"What, I," he sat up suddenly.

"Shh," I tried to calm him as I rushed up beside the bed.

"No, I, where," he gasped blinking his eyes.

"Babe, you're right here with me, it's ok," I hugged his head against my chest.

"Tay, I," he started to cry.

"It's ok, you're fine, we're all ok," I tried to console him, tears flooding my eyes.

"Where?" he started to ask.

"A hospital," I said quietly.

"Where?" he asked again.

"We're still in Atlanta," I replied as he pulled away.

"How long?" he asked still confused.

"Just a few hours, they said you've been over working yourself," I tried to explain.

"Over working shit, I don't lift a finger," he growled sitting up further.

"I know, but that's what they said," I smiled running my fingers through his hair.

"When do we leave for Nashville?" he asked.

"Well, we were supposed to leave tomorrow morning, but," I started.

"But nothing, we're still leaving tomorrow, we need to keep moving," he said which confused me.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"No, I just don't want you guys putting anything on hold because of me," he said lying back in the bed. Some how I knew there was more, but he wasn't telling me.

"Come on," he said sliding out of bed.

"Whoa," I said trying to hold him back.

"Taylor, I'm twenty two years old," he started.

"You're not well," I tried to explain.

"I'm perfectly fine," he almost yelled. I stepped back.

It was the first time he had bit at me like that. It stung.

"I'm sorry," he said pulling me against him.

"I was so scared," I cried against his chest.

"I know, I'm sorry babe, I just want to get out of here, hell I wanna get back on that bus, snuggle up with you in your bunk and get the hell out of this city," he sighed quietly.

"Ok, lets go then," I smiled at him.

About fifteen minutes later, a couple of signatures by him and a few minutes in a parking deck and Ike pulled up in the rental car. He was laughing.

"What's up?" Will asked as he got in.

"You ok?" Ike asked still slightly chuckling.

"Yeah, just really tired, I'm going to sleep when we get to the bus," he explained.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"I was playing some CD's and I wanted to switch out one of them and I opened the glove box and this long ponytail like leapt out at me and I almost swerved off the road," he laughed.

"It's still there right," Will asked suddenly concerned.

"Yeah, right here," I smiled holding it up.

"Ok we need to put that some place safe," he sighed.

"Hungry?" Ike asked.

"Starved," we both replied.

"How does Wendy's sound?"

"Great."

"Oh, hey, I got some news I think the both of you will like," Ike exclaimed turning down the radio.

"What's that?" Will asked.

"Jammer's gone, he left out this afternoon when you had your," Ike searched for the word.

"Fainting spell, or whatever, but he's left, he didn't even say when he was coming back," Ike smiled.

"That's odd," Tay said looking out the window.

"Odd, sure but don't look a gift horse in the mouth," Ike said.

"A what?" Tay asked laughing.

"Nothing," Ike said quietly realizing explaining wouldn't help.

*          *          *          *          *

"I can't believe we just left him there, on the sidewalk," Fox said out loud.

"We couldn't stand around," I exclaimed.

"Well, what did you find out, that cop was being a prick," Fox started.

"The MAST is having some major side effects on them," I replied.

"We need to get back to Evan."

"Yeah, I know, I haven't been able to get him on my cell though," I said punching his numbers in again.

"No answer," he asked.

"Yeah," I said hanging up.

"Miss, we need you to," the stewardess started.

"Yeah, I know it's off," I smiled as I showed her my cell was off.

"Lets get some rest, we'll just drop in on him when we get into town," I sighed as I closed my eyes.

"See, now isn't this better than driving," Fox chided me, I ignored him.

*          *          *          *          *

"I got a call from the doctor today, and he gave me the name of a clinic here in Nashville. He wants me to go there and have them check that I'm okay. He already called them, and I can stop in anytime."

"Okay, that works," Ike replied as he scooted closer to me, "how are you feeling though?"

"I don't know. My morning sickness hardly ever comes in the morning. I can't wear my rings anymore which really annoys me because I used to wear at least ten silver rings on my fingers, and I absolutely adored the new toe and thumb rings I got, and now I have to wait another few months until I can wear them again because my hands and feet keep swelling."

"I'm sorry, honey. Hey, guess what?"

"What?"

"I got you something."

"What?"

He reached behind him into his book bag and pulled out a box of chocolates.

"I thought you might like these. You've been having all those chocolate urges lately. Like last night when I had to leave the hotel room and go in search of chocolate milk."

I laughed and mumbled, "I'm sorry about that. Thanks for the chocolates. I love you, Kermit."

"I love you, too," he replied with a smile.

"Oh my god, you are going to make the best father."

"Eh, I'll be okay. You, on the other hand, will be a phenomenal mother. Oh, did I tell you yet? I'm working on a new song for the baby."

"Really?"

"Yeah, since we decided we didn't want to know the sex of the baby, I'm writing two songs. One in case the baby is a girl, and one in case the baby is a boy."

"Oh, that's so sweet. Can you sing any of the songs to me?"

"Absolutely. Let me just go swipe one of my acoustics, and I'll play a little something for you."

*          *          *          *          *

Isaac left the room just as Daphne rushed in with the rest of her group. "I'm so sorry you guys. I didn't know they were gonna want to talk to only me," she exclaimed as the three of them rushed by me, down the steps to the stage.

A few minutes later Will entered with Zac. Will returned to sit by me, and I motioned for Zac to come over as well.

"So where were you?" I asked.

"Oh, um, I was just on the crew bus playing video games."

"Ah, okay. That's it," I asked.

"Yeah," Zac answered.

"Ha," Will snorted.

"Alright! Alright! Daphne and I were making out."

"Making out? Wow, Zac, I'm impressed," Shiye teased.

"So when are you two tying the knot," I added.

"Oh please, Taylor. I hardly know the girl -"

"I heard you know her pretty well," Shiye said with a smirk.

"Uh-oh," my mind screamed.

Zac's eyes locked onto me.

"YOU DID NOT TELL, SHIYE, TAYLOR!"

I remained silent.

"OH MY GOD, YOU DID," Zac yelled.

"Tell, Shiye, what," Will asked confused.

"Zac, Shiye and I are pretty close… You know that. Plus, it doesn't matter. You guys are dating now anyway."

"Taylor, if Daph finds out she's going to think I've been bragging, and I don't -"

"WHOA, WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?" Will interrupted.

Silence filled the room. The four of us were alone and just staring at each other.

"Can I tell him?" I asked Zac, breaking the silence that had filled the room.

"Sure, why not! While you're at it why don't we just call in mom and dad, too?!"

"Zac, I only told Shiye. I swear," I insisted.

"Fine. Then let me tell Will, okay? And explain to all of you what really happened because I don't want you guys having the wrong idea," Zac said.

"Cool with me. I just want to know what the heck everyone is talking about," Will replied.

"Okay, um, when we went out looking for you, Will and Tay, um, Daph and I went back to your house, and um, Tay was asleep on your bed, but you were no where to be found. Anyway Daphne and I went down to the living room to watch TV like last time, only this time we didn't really get to watch any TV."

"They got freaky," Shiye added with a giggle.

"Shiye, you weren't there! So don't pretend you were," Zac snarled.

"Will you two stop bickering and tell me what's going on," Will sighed.

"Ugh, geeze, I was trying to. Listen it's like this. There's always been a bit of sexual tension between us, at least on my part. So we ended up making out on your couch while you were gone, Will, and we came really close to something else, but Tay walked in on us, and we stopped. Then you showed up Will, and then everything was just really screwed up, and when we finally got to talk about it, we both agreed to just start over because that had just happened way too fast."

"Daphne never told me about that," Will said in shock.

"That's because it was supposed to stay between us," Zac muttered giving me an evil glare.

"I'm sorry! You didn't tell me I couldn't tell anyone, and I only told Shiye. I didn't even think to tell Will because I figured Daph had already told him."

"Whatever, it doesn't matter anymore. Just this doesn't leave the room. Okay? Because I don't want Daphne to find out you guys all know, and I, especially, don't want her bandmates, her friends or her family finding out, okay? And I don't want mom, dad, or Ike to hear a word of any of this," Zac insisted.

"Okay," we all agreed.

Ike returned to the room with an acoustic guitar and moved Shiye over to a corner of the room where they could have a bit of privacy. More of our crew was coming in getting ready to set the stage up for us because Freezer Burn was almost finished. I sighed knowing I would have to fight the urge to hold Will right now. I would try to sneak a kiss just before I went out on stage, but I really didn't want the crew or anyone else other than those that already knew to know that Will and I were more than just friends.

*          *          *          *          *

"Still no word from Evan," Fox asked.

"No, which is very odd, that last time I spoke to him, he was on the verge of discovering something, I'm not sure exactly what though."

"Well, we'll be there in just a few minutes.

*          *          *          *          *

"Idiot," I thought to myself as I rounded the corner of the old warehouse.

"To think he could tap the MAST and not be traced," I laughed to myself as I slid into a side door.

"Just a few more minutes and this loose end will be wrapped up."

I moved quietly down the side hall and around the corner. There at an old work table covered in computers sat the man. In his late twenties, shaggy dirty blond hair, must have weighed all of one hundred twenty pounds. A stick of a man, but intelligent, getting him out of the way would help me in more areas than one.

I stood behind him as he scanned over some files and clicked the computer a few times.

"You have no idea what you've gotten into," I said out loud.

He spun around in his chair. His eyes grew wide.

"YOU, it's YOU," he gasped as his hand scrambled behind him on the desk for something.

"Wasting your time," I sighed as I pulled the trigger.

The sound of his brain hitting the computer screens behind him was louder than the silenced exit of the bullet from the barrel.

I chuckled to myself as I walked out the side door. Though I was puzzled, how could he know who I was, he didn't have the ability to view the files from the MAST. I shrugged it off. If I caught the late flight I could be back in Nashville by the morning.

*          *          *          *          *

"How many songs have they played?" Daphne asked me as she reentered the backstage.

"Oh, I don't know. I sort of lost count, not that many," I replied.

"Cool," she said sitting down next to me, "I'm going to wait a little bit longer and then go and try to sneak into the crowd somewhere. Just so I can watch the show. Do you think anyone will recognize me?"

"Well I'd put your hair up and put a hat on or something because you might be dressed down or whatever, but the minute they see that long dark hair they are going to recognize you."

"Oh, yeah. True," she mumbled pulling her hair back.

"I'll have to go back to the bus and get a hat before I attempt the crowd because I don't have one on me at the moment."

"Yeah, that's obvious," I replied wondering why she was over here talking to me in the first place.

I had met her a few times before she was Zac's girlfriend, but we had never really gotten to know each other.

"So, are you excited about the baby coming," she asked.

"Uh, yeah. Of course," I replied.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, "I'm asking stupid questions, I know, but I'm just really curious, well, not curious… I just want to get to know you. It's kind of lonely on the road. A lot of my friends can't have me calling them at the hours I'm free, and my bandmates can be so annoying at times."

"Don't you have that Janessa girl with you, and that other blond chick that's sort of, um, pleasantly plump?"

"Yeah, and she rocks, but she's more of Amber's friend, and Jamie is more of Cristin's friend. None of my friends can just drop everything and come on this tour, and the ones that wanted to I knew I couldn't trust around the Hanson's," she answered.

"Why? Huge fans," I asked with a smile.

"Well, there's that aspect, but then there are the other's that just want to tell them they're gay just to see their reaction," Daph explained.

"Ah, yes. Gotta love those people."

"Anyway, I just wanted to see if maybe we could hang out sometime. I'm really good at baby stuff and all that. I have tons of little cousins! So if you're need any help with anything - I want to help you out, okay?"

"That would be great," I replied.

"Yeah, okay. Anyway I have to go and get a hat so I can go see the rest of the show. I'll see you later."

Daphne got up to walk away.

"You know Zac really loves you," I commented.

She froze and turned back towards me.

"Why do you say that?"

"Oh, it's just the way he talks about you and acts when he's around you. I've never seen him so into any other girl before, and I'm glad he chose you because not only are you a really awesome person, but the two of you are perfect for each other, and I wouldn't mind having you as a sister," I confessed.

Daphne laughed nervously a bit.

"Um, well, that's really sweet, and I wouldn't mind having a sister-in-law like you, either, but, um, love and marriage are two things both Zac and I like to avoid because they both mean 'commitment,' and that can be a pretty scary thing, especially since we're both only teenagers."

She turned and walked off. I smiled. Yep, she's just like Zac.

*          *          *          *          *

"Fox, the side door is open," Dana said to me as she got out of the car.

"Your point," I asked.

"Evan never leaves the doors open," she said as she drew her gun and moved quietly to the entrance.

"All clear," she motioned as we moved down the side hall.

"Oh no," she said as her shoulders dropped.

"What," I asked just as I saw.

"This just happened."

"Oh God Fox," she sighed as we walked over to Evans body.

"Point blank range," I said as I looked at the entry point on Evans forehead.

"Close his eyes please," she muttered as she wiped one of the screens clear with a tissue.

"He must have found out," I said quietly as I rubbed my hand down over his lids causing them to close.

"Poor guy," I sighed as I made the call to the office.

"Fox, he transferred a file," Dana called out as I hung up.

"Investigators will be here soon, what did you find?" I asked as I walked over to the computer.

"Evan transferred a file, he emailed it to you, actually, no two files, one looks like a modified MAST file the other appears to be an MPG file," Dana exclaimed.

"MPG?" I asked confused.

"Yeah a movie file," she said confused.

"Can you access your mail from here?" she asked.

"No I'll have to go through the office computer, come on," I said as I turned.

*          *          *          *          *

I sprung up in the hotel room bed in a cold sweat. I looked around the dark room.

The nightmare I just had still pulsing in the back of my mind. I outgrew going to my parents a long, long time ago. Plus I always had my brothers. I opened my mouth to call out for Isaac, the responsible oldest brother, but stopped myself. Zac, he's married now, and he's got Shiye and the baby-on-the-way to worry about. Taylor…

"Taylor," I called out quietly making my way over to his bed.

Taylor, the caring older brother, would always listen until I fell asleep again even if it was in his bed; he was cool like that. Taylor could calm anyone down. Taylor hated to see pain and would work until he could fix it. I reached his bed and then stopped. Taylor and Will were cuddling together asleep. Oh my God, I'm all alone, I thought stumbling backwards a bit.

I couldn't go back to sleep without talking to someone. The nightmares would just get worse. Every bad image in my head just swirled around faster and faster. My head pulsed. I struggled to make something out of the muddled mess of feelings and images it had become. Finally I was able to focus on something positive and strong just enough to make the headache go away. Images of Daphne filled my brain. Daphne... I need Daphne, I thought. I ran to throw some clothes on, and then quietly slipped out of the room making my way towards Daph's room.

*          *          *          *          *

"What the hell?" Amber mumbled sitting up in bed.

Another loud knock at the door. Cristin covered her head with a pillow. I moaned, rolling out of the bed. I looked out the peephole and had to rub my eyes before I took another look. I opened the door leaving the chain on.

"Zac," I asked expecting him to just disappear.

"Daphne, can I please come in?" he whispered.

"Are you okay?" I questioned.

"No, I mean, yes. I - I really need to talk to someone. I really need to talk to you. I - I just ne - need to be with you right now."

"Hold on. I'm going to have to leave the room because Amber and Cristin are sleeping. Is it okay if we go and walk around?"

"Yeah," Zac replied weakly.

I slipped on a pair of sandals, and then joined Zac in the hallway.

"What's the matter?" I asked him as soon as we started to walk down the hallway.

"Can we get a room?" he whispered visibly fighting back tears.

"Excuse me," I replied confused.

"Let's go get a room so we can talk. Nothing more," he commented noticing the odd look on my face.

"Um, okay. I'll check out another hotel room, but you have to reimburse me for it. Sorry, Space Boy, but there's a reason Freezer Burn shares one hotel room, and that reason is we're low on the mean green."

"I promise. I can give you the money tomorrow," he replied with a faint smile. I grabbed his arm and touched his face gently. I took my fingers and traced his faint smile with my fingertips.

"I love your smile."

"I love it, too," he said with a small laugh.

*          *          *          *          *

I couldn't believe it. I hadn't even started to tell Daphne about my nightmare problems, and already she was making me feel better. We made our way down to the lobby, and then I waited from a safe distance as Daphne checked out another room under a different name. The last thing we needed was someone to see us checking out a hotel room at 4:31 in the morning. She walked by me, and we loaded into the elevator. The second the door was closed I kissed her on the cheek.

"What is that for?" she asked.

"You're an angel," I whispered.

"Eh, I'd rather be a princess."

"Huh?"

"Oh well, Cristin, Amber, and I have all these little nicknames for each other. Cristin is the angel; Amber is the diva or the goddess because diva is Italian for goddess, and I am the princess."

"Oh, well than you're my princess," I said as we entered the hotel room.

"Zac's Princess, yeah, that kind of has a nice ring to it, but only if you agree to be my prince," Daphne replied as she closed the door.

"Sure, as long as you don't make me wear the tights," I answered, "but don't go spreading it around that I'm Daphne's Prince, and I like it. People might actually begin to think I have a heart."

"Oh be quiet, I think people would be more shocked if they knew you accepted the title of 'prince,'" she smirked.

"Why not, I mean Tay's already nailed the title of 'queen,'" I laughed slightly as I realized how not totally funny that comment sounded after I said it.

"Eh, ok," she said as she arched an eyebrow and glanced at her feet.

"I'm kidding," I nudged.

We sat together in the dark on the edge of the bed.

Daph took my hand in his hers and asked, "Agreed. Now what's the matter?"

"I just - I just," I stopped.

"You just, what," she pried.

"I'm sorry. I want to tell you. I just don't feel comfortable."

Daphne thought for a second, and then smiled.

"Take off your shirt," she whispered.

"What?"

"You heard me. Off with the shirt," she commanded.

"Okay, Daph. Now is not the time to make out," I told her.

"No. Do you remember when we both had the phobia about being naked in front of each other?"

"Yeah, it wasn't that long ago."

"Well, do you remember what we did?"

"Yeah, we got naked in front of each other, but getting naked can't possibly solve every problem, Daph," I reminded her.

I paused and smirked.

"Although I really wish it did because than I'd get to see you naked all of the time," I teased.

She pushed me playfully.

"Zac, be serious!"

"I am," I objected.

Daphne shook her head, laughing.

"Geeze, Zac! Come on. Stay focused on what's coming out of my mouth, okay? Now - BACK TO WHAT I WAS SAYING! We got naked, and then freaked out and jumped under the covers, but then once we were under the covers it didn't really matter. We were able to just relax for a bit and realize that our phobias were just retarded. So let's do that again. I'm not asking you to get naked. Just get down to whatever you usually fall asleep in. Then we'll both get under the covers, and we'll see if that helps you to loosen up a bit."

"Uh, I sleep naked, Daph," I confessed.

"Oh," she replied, "eh, whatever makes you feel comfortable is fine with me, I guess."

"Well I'd be really comfortable if we were both naked," I teased.

She shook her head.

"Don't make me beat you, Hanson boy."

"Promise," I countered.

*          *          *          *          *

I opened my eyes. I could have sworn I heard the door click. I glanced over to Zac's bed. It was empty. I sat up startled. Will immediately came to.

"Tay, you okay," he asked reaching out for me.

"Zac's gone," I mumbled.

Will looked over me, and one of his eyebrows shot up.

"Where do you think he went?" he asked.

"Well, um, is Daphne staying in this hotel," I pried.

"Yeah, why," Will replied.

"Than that explains it?" I said flopping back into the pillows, "Zac probably had a nightmare and went in search of someone who would listen to him. He can't get back to sleep unless someone does. Ever since Ike married Shiye, he's been coming to me, but I guess he didn't want to disturb us."

A twinge of regret filled my heart. I loved Will, but Zac was my brother, and I would always love him. The fact that he had thought I wouldn't want to be bothered by his little problems anymore, hurt. Then again I saw the way he looked at Daphne, and Zac only confided in people he thought he could trust. Maybe Daph had gained the trust so many others could only wish to gain.

*          *          *          *          *

Daphne and I were underneath the covers, naked. I couldn't believe that I had actually been able to convince her to take off her clothes, but it didn't matter. I was beginning to feel really comfortable, and a bit aroused, too. She just lay there waiting for me to say something. I didn't know how to even begin, but I decided it was something I had to do.

I took a deep breath and then began, "Daph, I, I, I have these nightmares sometimes, and I can't get back to sleep unless I talk to someone about them. Well, just a few minutes ago…I had this nightmare."

"Okay, about what," she asked.

I looked at her and realized I couldn't tell her. My nightmare was about everyone being happy, but me. My nightmare was about being alone for the rest of my life because no girl was able to handle the real me. My nightmare was about sharing myself completely with her, and then her getting scared and just running away. My nightmare was about her not knowing or ever understanding how much I loved her because I was too afraid to tell her. Once I told her, once I opened up there would be no turning back, and I knew that. My nightmare was about losing her.

"Daphne, I - I," I stuttered.

I couldn't tell her. I couldn't stand looking like a sap or a wimp. I couldn't let anyone inside. There were things inside me that even my family was oblivious about. I felt the tears start to sting my eyes. I closed my eyes trying to fight the urge to cry.

"Zac," she exclaimed pulling me into her arms.

I completely lost it and just cried in her arms. Daph ran her hands through my hair and pulled the covers tightly over me. She didn't speak a word, but her actions spoke to me. They comforted me. I had never felt so secure in my whole entire life. I closed my eyes and felt my body relax. I sniffled a bit, but other than that the tears were gone.

"Feeling a little bit better?" Daph asked.

"Yeah, I'm sorry," I replied.

"Hey, don't be sorry, Zac. You did nothing wrong. I think you're a bit stressed though, and there's something that's really bothering you, but you don't have to tell me right now if you don't want to. Just know that I will be here whenever you need me, okay?"

"Thanks, Daph."

"You want to try getting some sleep?" Daphne asked.

"Yeah, I think so. You won't leave will you," I replied hugging her tightly.

"No, I'm going to stay with you. Don't worry. Let's get some sleep, okay?"

"Okay," I answered drifting off into the most peaceful sleep I had ever had in my entire life.

*          *          *          *          *

I opened my eyes slowly, my eyes adjusting to the bright sunlight that was shining in from the window. I pushed myself up and saw that Zac was still asleep beside me. I stopped and leaned in a bit to listen. His breath came out strong and steady. I put my head to his chest and closed my eyes just listening to the beat of his heart, and his breath.

"Daphne, what are you doing?" he asked waking up.

I sat up and smiled at him.

"You breathe beautifully."

"Uh, okay. Thanks, Daph ... I guess."

"No, seriously. Have you ever just listened to someone breath before? You can find your true love that way you know."

"Can you?" he asked sitting up full of interest.

"Yes, if their breaths complete yours, and their heart beats to the same beat then you're compatible, and if everything is truly perfect then they're your other half. They're your soul mate."

"So, are we compatible?" he asked leaning in a bit.

"We're definitely compatible," I replied.

Zac smiled and kissed me briefly and softly on the lips. I felt dizzy for a bit. I was in bed with Zac, naked, and no one even knew where we were. Whoa… Zac and I looked at each other, and then our lips locked again. Only this time the kissing wasn't that brief.

His tongue pressed against my lips. I opened my mouth and our tongues met. He ran his hands down the side of my body, I panted through the kiss. My back arched.

*          *          *          *          *

"Whoa," I said breaking the kiss.

"Zac," Daphne pleaded.

"Wait, what? Pleaded? No, she did not just plead," I thought as I looked at her.

She grabbed her head and started muttering. I leaned in a bit to make out exactly what she was saying.

"White dress?" I asked confused.

"Huh," she replied looking at me.

"Why are you muttering about a white dress?"

"Oh, um, well, it's stupid. I ... I have this weirdo theory that I'd rather not tell you, but pretty much I'd just love to walk down that aisle in a white dress and have it really mean something. You know? So I'd be able to tell my future husband that I had loved him before I even knew him and that's why I saved myself for him."

"So pretty much right now you're telling me to put it away," I mumbled.

"Kinda ... " her voice trailed off.

"Daphy, it's okay. If you want to wait right now that's fine. You're so worth it."


On to Chapter Thirty

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Memories ... Of A Forgotten Past is Copyright © 2000 by Taylor W. Quest.
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