Claire said as her heart began racing. "Don't."

He didn't. He kept staring at her as if she was the only thing worthy of his attention. This was a step further than the usual flirting he'd been doing with her today. This time he really was pressing it.

"I know you want me."

"Well, you're modest." Claire said with a small laugh that seemed to break some of the tension between them. "Same as always."

"Just being honest." Dade said with a smile. "If you didn't want me, I wouldn't bother flirting."

"You've gone past flirting, Dade."

"What's your point?"

"I'm not sure I want to go past flirting."

"I am."

"Dade ..."

"Yeah?"

"You're serious, aren't you?" Claire said intently.

Dade's face became serious and contemplative as he spoke. "You know one thing we have in common, Claire?"

"What?"

"We never get the ones we want, but both of us want the same thing."

"And what's that?"

"Someone to want us. That's all we want. Both of us. We don't have to be serious. It doesn't have to be love. We both already care for each other. We can make each other feel better."

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind, Dade."

"We've both been rejected. What are we supposed to do? Sit around and mope the rest of our lives? I'm sick of it. I'm not doing it anymore. You shouldn't either."

"So?"

"I'm single. You're single. Not to mention hot." Dade said with a grin.

"Not the best line you've come up with, Dade."

"Maybe this one's better." Dade said as he surprised Claire with a kiss.

He kissed her the only way he knew how to. With the tender skill of someone who knew just how to kiss. At first she resisted his advance until his lips had pushed her too far and she gave in. He left her lingering just as she was getting into it.

"Whoa." Claire said breathlessly. "You're ... good ..."

"So I've been told." Dade said as he still kept an intimate proximity to Claire, stroking his fingers through her hair.

"What do you want from me?"

"The same thing you want from me. Someone. I just want someone. That's all I want. Let's not kid ourselves. This isn't what either of us had in mind, but I'm starting to think love is overrated anyway."

"And since I'm the closest thing with a pulse, I'm your target?"

"No. Like I said before, we've both been rejected. Let's help each other feel better. And believe me, as far as available females go ... you're the one to beat. We know each other. We like each other. We're friends. Let's just have some fun. There won't be any illusions. We'll just be together. Come on, Claire. Would it be that bad?"

"That is so not romantic, Dade. I'm a girl, I need to be wooed. I feel like I'm getting into some kind of business deal."

"I'll make you a better deal. As soon as you find someone you really do want, I'm gone. No strings."

"And what happens if Marcel changes his mind?"

"Too late. He had his chance with me for so long. I'm not waiting anymore."

"I dunno. Still feels weird. I liked it better when you just flirted with me. You probably would have had an easier time getting what you wanted." Claire said with a blushing grin. "You seem to know how to woo someone when you want to."

"Is that an invitation?" Dade grinned, flashing his dimples at Claire as he teased her lips with his own but never letting them touch. "I can woo you any way you want me to."

"That's better." Claire gulped. "Damn, you're evil."

"You better believe it. So what do you say? Can I kiss you again?"

"Can I stop you?"

"Only if you really want to." Dade said continuing to tease Claire's skin with the presence of his lips, this time moving down the nape of her neck.

"I don't."

"Good."

* * * * * *

"Thanks. You've been great." Marcel said to the assistant with a grateful smile.

"Sure. Just give us a call when you're ready to start making arrangements."

"Will do."

Marcel stood with a contemplative smile on his face. Proud of his choice of gift not only for Sarah but also for Mike. He knew the party was to celebrate Sarah's homecoming, but he believed Mike deserved some appreciation for his constant support of not just Sarah but everyone. The present had set him back a cool penny, but he hadn't even batted an eyelid over it. His choice wasn't to flaunt that he had money to burn, but more how much the two meant to him.

Without consulting either of them, he'd gone ahead and paid for everything they needed to get married. He knew Sarah intended to marry sooner now, not wanting to waste any time after her scare. He also knew that anything Mike had would go towards his education or Sarah. And anything Sarah's family had would go towards her treatment. This was a small gesture on his part to show how much he truly loved them. He'd often wanted to splurge excessively on his friends, but didn't want to make them uncomfortable by doing so. He knew at the end of the day, money had nothing to do with how they all felt for one another.

He'd always felt lucky to be included in the pack that he considered his greatest family. He'd come in as an outsider. The rich kid on the block. It had always made him feel uncomfortable. Storm was the first to notice him. Soon after that he was introduced to Mike and Sarah and then finally to June and Dade. Neither of them treated Marcel as anything less than one of their own. None had ever tried to take advantage of his parent's affluence. Even now it was still the same.

If he had made the gesture to Mike and Sarah, they would have said no. Even though he knew they would have a hard time trying to take care of everything themselves. This would be one of the few times when he'd take the initiative and just do something tangible for them without giving them an option to refuse. Hopefully they would accept it in the spirit he intended. Simply as a way to help, but more importantly as a way to show how much he truly loved them both. And to say thank you.

"Here's hoping." Marcel said smiling to himself.

* * * * * *

Lucas sat at the dinner table with his parents eating their final meal before Mira and John caught a taxi to the airport. The dinner had been a pleasant one, but Lucas was unhappy with the fact that Storm hadn't shown up yet. He tried to enjoy the time he was having with his parents and not make an issue of it, but to say he was disappointed was an understatement.

"I'm sorry Storm's not here. I don't know where he could be. He knew we were having dinner before you guys flew out."

"It's ok dear. I'm sure he has a good reason."

"Yeah." Lucas said trying to mask the disappointment in his voice.

"Are you two going to be ok here on your own? I know you're old enough to take care of yourself now, Son, but this is a big step." John said seriously. "Your mother and I don't want to be worrying while we're gone."

"We'll be ok, Dad. I guess I better find a job though. I don't want Storm to be paying for everything."

"I'll make sure you have enough to take care of the basics, Son. I don't mind you finding a job, but I don't want it interfering with your studies. You can't afford to lose another year."

"I know, Dad. Storm manages to juggle two jobs, study and his karate. I'm sure I can get a job and still manage ok."

"Just remember, studies come first. Even above football. Please, Son. This is my biggest concern. I don't want you to lose ground on your schoolwork."

"I won't, Dad. I'm doing ok. I promise I'll keep on top of it."

"Good. The car is transferred into your name now, so at least you'll have your own transport to get around. You don't have to use Storm's jeep all the time."

"Thanks, Dad. Listen you guys, I promise I'll be ok. I won't slack off in my schoolwork and I'll make sure everything is looked after here."

"Thank you, Son. You know how your mother will be if she doesn't think you're taking care of yourself. I don't want to have to put up with her fretting every day." John said with the wryest smile as he look at Mira.

Mira smiled back at him and this helped to ease Lucas' mood as well. Seeing his parents share even a simple moment of unspoken affection made him smile. There was no denying that he would miss them. He was more uncertain of staying behind the closer it came to the two of them leaving. Only from the point of view that he wasn't sure whether he was ready for such a big responsibility. He knew Storm would be here with him, but his parents were depending on him to look after himself and everything here; not Storm. And on a basic level, he was simply going to miss his parents. Seeing what it was like for his love to lose his mother, he wanted to spend as much time with his as he could. Their leaving wouldn't exactly let him fulfil that. And as the minutes ticked away like seconds, their impending departure continued to play heavily on his mind.

* * * * * *

I stood at the front door of what used to be my home. My hand hovered in front of the door, about to knock. This was the first time I'd been back and it felt weird because it was the first time in my life that I've ever come back here and felt like I had to knock. I mean, knock like I'm a guest or visitor. It's weird.

Abby answered the front door and caught me by surprise. I wasn't expecting to see her back so soon. We greeted each other with an awkward smile before she smacked the top of my head playfully.

"I heard you moved out, you little shit."

"Good to see you too, Sis."

"Why the hell are you knocking? In a year's time this is going to be your house, you idiot. Don't do that stupid shit you do like you're a stranger. Everyone else may buy it, but it just annoys the hell out of me."

"Oh, shut up." I said as I walked in past her. "Why couldn't you be more like Mom? You're such a ..."

"Go on, Punk. Say it."

"Bitch." I said with a smirk.

"You're not too bad yourself. You know where everything is. Entertain yourself."

"Are you adopted?" I said cheekily. "Because you are so nothing like me. That's what happens when you run off with Dad. You end up a spoilt little princess."

"That's rich coming from you. Spoilt little Mommy's boy."

"Where's my brother?" I asked as I shook my head. "I need to talk to him before I throw up on you."

"Dad told me why you moved out." Abby said in a suddenly serious tone. "I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to talk to you before he did. Things have just been crazy lately."

"That's ok, Sis. But I still hate you."

"So nothing's changed then? You know I'm still your older sister. You have to do what I tell you."

"In case you forgot, I don't live here anymore. And if I did, I'd still be the boss. Make yourself useful and cook me some eggs."

"You want them on your head or down your pants?"

"So you're still a crap cook then?"

"And you're still a smartass."

"All those years of sparring with you, my dear sister. Now where's my brother already?"

"Which one?"

"The one with the dimples."

"He's not here. I don't know where he is."

"Mike?"

"He's at Sarah's I think. Dade might be there. You guys are having a party tonight, aren't you?"

"Shit, that's right. I better jet. I'll see you later."

"Hope not."

"You are so not my sister. I can't believe you share the same genes as me. Dade and I are more alike than you. Who are you anyway?"

"Your worst nightmare, little brother. Things are gonna be different around here. I'll be on your ass like mould on cheese."

"You got the mould bit right." I said as I turned to leave again.

"Gimmie a hug, you little bastard."

I gave her a hug at the doorway. A genuine one. We had a weird relationship, Abby and I. We hadn't spent much time together since Mom and Dad's divorce. We did love each other, but we always had this little sparring thing going on between us. She was Daddy's girl. I was Mommy's boy. We didn't always get along, but we respected each other. I think.

"I do love you, little brother. Don't be a stranger, ok?"

"I won't."

"Your room is always here whenever you want it back."

"Don't get all serious on me, Sis. You know it weirds me out. Especially since you know I can't stand you."

"Feeling's mutual, Danny Boy."

"Don't ever call me that. You know I hate that. It's Storm or Daniel. Never ever Danny boy."

"I love you whatever your name is."

"Love you too, Sis." I said as I broke the hug and kissed her goodbye.

"You could've at least stayed for a hot drink."

"Don't push your luck. I can only take you in small doses." I said with a grin as I headed back to my jeep.

"Bye, Bro." She said standing at the doorway.

"Later." I yelled back as I pulled out of the driveway.

A strange relationship we have, my sister and I. With Dade she's not so much of a smartass, she saves that for me. She tends to dote on him much the way I do. Or the way I used to. In fact with everyone else she was a different person. Even with Mike, she was the caring, maternal type. But with me, it was always different.

It was almost like we were from two different families. Her from Dad's and me from Mom's. So whenever we did come together it was like a war of loggerheads over who really was the top dog in the family. I imagined it was going to be a lot different around here with her being a full time resident again.

It was strange going home and being a visitor. Knocking on the front door like I needed permission to enter. It wasn't my home anymore though. It had a different feel to it. Like an old restaurant under new management. Different dynamics, different atmosphere. It really didn't feel like my home anymore. I missed my home, but I knew that it was gone and would never return. Because Mom's gone and as much I might wish, she won't be coming back.

"Shit!" I said to myself as I looked at my watch.

Mira and John would be leaving for the airport in less than five minutes. I was only two minutes away from Lucas' but I hoped they hadn't left early. With all the events of today, I'd completely forgotten that. I knew I had to sort things out with Dade, but I also had to make sure I kept supporting Lucas. If it were anything less, I would have carried on looking for Dade. Lucas deserved me being there though. He'd been so great lately and on top of that, so have Mira and John. It'd be completely shitty of me not to say goodbye.

They were already loading the taxi when I pulled in alongside it. I jumped out over the passenger side with an anxious knot in my stomach. I should have been here ages ago. To say I felt like shit was a complete understatement.

Lucas was already hugging Mira. I sorta just hung back for a little while, letting them say their goodbyes in peace. John came up to me and greeted me with a smile.

"I'm glad you made it."

"I'm sorry I'm late, Sir. I didn't mean to be."

"At least you made it. That's the main thing. It's been a pleasure getting to know you, Daniel. When I first met you, I liked you a lot. But over the last two years and lately especially, I can say I respect you just as much. You've become a very respectable young man."

"Thank you, Sir." I said with a nod. "And thank you for letting me stay."

"You two just take care of the house and each other. And don't forget to call us if you need anything. We'll always be here to help." John said as he extended his hand to me.

"Thank you, Sir."

"I appreciate your respect, but when do you intend to start calling me John?" He said with a wry smile.

"When you don't intimidate me anymore." I replied with a smile of my own.

"It's been a pleasure, Daniel. Look after yourself."

I nodded back with a smile as we ended our handshake and he went to say one last goodbye to Lucas. Mira was next to say goodbye. I'd always known her to be a hard woman when she had to be, but also an extremely emotional one. I suppose that's where Lucas gets a lot of his heart on his sleeve character from. She already had tears in her eyes from saying goodbye to Lucas and now as she stood before me, more began to flow.

"I'm sorry I was late." I said as she kissed my cheek and hugged me emphatically.

"You're here now. I'm so glad. I wanted to see you before we left."

"Thank you for everything, Mira. I mean that from the bottom of my heart." I said as I squeezed her as much as she did me. "Thank you."

"You take care of my son for me. And make sure he takes care of you too. I'll be calling every week so make sure you're both behaving."

"Sure." I said with a small smile. "I'll make sure."

"You're not my son, Daniel, but I am so proud of you. You're part of our family now. Don't you two screw anything up or I'll fly back here and you'll both be sorry." She said with a mock look of intimidation on her face.

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "Don't worry, we'll be fine."

"Bye for now, Daniel. I love you." Mira said as she held my face in her hands. "Thank you."

"Love you too." I said sincerely as she kissed me again and returned to Lucas.

I have to admit, I shed a few tears then. I'd really become fond of Mira. I knew she wasn't Mom and she did too, but she still had such a maternal nature towards me. I wasn't lying when I told her I loved her. Who'd have ever thought?

I felt a pang in my heart watching Lucas say his last goodbye to Mira though. Not surprisingly his face was awash with tears as his mother told him everything would be ok. I know he wanted to stay, but I think he also wanted to spend more time with his parents before he did venture out on his own. Things had been so good for his family lately, he just wanted to revel in it for a bit longer. I just hoped he didn't come to regret staying.

He stood there like a little child as Mira wiped the tears from his face. They hugged one last time before she left him to enter the taxi. I knew he was hurting right now, but it wasn't time yet to comfort him. I wanted to let him finish saying goodbye on his own first. We both stood on either sides of the taxi as it pulled out with a beep. Mira turned and blew both of us a kiss. We both waved back, but I could tell Lucas was just waiting for them to leave before he really started crying.

I was right. The taxi was gone and so were Mira and John. I'd miss them, but not as much as Lucas would. He stood there with his hands in his pockets staring blankly at the last place we'd seen the taxi. His chest heaved as he tried to hold back his own sobs.

I got the feeling he was angry at me for being late and not having dinner with them before they left. I admit, that was just totally rude of me. But I didn't mean to do it. It's just been a hell day.

We both stood there for a good five minutes after they'd gone. Lucas rubbing his arms and looking longingly in the direction they'd left. I knew he felt alone right now. He had me, but I was still no substitute for his own family. No matter what had happened between them, they were still his family and just them being around was support for him. Now he was alone.

I had to do my best to let him know that he wasn't alone. That I was here for him. I stepped toward him and placed my hand on his shoulder. I didn't want to hold him in case he was still angry at me, but I did want him to know I was here if he wanted me.

He looked me in the eye for the first time since they'd left. The look on his face was almost an 'I don't care' look. Like 'whatever' is all he felt. It wasn't anger, it was just ... blasé. He turned and headed back into the house with me following behind like someone who knew they were in the shit.

"I'm sorry I was late." I said sincerely as we both entered the kitchen.

"I don't care, Storm. I don't want to talk about it." Lucas said as he pulled a can of beer from the fridge and cracked it open.

He knew I hated that. I know he likes to drink now and then, in stark contrast to me who never drinks. Mainly because I can't, but even if I could, I wouldn't. He took a large swig from the can and leaned against the fridge.

"I'm sorry, I really am."

"What was so important? You embarrassed me. How important do you think my parents felt when you couldn't even show up to say goodbye to them? It was disrespectful, Storm. You knew we were supposed to have dinner before they left. How do you think I feel? I'm supposed to be important to you. I've supported you and I really needed you to be here for me tonight. It doesn't make me feel very important right now." Lucas said with a sigh as he finished off the can and threw it in the recycle bin.

"Please, Lucas. Just let me explain."

"I don't want to hear it, Storm. I'm going to Sarah's. I wouldn't want her to think I don't care." He said with barely an effort to hide the spite in his voice as he spoke. "You feel free to come over whenever you're ready."

And with that he threw on his coat and headed out. I wanted to stop him but I knew the best thing for us right now would be time. I'd see him over at Sarah's. And I still had to talk to Dade. Some days are just there to make life interesting, aye?

* * * * * *

Sarah's house was alive with activity. Music filled the house with a steady vibe of pop and house techno. People dancing, chatting, drinking and generally having a good time. All except one person who stood out from the crowd. In so much as he was the only person in the room who spoke to no one. Who drank alone. Danced only with his own thoughts. Brad.

Brad felt incredibly uncomfortable and out of place here. He didn't want to come but Sarah had surprised him with an invitation. He knew he was on good terms with most of the pack now, but he didn't expect this. His wrist was still in a cast which made him feel as stupid as he thought he looked. He used to eat parties like this up when he was a jock in his prime. Now he just felt like a fish completely out of water.

He'd come here only out of respect to Sarah, but right now he really didn't want to be here. He still felt like the school loser. Surrounded by people who only knew the old Brad and remembered him for what he used to be. The school bully. That was a lifetime ago for Brad, but obviously it still lingered in people's memories.

Sitting on a large lounge suite with people on either side of him he'd never felt so alone. So many people around, yet it seemed as though he may as well have not been there. He didn't exist except for when someone would accidentally bump into him. Then he was greeted with a grunt or a look of 'what's he doing here?'.

He held onto his drink as if it were the only thing distracting him from the knots in his stomach. Hoping that enough time would pass so he could slip away quietly. Enough time to say that he came at least. Even if Storm was here, he didn't think it would make much difference. He wanted to be Storm's friend, but he still felt as if he were really just an afterthought or someone Storm felt sorry for. Mike and Sarah were always genuinely nice to him, but he still felt as though he didn't really have any true friends. Right now that fact was frighteningly evident.

And just like he'd done at June's funeral, he decided to leave without saying anything. He left his card and flowers for Sarah where everyone else had placed theirs so she'd at least know he came. As he headed out the door to begin the lonely walk home, he turned back one last time. So often he thought his fall from grace was over, but it was moments like Marty Lee's attack and this moment right now when he believed that it still wasn't over for him. He would always be an outsider, no matter how much he tried to fit in or make amends. It just wasn't meant to be.

* * * * * *

"Lucas!" Sarah yelled excitedly as Lucas entered the already bustling party area. "You made it!"

"Hey, Buddy." Lucas smiled back as he handed Sarah a bouquet of flowers. "For the lady of the hour."

"Man, I'm just getting spoilt today."

"You look great, Sarah. How are you handling everything?"

"My spirits are high. That makes a lot of difference. I'm doing ok. How about you? Did your parents get away ok?"

"They did."

"You doing ok?" Sarah asked with her usual maternal concern.

"I'm ok." Lucas feigned. "I'll be fine. Don't worry."

"Where's Storm? I need to talk to him."

"I'm sure he'll be here when he's ready." Lucas said trying not to sound bitter as he spoke.

"Then you'll just have to make do with me until he gets here." Sarah said as she took Lucas' hand and led him to the drinks table. "What'll you have?"

"Something bad. I could do with it."

Sarah handed Lucas a drink before they sat down in a quiet area of the deck outside. She slipped her arm under Lucas' and let her head rest on his shoulder as they looked out over the lake. The loud music served as a constant reminder that they weren't alone. It didn't seem to bother Sarah though who was making the most of her time with Lucas.

"You know, Lucas. When you first came here I didn't know what to make of you. That was so long ago."

"And now?"

"And now ..." Sarah sighed with a tinge of emotion laced into her voice. "You're family. I love you. Thank you for being in my life."

"Dude, you're not giving up on me. Are you? Is something wrong?" Lucas asked anxiously.

"You've always been a good friend to me, Lucas. We've had our ups and downs, but there have been times when you've stood by me and I'll never forget that."

"Sarah, you're starting to freak me out."

"Mike and I are leaving Merlow."

"You're what?"

"Merlow just doesn't have what I need to get better. The longer I wait, the more I risk. So we're going to the big smoke so I can start on that lovely chemotherapy and get some proper treatment. We wanted to tell everyone together, but I've already told Dade. Mike's told Marcel. And I wanted to tell you." Sarah said with tears in her eyes. "I know Mike's having a hard time with this. He won't let me leave without him. We're getting married before we leave because I want my family and the people I love around us. And I want to have all my hair. I'm not being pessimistic, I'm just being realistic. But you know, if I don't make it then I want my last day here in Merlow to be the greatest day of my life."

"Dude ..." Lucas said still stunned by Sarah's news. "I ... oh ... man ..."

"I just wanted to spend some time with you. We'll still be here for a couple more weeks. Hopefully long enough to see out the school year for Mike. It'll be ok."

"Dude ..." Lucas cried softly as he shuddered with the overwhelming effect that Sarah's news had on him. "You're part of the scenery. You two have been here as long as Storm has. I ... I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything. Just sit here with me." Sarah sobbed silently. "Just be with me."

* * * * * *

Marcel entered the party zone with a surprised look on his face. He sure hadn't expected so many people to be here. But it was all for Sarah and that was the main thing. It was good to see that she had more support than just the usual. His eyes scanned the room for any sign of the pack, but he couldn't see any of them.

"Snoogums!" Mike yelled as he grabbed Marcel from behind and gave him a bear hug. "What took you so long?"

"Sorry, Bud. Had some things to take care of. Where's Sarah?"

"I'm not sure. She's around here somewhere." Mike said as he hung his arm around Marcel's shoulder. "How you doing? You doing ok?"

"I'm doing great." Marcel said with a huge smile. "Really great. How about you? Good turnout."

"So many people have been calling to see how Sarah was doing that she ended up inviting them all. It's great."

"Do you think we could find Sarah? I have something I want to give both of you. Away from this mob if we can."

"You do?" Mike asked with intrigue. "Me too?"

"I said for both of you, didn't I?"

"That's what I thought you said, Hot Stuff. Do you wanna go up to Sarah's room? I'll go and find her so we can have some peace and quiet."

"Sure." Marcel smiled as Mike made his way through the crowd of partygoers.

Marcel began pushing his way through the crowd. He did the obligatory smiles and nods along the way. Even though he hadn't been back that long, he was still fairly popular in Merlow High ranks. Somehow though, he found it didn't mean as much to him as it used to. Perhaps because he was older. Perhaps because so much had changed since he was last in Merlow on a full time basis. It just wasn't important to him anymore.

"Marcel!" Josh yelled over the blaring music.

"Barrett!" Marcel responded with a smile. "How ya doing?"

"Good thanks. You just get here?" Josh asked as he leant his head so the two could hear each other better.

"Yeah. What about you?"

"Mike asked me at training if I wanted to come. I wasn't sure if I should, but he insisted."

"And you should be here!" Marcel yelled back as the music kicked up a tempo and so did the volume.

Marcel pulled Josh by the arm so they were standing in the hallway. They could hear each other here without having to yell. Josh was still one of the most square in nature guys that Marcel knew, but he liked him. The two actually shared a lot in common. Josh still had a ways to go to come out of his shell but he shared much of the same sense of duty and integrity that Marcel believed in. One thing that had definitely changed with Josh though was his fashion sense. Much of it inherited from Dade, which was obvious to Marcel. He was already an attractive guy with his somewhat naïve and straight attitude, but when he dressed to impress with Dade's fashion sense, he was hard to miss. Something Marcel never really noticed when he last lived in Merlow.

Josh was a jock in stature, but not by nature. Still though, being a first string player and Mike's third hand man meant Josh had to keep himself on top of his game. That meant he kept himself in great shape. The weird thing about Josh is he never flaunted his body. Something Marcel found appealing. Although his wardrobe tonight seemed to take advantage of his physique a lot more than usual.

"Anyone ever told you you're pretty hot, Josh?" Marcel said with a grin. "Just an observation. I'm not hitting on you."

"Uhh thanks." Josh said with a characteristic blush of modesty. "That's a pretty big compliment coming from you. I used to have a huge crush on you before you left. Just a crush. But it's nice to have someone you admire so much pay you a nice compliment."

"You're too much, Josh. Thanks."

"You still have a fan club at school. All girls, but I'm sure a couple of guys would like to join." Josh grinned. "I wish I were more like you. You're so cool. So in control of yourself. I've always thought so, but I really think so now. And you're really ... uhh ... well ... "

"What?"

"You're really hot." Josh said red faced. "You've got a really nice body. I don't believe I said that."

"Have you been drinking, Josh?" Marcel asked with a questioning smile. "You're not usually so bold. Or are you?"

"Uhh ... well ... I think someone spiked the punch. But I'm enjoying the party too. I'm just having a good time."

"Good. So have you seen any guys that take your fancy?"

"Uhh ... well ... seen yeah. But that's all I'll be doing tonight. I'm gonna be flying single for a while. Probably a long while. It's ok though."

"Well, it's some guy's loss. I'm glad you're having a good time, Josh. It's good to see you enjoying yourself."

"Listen, Marcel. I really wanted to thank you. The other day ... you really helped me. I wish there was something I could do for you in return."

"Enjoy the rest of tonight and we'll call it even." Marcel smiled as he patted Josh on the shoulder. "That's all I want from you."

"Thanks, Marcel."

"Have you spoken to Claire yet? Are you guys cool now?"

"No. I'm just giving her space. Besides ... she seems ... busy." Josh said as he motioned towards the dance area.

Marcel didn't spot her at first but when he did, his face dropped his smile like an anvil. What he saw hit him more than he imagined. His heart began racing and he felt a lump in his throat. All his attention was on Claire and more especially, the person she was dancing with. Dade. It wasn't the fact they were dancing. They were old friends and he expected it. It was the body language that set him off. Hands where they shouldn't be. A closeness that shouldn't be. And most of all ... a kiss that shouldn't be.

The moment he saw their lips touch, his body shuddered. His eyes were transfixed on the two of them. He could hear his own heart beating so hard and fast he thought his chest would explode. He was overcome by a sense of loss and sadness so intense, he could barely hide the emotion on his face. But as typical of him, he did it in true Marcel fashion.

* * * * * *

Dade sucked gently on Claire's bottom lip as they ended their kiss. Their hands resting on the small of each other's back as they held each other in a close, steady dance. Claire's eyes were fixed on Dade's as if she was lost in them. He smiled back at her sincerely as the outside world came flooding back in around them.

"I don't know how you do it, but ..." Claire said a little breathlessly. "You're incredible."

"Thanks." Dade said with a small grin. "You look a little hot, do you want a drink?"

"Please."

"Be right back. Don't go anywhere." Dade said with a smile as he left her side and headed towards the drinks table.

As soon as he'd turned, his eyes met that of the one person he didn't want to right now. Marcel. There were a dozen people between them, but it was as if there was no one else in sight. It was the first time ever that Dade had seen Marcel looking so vulnerable and hurt. It was never Dade's intention to hurt Marcel, but he'd obviously seen the kiss with Claire. Dade was only trying to move on after being rejected, but it was so plain to see now that Marcel still had feelings for him that were stronger than he had admitted.

For what seemed like an eternity, Marcel's defeated eyes stared back at Dade. Dade felt a flood of guilt rush over him, but seemed as stunned as Marcel was right now. Neither one of them moved. People would mill about between them, but their eyes never wavered until finally Marcel seemed to have composed himself. He feigned the tiniest of smiles at Dade and nodded in acknowledgment before he disappeared into the crowd.

"Hey, where's my drink?" Claire asked with a smile as she tapped Dade on the back.

"Oh, Claire. Sorry." Dade said still rather distracted. "What kind of drink did you want again?"

"I didn't say. I'll have whatever you're having."

"Ok." Dade replied despondently. "I'll be right back."

"Hey, you ok?" Claire asked with concern as she turned Dade around to face her.

"I'm fine." Dade said using all his resolve to give a smile that didn't look completely artificial. "How about you?"

"Yeah ..." Claire said with a rather despondent sigh of her own. "This still feels kinda weird. You sure you want this?"

"Do you?"

"I don't know. I guess I still wish Josh woke up and realized he wants me, but I don't think that's ever going to happen. I never expected this with you though. It feels weird."

"Because we're friends?"

"And because we both still want people we can't have."

"You're right. But this is where we're at. Let's just try and enjoy ourselves."

"We're forcing something that isn't there, Dade. I think we both know that. I may be lonely and desperate, but I'm not stupid. And neither are you. We're just trying to make each other feel better, but I can tell by the look on your face that it isn't working."

"For you either." Dade said as he motioned to Claire's own face.

"You're a great guy, Dade." Claire said with a genuine smile. "But you're not mine."

"I can be. If you give me long enough. And I'll never reject you the way Josh did. And you won't reject me either. We can be good for each other, Claire. Just give us a bit longer and you'll see."

"Us? Never thought I'd hear that. Ok, Dade. We'll give it a bit longer. But if I end up falling for you and you hurt me the way Josh did ..."

"I promise, Claire. Even if Marcel came up and told me he still loved me, I wouldn't go back. I won't hurt you. I promise."

"Let's just hope if he does still love you, he tells you soon. Because when I do end up falling for you, I'm not letting go. Not this time. So if you really want us to do this, you make certain that it's over between you two."

"It's over." Dade said flatly. "It's over."

* * * * * *

Marcel sat on Sarah's bed lost in a daze of thought and anxiety. Even now the knots in his stomach were so potent he thought he would keel over. He felt as if someone had ripped his heart out and stomped on it. He blamed himself for Dade moving on without him. He'd pushed Dade away. He hadn't told him why.

He couldn't help feeling as though he'd brought all of this on himself. That he was to blame. That Dade was actually better off without him. That he'd do nothing but stand aside and let him. It took all his might to stop himself from setting off with tears. And even though he had no tears, his eyes betrayed a pain worse than tears could ever show.

"Blondie?"

Marcel's funk was broken by Sarah's presence. Both her and Mike stood before him with concern on their faces. He pushed his pain aside as he always did and forced a small smile. The best he could do without coming across completely fake.

"You ok, Babe?" Sarah asked sympathetically as she and Mike sat either side of him.

"Yeah. Just thinking." Marcel said with a smile. "Great party."

"You sure you're ok, Snoogums?" Mike asked as he rested his arm on Marcel's shoulder.

"I ... no. I'm not ok. No sense lying to two people who can see right through me. I just have a lot on my mind. But I have something I wanted to give both of you. That's why I wanted to speak to you in private."

"That can wait." Mike said with concern laced in his voice. "What's wrong?"

"I'd rather not ..."

"I would." Sarah said with a warm smile.

"It's Dade."

"Oh ..." Mike said with a knowing nod. "Thought so."

"It's my fault. I wasn't ready before. I should've told him. Now when I've just about sorted myself out ... he's moved on. And it's all my own fault. I pushed him away when he came to me. I deserve all of this. I just ... didn't expect it to hurt this much."

"So tell him now. He'll understand. He'll wish you had told him before, but he'll understand. You know the two of them are just together because they think nobody else will have them."

"No. I've hurt him enough. Maybe I'm fooling myself to think I'm ready anyway. He's better off. I just have to get on with it. I'll be ok. I will."

"Who are you trying to convince? Us or you?"

Marcel didn't respond to Mike's comment. He knew Mike was right. He couldn't fool them so he was trying to fool himself. The noble side of himself kept saying that he was doing the right thing by leaving Dade be. That he'd messed him up enough. That he had to let him go.

"Just remember, Marcel. We love you." Sarah said as she gave Marcel a lingering kiss on the cheek. "More than you think."

"We're family. Remember?" Mike said with a smile. "We're the adopted ones."

"He's right." Sarah said emotionally. "I know you sometimes think we don't appreciate you, but we do. We both love you to bits."

"Man ... you two are the greatest." Marcel said with tears in his eyes as he smiled at them.

"We're glad you came home. Don't ever go through something like that on your own again. No matter where we are, we'll always be here for you." Sarah choked on her words as she spoke, her eyes turning away from Marcel suddenly.

"What is it, Sarah?"

"Nothing."

"Come on, I spilt it out. Now it's your turn."

Marcel noticed now that both were silent. And neither seemed to be in a hurry to speak. Sitting in between the two of them didn't exactly make him feel as though he could pressure them either. Not that he wanted to. If they wanted to talk, they would. All he could do was sit and wait for one of them to say something.

"Sarah has to leave Merlow to get treatment. And I'm going with her." Mike said finally. "We knew when she was in hospital that it might have to happen. Connie's already making the arrangements."

"Wow." Marcel said in surprise.

Once again the bedroom was filled with silence. What was more concerning to Marcel was that neither Mike nor Sarah were looking at each other. Both seemed too consumed with their own thoughts and both were looking pretty depressed. Whatever they were thinking, it was obvious from their body language that their thoughts weren't in sync.

"Just so you know, I'm ok with whatever you have to do." Marcel said in an attempt to shake the two from their funk. "I can tell this is harder on you two than it'll ever be for me. I mean I've left already so I know what it's like to leave. But it's different for you guys because you've been here in Merlow your whole lives. You're doing it for the best reason. We'll all support you no matter where you are. And you can guarantee I'll be a frequent visitor."

"I don't think it'll be so easy for the others to just come whenever they want." Sarah said as she wiped tears from her eyes. "They don't have what you have, Marcel. Maybe Storm could. He's always been good with his money and June's taken care of them, but still ... it won't be the same. And I wouldn't want them to put themselves out for us."

"So I'll bring them with me when I visit. That's not the problem here. You guys don't want to leave. That's the problem."

"No." Sarah cried softly. "This is my home. And I just hate it that Mike has to leave because of me."

"We've talked about this Sarah." Mike said with the slightest hint of annoyance in his voice.

"I know, Baby. But it doesn't change how I feel. I feel terrible. I don't want to leave my only home. My family. This town. It's been my whole life. It's your life too. You shouldn't have to give it up."

"No, Sarah. You're my life. That's why I'm coming with you. I thought we'd talked about this."

"You're right, Mike. We did talk about this. And I know you love me and you want to be with me, but don't act like you're ok with all of this. I know you don't want to leave. I know you're having a hard time with this. You've worked so hard to get where you are. All your football achievements. Your schooling. All the work you've put in to make it where you are. Your family. Storm and Dade. Especially now after June's death. I want you with me, but ... I don't want you to have to throw away everything you have here for me. You've worked too hard."

"Damnit, Sarah. I don't know how many times I can say it to you. How many times do we have to go through this?" Mike said with frustrated tears. "I'm sorry, Marcel. I need to get out of here."

Marcel and Sarah were left alone in her room. Marcel turned to Sarah to see that her eyes were downcast and hollow. Apparently this was still somewhat of a sore point in their relationship. Marcel could certainly understand why. He knew Mike would never leave Sarah's side at a time like this and even more so with their impending wedding.

"I didn't even get to give you guys my gift." Marcel smiled in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Sorry, Baby. I guess as you can see that we still haven't come to grips with everything just yet."

"I'm not worried. Sure you guys have a few issues, but I think you're both mostly just hurting. This has all been completely unfair to both of you. You getting sick. June dying. Having to go to the big city for better treatment. It's all understandable. But one thing I don't see a problem with and that's the love you guys have. It's as strong as ever. But you're both trying to do the right thing by each other instead of for each other. Nothing will make all this hurt go away except time. You two make me so happy. I don't know if you realize it, but you guys are the best of us. You have the sturdiest relationship. The best support. It's incredible. I could only dream of the same thing."

"You can still have it."

"I'm not trying to give you relationship advice because I'm a complete failure at that. But I know you guys. So you have to leave. The sooner you go, the sooner you can come back."

"Hopefully."

"Don't even go there, Sarah. You'll come back. I know you will."

"I still wish Mike wasn't coming. I love him. He means everything to me. He's my man and I want to be with him for ever. But I just feel so crap taking him away from everything he knows and loves. This is his home." Sarah cried as she rubbed her eyes. "It's not fair. None of this. It's not fair."

"You're right. It isn't fair."

"I never wanted to be sick. I never wanted June to die. She died coming to help me, I'll never ever forget that. I never wanted to have to leave this place. Not now when I know you guys need me. I hate all of this. It's just so unfair." Sarah cried as she fell on Marcel's shoulder. "My poor baby. He does everything for me and he's willing to give up everything he's worked for just to be with me. It's just so wrong. I don't want to do it to him, Marcel. I don't want him to come."

"Geez." Marcel said with tears in his own eyes just from feeling the hurt both Sarah and Mike were going through. "I don't know what to say. I'm just ... stunned."

"I don't want him to come. That's the selfless part of me. But the selfish part of me is absolutely petrified of leaving without him. For whatever time I have left on this planet, be it a year or fifty years, I want him with me. I just don't know what to do. I love him so much it hurts."

"And so I ask, what's the problem exactly? You guys love each other too much. Geez, now there's a problem." Marcel said sarcastically. "Listen to me when I say this. More than anyone I know, even Storm and Lucas or anyone else. You and Mike are meant to be together. You'd both survive without each other, but you wouldn't live. You think it's not fair to take him away from here?"

"I do."

"I think it's not fair to leave him behind. He lives for you. You must know that. That's why you're getting married. You guys don't have a problem, Sarah. And if you do it's because you're trying to hard to do right by each other. And as far as I'm concerned, I'd kill to have the love that you have."

"Is it Dade for you? Is it really him?"

"I wouldn't feel so crap if he wasn't. I love him, Sarah. I love him like crazy and I never even told him. He came to me and I couldn't give him what he wanted. I just wasn't ready. Then I talked to Storm and I finally felt as though I was making progress. After I had spoken to you, Mike and Storm, I finally felt ready to move on. But I should've told Dade when I had the chance."

"It's not too late."

"I think it is. Things are changing around here so fast and I ..."

"You what?"

"I don't know where I fit in anymore. When you guys leave ... June's gone now. You guys are leaving. Storm is living with Lucas now. Dade's ... not mine. I don't know, Sarah. I said I'd stay around until I knew you were better. And I wanted to make sure Storm and Dade were ok. They will be. Maybe it's time to start thinking about what I'm going to do with the rest of my own life."

"You can't go back to Drake. Even if you wanted to, your leg isn't up to it. And even if it was, I don't want you going back there. Not even for studies until you've healed up. See now, this is when I wish I didn't have to go. You still need me."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. I don't want you worrying about me. Don't worry, I'll be fine. You just make sure you get better. I'll fly in whenever I can to make sure you're doing ok."

"Promise?"

"Swear it."

"Listen, June's not here anymore, but Storm is. You should talk to him. Tell him how you feel. I know any advice he gives you will be as good as anything I can give you. He's a lot wiser these days."

"He is."

"You're not alone, Marcel." Sarah said with watery eyes as she held his face. "You really aren't. Please remember that."

"Thank you." Marcel said as he gave Sarah a hug. "I love you, Sarah. No matter where either of us are, you'll always be my family. You and Mike. For the rest of my life."

"Aww, Blondie." Sarah cried as she smiled. "You're such a legend. Forget the rest, Marcel really is the best."

* * * * * *

Lucas leant over Sarah's top deck to get a bit of much needed fresh air. Storm still hadn't shown and he wondered what was going on in his head to keep him away so long. As typical of Lucas, his anger had mostly dissipated now. He'd never been one to hold onto anger and usually with Storm, once the anger had passed, he just wanted his baby around again.

"You really have changed, Baby." Lucas said to himself as he looked at the ring on his finger.

It seemed like so long ago now that he'd given the necklace to Storm that matched his own ring. A lifetime ago. So much had changed since then. He would often smile at himself thinking how some of the things he did back then were so childish. So immature and innocent. Now he was really starting to feel older. His view on things had jaded over time and he wasn't so doe eyed or naïve. His love for his mate was tempered with a lot more realism these days. A bit too much he thought. They weren't just two teenagers in love. They'd passed that point a long time ago. They were actually a couple now and with all that came so much more than Lucas ever anticipated but always wanted.

They were more settled now than they'd ever been in the past. Lucas knew he'd done some growing up of his own, but it was so much more obvious in his love. He wasn't so temperamental or fiery. Didn't jump to the nearest exit every time something wasn't going right. Even through such trying times lately he'd impressed Lucas more than he let on with his maturity and control. It actually made Lucas smile now thinking about some of the stupid arguments they'd got into in the past. Storm would overreact or throw a tantrum, Lucas would pout and pine and then they'd both cry. These days Lucas was more likely to throw a tantrum and Storm was more likely to shut up and take it. Just like tonight.

"I was just hurt, Baby. That's all." Lucas said to himself with a smile. "But I still love you."

In the past, Lucas would be worrying right now about how Storm would be reacting to their argument. That he'd be doing something stupid like packing his bags. But now it didn't even cross Lucas' mind. It didn't feel as though Lucas had to keep his mouth shut just because he was afraid of how Storm would react. Lucas knew that his mate would probably be feeling bad right now and giving Lucas a bit of time to calm down.

It was during this moment of reflection that Lucas heard the faintest of cries. The music had stopped between a track change and Lucas had just caught the quietest of sobs. Barely audible coming from the back of Sarah's house down towards the beach.

With a sudden look of concern on his face, Lucas rushed down the deck stairs to Sarah's backyard. Once he made it to the gate of Sarah's backyard he couldn't hear anything anymore. But he already had an idea of where he had to go. A little clearing hidden under some trees on the way down to the lakeside behind Sarah's house. It wasn't visible from Sarah's house back up the hill, which was the whole point. The spot had once been one of Storm and Sarah's make out spots and eventually Mike and Sarah's.

When he reached the clearing he found Mike sitting alone with his knees huddled to his chest. His eyes seemed lost and vacant. His gaze a lonely and distraught one. Lucas already had an idea of what was bothering Mike as he slowly walked towards him.

"Dude." Lucas spoke anxiously as he approached Mike. "Are you ok?"

"Lucas." Mike responded quickly as he popped his head up.

It was obvious that he'd been crying. And that he'd come down here for a bit of alone time. Right now all the moments the two had shared together came flooding into Lucas' mind. He couldn't help being overwhelmed himself as Mike feigned a smile back at him.

"Dude." Lucas said anxiously, pangs of sorrow running through his voice. "Are you ok?"

"Not really." Mike said with the smallest brave smile.

"Come here."

Lucas stepped as the two shared a hug that only served to enhance the pain both were feeling. Lucas for feeling as though he was losing two people he'd come to expect to always be around. Two people he'd come to love unwaveringly. Mike in particular had been Lucas' friend from the start. He'd supported him through so many of his own hard times. Only now did Lucas realize just how much he'd miss that support. And more importantly the person who gave it. The underappreciated and eternally supportive Mike Mitchell, who had only recently become a legal Marcus.

"Dude, I can't believe it." Lucas cried as he held Mike in his arms. "You're leaving us."

Mike didn't say a word. He just held on and let Lucas support him for once. He let himself release all the conflicting emotions he held inside.

"Are you gonna be ok?" Lucas asked with genuine concern.

"I will. I just needed some time on my own. I might look like I'm doing ok on the outside, but it's hurt so much lately. Sarah being sick. Mom dying. And now leaving the only place I've ever known. I've lived in this town my whole life. My whole life is in this town. My friends. My family. I love Sarah and I'll go wherever I have to with her. But it doesn't mean it'll be easy for me. It all just hurts so much right now. I wish Mom were here. It's like we're all having to grow up so fast now. So much changing since she died."

"I'm still blown away by the whole thing. I always thought I'd have more chance of leaving before you guys. It's going to be so ... wrong without you here."

"Yeah, like now who are you gonna kiss besides Storm? Or sleep with?" Mike said in a feeble attempt to lighten the mood.

"I love you man." Lucas gulped as he kissed Mike's cheek anxiously and held him again. "You're the closest thing I've ever had to a brother. I'm gonna miss you so much. I really am."

"Thank you." Mike said rushing to wipe his eyes. "I better get my act together. No doubt my future wife will be down here soon looking for me. This isn't a very manly look."

The two both laughed at that comment. Lucas didn't seem keen to let Mike go though. He really did mean a lot to Lucas. So many conversations the two shared. So many good and bad times. Mike rarely had a bad word to say and if he did, you usually deserved it. He was always there. And very soon ... he wouldn't be.

* * * * * *

I entered Sarah's house with two things on my mind. One to talk to Dade. The other to Lucas. Whoever I'd bump into first, I'd speak to. Maybe after talking to both of them I could actually enjoy myself.

The party was already in full swing and I was positive Dade would be here. I moved through the crowd and did the obligatory hello nods and smiles. I always hate that about these things. Especially when I don't really feel like smiling. I feel anxious more than anything else.

All I wanted to see was a familiar face. One of my own. But I couldn't. I headed to the drinks table with a sigh and found the nearest drink that didn't contain alcohol. So tempting. I wondered whether enough time had passed for me to risk having alcohol without damaging my stomach. Things lately had been so crap that I wished I were an alcoholic or someone who used other devices to drown their sorrows. I know Mom would smoke on the very rare occasion that she was stressed or worried. Like when I was in hospital. Thinking about her just made me want to say fuck it and just skull down a drink.

"I think you want this one." Dade said handing me a can of diet coke. "Someone spiked the punch. This is safe."

"Thank you." I said smiling at Dade's concern.

One thing I always used to love about my brother, he seemed to have this thing inside him that made him want to look after me. Almost maternal. I used to think he was so wise. Things had changed since then but it was sweet to know he was still concerned enough about me to do something like this. Only a little thing but it meant a lot to me.

"I was hoping you'd come." Dade said nervously as his eyes scanned mine.

I was just about to respond when Claire approach Dade. She didn't notice me at first and I smiled instinctively until I noticed the body language as she slipped her arm around Dade's waist.

"I'm gonna head home." Claire said with a smile before she realized I was standing there. "Oh ... hi, Storm. What took you so long?"

"Had a few things to take care of." I responded with a somewhat uncertain smile. "Going home already?"

"Yeah ... I'm a bit tired and I think I've had my share of partying."

"That's a shame, Claire. Never known you to pike out early."

"It's been an eventful day." Claire said with wide, twinkling eyes.

"Sure has." I said with a smile as I shook my head. "And the night is still young. I wish I could be like you and head home too."

"Well, I'll leave you two to it. Good to see you smiling, Storm." Claire said as she surprised me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Hope all is well with you."

"Thanks." I said very surprised but genuinely grateful for her gesture. "You just made my day."

"You're welcome, Storm." Claire said with a smile as she turned her eyes to Dade. "I'll ... see you later too, Dade."

"Sure." Dade said with uncertainty as Claire was about to walk away.

One thing I will say about Claire. She handles herself with such grace that it's hard not to like her. I've always been fond of her, but she was seriously growing on me lately. Without making too much of a noise, she supported you when she didn't have to. And there's always a sincerity in the way she speaks to you. She's not brash like Sarah, but rather ... an iron fist in a velvet glove would be the best description. Even now when I know there's something off between these two, she just handled herself brilliantly. The one who seemed tense was actually Dade. I had the feeling that there was something going on between them, but Dade seemed to be reluctant to show it.

At least until Claire was about to walk away. He put his hand on her shoulder and turned her so he could place the slightest of kisses on her lips. Bingo. I was right. A rather stunned Claire reacted by giving me an awkward look, but I quickly eased her anxiety with a nod and a smile. She feigned a smile back before she left through the crowd and Dade turned his attention back to me. He brushed his hand through his hair and took a deep breath as he faced me again. He gulped nervously and waited for me to say something. I stared back at him for a moment, just studying his demeanor before I put him out of his misery.

"That was good, Dade."

"Huh?" He said in surprise, raising an eyebrow as only Dade could.

"You just showed some form, Buddy. I know you were nervous about me finding out, but you can't leave a girl hanging like that. Or a guy for that matter. It doesn't make them feel very special. You're with her so she has to be your first thought now. Not what I'm going to think. Good form."

"And ... what do you think?"

"I like Claire, Dade. And I'm not going to say anything that would insult her. So I'm going to shut up."

"Storm ... you don't understand. I just ..."

"There's a lot I don't understand about you, Dade. I don't really know you as well as I thought I did. This is just the latest example of how little I know you. I didn't think you'd give up so easy. You don't love her. But you're with her. I don't remember knowing a Dade that would go out with someone when he's in love with someone else. Do you really think that's fair?"

"You don't understand." Dade said emphatically with frustration in his voice as he held his hand to his forehead.

"You're right. I don't. I came here because I wanted to apologize for reacting ... or not reacting to you the way I did. I'm sorry."

"Why do I get the feeling that's not going to make me feel better?" Dade said with a sigh. "I can feel the 'but' bit coming."

"I'm disappointed. Maybe I'm making too much of it, but I didn't think you'd do something like this. You must have known Marcel would be here. Maybe I don't have a right to be disappointed anymore, Dade. But it's just one more thing that makes me realize I don't know you the way I thought I did. Marty Lee, Dad. And there's more than that, I know there is. I don't know what happened to my little brother, but you're not him."

"What are you saying?"

"That you're not the Dade I loved. You're not the Dade I trusted. When I see you hurting like today, I just want to be the big brother and make everything better. I saw my little brother. And I came here because I wanted to make sure you were ok and to apologize. And then I saw you and I realized you weren't him. I don't know what's changed, Dade. I really don't. But I honestly don't know what to say or how to fix it. And I don't really have the energy to try anymore."

Dade just stood there looking stunned. He couldn't believe what I'd just said. I didn't say any of it with spite in my voice. I said it completely calm and without any anger. I think he was more shocked than anything else.

"I'm sorry. I seem to have a habit of saying things lately that don't make you feel better. I wish I could. Bye, Dade."

"Na uh. I don't fucken think so." Dade said angrily as he moved in front of me. "Don't even fucking move."

"Or what, Dade? We're going to do a little dance? The old brother bust up? Is that it? You think we can just fight now and then everything will be ok afterwards?"

"Shut the hell up, Storm. Yeah, ok, that's fine. You want to say goodbye? Whatever. You don't give a shit anymore? Bite me. But you're not fucking walking away from me until I get to say my piece." Dade said looking as angry as I've never seen him before. "You always get to say your piece and decide when we're done. Fuck you. It's my turn. You've already made your decision so now I'm going to make mine. You want to know something, Storm?"

"I'm sure I do, Dade." I said in a flat expressionless voice.

"You say I'm not your little brother anymore. Well, who the fuck are you? You're not my Storm. You're not the Storm who came to the bridge that night. You know what you are?"

"What, Dade? What am I?"

"You're a pussy. You're a tame ass pussy. You've got no fire anymore. You just don't care about anything these days. Where's the Storm who used to get fired up about everything? The one who gave a shit? Sure he was a shithead, but that Storm was my brother. That Storm would never give up on us. I don't know who the fuck you are, but if you're going to be like this, I don't care if you fuck off anymore."

"Nice one, Dade." I said calmly as I nodded my head. "Anything else?"

"Why the hell not? May as well make the most of it. I don't know what's happened to you, Storm. You think you've grown up and you're all mature now, but I don't think you have. I just think you've given up. I think you're a soft cock. I think you suck. I think if Marty Lee took you on, you'd get your ass whipped and smile for him afterwards. I think if Lucas fucked around on you that you'd say it was your fault and sleep with him the same night. I think if Dad sold the house now even after your last stunt that you'd roll over like a little bitch and let him. And I really think that the reason you don't care about me anymore is because you don't care about yourself. All you do these days is take shit and that's why you're a god damn pussy."

"Wow." I said as staunchly as I could, leaning against the wall with an amused look on my face.

Ok, that one hurt. I tried not to show it, but I felt it. He'd actually cracked the bravado exterior that I'd tried to put up. He was getting to me. He was past that actually. What he said had hurt. I could feel my eyes begin to water, but I'd be damned if I let them show yet. I just leaned against the wall and waited for more to come.

"Carry on." I said with the slightest quiver in my voice.

"I think if I fought you now, I'd kick your ass. I don't need you to make me feel better anymore. I don't need you at all. Why don't you crawl back into your little hole and hide again?"

"I'm sure I will."

"You've done a really good job of making me feel like I'm not a part of your family anymore, Storm. But just ... fuck it." Dade said fuming with rage as he smashed his fist across my face.

Whoa. That hurt. I didn't fall over. I managed to stay standing and make it look as though his punch hadn't done much, but it had. I didn't react. I just stood there and took it. And when I'd absorbed what he'd done I turned back and stared at him. The staunchness had gone from my eyes. He knew he'd hurt me now and that he had the power here. I just stood there looking as hard as I could and trying to keep myself from crying.

"See what I mean? You're just a fucking pussy after all. Eat shit, Storm."

Ok. Tears were falling now. Only a few, but certainly enough for him to know that he'd won.

"You done yet?" I said barely able to keep myself from choking back anymore tears.

And now, finally his anger seemed to disappear. Now he realized what he'd just done to me and seemed a little lost now. I stood my ground as firmly as I could, but he knew I was just waving a white flag in the air. He'd beaten me.

"Yeah. I'm done."

"Ok then." I said as I walked away with as much dignity as I felt I had at that moment. "Goodbye."

* * * * * *

Dade drank down his bottle of beer with a vengeance. He could barely hold back the sobs as he finished it off. He stumbled across the grass of Sarah's backyard and collapsed against the fence. He threw the bottle furiously at the garden gnome that seemed to taunt him relentlessly. Pain filled sobs racked his body so violently that he shook. The adrenaline still at huge highs from his encounter with Storm. Never in his life had he ever attacked his brother so openly and without restraint or regard. Verbally or physically. And although he meant a lot of what he'd said, the guilt of his actions overwhelmed him like a freight train. His cries were so constant and filled with anguish that he'd attracted the attention of one of the partygoers nearby.

"Dade, what's wrong?" Josh asked as he put his arm around Dade's shoulder and sat down next to him. "What's going on?"

"I ... just ... killed my brother."

"You what!?" Josh asked with shock.

"I ... let him ... I ..." Dade sobbed, his voice shaking so much that Josh could barely understand him.

"Calm down, Dade. Everything will be ok. What happened?"

"Josh ..." Dade cried as he looked at Josh with utter pain in his eyes. "I ..."

"Dade, please. You're scaring me. What happened? Please. Just calm down and tell me what happened."

"I ... just ..." Dade stammered as his sobs slowly began to come under control, but the guilt and pain remained. "I just ... attacked my own brother in a way that I've never done before. I hurt him, Josh. I hurt him so much and ... I wanted to. I knew I was going to hurt him and I still did it anyway. I said so many things I shouldn't have. I hit him. But the worst part was ... he just took it. He didn't once fight back. But ... I hurt him so bad, Josh. Oh god ... what have I done? I'm turning into a monster. I can't believe I just did that to my own brother. I'm a monster ..."

* * * * * *

The stigma of what had just happened with Dade still shook me. My hands were shaky and a few bitter tears still lingered on my face but I'd mostly composed myself. I stood in the guest bathroom looking at myself in the mirror. I couldn't even describe the way I felt right now. A punch up would have been easier, but this ...

Luckily it didn't look as though I had an obvious bruise, which was surprising, since Dade really gave me a sledgehammer. Maybe he was right about some of things he said. Maybe I have gone soft. But I'm sure I'm not wrong when I think I didn't deserve all of that. Maybe I should've just said the right thing like I used to and none of this would have happened. Maybe I should've gotten angry the way I used to and maybe I should've kicked his fucking ass.

Uh oh. I guess there was still a bit of that fire left in me. Right now though I was mostly just in shock. He'd never attacked me so viciously or openly before. So relentlessly. Maybe I should have said or done something, but I just didn't have it in me anymore, so maybe he was right. Maybe I was just a pussy after all.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Bracing my hands on the edge of the bench, I was still trying to recover mentally from the assault he'd just given me. The physical doesn't mean shit. We've had worse. But the verbal and mental ... I didn't know he had it in him.

Even now I was still shaking from it all. Man ... that was just mean. But maybe I deserved it. Maybe he felt as though he had nothing to lose and that I'd forced him to react the way he did. I don't know anymore.

I decided that I couldn't hide in here for ever. I walked out with my fake smile intact. Still unable to shake the incident from my head, I thought over whether or not I did deserve what he'd given me. I wondered whether I should be the way I used to be. I know if Dade had ever come at me like that before, I would have sat him on his ass. And then I'd probably walk around the party with a shitty look on my face trying to pick a fight with whoever crossed my path. But even now, I was just shaken. I still wasn't angry. Just ... pretty fucken decimated.

I thought it was time I said hi to Sarah and the rest of the gang before I headed home. Hopefully Lucas had forgiven me by now because I'm not up for any more people having a go at me. I asked around and nobody had seen them. The last time everyone saw either of them, they were heading down the back. That gave me a fair enough idea.

I headed outside and spotted Dade in the far corner with Josh. Dade was literally crying his eyes out. I stood there for a moment and Josh caught me standing there. He gave me a bewildered look, wondering what I planned to do. I tried to summon the anger I once had to just go over there and kick Dade in the head or something. Who am I kidding? He's probably right. He probably would kick my ass now. I may have called him my little brother, but he's as big as I am and no pushover. I have to say ... tonight was the first time in my life that I'd actually been scared of Dade. Either I really have turned into a pussy or he'd got bigger. I didn't want to find out, so that must make me a pussy.

I carried on walking, hoping that he wouldn't see me as I went past. I think Josh made sure he didn't. Thank goodness for Josh. I headed down towards the lakeside and veered off at the path to Sarah's secret clearing. It didn't take me long till I saw the familiar faces of Mike, Sarah, Marcel and my baby. I tell ya, I've never been so relieved to see them in my life.

Funny thing was, they didn't look too happy. It was actually good. My nerves were replaced with concern as I approached the four who were huddled in a group.

"Who died?" I asked as I sat on the ground next to Mike.

"And just where the hell have you been?" Sarah asked with both happiness to see me and mock annoyance. "We've been waiting for you all night."

"I'm sorry I took so long. You don't want to hear why. I'm just happy to be here. Today has been the absolute shittiest day. How are all you guys doing?"

The overwhelming response or lack of one made it obvious that they were all doing pretty crap. Well, ain't that a trip? My eyes caught Lucas' and they feigned how sorry I was for missing dinner. I think he could sense that something was wrong with me too and I couldn't even tell if he was angry with me anymore. Everybody seemed pretty blue actually. I thought I was in a funk but these guys just looked sorry assed.

"Storm, what happened to your face?" Sarah asked with concern.

"Babe?" Lucas asked as well once he realized what Sarah was looking at.

"Yeah, Storm. What happened?"

"Let me guess ..." Mike asked with a raised eyebrow that made me shake my head as I thought of Dade. "Marty Lee?"

"I'd rather not say. It's no biggie. You all know I've had worse. This is nothing. I'm fine." Wow, I can still pull off a little white lie with ease. "So why do you all look so sorry assed?"

"We have something we'd like to tell you, Bro." Mike said with a deep breath.

"Ok." I said as I reveled in the comfort I received from Mike just calling me Bro, I needed it right now. "Shoot. Can't be half as bad as the other news I've had today."

"Sarah and I are leaving Merlow so Sarah can get the treatment she needs to get better. We leave in about two weeks."

"Ok, it can be as bad as the other news I've had today. Somebody wanna tell me again, I think I heard you wrong. You're what?"

"We're leaving. And we're getting married the day we leave. Sarah wants everyone we care about around us so that the last day we have here ..." Mike paused as he seemed to chew on his lip for a moment in an effort to quell his burgeoning tears. "A special one."

"Just in case." Sarah said with a smile again. "You never know."

"Shut up, Sarah. I know bloody well that you're coming back. You can leave, but you have to come back. No just in case about it. Now someone tell me again what's happening? I think I heard you wrong. You're leaving?"

"We're leaving." Mike repeated with less trepidation in his voice.

"Right." I said as the impact of what they'd told me finally began to hit. "You're what?"

"LEAVING!" Sarah yelled as she threw her hands up.

"I'm sorry. You're going to be annoyed at me but I just can't believe it. It's not sinking in. This isn't a joke, is it?"

"No, Storm." Mike said as he shook his head.

"You're leaving? You're both leaving? Seriously?"

"Seriously." Sarah said downcast. "Sorry, Babe. Life sucks, huh?"

I just sat there in utter numbness. Pursing my index finger on the edge of my lips as I stared blankly at the two of them. Everything I'd just gone through with Dade seemed to float off into space. Mike and Sarah are leaving? This is all wrong. They're not supposed to leave. They're never supposed to leave. They're Mike and Sarah. They're supposed to be here for ever. They've both been in my life as long as I've been alive. Longer than Lucas. Longer than Marcel. Hell, I know these guys more than I know my own sister and father. These two are my family. This isn't supposed to happen. I'm supposed to leave before they do.

"Oh man." I sighed to myself, still trying to absorb it all. "Mike? You're leaving too?"

"Sorry, Storm. I go where Sarah goes. For the rest of our lives. I'm sorry. I wish it wasn't like this."

"I do too, Storm." Sarah said with tired, watery eyes. "This is all my fault. I don't want him to have to leave you guys."

"You know whose fault it is? It's fate's fault. So let's just hate on him for a while to make ourselves feel better." I said with a cheeky smile. "Ok, so ... does that mean you'll be Sarah Leo Mitchell or Sarah Leo Marcus?"

"I'm not really sure actually. It's up to Mike."

"All my father did was hurt me. All Mom did was love me. Marcus it is." Mike said with a smile. "Besides, it's not like you or Dade are going to carry on the Marcus name so one of us has to."

"Sometimes I wish I were my old self. So I could just sit here and cry and feel sorry for myself. But right now all I want to do is just shut the hell up." I said with a small laugh as I held my head in my hands. "I can't believe it."

"It won't be for ever, Storm. Sarah will be ok. Eventually. It'll just take some time. A year. Two years. Who knows? But whatever it takes is how long we'll be gone."

"As long as you're both happy, I'm happy. But don't ever think I'm not going to miss you like some sorry ass bitch every single day you're gone. Because I will." I said as I took a deep breath and kissed Sarah's hand in a feeble attempt to stop myself from shedding a tear.

"Don't cry, Storm. It'll be ok." Sarah said reassuringly.

"First Mom. Then Lucas' parents. Now you two. Ever since she died it's all just gone to hell. Who's next?"

"Probably me, no doubt." Marcel shrugged. "I mean I haven't decided anything. I'm just saying that I'd probably be the most likely. Don't worry, Storm. I'll still be here."

"Nothing's going to change between us just because we're not here, Storm." Mike said as he kissed my cheek a little too much and hugged me a little too tight. "You'll always be my brother and I'll always be there when you need me. Always."

"Thank you." I said as I squeezed him so hard I thought I'd hurt myself. "Thank you. So much. Both of you I love so damn much. I don't know what I'll do when you go."

My tears flowed as freely as my eyes would allow. The pain of losing them had well and truly begun to set in. And I knew the worst was still to come. If I was having a hard time now, I didn't even want to think about how I'd be those days after they were actually gone. They were my family. And my family seemed to be getting smaller by the week.

"Thank you guys so much for coming tonight." Sarah said as she smiled through her tears. "You have no idea ... especially lately ... just how much you all mean to me. I love you guys with all my heart and for the rest of my days, I will never forget what we have here. In this moment, I'm happy. All you guys ... just make me want to ... get better a lot faster."

"We're your boys, Sarah." Lucas said with a smile of his own.

"No, you're not. You guys are my family. And don't make me cry any more. At least I'm crying because I'm happy. But I mean it ... every one of you. All of us here. We've gone through hell and we're still standing. We're family. I just can't say how much you all mean to me."

"How much we mean to each other." Mike said as he squeezed my hand.

"Come on. Everybody lay down." Sarah said as she laid back and looked up at the stars.

Marcel laid down on one side of Sarah, resting his head on her chest as she brushed her fingers through his hair. I smiled at the sight and my mind floated back to the days gone by when this was such a common occurrence. Marcel had become such a stoic figure that it was strange seeing him the way he used to be with Sarah. It was sweet.

Mike naturally laid down beside Sarah and rested her head on his arm. The two shared a gaze before their lips met in a gentle angel kiss. I took the moment to quickly turn to Lucas who was already smiling at me. I leant forward so I could whisper in his ear as he interlaced his fingers through mine.

"I'm sorry, Baby." I said with a choke in my throat. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you tonight. I didn't mean to. I'm really sorry."

Lucas didn't say anything, he just kissed me and laid us both down so we were draped over Mike and Sarah's legs. This must have looked pretty weird to anyone else but for us ... it was just perfect. I could feel myself smiling again. I tried not to think too much about Mike and Sarah leaving, I knew that would hit me more as the time got closer. I also knew it was the best thing so I couldn't kick up a stink.

"Do you guys remember doing this a long time ago? We all wondered whether we'd still be together in five years." Sarah said as she smiled up at the stars. "Do you guys still think the same thing?"

"I can't even remember what I said." Mike said with a stifled laugh. "I just remember saying I'd be wherever you were and I was right."

"I remember that whole conversation." Marcel said seriously. "It was the five of us. And I asked if you all thought we'd be together in five years. We're halfway there and I know that we will be. Things may change over time, we all know that. But no matter where we are, no one can take away what we have. I depend on you guys more than you think."

"I remember now." Mike said excitedly. "I said that we were a pack. And I said you guys were my family. Man, that was so long ago."

"And I said you guys were my family too. Man, that was so long ago." Marcel said contemplatively.

"See, we said it all back then, but I know we all feel it ten times more today." Sarah said with a sigh. "So much has changed, yet we're all still here. Moments like this I'm going to remember for the rest of my life. What about you, Lucas? You've been here for ever now, so what do you think?"

"Dude ... don't put me on the spot like that. I was happy just laying here and keeping quiet."

"Come on, Dude Boy." Mike said playfully nudging Lucas in the head with his foot.

"I think ... I still think that the best thing to ever happen to me was coming here. You guys might think I just stayed for Storm, but I didn't. This is my home and it's because of all of you. I've never said this before, but Dudes ... all of you ... thank you for letting me be a part of this." Lucas quivered with emotion in his voice. "I love you guys."

I was so proud of him then. I don't know why exactly, but just what he said and the way he said it. That's my baby.

"Lucas, I could kiss you." Mike said with a grin. "Thanks, Bud. We love you too."

"That was sweet, Lucas. Thank you." Sarah sighed. "I'm really going to miss you. You've earned your stripes. Take care of nature boy while we're gone, ok?"

"I will, Sarah."

"Marcel?" I asked not wanting him to feel left out. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Anything you want to say?"

"Yeah. I just saw a shooting star." Marcel said as he pointed to the sky. "And you know what I wished for?"

"What?"

"This."

"Snoogums, that's so corny." Mike grinned as he gave Marcel a kiss on the top of his head. "But I love you anyway."

"Actually, I wished for more than that. I wished for Sarah to get well. I wished for Mike and Sarah's wedding to be the best ever. I wished for Lucas and Storm to live happily ever after."

"That's it? Nothing for you?"

"Believe me, I have enough right here."

He is such a bad liar, but I knew he didn't want to kill the moment. The guy is nothing but selfless. And even though I don't think Dade and I will be friends anytime soon, I hope he and Marcel find their way back to each other.

"You guys are the only family I've ever had." Marcel said with a sigh. "As long as I have you guys, I'll survive anything."

"Same goes for me." Sarah said emphatically.

"Me too." Mike piped in.

"It's weird ... since Mom's been gone, I've realized even more how much you guys mean to me. You are my family. We've had some curveballs thrown our way lately, but we beat them because we stick together. That's why we'll always survive. Here's to us."

"No ..." Mike said with a melancholy look in his eyes. "Here's to family. Those who are here now and those who aren't. We all know who they are."

"To family." Marcel said with a dejected sigh as I could tell he was thinking of Mom.

"To family." Lucas joined in, no doubt thinking of his parents as well as us.

"To family." Sarah said with a smile. "To us."

Knowing it was my turn, I contemplated what the meaning would be to me. My first thought was Mom. She would always be my family. Second was the five of us sitting here. Closer than my own blood family ties right now were the ties I had with this group. My real family, as sad as that sounds. But I don't regret it, I love all of these guys with my life. The only sad thing is ... even after what's happened ... right now ... I want Dade here with me. He is part of my family. But he's not here and I don't know if he ever will be again. With me ... like this ... as family. But for what it's worth, I'm grateful for the role he's played in my life so far. And I'm even more grateful that the other four here are still sharing it with me. They are my family.

"To us. To family."


On to Chapter 4.10
"The Price of Restitution"

Back to Chapter 4.08a
"Love Is ..."

Chapter Index

Storm Front is © 1998-2011 by SF Writer (Tyrel "Rock" Wolf)
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