The spray of the shared gym showers felt cool against the sweat of my naked skin. I closed my eyes and faced the rush of the water. I could smell the different soaps, shampoos, conditioners and body washes that the other students were using. I could hear them laughing, giggling and playing with each other. Public showers in an all boy gay school held an inner contradiction. There were guys who weren't afraid to display their bodies. They toyed and flaunted with the other boys. They were the athletes, the partygoers, and the popular brand of people that some can see only in advertisements. But they were also few in numbers. The others were shy, timid and seemingly afraid. They were a group of guys that hid behind their swimming shorts. They faced different angles to hide the pimples of their bodies or the fat that hung from their sides.

Snowy had left the fitness gym early. He was eager to stay fit but he also wanted to go into town and buy something. A secret, his eyes gleamed. I stayed behind to finish my workout. When I finished, I decided to take a shower there instead of my dorm room. I ran the soap across my body, not paying attention to the peeking eyes. My skin got tanned from the volleyball game yesterday and I looked at how that area contrasted to the whiteness below my hips. I felt tired and I was surprised that I even woke up early considering I didn't get enough sleep. The shower reminded me of the time when I was little and my mother would drag me outside to dance in the rain. My father told her that she was a crazy woman for letting me get sick like that. My mother told him that he was too paranoid. They argued for hours but when the sun came up they were just as new again, snuggling by the porch to watch the dawn of a new day.

I finished my shower and headed to the locker area of the change room. I patted my skin with a towel and ruffled my blond hair. Eric had told me that ever since I had gym outside my hair shimmered like I got it highlighted. As I was putting on my underwear one of the Gold members approached me. His name was Paul but everyone called him Boo. Boo was a Vietnamese boy who was my age but looked years younger. If there were one word to describe Boo it would be `cute'. His Asian features accentuated his square face. He had short, sharp and spiked hair. He also had very focused eyes and a smile that never went away. I met him last night at Captain's and I heard that he would be on the basketball team with me. Damien had two best friends. Boo was one of them.

"Boo!" he giggled.

I laughed and gave him a short wave.

"What are you up to Mr.?" he asked, smiling broadly.

"I just finished my workout and I'm going to see Ms. Danvers. So what are you doing this weekend?"

He smiled, playing with the strap on his bag.

"I like your lean muscles. It makes you look like a skater boy. I like skater boys. Oh uh... yeah I really don't know what I plan on doing this weekend. I'm probably doing the same old boating and beach relaxing thingy that we always do around here. Anyways I just wanted to say hi and see if you were ok from last night. See, this is why I just order water," he giggled some more.

Still smiling he continued, "I also wanted to ask you if Pierre's alright. I know you're his roommate and all and we're all just worried about him and his situation with George."

A flood of images entered my mind as I remembered the first night that I had stayed here. I could hear Pierre in my head panting as George entered him. In. Out. I shook my head.

"Pierre hasn't said anything."

But I remembered that when we had gotten back to our room and he had finally taken off his sunglasses in the dark, I saw a black eye. I had asked about it but he told me that he had tripped on the stairs.

"Ok well thanks Ethan. You're a nice person."

My father once told me that being a nice person didn't really mean anything. He said that anyone could be nice or at least pretend to be. A `good' person, he would say, is a person who has exponential qualities about them. Boo was a nice person. And maybe someday I'd see him as a good person.

After seeing Ms. Danvers I went to the library to print off some resumes. I decided that I really needed a job and I had asked Ms. Danvers if that was even possible for a student in the school.

"That's really uncommon, but I suppose you can work around it."

I wrote down my schedule and extracurricular activities on the resume to show that I only needed part time hours. Saturdays at the school reminded me of reality television shows that featured students on their winter break. Except it wasn't winter and everyone wanted a chance to go out since we were stuck in school for five days of the week. Passes were given to students but those who were in the ninth grade needed actual supervision from either the senior students or a member of the faculty. Teachers didn't mind going out since they too felt the inexorable need to release themselves from the institute.

Pass the guards I was outside again. There were many shops and tourist attractions near the school along the harbor. The harbor itself was very close to a residential area of fisherman. Along the beaches, wealthy young people from around the world owned huts and houses. These were the surfers who just wanted a carefree life. Across the vast ocean you can island chains often owned by celebrities as a place for a getaway, leisure or source of inspiration.

I decided to wear khakis, a light blue shirt (which Lee could only describe as the perfect material to blend with my eyes) and running shoes. I wanted to make a good impression for anyone willing to hire me. Throughout the day I handed out several resumes until I reached a French dessert bar. The owner wanted to hire someone soon since one of her workers had decided to move back to Minnesota. I told her my hours and that I was in a school nearby. She gave me an interview and hired me on the spot. My training would start next week and I would start working right after I came back from Mr. Buchanan's spiritual retreat. I thanked her profusely and headed back to the school.

While I was walking down the sandy beach, with my shoes in my hand, I noticed someone familiar heading in my direction. I didn't think he recognized me as he was jogging in a casual pace. He was shirtless, wearing headphones and gray track pants. His broad shoulders glimmered in the heat of the sun. His muscles rippled with every movement. Max was right when he told me that Damien had the perfect body for what he loves to do. Football. As he came closer I could see beads of sweat forming on his forehead. I could also see his eyes, focused as ever. He finally noticed me and slowed down his pace. I waited under the shade of a palm tree. My bare feet were on grass and sand. My shoes were tucked in-between my elbow and ribcage. My hands were in my pocket.

He pulled the headphones from his ears and said, "Hey."

He was out of breath.

"Hey. You do know that we have a track at school, right?"

He put his hands on his hips.

He huffed a laugh and said, "Yes Ethan, I know we have a track at school. I rarely use it though because I don't board at the school."

It made sense. I never actually saw him at school outside of Ethic's class.

"Oh yea? So your family lives around here?"

"God no. My dad got me a condo by the city and I drive to school. Anyway, jogging outside feels better I guess. There's more to see. So how about you, are you enjoying the weekend?"

I sat back against the tree and I put my shoes down to grab my socks from within them.

"It's alright."

I didn't know what to say to him. And I didn't know what he expected from me. Every time I tried to start a conversation with him the night before, he would say something small with nothing to flare a discussion on. I decided that I wouldn't even bother. Yet, I could still feel the warmth of the hot springs.

"That's cool. Well, I got to go, I still have some things to take care of after this."

I smiled and nodded.

"Oh and Ethan?"

"Yes," I said to him as I placed my last shoe on my foot.

"About homecoming... I just want to apologize. I was kind of tipsy and what I did to you was inappropriate. I'm eighteen and you're only sixteen... and it's not because I don't find you attractive or anything, but I just want to find someone who's roughly around my own age."

I was silent for a second. But the second was longer than it should have been. I forced a smile.

"It's ok. I'm just not use to... was I really a bad kisser?"

He looked at me and smirked.

"You are too cute. No. You were amazing..." he let the last word linger too long.

But he continued, "To be honest, I was just looking for a good time."

I don't know why but my reflexes formed a question, "So... you and Max... are..."

"Yes. And no. He's not my boyfriend or anything. I don't do that. We've just done stuff once or twice. But its not like I haven't done stuff with several other guys."

"Really?"

"I can't even count how many. Don't worry though. I keep it safe."

I didn't know what to say. But at the same time I wasn't surprised.

I nodded. He tried looking into my eyes.

"Anyways Ethan. I'll see you later."

He placed his headphones back on, stretched, and then jogged away. I started walking again, in the other direction, towards the school. My mom would bake brownies whenever she had a bad day at work. I never understood it. My father would say that she's just being strange. But right now I could use one of those brownies.

When I got to the bedroom of my dorm room I quickly locked the door. I took off my shoes and placed them under my bed. I put my hands up to stretch out my arms. When my hands came down they felt for my groin area. It was hard. And I was horny. Images of Damien's kisses and my roommate's midnight sex show flooded my head. The room was humid. My flesh was boiling. I pulled my shirt over my ruffled hair. I placed it on my bed. My fingers found the button of my fly. I pulled the zipper down. The head of my hardened penis was visible from the side of my hip. My pants went down to my feet. I kicked it away. I lied against the comfort of my new bed with my boxers down to my knees. My fist squeezed it. Pulled. Pushed. Down. Up. My other hand was rolling my sack around. I opened my eyes to look at the white ceiling. I needed release. But all I received was a knock on the door. My hardness went down as quickly as it went up. I sighed and pulled my underwear back on. I lifted the bed sheets to make it look as if I was sleeping.

Wavy haired Eric and Pierre were the faces I saw behind the door. Pierre had taken Eric and his friends to a new mall across town that day and now they wanted to do something else.

"Boat trip!" Eric exclaimed while looking directly at my bare chest.

Pierre still had on his sunglasses and was rummaging through his drawer.

"Yeah," he said, "you should really come Ethan. We can give you a little tour of the islands."

"So how long do we plan on staying out?" I asked.

"It's just for tonight," Eric chimed.

"Found it!" Pierre laughed while flashing his boating license.

Pierre's family owned several yachts in Hawaii that could be rented by tourists. He was given the privilege of using any one of these available yachts by just flashing his license and another piece of identification. During most weekends Pierre would take a boat for a romantic evening cruise or just for an adventure with some of the Gold or Brown members of the school. He never went against the rules of his family when it came to using the yachts because he feared that he would lose this certain right that he was given. One of the rules was that he could only use the yachts during the weekend. He took this opportunity to show me the vast sites of

For most of the night we went sailing across the Pacific rim of our Hawaiian island called Oahu. Oahu is a volcanic mass divided into sections by two separate mountain ranges. Both ranges run northwest to southeast: the Waianae range on the western side of the island, and the Koolau range to the east. The Koolau separate the city of Honolulu and its hotel-choked neighborhood of Waikiki from the windward side of the island and the towns of Kailua and Kaneohe. Carlos Montega owns several of these hotels and resorts. Travelers can take one of three tunnels — Pali, Likelike or the H-3 freeway — to cross from one side to the other. Between the two mountain ranges is a central plain. To the south of this plain is Pearl Harbor, home to the Arizona Memorial Museum; to the north is the legendary surfing area known as the North Shore.

The wind blew gently all through the dusk of day and over the sparkling ocean. The sky was a pallet of orange, purple and pink. I saw the reflection of the orange sun on the high-rise buildings of downtown Honolulu. I saw the endless line of beaches and the vast green valleys beyond them. When I turned my head in the opposite direction I saw other chains of islands across the intangible waters. I could now see and understand why many of these islands were named after gods. It was as if they were alive and breathing, generating an unstoppable energy that was both subtle and awesome. We cut through the Pacific Ocean like a hot knife on butter. Strands of my hair whipped through the breeze. My eyes shone like they never had. I looked back at my two companions. Eric had seen this many times before but he never got over the majestic and surreal capacity of Mother Nature. Pierre on the other hand looked emotionless while he steered the boat. As if this was nothing more than an illusion cast down to distract him from his very own thoughts. And still he wore the sunglasses that covered his unique colored eyes.

It was already dark when we got back to Montega Academy. Pierre let Eric drive back. He was excited about driving a car for the first time. I don't know about Pierre but I was petrified. I played it off like it was nothing and Eric had a daring smile of triumphant on his face when he went back to his dorm room. When Pierre and I got back to our own dorm room I called Lee to tell him about my sailing experience.

"Lucky bastard."

I chuckled and said, "You should go sometime."

"Maybe."

"So what did you do all day?"

"Work. I'm still on training. But I definitely think that my job will be a lot more interesting."

"Why's that?"

"Because I have to learn all this business stuff."

"Why? I thought you were going to be part of maintenance."

"I am. They also want me to be able to do some computing for inventory on maintenance supplies. All the tools, soaps, paints, electronics and other equipment are pretty expensive and they want someone with people skills to do the inventory work."

"At least it sounds like you're doing something important."

"Thanks."

I laughed at his sarcasm.

"Hey guess what?"

"What? You went scuba diving too?"

"Nah. I got a job waiting tables at a dessert bar."

"Ettie, I told you I could handle all that for you."

"Look Lee. I understand your need to take care of me, but I want to be a little independent. I want to be able to stand on my own."

"How about school?"

"I got that covered."

He sighed. But in the end he agreed. Lee admitted that growing up he was a `momma's boy'. But when our parents died he decided that he could no longer be the person he used to be. A part of him died along with them. He tried very hard to study and work for the both of us, but in the end he had to make a choice. Either we separate and continue both our studies under adoptive parents, or drop out of school. He ended up sacrificing his dreams. I was thirteen when I told him that I would never forget that. I promised myself that when I turned sixteen that I would help him. I would make a new dream for my brother. And that I would be just as humble and brave as he had been. Lee is my only family now and I want to take care of him. But first I must take care of myself.

"So how's the football player? Damien?"

I paused before answering.

"He's been busy."

"Just watch yourself. Anyways I'm going drinking with some of the guys. I'll visit you next week right?"

"Yeah. Right after I come back from that retreat thing that my ethic's teacher booked for us."

I remembered times when we were younger and Lee would tease me. I missed those days.

Pierre walked passed me after I had just hung up the phone. He told me that he wanted to see George before he went to bed. It was only two nights ago since I had witnessed their lovemaking in our dorm room. He was still wearing those sunglasses. I nodded and watched him walk out the door. He had almost bumped into someone who was at the door. An acne-faced guy with thick glasses came through the door. He nervously greeted the Pierre. The Gold member casually nodded at him and then walked on his way.

Snowy stood by the door. His red face was shiny from the humidity of the air. Before he reached his teenage years he was always known as the cute kid with glasses. Then his acne started to form. At first they were only blemishes, hardly noticeable. Then slowly they got worst. Month after month his face got more red and yellow. Bumps that felt like bruises formed on the epidermis that covered his head. Later, he began to get those same symptoms on his neck. His chest and back were scattered with little bumps of redness. Snowy admitted to me that he hated the way he looked.

"Don't worry," I told him, "It's not as bad as it seems."

He told me that I didn't understand. He said that my body was perfect. I told him that when I was younger I was very skinny. People would tell my mother that she didn't feed me enough or that I was practicing an early disorder. My neck was long and I had small wrists and ankles. After a while I didn't care anymore. I played the sports that I liked and I walked like there was nothing wrong with me. Confidence. It's not an easy concept for everyone but it's what makes a person the most appealing. Snowy stood in my dorm room like he didn't know what to do. I decided to wait until he would say something.

After a long pause he finally said, "Hey Ethan. Want to swim?"

I smiled, nodded and got my swimming trunks.

The swimming pool of the school could turn into a wave pool during different periods of the day. But at night, it was just a regular pool... except for the sky roof that opened up at a certain point in the night. Swimming under the stars had a certain poetic edge about it. I walked across the side of the pool just to see the last swimmers do their laps. There was an audience by the stadium. They were always the type to just watch and never really even touch the water. I wore the same swimming shorts that I had on since homecoming. Damien had kissed me in these shorts. They were also the same swimming shorts that I had played volleyball in. Snowy pretended that he didn't notice. I knew he was just pretending, but I appreciated the sentiment. I recognized Max sitting at the edge of the pool. He was staring at a constellation above him. His golden hair almost reached his shoulder blades while he leaned on his hands behind his back. His knees were in the water. After a few seconds he got out of the pool and grabbed a towel that was behind him. He turned his head to my direction and when he noticed me he gave a little wave. I walked towards him while Snowy went to the other side of the pool.

"Hey Ethan. What's ugly doing in the wave pool?"

My warm smile faded.

"Snowy's a good person Max. You of all people should know what it's like to be put down and cast aside."

He nodded and lowered his head. Maybe he was angry at my remark. But I felt that it needed to be said. I patted him on the back and walked towards my friend.

"Snowy," I called out, "Do you know how to do back flips?"

We spent an hour in the pool. Snowy learned a few new diving tricks and I did some laps before getting too tired to do anymore. We placed a mat each on the surface of the water. I lied on one with my hands behind my head and my back on the wet surface. My chest and stomach shimmered under the reflection of the night. I could see the Big Dipper and every other twinkling light. The sky looked like a black evening dress with sparkling sequence all around it. My father and I used to camp in the backyard during the summer. We played the radio all night and look up at the clouded stars and luminous moon. Lee would sometimes join us if he weren't busy talking to a girlfriend on the phone. My mother would warm up s'mores by the oven and bring them outside before going to sleep. I was only ten when I started to think and dream about a universe that existed beyond this one.

When I got back to my dorm, my two other roommates were already asleep. But there was someone outside on the balcony. Pierre was outside in his boxers, leaning against the terrace. His face was down. He wasn't big on muscle but he was smooth and toned. I approached closer.

"Pierre are you going to bed soon?" I startled him.

He turned around. He wasn't wearing his sunglasses anymore. His left eye was badly bruised. I couldn't see it in great detail but it was almost sunken in and swollen at the same time. His eyelid was almost closed.

"It's bad isn't it?"

I shook my head.

"It's nothing that a little water and ice won't cure."

He chuckled but was silent again, staring into space.

I walked into the balcony and looked at the ocean. Its waves crashed every few seconds.

"Pierre? Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's nothing..."

"Ok."

"Ethan, have you ever been in love?"

There was a nice breeze in the humid air.

"No. I've never dated before, remember?"

He leaned against the terrace next to me. We both stared at the ocean.

"It's the people you care about that can hurt you the most."

"George?"

"Yeah. He's..." Pierre trailed off.

He scratched his arm. I brushed blond strands of hair from eyes.

"It's ok. You can tell me."

"I try to be a good boyfriend and then he goes Mariah Carey on my ass."

"What?" I asked confused about the statement.

"He hits me," he sighed.

I nodded.

"But I finally got the courage to face him today."

"And?"

"I told him that I didn't want to be with someone who treats me like the way he does. He was always judging me and telling me how stupid I was. But when he wanted to fuck he'd be the nicest and sweetest person in the world. I couldn't take that kind of crap anymore. He screamed at me and told me that I was worthless. That I would never find someone like him again."

"I hope you never find someone like him again."

He glanced at me for a second and smiled.

"He won't hurt me again. But it's sad that I got caught up in his lies. He said that he loved me, but all he wanted was a sex toy. Nobody should be treated like that. Nobody should make you think that they care about you and then turn around and treat you like garbage."

I thought about what Damien said to me today. I respected his honesty. He never really led me on to believe that there was any future for us. He told me that he just wasn't looking for someone serious. He just wanted to have fun. He handled the situation the best way that he could. But I still wondered if he was being honest to himself. Maybe...

"I still love him Ethan. Is that wrong?"

"No. But I don't think that he ever really loved you. If he did, then he wouldn't of done those stupid things."

He sighed again.

"I'm not going to get over this for while. So I'm going to say sorry in advance."

"For what?"

"Acting crabby for the next couple of weeks."

I chuckled. I liked people who could laugh at the face of adversity. My mother was a lot like that. Whenever she had problems, she would set it aside and even say a joke. Pierre and I talked for a while. Our conversation lingered from our math work to television shows; music and what we both thought were attractive features in both men and women. Having a boyfriend wasn't his life; it was only a part of it. It was interesting to see this casual side of him. In my I could still picture him making love to George. But in my heart I knew that George was only using him. After my conversation with him I left Pierre to do some soul searching in the balcony. I entered our washroom. I brushed and washed up before heading to bed. It was late. The phone rang.

"Hello?"

No one answered.

"Anybody there?"

I heard breathing.

"Ethan."

"Yea. Who's this?"

"It's Damien."


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