Ben realized that his life was about to take a serious turn. The following morning, he stood razor in hand and stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. The adolescent feelings he had about Gene brought him to the conclusion that he wished the boy had been in his life during high school.

Those were times of great turmoil. Ben had hated the thoughts that seemed to sweep through his head back then. Gay was bad, everyone around him thought that and it did nothing but make him question his sanity for the feelings deep inside. And then there was Roger.

Roger Wilson was a year ahead of him in school and everyone knew the boy was gay. Ben watched the way others treated the slightly effeminate boy. Ben felt helpless to stop the taunting and physical abuse Roger received. But what had terrified him most, some of the abusers were Ben's own friends.

It didn't matter that he found Roger attractive, there was just no way he would reveal himself to the boy ... and then it was too late. Taking matters into his own hands at the age of seventeen, Roger used his daddy's pistol to end his life.

The suicide shook the whole school for weeks and made a lot of people rethink their actions towards the boy, but by then it was too late. Too late for him, and too late for me, Ben remembered thinking. It was the first time he could remember crying over someone who died that wasn't a member of his family. But Roger's death molded his life for the last two years of school. Ben barricaded the closeted feelings and hid his emotions from everyone.

He didn't allow himself to be gay until college at the state university. It was there that he met Joseph during the second year. This tall lanky handsome classmate was everything Ben had ever imagined a gay person to be, and best of all ... he wasn't afraid of it.

Flamboyant and silly, brilliant and talented, these were just words compared to the reality of his first solid gay friend. They met at the first dorm party held that semester. Two weeks later they were roommates ... and lovers.

Joseph was everything Ben was not and that was part of the attraction, at least in the beginning. Possessing a quiet inner strength, Joseph was the seducer and Ben was more than willing to be seduced, but the guy was a gentle lover. He approached Ben as a work in progress, much like one of his fabulous art works which covered every square inch of their dorm room for three years.

Ben majored in psychology and Joseph in art, there could not be two more disparate fields of study, but they melded them together and made it work. The budding artist once took almost eight months to complete the painting of an angel, and he still wasn't satisfied. Ben stood in awe of the piece which presented the figure of the angel, wings swept back and struggling through a field of developing matter at the creation of the universe.

The concept and the painting, religious and yet not, held him transfixed whenever he saw it. It was the struggle for life personified; a glory of feeling about the beginning of time as we know it and yet, somehow it symbolized Ben's own development as a gay man.

For graduation Joseph gave him the painting and Ben could not accept it without giving something in return. He bought Joseph a used van to carry the vast collection of art work to the west coast where he would continue his art studies. It was a struggle for Ben to deal with the feelings about losing this first love, but by then this passionate young man had given him the courage to go on alone.

Joseph still sent photos of his works in progress and Ben would always cherish the memory of what they had together. It had all been eight years ago and now Joseph had built a studio north of San Francisco with his life partner. Ben could only envy that success and give thanks that Joseph had allowed him those few precious years together. It probably saved his life, something poor Roger never had the chance to experience.

Ben knew that there was something familiar about the way Gene reacted to him and the attention he paid. Being a twin was one clue, since not always, but sometimes ... if one was gay so was the other. Not that Gene had given much away in that direction, but then Ben understood what it meant to hide disturbing feelings deep inside.

No, there was no way to say for certain what the boy really thought; only time would bring him out of that shell. Time and ... me, Ben thought. And for that reason, to overcome the helplessness he felt at Roger's singular act of despair, he felt a need to give Gene the chance at coming to terms with his young life.

The image reflected back at him in the mirror and Ben stood up straight, glaring back at himself. He raised his right hand and swore.

"Ben, you wonderful gay man. If you promise to be a good caregiver, teach the boy compassion and love, give him hope for the future ... then you may be rewarded. You have so much to give and he is someone with so many needs ... "

He dropped the hand, pausing as the emotion of loving someone again swept through him. God, the boy was seventeen but it felt like he would be taking a ten year old into his life. Everything would change; both their lives would be different. For Gene that seemed a good thing, but for ... ? Was this right?

The boy had a daddy, though Lord knows where the man had gone. Work on it. And the mother, there were thousands of inept women out there who gave birth and didn't care for their children the way they should. Could he stand in judgment?

And then he thought of Dean, the twin. That boy had chosen to live openly with the coach and he wondered how they answered questions about their relationship. But Dean had made his escape from momma, he was the brave twin. He had taken his shot at leaving her behind and won. Ben knew he had to give Gene the same chance.

Serious face, right hand back up. "I swear to give Gene everything he needs to make positive changes in his life. I swear to guide and support him until he is old enough to make his own decisions. And finally ... finally ... I swear to love him just as much as I hope he learns to love me."

Ben lowered his hand and grinned at himself in the mirror. Yes, this was gonna work, it just had to.

Florence raised an eyebrow when he came bustling through the door with a skip to his step.

"Oh someone is happy I see," she said.

Ben leaned on the reception desk and gave her a wicked grin.

"I am going to take that boy away from his momma and try not to kill her in the process, the wicked bitch. Will you please call Southeast High School and see when a Mr. Hanover has a free period today? I need to meet with him."

"Yes, boss," Flo replied. "Sounds like some heads gonna roll."

"In fact they are not," he said. "But if you must know, some people are going to get a rude awakening today. I have a meeting with the boy's mother at four and she's not going to like what I have to say."

"You want me to call the sheriff?" she asked.

"It won't go that way, at least she better hope it doesn't. Her kind of child abuse could get her serious jail time in this state."

"Oh my, the poor kid. I'm glad he became our client. Nobody better than you, Ben."

"Thank you, my dear, but I like to think we do our very best for each and every one of them."

"You got that right, I'll call the school."

In two hours Ben accomplished a pile of paperwork and wrote a preliminary report on Gene. He just hoped it would never see the light of day and that his meeting with Hanover would quash this whole thing right at the start. The appointment was for one thirty, right after the guy finished his lunch monitoring duties.

Ben had considered telling Hanover he was gay, but then decided it wouldn't be the only avenue. He wondered if Hanover knew about the coach and Dean. No, any teacher who knowingly discovered such information was bound to tell the authorities, their livelihood depended upon it. But the gay card was in his pocket if needed.

At eleven-thirty Ben had Flo order up some lunch from the deli across the way. Today was soup and salad for him, she chose the roast pork. He had been wound up last night and had forgotten to run or even use the weights out in the garage. He reminded himself to get Gene into some kind of exercise program. The boy's body was screaming for fitness ... and nourishment.

He figured Gene was in the free lunch program at school, since it was a sure bet that momma was on public assistance. Probably why she wanted Gene around too, a bigger state paycheck. He would have to plan a balanced menu for them both. There must be some way to disguise veggies in a way that would encourage a boy to eat them. He knew one thing; Gene would be taking vitamin supplements the minute he could get some.

There would need to be some legal documents for the mother to sign. If Gene became injured Ben needed the right to have him treated. But he had friends to help him there, nothing illegal about what he was doing. She was the one with a bucket load of worry to contemplate.

After lunch Ben drove home and parked the Vette in the garage, switching into the truck. The 4 x 4 was one of Chevy's smartest moves and a kid's wet dream. It wasn't too jacked up since he never planned to off-road the damn thing, but it looked respectable for an older machine. Ben had bought the truck for its looks. Now he could laugh, thinking it might have been because he was overcompensating for the 'gay thing.' To him it always said gays can be macho too.

Ben drove out to the high school and hoped he wouldn't run into Gene. He checked into the office and was told that Hanover would meet him in the conference room in ten minutes, after the lunch duty. He stood in the office and looked through the windows at the students flowing up and down the hall ... and that was when he saw the boy.

At first he thought it was Gene, but then realized the hair was different and so were the clothes. This had to be Dean. Ben stared at the boy, who stood talking to several girls, until a teacher approached and seemed to urge them all off to class. Then it happened.

The man put a hand on Dean's shoulder and Ben saw the look they exchanged. This had to be the coach Gene had told him about. The brother's look said it all and for a second he thought the boy might kiss the man right there in front of the whole school.

The body language, the touch, their personal interaction all spoke volumes about their high regard for one another. Hell, it was like watching lovers meet. Dean was a handsome boy, but then Ben already knew he would be. He filled those clothes out very nicely; at least he was being taken care of. Not something Gene could say about himself.

But looking at the coach Ben felt a mild shock; physically they had a lot in common. He was Ben's age and height. Being a coach didn't always mean a man would be fit and trim, but this one was. Maybe he'd had a few preconceived notions about the man before now, but he wasn't just some dirty old man. Ben realized maybe he would have been happier if the guy had been just that.

Gene had insisted that the man tried to molest him, but in so many ways that didn't make sense. The man was in love with Dean, was Gene's description of the events merely wishful thinking? Ben was beginning to think so, Gene had a lot of baggage to carry around in his head.

He also wondered if Gene saw a comparison between the two of them? Was the image important as part of this jealousy he had towards Dean? Ben didn't want to think of himself as a surrogate for the coach. That would make Gene's image of him a little twisted. But it was something he couldn't dwell on right then. Bells rang and the scene in front of him dissolved, the coach going one way and Dean the other. It was time to meet Hanover.

A student office worker took him down the now empty halls to a doorway next to the guidance office, this was the conference room. Ben knocked and opened the door. The man inside didn't fit his image of Hanover either; he had to be at least fifty years of age.

"Simon Hanover?" Ben ventured.

"Yes ... Mr. Bradshaw, I assume?"

"Ben Bradshaw, Ben if you prefer. It's been a long time since I set foot in this building."

"Oh, you went to school here?" Hanover asked.

"Class of '95 ... Valedictorian at that. But that was a dozen years ago."

"Well congratulations. Always nice to meet a Southeast success story. I've only been here four years myself. They said you were here to talk about Gene Carr. Difficult student at the best of times," Hanover said.

"Yes. I hear he put you through the wringer."

"He did, and at first I thought to let it pass but the situation dictated that I couldn't. Gene is a bright kid, Ben, but not at all focused on his class work. He just passes the tests, a low C most of the time."

"But he passes," Ben said. "What do you suppose set him off that day in class? Was it the photo you showed the students?"

"Maybe, but I received permission to discuss my sexuality with the classes if they ever brought it up. Things are a lot different than they were in your day; we are encouraged to be more open, support diversity. Can you understand that?"

Ben chuckled; it was time to use the hole card. "You're asking if I support you? I'm also gay, Simon, although I don't often discuss it with my clients."

Hanover raised his eyebrows and then laughed.

"Does this issue with Gene put us on opposite sides of the table?" he asked.

"Lord, no. But I know why it happened and you don't."

"Oh, he had a reason behind his little outburst besides personally embarrassing me?"

"Yes ... he has a gay relative and he hadn't come to terms with it before yesterday when we spoke for the first time. Clinically he has his own feelings of inadequacy to worry about, abusive parents and a general misunderstanding of what he should and should not say to a gay person."

"You're a psychologist I gather," Hanover said. "But why the language? Pardon me, but he asked if this was the guy I butt fucked."

"Would there have been any better words in his vocabulary to discuss a most delicate issue? I don't believe any words he chose would have made a difference. I'm sure by showing that picture of your partner that you weren't intending to open a discussion about your activities in the bedroom. I don't even imagine Gene knows the word intercourse.

"Pardon me back," Ben continued, "but fuck is about all these kids use to describe a sexual liaison, and the anatomy involved is usually held to hetero standards. At least he didn't voice his thoughts on that particular activity, just the place of the activity it seems."

"And he called me a faggot," Hanover said.

Ben laughed, "And we both are, but gay is the preferred term these days. Gene stopped using that word the minute I told him that gay was the correct choice."

"He knows about you?"

"No, I choose not to tell him. He's a client after all and in this situation it would just muddy the water. Look, Simon, I think showing that picture to your class was a good thing. I just wish Gene had been a little more prepared to see it. Maybe he would have been more reluctant to sound off and end up saying the wrong thing. I think it was a very immature reaction."

"So you want me to just drop the issue?"

"No, I don't want it to be that easy for him; he needs to learn a lesson. And since you're his teacher, I believe he needs to learn some respect for your position in life. I told him he needs to apologize to you in front of the other students. And then I think as punishment maybe a report on something gay related might be helpful. You teach social studies, how about a little research into violence against gay citizens in this country?"

"You think he'll do that?"

"I already know he will, if we give him a chance to repent."

Hanover smiled. "You're good, Ben. You would have made a fine teacher."

"I personally don't know how you guys do it year after year," Ben said.

"Because of kids like Gene ... and you. Ralph and I have been partners for almost twenty years now; he's my comfort zone and my lifetime commitment. But I have a commitment to these kids as well; I feel their success is also mine. If Gene can learn something valuable from this then I will feel he has succeeded. I will accept the apology and give him the assignment, hell ... I'll even give him extra credit for the report if he does a good job."

Ben smiled. "And that's why you're a good teacher. Show me the picture of Ralph ... "

They talked for a while after that. Simon had not always found it so easy to be gay in the educational field, but things had changed. He was a good man and Ralph was a handsome older guy. They had met on a gay travel cruse in the Caribbean. Ralph had been their travel guide since he co-owned the business. Simon had been the young lover who fell for the older gay man first time out. Ben could only envy what they had.

He left the school about two-fifteen, beating the end of classes by about ten minutes. He could have stayed and taken Gene home but he didn't want to be seen with the boy, not yet anyway.

Ben called Flo and said he was going to stop by the courthouse before he met with Gene's mother, she wished him luck with the bitch. Ben really, really liked Flo; she picked up on his moods so quickly.

He went to the tax records office to see if Gene's father was still in the county, no luck there. He tried the court records and discovered the man had several possession arrests and a robbery charge still pending. No wonder he had vanished, mom had to know about the felony charge. Maybe it was a good thing she hadn't told Gene anything. The boy had an inflated view of his father as a good parent.

Criminals have families too, and Ben knew most of them loved their kids as well. But it made no sense to risk jail time when the needs of a family are paramount. Gene needed his father at home and the man had failed him. Ben knew that given the chance he wouldn't.

He arrived at the long driveway to the trailer park just before four o'clock and found Gene waiting for him inside the fence line. The boy laughed when he saw the truck and realized who was driving. Ben revved the engine as the boy climbed up.

"Wow ... you sure are full of surprises ... sweet truck, dude."

"Glad you like it, goes with my image don't you think? Duh, am I a redneck country boy or what?"

Gene dissolved into hysterics and that meant he didn't agree, so much for that country boy cover. They sat a moment and Ben told of the meeting with Hanover.

"You mean it's over? Oh, Ben, you're an ace," Gene screamed, and then threw his arms around Ben's neck.

Ben patted his back. God, it felt good to be like this. All too soon the boy let go, his face a little flush with emotion. Maybe somewhat embarrassed at his display of affection.

"So now I have the real difficult meeting," Ben said.

"She's sober anyway," Gene said.

"She better be or I'm calling the sheriff."

Gene's eyes got wide. "You ... you'd have her arrested?"

"No, I'd do it just to scare her and get my way, but I don't think that will be needed. Uh, Gene ... do you still want to live with me?"

"Oh, Ben ... I said I did, don't you believe me? It's what I thought about all day long."

"I dunno, teenage boys change their minds a lot," Ben said, just teasing.

"Well I don't ... I'll kiss your ass if you tell me too."

"Now that brings a pretty picture into my head ... nope, it won't be necessary. But I'll let you wipe it if you're so set on seeing my ass."

"Eww ... gross. I love it when you fuck with me like that."

Ben couldn't help himself, he had to respond.

"Is that all you love about me?"

Gene looked shocked at the question, but then his eyes said it all and he replied.

"Nope."

And then he grinned, putting his forehead against Ben's and their eyes locked.

"I love the rest of you too," he said.

He pulled back right away and Ben smiled, reaching over to brush the hair from the boy's face.

"You are just so ... so special, Gene."

And Gene blushed. It was the cutest thing, making Ben want to kiss him right there in the driveway. But that would have been too much for the moment. The dashboard clock said four and that spurred a reprieve from their intense feelings. He put the truck in gear and headed up to the trailer. The bitch was waiting.

It wasn't going to be a pleasant chat, Ben could tell from the way she stomped down the steps of the trailer and came at the truck. She walked up to the driver's side window and didn't even give Ben a chance to get out.

"Gene said you met with that faggot ass teacher of his, is he gonna drop the charges or what?"

Well hello to you too. "He is," Ben said.

"Good, that mother fucker."

"Now I know where Gene gets his charm," Ben said.

She had picked a fight with the wrong guy. Let her swing at him and he would have her in cuffs within the hour.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean," she snorted.

"Mr. Hanover is agreeing to drop the charges when Gene apologizes and writes a report he will assign. I think it's a very good deal."

"You do? He don't need to be apologizing to that ... "

And he'd had about enough of her at that point. Ben popped the door open and pushed her back as he got out. She glared up at him and he almost laughed, she was a good six inches shorter, although with her fat belly she might have outweighed him a mite.

"He needs to do everything I tell him to stay in that school, don't you agree?" Ben asked.

"I suppose," she agreed.

Ben could tell she was intimidated by his physical presence in front of her like this.

"We both want what's best for the boy," he said, looking at Gene still seated in the truck.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she said.

"We need to talk," Ben said.

She didn't want him in the trailer so that's where he guided her. Gene remained outside, a nervous look on his face. The home was a dump, no surprise there.

"Ok," Ben said once the door was shut. "Let me lay this out for you plain and simple. You don't really want Gene here, he gets in the way of your ... uh, activities. So I am going to take him home with me and he is going to stay there until he graduates. After that it will be his choice." She started to say something but Ben held up a hand.

"I am not finished. I am not like Dean's coach, and yes I know all about that little game. I will not give you money like he does, but you may continue to report Gene to the SSI folks in order to keep receiving his check. Now I will be back later this week with a paper for you to sign, it will give me control over Gene. I will need that if he gets sick or there has to be some legal decision on his behalf.

"But understand me clearly, you fuck with me and you won't need any money where they're going to send you. I have a friend who wears black robes and he sits in judgment over cases like yours, so don't fuck with me. Gene will be fine; he'll get a good education and live in a nice home. He may want to contact you, but you are never going to contact him. Any future he has with you will be his decision and his alone."

She glared at him but remained scared. "Uh...my husband will want to know about Gene when he gets back."

"And when will that be?" Ben asked.

"He's in prison. With good behavior he'll be out in about three years."

"Gene doesn't know about this, does he?"

"No ... I couldn't tell him."

"That's the first right thing you've done for the boy. Look, this is all about him and not you or me. He deserves a chance to succeed in life and I can make that happen. Gene will be safe with me and maybe a little time away will make you understand what kind of a parent you've been. Everyone can change; even you deserve a chance to do that. Now I'm gonna call him in here and you can say goodbye, he might need to pack a few things too."

Ben went to the door and waved Gene into the trailer. The boy got out of the truck and they met on the steps.

"She wants to say goodbye," was all Ben said.

Gene positively glowed at the news, the smile just about busting his face. Ben went back to the truck and sat inside ... waiting. The news about Gene's father wasn't a surprise; he was just locked up for a while. The boy would be eighteen long before the man got out, then he could decide about their relationship.

It took all of five minutes for Gene to come out the door, hauling a battered suitcase behind him. Ben got out and helped the boy sling it up into the truck bed.

"Anything else?" Ben asked.

"Nope, nothing worth taking anyway," Gene replied.

His mother didn't even stick her nose out the door, she just wanted them gone. Well she had her monthly check, probably for both the boys he would bet, and now it was all hers. That would land her in jail just like the child abuse, but Ben wasn't bothering with her anymore. He would send a process server out here in a few days to get the papers signed. He never wanted to see her again.

Ben started the engine and Gene remembered about the seat belt, what a good kid. He took the driveway slowly, more to judge the boy's reactions than for any other reason. Gene didn't even look back.


On to Chapter Six

Back to Chapter Four

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"Gene" Copyright © 27 September 2008 Chris James. All rights reserved.
    This work may not be duplicated in any form (physical, electronic, audio, or otherwise) without the author's written permission. All applicable copyright laws apply. All individuals depicted are fictional with any resemblance to real persons being purely coincidental.

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