We were in the camp below the snow line the afternoon of the third day. The day was bright. The sun was warm. Right away we took to cleaning the camp, we'd last left late in the winter. At this level the weather was harsh. Running Horse took Li'l Fox to go scout the area. They were making sure the source of water was there and not contaminated. They would look for a nearby spot to hunt for our supper. We would get the camp the way we wanted it, fill the fire pit with wood, and wait for the two of them to come back with meat.

I collected wood to keep the fire going at night. We needed to remove all brush and burnable items from around the fire pit. We'd keep a fire going all night, but we needed to prepare for a weather change. We could bask in sun one afternoon and be up to our knees in snow the next day. At this level you needed to roll with the conditions we faced.

We'd gotten on top early in the afternoon. We only left two hours of ground to cover to get here, after making a day of it the on the second day. Both Running Horse and Li'l Fox were carrying meat when they came back from their look around. Running Horse thought we'd be able to hunt for smaller critters, while waiting to get a buck or two each day, until we had enough to keep the village going until the next time we came to the mountain.

The fire was big and we had no trouble cooking our food. The camp was happy, and Young Antelope and Turtle entertained us with stories of their exploits. They were funny and we laughed and sang songs we sing at the village.

One by one we turned in. There were volunteers to keep the fire burning, but a sudden fatigue came over me, and I fell asleep fast. The good clean fresh air and the great outdoors made sleeping easy. I woke once hearing wolves, but someone was sitting up near the fire and I fell back to sleep.

It was daylight when Running Horse shook me awake.

"We go top. Hunt."

Meat was on the fire and we each took a slab off the big roast. It was still steaming as we left camp. Most boys were awake but not up yet. Getting up at the break of dawn wasn't necessary in the village, unless you were going to hunt.

It was best to get an early start, get to where you plan to hunt early, and set up so the deer don't know you're there. The spot Running Horse picked had big trees surrounding an open space and toward the far side was a watering hole. He showed me the tracks to prove animals came here to drink.

We went to a tree that had moss growing all around the base. It had two trees on each side that shaded our presence, but there was a straight view to the watering hole.

Running Horse sat with his back leaning against the tree trunk, and I sat in front of him, leaning my back against his chest. It was how we often sat while waiting for game to show up in a search for water.

I was warm. It wasn't a bitter cold day. It was late autumn and the real winter weather was a month or two away. I remembered what real winter was like on the mountain. The first time I spent winter on the mountain, I was hunting for grizzly bears. I did not want anything to do with a griz on this trip. I wasn't sure I could bring down a buck with my bow. The idea of standing steady while shooting my arrows at a griz was not an appealing idea.

I could feel Running Horse breathing. He had his arms around me and held me as close to him as I could get. It was a nice place to be, but I had to refine my presentation that I'd give to Li'l Fox the next morning when I'd hunt with him.

"You awake," I said after an hour in that spot.

"Me wake," he replied, sounding drowsy.

"Proud Eagle is my father."

I felt the reaction. He didn't speak for a long time. I started to worry.

"Father my father, brother."

"Proud Eagle, brother Fleet Horse, son Dark Horse and Medicine Woman."

"Why you not tell?"

"I wasn't sure, Running Horse. Dark Horse told me a few nights ago. When I first came. When I was really sick. I talked about Proud Eagle being my Paw. They knew I their grandson, but Li'l Fox is my brother. You cousin. I waited until we came here alone to tell you what I learned."

"We of same blood?"

"We have the same blood."

I felt him relax. His arms did not move. One down and one to go. Running Horse would have more to say later, but for now, he rested having the information. I had no sense it would make a difference. We were close to each other and we both liked being close to each other.

I woke when Running Horse stirred.

"Sh sh sh."

My eyes opened and I followed his finger. Three deer were standing at the water hole. A doe drank, the two bucks stood alert. The two bucks drank, and the doe stood alert.

"Stand slow."

When we were standing, we already had our bows ready. I picked up an arrow out of my quiver as I stood. Running Horse was partially behind the tree trunk. I was further out from the tree. We didn't need to move to take a shot.

He readied his bow and I readied mine. As he stood, bow close to his chest, eye studying the three deer, I knew he'd take the buck on his side. I'd take the buck on my side. He drew his bowstring back and I did the same. I listened for his bow string to twang. Once I heard it, I released my arrow.

I watched in amazement as the two bucks dropped right where they stood. Before they hit the ground, the doe was gone.

The sun was shining brightly as we butchered the deer meat. Running Horse was more delighted than I'd ever seen him. We'd gotten three to four hundred pounds of meat in a split second. Running Horse was almost dancing around the meat as he quartered his deer, while I quartered mine. It was good.

We took our deer we kilt back to camp, using a sled Running Horse rigged to hold the meat from both deer. It was slow going. Running Horse pulled the heavy sled. I asked to take a turn. He insisted he do it. I couldn't argue with him. He'd been really good on the news I gave him, and besides, I got a buck with my bow. That gave me more confidence hunting with a bow.

On the fourth day we had three bucks worth of meat. Li'l Fox got his buck, while hunting with Young Antelope. They didn't get back to camp until almost dark. By that time we'd packed our meat in snow among the rocks, where it would freeze tonight. In the morning Turtle and White Cloud would take the frozen meat off the mountain and back to the village at first light.

Even if a predator caught the scent of the thawing meat, they were very unlikely to take on two men, and if they did, the two boys were good enough with a bow to eliminate the threat.

This also took two more boys off the mountain. There was only six boys left in the hunting party, and in one day, or maybe two, we'd be done, and there would be fewer mouths to feed, which would require far less energy as the cold and the high ground took its toll on us.

I had trouble sleeping. The revelation that Proud Eagle was my father, didn't seem to phase Running Horse. That was the easy part. Running Horse and I were closer than close. I had a lot to lose if he reacted badly. He didn't. I was glad.

Li'l Fox was more thoughtful and what I was about to tell him could turn his life upside down. His entire life would be changed by the news I told him. He too would want to know why the big delay in telling him who I was. He'd be pleased to know we are brothers. The rest of it is a lot more complicated. I couldn't be sure he'd sort it out by the time we returned to the village in two or three days.

Running Horse asked no questions about Li'l Fox. If I told him while we were on the mountain, I'd probably be talking to Li'l Fox about it. He had no thoughts about it he revealed to me. Nothing seemed to have change. We held hands near the fire after eating and when I went to sleep, I slept near Li'l Fox.

We didn't leave quite as early the next morning. Li'l Fox got a buck. Turtle shot a prong horn deer. It was smaller with a really pretty pelt. We'd eaten off his meat before the rest of it was frozen to take back to the village. Two boys stayed in camp and four would hunt that day. We'd come back to hot food and with the camp cleaned and ready to leave for the rest of the year.

Li'l Fox and I went off in the opposite direction from yesterday. Running Horse would hunt with Barking Dog, the next oldest after Li'l Fox. Running Horse knew I wasn't going with him, because I had something to tell Li'l Fox. He had to know what I'd tell him. He looked troubled but said nothing.

I got cold when we encountered way more snow on the way to a place Li'l Fox had hunted before. There was no sun and when we stopped at a spot near a stream, we needed to clear the snow away so our butts and feet didn't freeze. We sat under a tree that furnished an obstacle to get us out of a stiff wind.

"Snow come," Li'l Fox said.

"Yes. Maybe snows on camp tonight."

"Maybe."

We sat silent. The simple vibration from words we spoke could be heard or sensed by game. It was the kind of thing that a hunter knew. I knew it and I would have remained silent if I didn't have something to say.

"Proud Eagle is my father, Li'l Fox."

He looked at me and measured the words he heard. I spoke plain English, because I didn't know how to say what I had to say in Pawnee. He understood me, but Li'l Fox thought carefully when I spoke to him in English.

"Proud Eagle of village?"

"Yes, my father came from your village."

He looked at the stream and at the wide open space. He looked at me. He studied his feet.

"You no tell before."

"Who'd have believed me, Li'l Fox. I'm half Pawnee."

This required looking around. I could see his brain working on my words.

"Why you tell?"

"There's more," I said.

He was restless. I thought he was going to walk away. He settled down.

"What this mean?"

"Proud Eagle is the son of Dark Horse and Medicine Woman."

"He my brother? No. I know name Proud Eagle. No brother. He die."

"Proud Eagle is alive. He's the son of Dark Horse and Medicine Woman. The village was attacked by bad men. Fleet Horse was wounded and returned to village after chasing bad men. Proud Eagle was wounded and never returned. He was thought to be dead. He was not dead and he met my Maw and I was born."

"You people in my village?"

"Li'l Fox, you are my people. I don't know how it could happen, but I left Proud Eagles wigwam to go get griz. I was told his people lived on the far side of the mountain. Old village gone. Destroyed. Not know where new village is. I go to mountain to get griz. You find and take me to Proud Eagles people."

"No," Li'l Fox protested.

"You my people how?"

"Proud Eagle is son of Dark Horse and Medicine Woman."

"No, not son," Li'l Fox objected.

"Your village was attacked. Your mother, Morning Dove died. Proud Eagle and Fleet Horse went with warriors to catch men who burned village. Fleet Horse and Proud Eagle were brothers. Their parents were Dark Horse and Medicine Woman. Proud Eagle, my father, is your father."

"No. We brothers?"

"Yes. We brothers."

Li'l Fox was crying and I cried for him. He looked around like he might be dizzy or in a way that said he wasn't able to fit the pieces together. He looked at me and cried even harder. He sobbed because the world he knew was suddenly pulled out from under him. He stopped crying and sat still for a time.

"Dark Horse and Medicine Woman, your grandparents, were in a position to raise you as their son. They didn't want you to know the story about how you lost your mother and father. Your parents are also your grandparents. After losing their two sons, you were their lives and they raised you as if you were their son."

"Why you tell now?"

"Dark Horse and Medicine Woman knew I was their grandson almost as soon as you brought me back. I was out of my head and I said that Proud Eagle was my Paw. They were afraid that if they told the story of how you became their son, you'd take it hard and think of them as liars. I heard the name Morning Dove recently. I'd heard that name at my wigwam before I came here. I asked Medicine Woman about that name. Dark Horse took me aside and told me the entire story."

This made him grow quiet.

I remained silent. He needed time and I would give him all the time he needed. What else could I say? It was up to Li'l Fox now. I'd told him everything I knew. I told him everything Dark Horse told me.

"You hug Medicine Woman," he said. "You know she grandmother."

"That's after Dark Horse told me the truth. Yes, I hugged her a lot. I hugged Dark Horse."

"You hug Dark Horse. Me no hug. He important man. No touch."

"He hugged me back, Li'l Fox."

"He hug Tall Willow."

This tickled Li'l Fox. He laughed and laughed. I thought we might be OK. We sat close for a long time. It was difficult enough for me to deal with. It turned what Li'l Fox knew upside down. I don't know how long we sat there. It felt like days. His only movement was his blinks. Every now and then, he blinked.

He sat so still I couldn't be sure of what he was thinking about. Much later his hand probed for his quiver of arrows. By the time I figured out why, he stood, drew back his bow and the buck fell where he stood a second before.

We had a cloth and between the two of us we had the deer quartered, placed on our sled made from the cloth Lil Fox brought with him, and we were dragging it back to the camp. It was almost dark as we saw our fire.

"Dark Horse, Medicine Woman, grandparents?" Li'l Fox said as the fire grew nearer.

"Dark Horse and Medicine Woman are our grandparents. They have been your parents. They raised you. They didn't want to talk to you about Morning Dove. They will tell you about your mother, once we go back to village."

We had our choice of woodchuck or antelope. I put antelope meat on my stick and got my hair singed cooking it. The fire was huge. The meat was tender.

"We go back in morning. Freeze meat. Take back plenty good kill. Won't need hunt on mountain until spring. There were two more bucks, a doe, and a dozen rabbit and a unspecified meat that was frozen with the rest. We were all tired and we were all happy.

Li'l Fox was quiet. He was tired and he insisted on pulling the sled most of the way back to camp. I did whatever he had it in mind to do. I did not want to add any wrinkles to the wrinkled fabric that was his life. The next day the two youngest hunters pulled the sleds off the mountain. We took turns pulling until we reached the village the next morning. The meat had nearly thawed by then.

Men and boys came out to finish butchering the meat, smoking some and storing what had to be four or five hundred pounds of meat. Dark Horse and Medicine woman joined the men and woman who participated in getting the meat prepared for storage and a nice portion for tonight's celebration that would honor the kilt animals and the hunters who kilt them. I was proud to be one.

Li'l Fox was still quiet. I sat close and Running Horse knew why. For the first time in a coons age, we didn't hold hands or sit close enough to be touching.

The fire was huge. We had a feast with all the trimmings. It was like Thanksgiving. Li'l Fox ate some and he wandered away on his own. If he needed me, he'd let me know.

On the way back he told me he heard the story of the attack on the village that killed Fleet Horse and Proud Eagle. Everyone thought my father died of his wounds. I told Dark Horse about Phillip Dubois, and how he amputated Paw's arm to save his life. I told Li'l Fox the story I had been told. He kept wanting to know 'Why you not tell sooner?"

I reminded him that I just put all the pieces together myself, and I decided that we should be on the mountain where he saved my life when I told him all that I knew, and what Dark Horse told me. I think he understood but it kept coming back to us being brothers and not knowing it for so long. He hugged me before we slept the last night on the mountain. It was a good sign.

I stayed at the feast with Dark Horse and Medicine Woman. They ate and talked with friends. No one treated me any differently, and I'm sure most of the village knew who I was all along. It was just the boys who didn't know, because if one of them found out, they'd have told Li'l Fox without delay, and the delay was necessary for his peace of mind and mine.

Running Horse waited by the wigwam, and he grabbed me in a hug.

"Running Horse miss Tall Willow. We go walk? Have plenty good talk."

"No, I want to be with Li'l Fox this night. He hasn't sorted it out yet. I need to be with my brother tonight, but there's always tomorrow night," I said, kissing Running Horse's cheek.

"Me see tomorrow," he said, hugging me again.

I followed Dark Horse and Medicine Woman into the wigwam.

Li'l Fox had come back to the wigwam earlier. He'd resolved it all inside his head on the way back. He seemed much more relaxed on the way home.

As soon as Dark Horse came into the wigwam, Li'l Fox grabbed him in a bear hug. His grandfather wept and hugged his grandson tightly. Tears came to my eyes as I watched. This was good.

It took time for the hug to end.

Li'l Fox said, after stepping back, "Grandfather. Father. Li'l Fox thank both."

My brother turned to hug Medicine Woman. She was crying while she watched Li'l Fox hug Dark Horse. It told her what she needed to know.

"Grandmother, mother. Me thank both. Both thanked."

I got the idea. Li'l Fox would be fine.

Before we went to bed under the same covering we'd been sleeping under since I arrived, he hugged me.

"My brother," he said. "Brother. Brother of mine."

This was a happy hug that I appreciated more than anyone could know. I was still a bit shaken by Li'l Fox and me being brothers. Of all the things I learned from Dark Horse, that most unsettling me, I'd always wanted a brother. I always wanted to find out what it meant to be Pawnee.

The thing that had the biggest impact on my life, was the boy who found me on the mountain, and he saved my life, was my brother.

He took me to the village where he lived for Medicine Woman to help me heal, after my crazy adventure, ending with me having a broke leg.

I went to search for my manhood. Instead, I found my way home.

I was a lot better at being Pawnee than I ever was being white.

The End of Autumn Allies

I owe a great debt in the telling of this story.

Ernie Shields mentored me in the art of writing. I wouldn't be here writing, if he hadn't seen something in my words he thought worth developing.

Larry Rose also had a helping hand in developing my writing style. They both were instrumental in the writing of Autumn Allies, and are deserving of applause. I applaud them each and every day.

Peace & Love,