I shall go on to the mountain to hunt with Running Horse and Li'l Fox and the boys I play games with while practicing the skills of a hunter and a warrior. I have been changed. I was much younger when I came to the village. My mind was a mind of a boy, trying to be a man. Being a boy has served me well in the valley where the river runs.

I would not have grown where I was before I went to the mountain. There would be little change in the place where I was. Here, I'm free to be who I think I am today. Tomorrow, I can change back or change forward if I'm able. I am one cookie among many. None of us are held too tightly to prevent us from growing.

People who hold so tightly to their children don't allow them to breathe. They are afraid to move without permission, becoming what they're told to be. Rules and kings rule Europe. They flee what people like them have created. They flee to escape Europe's harshness, and recreate the harshness here.

They take our land and everything on it of value. just as they've always done. They invade, plunder, and occupy what isn't theirs. They didn't escape Europe's harshness. They brought it with them. Always invading, taking, destroying, fighting, all the time claiming they are civilized, and we are savages.

They can say anything they like. They have weapons to back it up. No one here thinks there is some way to stop the Europeans before they overrun us. It isn't talked about. You rarely want to talk about that which will end you. We will search for a way to coexist, but Europeans want what they want, and we have it.

Mrs Taylor taught me my lessons on history. I learned of the 100 years war, the Napoleonic wars, and the American and French Revolution.

The English fought the French, and the French fought each other for the last 500 years. Each wanted what the other had and they were willing to fight and die to acquire whatever it was for their king.

In history, as Mrs Taylor taught it, these were incidents, mere happenings. She didn't see the wars going on from king to king, century to century, and keep in mind, all these kings were related. So it was like a family feud that never ended, and then they discovered North America.

What a glorious new thing to fight over, and they are still fighting, even after the Revolutionary War ended. Who was entitled to the land?

It wasn't written as the constant state of war that existed, because they often took a break, and didn't fight, while they grew armies and created new and more powerful weapons of death.

Something called the 100 Years War could probably time the fight. If names meant anything, there were a lot of wars. After the 100 years war, the fighting didn't stop. It just changed names and they called it by a new name.

Mrs Taylor didn't see it from the eye of a Pawnee.

She saw history as nice and neat, easy to explain. It was in the book. Her version was cleaner, easy to read, nice and neat, and without massacres or the constant need for more land. Land people are already living on. Who thinks that if you are powerful enough, you can lay claim to anything you want, disregarding the wished of the current owner.

They came smiling, and said, 'Can't we all just get along.'

There is room for everyone if they didn't claim all the land they come to. Because they are civilized, they won't live close to savages. They must kill us to get us off their land. Civilization is winning over the darkness they found when they came here, but the darkness wasn't here before Europeans came.

Being raised where I was, I learned my lessons. I saw the words and was told what they meant. It seemed very neat and clean to me, but I accepted it. Living with the Pawnee these past years, I see the side they are on. They don't write. They'll never write nice neat words to explain how they are prepared to die. There was more affection here, in one night, than I remembered from before I came. It wasn't the hugs or the touching, but the belonging. I was wanted here. I felt love here. I feel it for the people in the wigwam where I live. Then, there is a very different feeling for Running Horse. It is good to feel.

My grandparents couldn't acknowledge me for fear of hurting Li'l Fox. They'd allowed him to believe they were his parents. Now, having their second grandson living in the wigwam with them, they didn't know what to do, until I asked, "Who is Morning Dove?"

It was time Li'l Fox knew the truth. I wanted to be the one to tell him. Dark Horse and Medicine Woman weren't sure what the consequences might be. Learning we were brothers, could make the lies told for his benefit less potent.

I had a few days to figure how to tell Li'l Fox what I knew without upsetting him. I not only had to tell the story to Li'l Fox, but Running Horse needed to hear it. I'd tell him first. His place in the story was smaller. If he took it well, and didn't hold it against me, I'd go ahead and tell Li'l Fox. It was a tricky tale to tell.

The hunt gave me something to look forward to while I got the story out. The excitement had grown since the day Lone Wolf came to see Running Horse and me target shoot. His appearance meant he was quite aware of the pending hunt. Being a warrior, and a hunter, meant he saw the same signs we saw. It was time to hunt.

How strange life can be. We will go to hunt on the mountain where Li'l Fox found me. It was the end of the winter, and he'd come to hunt alone. There would be nine of us going hunting on the same mountain. When Li'l Fox brought me down off the mountain, he had no idea who I was. I was a silly white boy determined to prove his manhood. I went to where I learned to be Pawnee.

I went to a place where the truth took nearly two years to be told. I was already more Pawnee than white by then. I can't imagine knowing who I was, and not ending up with things being far different than they were. I needed to be more Pawnee to appreciate my Pawnee grandparents and the secret they kept.

We'd go to the mountain where Li'l Fox found me. We'd go as friends and allies. We'd come home brothers. I could have died on that mountain. Lil Fox saved me. He took me home to live as a Pawnee.

I felt the mountain's pull before leaving the cabin in the valley where the river runs. I was determined to get a griz, but was that really the reason I went? Father Kelly would say, 'This was part of God's plan for you.'

If that was true, where was God all those years I lived a life with little more than rules and discipline? If there was a hand guiding me, guiding Li'l Fox, so I would know my brother, and find my family, maybe it was the Great Spirit's hand.

I got so much more than a griz. I was no longer drawn to the mountain. It stood as a barrier between me and my old life. I had no desire to return to it. We gathered our gear and left the village on foot. We wouldn't take the horses. There was little food for them on top of the mountain, and the snow and ice would make it too dangerous to risk taking our horses.

We took with us what we needed to build the sleds we'd bring the meat back on. We'd cut branches to use for the sleds. If we could get three to four bucks and various other critters, we would have a successful hunt.

There was excitement as we moved toward the mountain. There was laughter and chatter. The boys were in a playful mood. I walked with Running Horse and Li'l Fox. We chatted about where we were going and how we'd do what we did, once we got to the snow line, where be our bucks.

I had doubts about bringing down a buck with a bow. I knew my bow. I knew where I would hit the buck I shot with my arrow. I had none of the confidence I had when I carried my Hawkin. The Hawking could bring down anything. The bow I used had only brought down smaller critters so far.

We conserved energy so we'd reach the base of the mountain before making camp for the night, before we started to climb in the morning. I was excited about the hunt. I was excited about talking to Li'l Fox. It was the only thing on my mind except for the hunt.

I was a hunter. By this time, I was good with the bow. I decided that Running Horse and me hunted together. It's how we did it at the village. Li'l Fox didn't have the stamina to keep up with the two of us. Running Horse told me how Li'l Fox was sick a lot as a child. Because of being the oldest boy, Running Horse spent a lot of time with Li'l Fox, the next oldest boy. Once they walked a ways, they'd slow to make sure Li'l Fox was keeping up on days when he was most fatigued.

The two of us did the same thing now. It's why Li'l Fox didn't go with us every time we went hunting. Not only did it give Running Horse and me time to be alone together, but it was necessary for Li'l Fox to rest. I asked Medicine Woman about Li'l Fox's lack of stamina.

"It is illness of heart," she told me. "Li'l Fox not strong. He struggle keep up, but can't. He knows."

I knew. Running Horse knew. We stopped at the base of the mountain, rather than to start climbing right away. We stopped at the same camp we stopped at before. Each camp site was an equal distance a part. Once we started the climb, we'd camp twice before we'd reach the snow line the third day. We'd make camp just below the snow and do our hunting from there. We shot small critters all the time, but would I be able to shoot a buck and bring him down? I was strong enough, and I could hit a target at the same range as Running Horse. My marksmanship wasn't as consistent as his. I'd gotten a doe during the two hunting trips last season. It was the first year I used a bow. I had yet to bring down a buck. That was disappointing to me, but I wanted to get a buck this year.

There were signs this would be a very good hunt, when we got two bucks near the place we'd make camp. Running Horse picked the two youngest boys, sending them back with the meat we butchered and prepared for the trip back.

Not all of us would hunt and we still had boys to take any quantity of meat we took while on the mountain. There were still seven of us at the first camp.

We'd kept back enough deer meat to feed us and to put in our pouches to nibble on until we made camp at the snow line in two days.

From the hides we'd gotten during a hunting trip the year before, Medicine woman made me a breach cloth, leggings, and a shirt. She measured me often during the time before the next hunt last spring. Just before we left for the mountain, she laid out the finished items for me to wear. I've got to say, they were the nicest items of clothing I ever wore.

Medicine Woman said, "You good looking Pawnee."

I was. All the boys commented at how nice my new clothing was. Not only did they look good, but they kept me plenty warm. I tried to make sure I didn't get any of the mess on them while I helped butcher the meat we took.

Luckily, Medicine Woman left a little room inside the new outfit for me to grow, because I still was growing. She merely took the stitching out of the leggings and restitched them with the room she'd left for that purpose. They felt like a glove and were snug and warm enough I had to take the leggings off during the first day of travel.

My original shirt was shredded by the bear and I outgrew my leggings fairly fast. I used a shirt that belonged to Li'l Fox, but it was snug on me. I needed the new outfit if I hoped to be comfortable in my clothes while staying warm. By dark in the camp at the base of the mountain, I needed my leggings, and they'd stay on until we came back from the mountain. It had been a warm sunny day, but it was cooler where we camped.

I was plenty happy Medicine Woman restitched the leggings to fit my larger sixteen-year-old body. The leggings had become too short for me by the end of the last season. She knew what she was doing and she also made me new moccasins for my oversized feet. I was still growing then, but I thought I might be done growing by this year.

Neither Maw or Paw were tall, but Father Kelly was tall, and slim like me. I was sure I was as tall as he was now. I was as tall as Running Horse when we stood side by side. If I grew more, I'd be getting too tall in a village where I was taller than most already.

I equated being too tall with making a good target. I knew my father's story. I understood that at any time, my village would be attacked again. I would fight beside the boys I was going hunting with.

I didn't want to be so tall that I was the first target bad men noticed. Like a lot of things in my life, I got no say. The same was true of my strength and my speed. I wasn't as strong or swift as Running Horse, but his victories over me were becoming smaller, and he is waiting for the time when I might replace him.

I did not have his calm patience. Like Lone Wolf, Running Horse would be chief. He had the tools a respected and loved leader needed. I had no desire to lead. There was too much responsibility. I doubted I'd be an effective leader. For fourteen years I did what I was told. Running Horse was learning to be free, to think free, and to learn the lessons to make him the fine Pawnee he has become.

I sat with Li'l Fox once we reached camp. I remembered it from before. Li'l Fox showed signs of being fatigued. When he wanted to go with other boys to gather wood, I asked him to sit and talk with me.

No, I wasn't having the talk with him here. There were too many people, and Li'l Fox was in no shape for me to hit him with such a surprise. I did not know how he'd react. I'd wait until the morning, and I'd ask him to hunt with me. Mostly I would hunt with Running Horse, because we could go far fast and bring back a lot of meat without difficulty. Li'l Fox and I would hunt closer to camp.

Running Horse and Young Antelope brought back four rabbits in about a half an hour. They came back from hunting for our meal to a camp without wood. They had to wait to get the fire going. It gave them time to clean the meat and even to start working with the rabbit pelts to clean them up.

In a half hour the fire was burning bright and we all held a stick with a nice piece of rabbit on it. This left each boy to have it cooked the way he liked. With some berries and some wild onions, it was a feast. We'd brought bread to nibble on as we walked, and we ate some for supper.

As soon as the first star appeared in the night sky, Li'l Fox had been asleep for some time.

"He tire easy," Running Horse said watching Li'l Fox's breathing.

"It's his heart?" I asked, to see what Running Fox knew.

"Hard birth. Not well. He small. Running Horse take care of him."

"Why do we get along so well," I asked, fishing for something I wasn't sure I wanted to catch.

"Life mystery. Running Horse like. No mystery. No like many. Like you."

"I no like anyone the way I like you," I said, speaking my mind.

I could have told him I was his cousin. I wasn't sure how he'd take it. I had to tell Li'l Fox. I'd said I would. Running Horse was different. Would he still like, once he knew we were related. Everything was easy at the village. I didn't want it to change. I wondered if Lone Wolf knew I was related to him by blood. I can't imagine he didn't. Lone Wolf knew everything about his village. Dark Horse would have told him that I spoke of Proud Eagle being my Paw. Lone Wolf knew what everyone in the village knew. Proud Eagle go hunt renegades. Proud Eagle wounded. Proud Eagle no return.

I could pick up the story from there. I remembered everything Maw told me about how she met. Phillip Dubois, trapper, picked Paw up. To save his life, he amputated the arm.

Paw stayed with him until he was strong enough to make it back to where his village once stood. He collapsed by the road somewhere near our town. Enter Father Kelly, who did the Christian thing, taking Paw home to save his life.

Maw and him fell in love. They married in her father's church. He didn't like Paw, but he loved his daughter. Buying the farm in the valley where the river runs, they were far from town and him. He'd love his daughter from a distance, and no one had to see the man she married, except when we went to Lawrence's.

Proud Eagle was Fleet Horse's younger brother. Which meant Li'l Fox and me were cousin to Fleet Horse's son, Running Horse. I knew only that Fleet Horse died. Did he die trying to rescue his younger brother?

He was wounded and he made it back to the village only to die later. Paw never came back. That meant Dark Horse and Proud Eagle lost two sons. Fleet Horse would be my uncle, had he lived. My father was uncle to Running Horse.

No one in the village knew that Proud Eagle was alive, until I broke the news while I was out of my head. I can't imagine how shocking that was to hear.

I can't even imagine what Dark Horse and Medicine Woman thought about having the grandson they didn't know existed in their wigwam. They had to be thrown off balance by the realization.

They then kept this secret for nearly two years. Then a slip of the lip gave me an opening to find out who these people were. They were far too kind to simply be good Samaritans.

I worried more about Running Horse's reaction. Li'l Fox could count his lucky stars, he had Dark Horse and Medicine Woman for grandparents. He could have trouble with it at first, but in time he'd see they were protecting him from a difficult truth he was better off not knowing until he was grown.

By waiting, which created a risk, when Li'l Fox knew the entire story, he'd have lost his mother, but by bringing me home, he got a father and a brother in the bargain. He'd see how much better off he was for waiting to find out. As good news went, the good seemed to outweigh the bad by a lot. Nothing would bring back his mother, but he had a brother to share the grief with him.

Until I told him, it was going to worry me. I wanted to be happy to be on the hunt. I wanted to contribute to the village. Hunting was one of the most important things. The best hunters were always the best warriors. The two went together and required similar skills. If we faced war with the whites, I would fight for my village and I'd fight for my family.

After everyone ate their fill, we had enough rabbit and deer meat to give us a nice start on the new day. We cooked all the meat and everyone could have some as we started climbing. We would be on top in two nights, because we made good time. We were in good shape from a summer of swimming and play.