My bare back leaned against the cool tiles. The white towel folded against my lap. The damp air wrapped around my body. I closed my eyes and felt the gentle heat surround the sweaty layer of my skin. If there was any use for a sauna, it was to make one feel as lazy as the day is long. Relax. I could still feel the eyes around me. My flesh was glazed with moisture. They watched my every move. I brushed the wet hair from my eyes. I could hear them breathe.

Time and space didn't exist right now. Things always seem to happen faster than any imagination can linger. They say that the human mind is faster than the speed of light. Adrenaline doesn't count when your racing against something as foreboding as your future. Look. Listen. Feel. Do you know that you're alive?

I wondered how his dick would feel inside me. Don't get me wrong. I thought about it before, but only briefly. Now, in this hot white room, I thought about it carefully. I wasn't hard. I wasn't even horny. I just thought about it. How big is it? Would it fit? Would it hurt? People say a lot of things about sex. Many call it fucking. Bump and ride. Am I a top or bottom? He was larger than me so he probably would like me to be bottom. Did he expect me to put it in my mouth? My friends back home read in a magazine that a tongue rolling around the head of a penis gives a lot of stimulation. Would he want me to swallow? He's made it clear that he wants it. He's tried several times. I wasn't ready. Am I ready now? How do I know? Why am I so weird? Why can't I just go with it and not feel guilty of even thinking about it? It's because you don't want to do it. You're not even sure if he really likes you. Don't give into something that might not even be there. The first time isn't that special. It usually feels awkward. But it should be with the right person who you know has the right feelings. And make sure that both of you are safe.

I opened my eyes. The same people were still there. Only two minutes have passed. I stood up, fixed my towel, and walked out the door.

I wanted to smell good for the grand opening of the new Asian restaurant in Chinatown. Dragon Center. My father once told me that smelling good is the best first impression a person can give. It's not just what cologne, perfume or scent that you are wearing; it's how much you put on and at what distance a person can smell it. The way a person smells reveals a lot about them. It reveals their personal taste and how far their willing to hide what they really smell like underneath. I decided to place a few drops of the sample I had gotten from the local department store on my wrists and at the lower side of my neck. Lee had told me that it was a formal event and that I should dress accordingly. I buttoned the gray long-sleeve till it reached my neck. The black dress pants were a bit loose, but at least they were comfortable. I wrapped the black tie around the collar of the shirt. It had silver square patterns that glimmered in the right lighting. I looked in the mirror. Lee had worn this on his prom and was he kind enough to give it to me before we left home.

Joe was waiting in the parking lot of the school. He sat on the hood of his SUV, wearing a sleeveless shirt and a pair of designer jeans. A cigarette was placed between his index and middle finger. I never saw him smoke before, but ever since Timmy Montega's council meeting, he already smoked a pack and a half. The meeting was two days ago. Eric told me that Joe rarely smoked and only did so when he was stressed out about something. Bobby's conversation with Pierre the night before the meeting re-played in my head. I tried to put it out of my mind. Joe was doing me a favor tonight. He volunteered to drive me to the restaurant, where I was to meet Lee and his new girlfriend. Joe smiled broadly when he saw me.

"It looks like you got that from Wal-Mart," he laughed.

"We did get it from Wal-Mart."

He winced.

"Well, you look good in anything."

He jumped off the vehicle and pressed on his key remote. The SUV blinked. Unlocked. He stepped into the driver's side. I moved over into the passenger seat.

"So is this the first time that you're meeting up with your brother's girlfriend?" he asked while fastening his seatbelt.

I nodded, "Yeah. He always talks about her."

"Liam's a cool guy. I'm pretty sure that whatever girl he has is probably worth getting to know."

He rolled the windows down. The evening breeze swept through my gelled hair as the SUV sped onto the freeway.

"Listen Ethan, I just wanted to let you know that I think you're a pretty decent person."

He kept his eyes on the road.

"Thanks -"

"And you've become friends with all of us pretty quickly. But there are some things that we keep to ourselves. We're a pretty tight group and we're very picky about the friends that we have. You're cool and all, but don't feel offended if we don't all completely open up to you right away."

I could see the golden skyscrapers of downtown Honolulu through the windshield.

"Look Joe. Everyone has secrets and stuff they want to keep to themselves. I'm cool with it. But if you know something that could hurt someone or save them, you shouldn't keep it to yourself."

He nodded, keeping his eyes on the road. Joe was quiet throughout most of the drive. I felt like he wanted to say more, but it was also felt like he didn't want to say too much. I watched him carefully, remembering Bobby's conversation with Pierre. I could see what Bobby saw in Joe. He was tall and attractive. He was the redheaded bad boy and class clown of Montega Academy. Joe was also hiding something. What had he done? What did Kyle know? And more importantly, should I tell anyone about my suspicions?

Honolulu's Chinatown was a wondrous maze of shops, galleries and eateries. Most of the Oriental population resided within this portion of town. Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Filipino... all these people and more lived together along with the Caucasians and island Natives. Chinatown represents a colorful and unique slice of Hawaiian history. You can trace the arrival of the first Asians from China in 1789, when the people of China were free to roam the Pacific with their highly advanced boating technology. It wasn't until the 1850s, however, that the Chinese began arriving in large numbers to work on the sugar plantations. Many of these were men who couldn't attain jobs in China because of the economic crisis there. They packed their bags and left everything they held dear in order to be able to feed their families. In time, they were able to gain enough money to send in their relatives. They formed a community of family-run shops where they could sell their wares. The European immigrants used the term `Chinatown' to racially segregate the people from South East Asia during the 1870s.

"Did you know that Boo's family own a franchise here in Chinatown? Most of the Vietnamese restaurants and shops are owned by his grandparents."

Joe pointed at several places.

Boo was never vocal about his family. But neither were many of the boys in the school. Forgetting one's troubles was easier if it were never mentioned.

"From your brother's directions, Dragon Center should be around this corner."

"I think the two giant dragon statues over there give it away."

Joe laughed. He really was a nice guy and I did feel guilty about suspecting him of anything to do with Kyle's death.

From the outside the Dragon Center looked like a misplaced Buddhist temple in-between a bank and a movie theatre. There were two identical dragon statues guarding each side of the entrance. The walls around the front were painted red, while the Asian symbols were decorated in gold.

Joe grinned, "It looks nicer than it sounds. Maybe I'll take Bobby here one of these days."

"Yeah. That would be really sweet. Thanks for the ride Joe."

He patted me on the shoulder and looked at me directly.

"No problem Ethan. Anything for a friend."

I nodded. It was the first time he ever called me that and it made me smile. After I left his SUV he stayed parked until he was sure I was already within the restaurant. I glanced back to see him smoothly weave in-between cars. Two Asian men dressed in a traditional Chinese silk long-sleeve held the doors of the entrance. Red. That was the color scheme I was beginning to notice. I thought of the Chinese restaurant back home. It was simple. Clean. But it was also small and quaint. It was nothing compared to the extravagance that laced the interior designs of this temple like building. The newly built Dragon Center showcased the different ethnicities of the Far East. Samurai statues lined side by side from the entrance to the front desk. Each warrior garnished armor made of limestone and a silver sword that pointed to the sky. Sitting behind the front desk was a beautiful Japanese woman wearing a purple kimono. Silk. She smiled.

"Hi I'm here under Naomi's party. My last name is Jackman. First name Ethan."

She pulled her sleeve to reveal her delicate wrist as she searched the list with a pen. She crossed out a line.

"Someone will be here shortly to show you to your table."

Her voice reminded me of my kindergarten teacher. It was soft and inviting. I noticed a smiling golden Buddha on the desk. He had a slot on top of his big round head. Tips, I thought. I pulled out my wallet and took out all my quarters. One by one I slid the quarters through the slot of the smiling Buddha. Each time I heard a jingle when the coin reached the bottom. The Japanese woman smiled. She nodded her thanks.

After a few seconds an Asian man walked towards us. The woman spoke to him in English. He had an accent. This told me that the man wasn't Japanese. She showed him the list. He glanced at me and quickly gestured me to follow him. The restaurant had different themes within every dining room. Sliding paper doors separated all the rooms. Some rooms had tables so low that people had to sit on the floor. The waiters and waitresses were all dressed in different types of Asian clothing. Each of them wore a nametag with a small tropical flower beside it. I saw it as a symbol for the culmination of cultures gathered in the colorful world of Chinatown.

"Right this way, sir."

He directed me into a room of tables. I passed through several people, most presumably tourists. Semi-formal. A fairly large woman with a pearl necklace and blue dress hungrily chewed a piece of chicken, glazed in teriyaki, with her hands. The waiter pointed to one table. I could see my brother from behind. His highlighted hair shimmered in the dimly lit room. He had broad shoulders like Damien had. Across from him was a lightly tanned young woman in a silver dress. Lee had explained to me that Naomi was half Hawaiian half Dutch. Her eyes were the lightest brown that I've ever seen. She placed her delicate fingers by her lips and laughed. My brother was turning to remove his blazer when he finally noticed me standing behind him.

"Ettie. You're late. You almost missed the traditional eating ritual," he waved.

"Sorry. I had a bunch of things to do... Eating ritual? Don't you mean tea ceremony?"

"Yea. Yea. Whatever." He laughed. "This is Naomi and her gorgeous daughter Alexis."

Her soft hands reached mine.

"I finally get to meet the good looking one," she teased.

"Liam always has a story about you whenever I see him."

I smiled.

"And he won't let me out of a conversation without saying something about you."

She giggled with a soft expression on her face. I turned my attention to the three-year-old. She had pigtails and a missing front tooth. In her left hand she held two chopsticks. Her right hand was extended to my direction. She wore a white plastic bib with a picture of a giant red crab in the middle. I smiled and shook her hand.

"You must be Alexis."

She smiled toothily.

"Yep. And you're Uncle Ettie!"

Uncle? I laughed. Ettie? Only my family ever called me that name.

Dinner started almost immediately. I sat in-between Lee and Alexis. There were several tables in the room with a sushi bar at the back. Above the tables hung several beige paper cranes. One waiter came into the middle of the room. He was dressed in black traditional Chinese attire. His long hair wrapped around his cap. He had a microphone in his hand and spoke a dialect of Chinese. After ever sentence he would repeat what he said in perfect English.

"Welcome honored guests to the house of the red dragon. This humble restaurant was inspired by the different ethnicities of Chinatown. It is an establishment that hopes to exhibit the Asian heritage of Hawaii. Enjoy the rest of your night. Eat and be merry."

For tomorrow we shall die. I don't know why but I was thinking about Damien again. We walked towards the buffet section and into the servery, which was just in the next room. Lee walked in front of me, hand in hand with Alexis who was hand in hand with her mother. They looked like a happy family; a family that I, apparently, was not a part of. They dispersed right when they grabbed their plates. Alexis went straight for the desserts. I smiled.

Lee turned his head and said, "You ok Ettie?"

"Yea. Why?"

I grabbed a plate. Porcelain. Warm.

"You just seem really quiet."

He made himself a salad and began to pour salad dressing onto it. Italian.

"It's school. I don't know whether to believe Timmy Montega or not."

I grabbed a few strawberries and a vegetable springroll.

"Listen Ettie. If it's true, I want you to get the hell away from there. But didn't Sophie clear everything up with her `suspicion' speech?"

I nodded. Sophie told everyone that she was indeed part of an investigation. She was told to find out if Kyle died from peer pressure. She tried to convince us that it was peer pressure that could have been the real killer. But I also remembered that she was agitated and her dialogue was flurry.

"I thought you didn't trust Sophie."

He froze. He looked around, and then came closer to my level in height.

"Just between you and me. I've been talking to Sophie for a while now."

"You mean on the phone?"

"Yeah. I called her up at the school all angry and shit, because I was really annoyed. But you know what? She was more concerned about your safety than anything else and..."

I almost dropped my plate.

"You. You knew about the investigation and you never told me?"

People began to pay attention to our conversation. We moved an aisle down.

"It's not like that Ettie. It's just that she really needed to let me understand why the hell she was here. And she too thought that there was something oddly suspicious with Kyle's death. She was told during her training about several investigations and she pursued this one because everyone in town knew you were going to this school. She was just worried about you. And I didn't want to freak you out. Ok?"

I nodded. Lee always knew that Sophie's real dream was law, that's why he knew that she wouldn't have given that up to be a social worker.

"But I'm not a little kid anymore Lee. I'm not just going to freak out. I need to know what's going on too. They're called rights or whatever."

I suddenly felt a realization. Kyle was the only who knew. Bobby. He said those words. He said them with fear and anxiety. How did Kyle really die?

When we got back to the table, Alexis was cheerfully chewing a piece of sushi. Naomi was cutting up her shrimp. Lee sat beside them.

Naomi looked up while I was eating, "So how's school at Montega's?"

"It's good. The work is a bit harder, especially math. But they go through it with you till you can understand it. And they have one of the nicest facilities. So it's all good."

"That's great. Your brother tells me that you're also working somewhere."

"Yeah. I'm working at this dessert bar by the beach."

Naomi took a springroll from her daughter's plate and ate it. Lee grabbed a shrimp from Naomi's plate and ate it.

Lee smiled at Naomi and said, "Ettie's been juggling school, work, basketball and a new boyfriend."

My cheeks turned red.

"He isn't a... we're not..."

"It's ok," she chuckled, "I've been through that phase in high school. You really don't know what you two are. Its kind of fuzzy, these feelings... You do have feelings for this guy right?"

I laughed nervously. I could picture Damien's face atop his broad shoulders. A part of me hoped that I had no feelings for him. My mom always told me that people should be honest about how they feel. She was never honest with her own father. And when he suddenly died, all the words that she ever wanted to tell him finally came. It was the biggest regret of her life.

"How about you? How's work at the hotel?"

She raised her perfectly even eyebrows. She knew that I had changed the subject.

"If I smile any more than I already do at guest services, I won't need botox when I turn forty. It's stressful, but the majority of people are friendly."

"Cool. How about you Alexis? How's life as a 3-year-old?"

She smiled shyly and took another scoop of rice.

"She's shy at first but she's a very talkative little girl."

Alexis looked at me through the corner of her eyes.

"She thinks you're beautiful Ethan."

I smiled.

"I think she's beautiful too."

We talked for a bit more. There was something striking and all too familiar with Naomi. It was like the feeling of autumn on a midsummer's day. Where the restless trees grew quiet under the ever-blowing winds. Where they sky flashed with bright colors of pink and blue. It was burden written in the crevices of an oak tree.

She taught me how to use chopsticks. Lee talked about funny moments at his job. Alexis finally said something about some cartoon. I sighed. They were happy. I remember family dinners. My father would bring out the food and place it neatly on the table. He was more worried about set up than his own wife. My mother would call us down. We were always home at this specific time. It was the part of our day that we always spent together. Sometimes we didn't have much to say and we would just muse about the news. But more often than not we would discuss the portions of our lives that the rest of the family didn't see, hear or feel. We would laugh about weird incidents or sympathize with tragedy we witnessed. It was just a normal family dinner. We did have fights. And sometimes the fights were so bad that we wouldn't say anything to each other. But even after all that, I still miss it. I stared at the three of them across from me in this Asian restaurant.

One of the waiters approached the table. He told us that someone was looking for a guy named Ethan in this specific table. He said that this person was waiting for me in the front of the restaurant. I excused myself and walked through the oriental design of the hallways. As I stepped out the humidity of the island wrapped itself around me. I looked around. At first I felt that it was some sort of practical joke till I saw a familiar car blink from across the street. People walked by. Cars zoomed. I made a slight jog for the car and opened the passenger seat. It smelled nice inside, like he had just taken a shower.

"Hey," he smiled like a kid in a candy shop.

"Hi." I tried not to look in his direction.

He sighed and fixed the rear view mirror, but not before checking out his neatly combed hair. His fluid motions rippled the muscles on his arms and broad shoulders.

"Going out?" I asked.

"No."

I nodded. There was a brief silence.

"I actually just wanted to see you."

My stomach did something funny. He grasped my knee, which forced me to look at him directly. His brown eyes seemed so colorful. I knew what was going to happen.

"Damien I -"

He leaned over and pressed his lips against mine. They were thick and soft but strong all at the same time. I tried to keep my mouth closed but he did that thing where he licked the gap where my lips met and I knew there was no going back. I did try to warn him. I pulled away.

"Sorry. I was in the middle of eating dinner and I ate some sushi-"

"Damn Ethan. When are you ever going to stop being so damn modest?"

I laughed. I placed my hands in my pocket. He rubbed my elbow.

"So what are you doing here?" I asked.

"I heard that Joe was the one who dropped you off here. If you needed a ride, I was available."

Was he jealous?

"He was the one who actually offered."

He paused for a second.

"I see. My sources tell me that he's just sucking up to you. You know something don't you?"

I thought about it.

"Not that I know of."

He eyed me suspiciously and then gave me a wicked grin.

"Pierre knows that you over heard his conversation with Bobby in your dorm room."

Busted.

"I didn't mean to. I was ready to sleep when -"

"Ethan. Relax. I bet you're really curious about Bobby and Joe after you heard that conversation. I'll tell you everything."

My hand caressed the leather seat.

"You don't have to. It's probably none of my business anyway."

"I just want you to know that I trust you."

I looked at him. Why did he need to trust me?

Damien cleared his throat and began his story, "It all started the day Joe was outted. His father always put the guy down and after years of verbal abuse Joe finally decided to leave that life behind. With the emotional and financial support of his aunt, he made his way to our school. In his freshman year he didn't make a lot of friends and was always looked down upon because he wasn't as rich as the other kids. But he at least made friends with one really nerdy kid. The underestimated Lucky was Joe's first friend. Like Joe, Lucky was an outcast who had big dreams. Lucky and Joe made a pact that they would make it to the top. Two years down the road, Lucky gained a lot of popularity and Joe was sort of left behind. It was because Joe had no money to keep up with everyone's lifestyle. That is until he met Bobby. Bobby offered him money for a while and he was real nice about it until Joe's guilt got the best of him. During that time a man who owned a private business in Europe came to the island for a vacation. He found Bobby and Joe on the beach and asked them if they wanted to be filmed. If they agreed they would get a certain percentage of the profit earned. So they both did a couple videos they did a couple of videos together that would only be sold in that part of Europe. All the money went to Joe and he's made enough to last till he graduates. So that's the big secret and I know I can trust you with it."

I nodded.

"But I also heard that Kyle was somehow involved."

"The only people who knew were the Gold members of this year, until Bobby told Kyle."

I thought about what he told me carefully. Joe had no allowance. He met Bobby who would give him money until he felt ashamed about it. They did under-aged pornography through a foreign agency that would not show the videos other than that specific place in Europe just for a large sum of money. The only ones who knew about this were Damien, Lucky, Pierre and Boo.

"So why did Bobby need to tell Kyle?"

"He probably had an emotional breakdown and Kyle's the type of guy you'd go to if you ever have one of those. This Dr. Phil moment happened only a month ago. At first Kyle was ready to tell one of the counselors at the school. He was like that. Always trying to do the right thing."

Though the window was open, I was still perspiring from the humidity of the air.

"Did he tell anyone though?"

"Not to our knowledge. Bobby made him take an oath. But Bobby's mistake was telling Joe that Kyle knew about their little secret the night before the trip. Joe was furious at first but he calmed down knowing that Kyle would keep his word. It was cool and even the next day he was joking around."

I nodded. I thought about the night when Pierre and Bobby were talking right outside my room. They mentioned that Joe was scared. He was terrified that his parents would find out. It made sense. His father already looked down upon him because of his sexuality. If they were to ever find out about the videos...

"Damien, you didn't have to tell me all this."

He leaned on his steering wheel while facing me.

"I just really need you to know that I trust you."

"Why?"

He smiled.

"What's with all the questions? I just like the way see me."

I nodded. What did he mean by that?

"I got to go. My brother and his girlfriend are probably wondering where the hell I went."

He patted my knee as if to say something but instead gave a slight nod and a devilish grin.

"I'll see you later my sexy boy."

In that brief instant after he said those words, I thought about what it would be like to leave my inhibitions. What was it about Damien? That thing. It was that thing again. I wondered if it was wrong to think about his flesh on mine. I let him kiss me. I did it the first time we met. I let him touch me. I wasn't too bothered during our trip into the jungle. I felt its hardness through his shorts. I could describe how it physically felt. It was long and thick and warm. But there was another feeling it gave me. It made me feel needed.

"Oh and don't forget about our project for Ethic's class. We'll go to my place next week to work on it."

His place. I was going to let him... I wanted to let him... Was it wrong? Why did it feel wrong? It's because that it was missing something important. Something crucial. Something profound.

"Yeah. Thanks Damien."

I placed a small kiss on his cheek. He grabbed my waist for an equally small hug. When we pulled away he gave me the most intense look he'd ever given me. I tried to ignore it and I opened my side of the door. I fixed my tie before completely stepping out. I saw Damien shake his head. He started the car and was ready to leave, waiting for his chance to depart into oncoming traffic. The restaurant looked so far away.

Even though I keep thinking about my parent's memories, there are things that I still want to forget. But I can't forget what I've already forgotten. I wondered about Kyle. Did he feel this way? Did he forget everything when he died? When I think back, I pick and choose memories that make sense to me. Right about now, Joe and Bobby are innocent in my memories. They were just victims of mostly themselves. They wanted to find an easy answer to the problems they were facing. And if Joe was the last person to talk to Kyle, then he's still a suspect. His motive could have been to keep Kyle from telling authoritative figures about videos that should have never been. But if that were the case, then Damien would have never told me the truth. He probably had the same suspicion but ruled it out because Joe would have had a different attitude during the trip. He wasn't acting strange at all. I think too much.

When I got back to the where Lee and his company were sitting, they were eating their second dish.

"Ettie. Did Damien keep you too long?"

I pulled my chair back.

"How did you know it was Damien who was waiting outside for me?"

Naomi giggled.

"We sort of spied on you."

I choked on my cold meat.

"For how long?"

Naomi placed her hand on mine.

"Well you were gone for quite a while and we were worried. So the three of us went outside to check up on you."

My cheeks went bright red.

"And we sort of saw you give that hot guy a kiss on the cheek. It was really cute though."

Lee gave Naomi a quizzical look, "Hot guy?"

"Well he is for a high school student," she cleared her throat.

Alexis was still focused on her own food. I was extremely embarrassed.

She laughed, "Ok I'll change the subject while you eat. Do you know anything about the history of Chinatown in Oahu?"

I shook my head. My cheeks were still hot.

"Alexis can hear this story too."

She propped the child onto her lap. Lee moved himself, along with his food to sit beside Naomi.

"The first wave of Asian immigrants were the Chinese explorers who arrived on the shores of Hawaii in the late 18th century. But it wasn't until the 1850s when the Chinese came in much larger numbers to work on the sugar plantations that they finally formed a community. I guess you can say that this community would lead to what is now called Chinatown. This restaurant can go on and on about how wonderful the community of is but when you take a closer look you can see that this place was made for racial segregation."

She looked at her confused daughter.

"It was made to separate people from each other because they were different. Though segregated the Asian people did not mind, just as long as they were healthy and that they worked. However, disaster struck in 1886 when the Great Fire almost consumed all of Chinatown. Many lost their lives and at least 7000 lost their homes. Some say that it was the white men who started the flames because the Orientals competed with them in the workforce. To the Asians, the white men had set their world on fire... and it did not stop there. Just 13 years later, the Board of Health announced the presence of the Bubonic Plague in the city, after someone there had died of it. 7000 were placed under quarantine. By the end of the year, 13 people had died. The Board of Health burned down every building in which a person had contracted the disease. On January 20, 1900, the Board of Health intended to burn the wood buildings on the mauka (mountain) side of Beretania Street between Nuuanu Avenue and Smith Street. Five people had died in this block in the previous week. The fire was ignited in the morning and it went well until the wind shifted. Soon buildings adjoining the area were ablaze and then fire leaped to the steeple of Kaumakapili Church, which stood on Beretania at the head of Smith Street. The fire fighters could not get water to such a height, and from the steeples the flames, aided by a strong wind, spread to devour thirty-eight acres, almost all of Chinatown. No lost of life was recorded, but 4000 had lost their homes. The early citizens of Chinatown only knew a world of fire."

Naomi was a captivating storyteller. Fire was all they knew. Lee was mystified while Alexis was hiding under the tablecloth. I looked up at the ceiling and brushed my blond hair from eyes. All these paper cranes... they represented the hopes and dreams of all those people.

I hadn't even noticed that dinner was already finished. Fortune cookies were spread onto the table. I read my fortune. `Secrets rarely stay secrets long'. I chewed the sweet biscuit that folded my fortune. The dinner was good and I found that I actually liked Naomi and Alexis. But someone else was there, somewhere in the shadows. Hiding. Spying. Lee thought that he was so smart for catching me with Damien. But he wasn't as good as the person lurking behind the aquarium. We wouldn't find out till later... Sophie, when will you ever learn?


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