The tires of the truck seemed to scream as they struck the ribbed asphalt of the bridge's apron. This was followed by a thunk as they hit the metal expansion joint at the beginning of the span. Now there was nothing but a hum from the tires as the speeding vehicle crossed the bridge and shot up the road on the other side.

Alan hadn't even bothered to look up this time; it was too dark to see anything so why bother. He pushed the cardboard box up against the steel beam a little further in an attempt to get comfortable. It had been another long night of drifting in and out of sleep, moments of fitful rest interrupted by the noise of traffic over his head.

At least the mosquitoes hadn't found him up here scrunched in against the bottom of the bridge. They had virtually eaten him alive that first night down by the water before he realized his mistake. Sleeping here wasn't anything like the camping trips his family used to take before ... before ...

Alan shuddered at the sudden memory of that most horrible of moments. God must have been looking the other way that day...what was it now, three months ago? The sadness seemed to sweep up out of nowhere and Alan gasped at the pain it caused in his empty stomach. He felt the tears flow from his eyes and sobbed at the thoughts ... Oh God, what did I do to deserve this?

The Lord had taken her so quickly ... too quickly for him to even grasp what was happening. The moment his momma sat him down on the porch swing and gazed into his eyes with a growing sadness on her face he knew his life would change.

"Oh baby ... I have a cancer ... " she had begun, and then two months later she was gone.

Alan had barely begun to grasp what it would mean to his young life and then God had unleashed the devil himself. The boy had lived under her protection ... and then she was gone. Nothing could save him from his father's wrath. It was as if the man blamed him for everything that had gone wrong ... but what hurt the most was that he did it in the name of the Lord.

The boy could endure the hate, the occasional beatings and even the starvation his father forced him to endure. But to say that God himself ordained that he was beyond redemption, that his sin was beyond saving grace, was the harshest penalty, the final insult.

Alan had finally dragged his bruised body out to the barn and tried to hang himself. The old rope broke, slamming his body to the dusty floor where the pain finally sunk in. His mind told him that he was as worthless, he couldn't even end his life. But in his heart he knew the Lord was trying to tell him something important, he just needed time to figure it out.

The scream of another set of tires, the thunk, and then the hum brought him back to his current situation. Alan closed his eyes and prayed ... prayed to the Lord he knew and not the one that guided his father's life.

"Forgive me Lord, I am just who you made me to be."

It was the hardest part about accepting himself. For he had read in the Bible that God had made man in his own image and that could only mean he was meant to suffer. It had been only two years before when he had accepted the Lord and been baptized to be born again in his faith.

His momma had smiled upon him that day; his father had not even glanced his way. He didn't understand how the man could hate him so. That had all been before ... even before the sin which shamed his family.

Billy had only spoken to him casually before that cursed day. Billy Hyatt ... the very name still made his stomach churn with fear. But Alan had felt the young man watching him all morning as they baled the hay and stacked it in the barn. As hired hands went Billy was pretty good, his father had chosen the guy because he worked so hard.

At twenty-three, Billy had a hard strong body. Farm work had built him a terrific set of muscles that Alan couldn't help but admire. At barely sixteen, Alan's body was just starting to develop ... he could only envy what God had given Billy, and there was the shame.

Maybe he had looked at Billy one too many times that afternoon, he wasn't trying to be obvious in his admiration. Billy had grinned back and told him to keep on working. It was as if something had passed between them, but Billy was a lot friendlier after that.

He remembered washing up for dinner and looking at his sun burnt skin in the bathroom mirror. Billy was brown as a tobacco leaf from his weeks in the fields, he would never burn. But Alan's days had been spent in a classroom until the harvest, he would burn and peel no matter what he did.

It was after that fried chicken dinner when his mother suggested he take the leftover chicken down to the trailer park where the hired men stayed. Alan felt a sudden rush of excitement at being able to see Billy again. He had never ventured to be sociable with any of the hired hands. It was probably because of the language barrier, so many of them were Mexican.

He remembered feeling the fading sun irritate his already tender neck as he carried the box of food down the back road towards the trailers. The old beat up pickup trucks were gone from beside the camp which meant the Mexicans were probably off for a little well deserved party time. Alan's father wouldn't allow them to drink on his property, it was a sin he couldn't tolerate.

But Billy's truck was there and Alan felt a thrill knowing that he might be alone with the guy even for just a little while. He knocked on the door of the trailer and stood back. A minute passed and he knocked again ... Billy opened the door and Alan almost dropped the box.

It was incredible when he saw Billy take off his shirt as they worked. But now the guy stood in the door with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. The shock of seeing all that skin at one time made Alan blush and worse ... his eyes stared down at the bulge that was barely hidden beneath the folds of cloth.

"Uh ... um ... momma sent you some food," Alan managed to say.

"Come on in," Billy laughed and he took the box from Alan's hands.

The first thing the boy saw was the empty beer cans on the kitchen counter, something that would make his father furious. Billy dropped the box on his battered table and turned back around with a can in his hand.

"You want some of this?" Billy asked.

Alan shook his head, he'd never tasted beer. But it seemed the guy wasn't going to take no for an answer. He swiped something off the counter and held out his hand.

"Here, take these ... they'll make that sunburn feel better."

Alan was feeling the pain on his shoulders something fierce and the pills looked like aspirin. He grasped them with his fingers and popped them in his mouth. Billy held out the beer can and reluctantly Alan took it to wash down the pills. He took a sip, just enough to make the pills go down, and almost gagged at the taste. Billy laughed as he took the can back and chugged the remainder.

"I was just about to get in the shower ... I seen you looking at me today," Billy said. And with that he dropped the towel to the floor. Alan couldn't help himself, he had to look down and his heart almost stopped beating.

Billy was only an arm's length away and then he stepped closer. Alan was frozen to the spot, his body refused to respond to command. He wanted to flee but instead he felt his own shameful arousal pushing out the front of his jeans.

"So you do like this," Billy said, hefting his cock with one hand while placing the other on Alan's shoulder. And then as if knowing how the boy would respond he used both hands to push down until Alan was on his knees. Billy laughed again and shoved his rigid cock in the boy's face.

"Suck me, little man ... I know you want to."

Alan had dreamed about this moment, but only while masturbating in bed at night. Billy had been the object of so much fantasy ... so much desire, and now it was all right there in his face. Billy pushed himself forward and Alan opened his mouth.

It was risky ... dangerous beyond belief for them both. Alan had braces on his teeth and Billy could have been hurt, but he wasn't. Alan had never sucked a cock before; he didn't know the first thing about such an activity. But he didn't have to do much because Billy grasped his head and thrust into the heat of his mouth.

Alan gagged at the immensity of that cock shoved down his throat. The taste was strange and the smell of the guy's crotch overpowering after a hard day's work. He wanted to please Billy; he wanted to do whatever he was told. But he must have been a terrible cock sucker.

Billy pulled away and grabbed Alan's neck. A hand flashed to the boy's waist and unsnapped his jeans, pulling at them, clawing them down around his ankles. Alan found himself being pushed down on the edge of the couch as Billy ripped off his briefs. It was only the shock of such a sudden attack on his clothing that kept Alan from yelling.

Rough hands reached between his legs and grasped his ball sac, pulling upwards. Alan began to struggle as he felt his balls being yanked but he tumbled face first into the fabric of the couch. He didn't know what was happening until he felt Billy push a wad of spit against his asshole. He tried to turn away but that hand on his balls was in control. And then Billy shoved his cock forward.

The shear terror of the moment was almost negated by the searing flash of pain that cock created as it tore into him. Alan screamed only to feel a hand clamp down on his mouth and several more inches of hard flesh shoved deep into his rectum. It was the moment Alan felt himself lose control as his bladder let go and the blackness engulfed his mind.

It could have been a few minutes or maybe even an hour later when Alan regained consciousness. His pants were still around his ankles but he could feel the lump of something wet pressed against his bottom, He regretted it the moment he tried to move. His head swam and he began to feel a numbness engulfing his whole body ... what was wrong with him?

"Just relax a bit ... let the pills take effect," Billy said.

Alan turned his head towards the sound of that voice and saw Billy sitting in a chair across from the couch. He had on a pair of shorts now; no tell tale bulge ... no sign of what had just happened.

Alan wanted to cry but his whole brain seemed numb. Billy had fucked him ... raped him, but he couldn't feel any pain back there. And as if sensing the boy's confusion, Billy smiled.

"I gave you a couple of Percocet for the sunburn. You'll feel numb for most of the night, but that should take care of your tight little ass too."

Billy had drugged him and Alan knew that was plain wrong, but he didn't seem to care.

"I ... I can't feel anything," Alan said, his words slurred as if he were drunk.

"I'm sorry, I got carried away," Billy said. "I just saw you looking at me and knew you wanted sex. I've always known you were a little faggot, but I didn't know you were a virgin. Don't you fags like to screw around with one another? I never would have touched you if I knew you were virgin like that. Sorry."

Alan tried to raise his head and felt the room spin. He had to get home, his father would wonder. Oh Lord, he was sure Billy had torn up his asshole something fierce.

"Am I bleeding?" Alan asked.

"Little bit, most of it stopped right quick. You're gonna be sore tomorrow ... but hey, look at the bright side. Now you can go fuck all your fag buddies whenever you want."

The horror of what had happened washed over him and Alan began to cry ... it was unfortunately the moment his father chose to yank open the trailer door.

Billy was sent packing and left within the hour. Alan's father almost dragged the boy back to the house, cursing the whole way. He fell several times only to be yanked to his feet and forced to stumble forward. The only words Alan could remember after that were the ones his father said as he dropped the boy on the kitchen floor in front of his mother.

"Your God Damned little faggot son got hisself screwed in the ass, does that make you happy now?"

It was days before Alan could walk, even longer before he could sit down without wincing. But he was not allowed at his father's table even then, the boy felt as if he had been banished in his own home. And then his mother got sick.

In some ways Alan felt as if he were responsible for God's condemnation on his family. The spring hay had come in but the corn crop lay parched in the summer sun, the whole area of the state suffered under drought conditions. Farmers knew they would lose the whole crop even if the rains finally decided to fall; it was too late to save anything.

Alan avoided his father, even when it came time to bury his mother. The first encounter they had in the hallway that night led to a beating, Alan knew he wasn't welcome in that house ... it was time to leave.

He thought about taking a truck but then he had no money for gas. He loaded a few possessions and some clothes in a back pack and set off on his bike. The ocean was three hundred some miles away to the east; he had never seen it before so that's where he headed. Fifty miles later he knew this had been a foolish move on his part; he had no idea where he was.

On to Chapter Two

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