The hardest part of my senior year in high school were the examinations, the pressure was on as grades at that point counted for everything on a college admission form. Mid-year we always looked forward to Christmas break, it gave us that 'the glass is half full' approach to our accomplishments. The boys of Bradford Academy feel much the same, except for those separated by the event.

Chris James

Exam week at Bradford, a time when PC didn't refer to political correctness, it meant pressure cooker. Life on the dorms became sullen; boys lashed out at one another if they were disturbed in their studies, the proctors were on high alert for such incidents.

For the most part the dorms were quiet, words were spoken softly and boys went about their business as usual. The only real change is that there was no circle jerk activity planned, everyone either slept when lights out was called or remained at their desks under a shaded study lamp.

Dr. Thorne did his best to comfort the boys, pizza and soups for lunch, hamburgers and hot dogs for dinner. A lot of boys just grabbed their food and returned to their rooms, no one tried to stop them this time of year. And then came Monday Madness and the first exams began.

The gay group had taken a table in the library for the study halls, sharing what information they had amongst themselves. Adam attended these sessions and helped others, particularly Tim. He knew if there was one way he could show his affection for the boy it would be to help him do well in this first exam cycle.

By now several in the group had noticed Adam's attitude towards his work, and it worried them. Leave it to Red to say something.

"Hey, did you do that last assignment Elias gave you?" Red asked.

"Yeah, I suppose you guys did that block on semantics freshman year?"

"True, we did. It was confusing at first, but Elias explains things so well."

Adam smiled. "I caught on and wrote most of the paper in class."

"No way, that means you probably missed most of the lecture. His exam is tough so you better review your notes carefully, what grade did you get on the report?"

"I don't generally share my GPA, Red. I don't say that to offend you, I just think its private," Adam said.

"OK, it's your business," Red replied, but it didn't end there.

For some reason Red felt the boy wasn't telling him everything, Since Steve was the leader of their little gay group he felt a responsibility to back up the boy he loved. Having one of the group fail a class was unthinkable, it would reflect on them all. Red decided it was time to snoop.

Mrs. Nash in the office was a sweet lady. As one of the original Friends in the Littleton Meeting she had worked at the school for ages. Each boy was special to her, and so it was no surprise that Red walked in the office just as she was going to lunch and asked to use the copier.

"Sure thing," Mrs. Nash said. "There's more paper in the supply closet if you need it, I think it's running low."

"Thank you, ma'am ... enjoy your lunch."

She gave Red a smile and watched him check the copier before she left. The supply room is just where Red wanted to go, student files were in there. He opened the door and switched on the light, looking at the shelves of supplies on one side and the file cabinets on the other. He walked inside and shut the door behind him.

He found the drawer labeled M-R and slid it open, the Marshall file was the fifth one in. He didn't actually want to remove the file so he slid it halfway out and pried it open. There had been only one grading period so far, he wanted to see what Adam's grades and GPA were.

The yellow card in the file was just like the one each student took home, or in case of the boarders was mailed home to his parents. Red knew the format and he slid the card out enough to look at the headings and grades.

"Holy shit," Red mumbled, the whole grade column was filled with fours, the highest grade attainable. Under each grade there was a paragraph where teachers were asked to note the student's progress. "Excels, homework assignments always on time and well written." That was a comment by Elias. Red's finger followed down the column and came to the little box with Adam's GPA.

"Jeez," He gasped, Adam had an average of four point three. That meant he not only did perfect on all his work he did extra credit work as well. This was astounding since the boy had only been there one semester ... it made him want to look further. There were also transcripts from Adam's middle school and he was just reaching them when he heard someone out in the office.

Red slid the file back down and rolled the drawer shut just as he heard the closet door begin to open. He turned and snatched at a pack of copier paper just as Dr. Thorne pulled the door open. Red put the pack of paper down and reached up for another.

"Wayne? I didn't know you were in here," Thorne said.

"Hello sir, just filling the copier for Mrs. Nash," Red said, but it didn't sound very convincing.

"Students aren't allowed in this closet alone; didn't Mrs. Nash tell you that?"

"Sorry, sir ... no she didn't, maybe she forgot," Red said.

"Well bring out your paper and I'll lock the door until she gets back," Thorne said.

Red carried several packs of paper out to the copier as Thorne picked up a box of pens and then locked the door. He smiled at Red.

"Are you missing lunch today?" Thorne asked.

"No, sir, I had my share, and thank you for the pizza."

"Well you finish up in here and go about your business, there's only forty minutes before the next block," Thorne said.

"Thank you," Red said. He turned his back on Thorne and began to fill the copier trays, by the time he was done the man was gone. Well that was dumb, he almost got caught ... and yet now he knew something the others did not. Adam was a frickin genius. Not that he could use the information, but at least he could tell Steve. They had both been wondering about the boy.

"Lord, his GPA is what?" Steve asked, even though he had just heard Red say the numbers,

"Four point three ... no lie," Red replied.

"Damn, I only have a three-six," Steve said.

"Three-four for me, and I study my ass off," Red said.

"Naw, your ass is just fine ... I'll keep an eye on it," Steve laughed.

"Brat," Red said, taking a playful swipe at the boy.

"Trig ... back to the grind," Steve said. And they both went back to their books.

Adam smiled to himself as he finished his English exam. Elias would like his essay, he always did. By the second week of school Adam had figured out what every other Bradford student who'd been through this class already knew, Elias was the best teacher at the school.

By the fourth week he was puzzled when Elias asked him to stay after class.

"I just want to commend you on your work, you write very well. It seems you've traveled extensively in your life, I really enjoy the subject matter," Elias said.

"Thank you, sir," Adam replied. "It always seems best to write about things I've experienced. I still have to research and make sure the facts are correct, but at least I know where to find the information."

Elias smiled. "Yes, I understand why your work is so well done; I looked at your student file last week. I must say I am glad to have you in my class, but concerned that I'm not teaching you up to your potential."

Adam smiled. "No, sir, I'm not bored if that's what you think. I enjoy the discussions we have; the potential for new thought is enticing."

"And your other classes, do you find them enticing?" Elias asked.

"Not as much, trig is repetitive, the syllabus is didactic, but I look forward to the calculus block next semester," Adam said.

Elias doubted the average freshman even knew what the term didactic meant ... hell, he doubted many of the seniors did. Keeping Adam engaged was his sole objective, he would have to discuss the boy at the next faculty meeting and see what the others said. Maybe it was time to ask the boy what he thought.

"Do you feel comfortable in the freshman class?" Elias asked.

He saw a flash of concern in the boy's eyes. "You're not thinking of advancing me are you?" Adam asked.

"That was a passing thought, yes. But the others don't know about you, do they?"

Adam shook his head. "No." And then he sighed. "I came here because I was tired of being the gifted student, Bradford challenges all its students, and I just want to be one of the crowd. Intelligence is a burden, sir."

"Yes it is, and you may call me Elias if you wish."

That elicited a smile from the boy. "Thank you, Elias."

"So what are we going to do with you? Are you willing to take on additional assignments? Maybe that's the answer, let me think about it," Elias said.

"Yes ... just please, don't tell anyone," Adam said.

Elias nodded. "They'll find out in time. Students here are chosen for that very same intelligence which bothers you so much." He looked at the rainbow flag in Adam's lapel. "And especially the students in your group, they're some of my best."

Adam reached up and fingered the flag. "I've only been wearing this for a week; they accept me for who I am ... all the students seem to. I enjoy that distinction; it's what makes this place special ... "

"And you don't want it to change, I understand," Elias said. "But in time even you will change, Adam. When you do we'll be ready to accommodate you I'm sure. Just feel free to talk to me whenever you wish ... agreed?"

"Yes, Elias. I never met a teacher like you before, I'm glad you're here."

Elias wrote Adam a permission slip since he was now late for his next class and the boy went on his way. God, Adam reminded him so much of himself at that age. So alert, so aware. But the transcripts had labeled him as having above average intelligence, near genius at an IQ of one forty-two, and that was only in seventh grade.

The boy would be a powerhouse by the time he graduated Bradford, there was no doubt about that. They had dealt with many boys in the genius category over the years, each one was unique. It made Elias smile; this one was very special, and so young. He would bear watching, just like Neil.

The subject matter of Neil's papers had changed once again; he had developed a strong sense of social consciousness. That first year Elias remembered the boy wrote about love, great tracts about feelings and emotions that he understood little about in the early romance with Jessie. But that had all changed.

Now the essays were about home and family, the long view of life and love, even if the inspiration was still Jessie. Elias had viewed many schoolboy romances over the years, but none like these two. Eighteen and they already had a life planned out together; it was astounding ... and heartwarming.

Neil's latest tome on gay youth was several hundred pages long, all about his experiences in New York this past summer. Elias never liked to limit the creativity of his students, they could turn in papers of any length, but this was a book ... and in many ways he wished he had written it.

Elias Burton had left his parent's home in New Jersey at the tender age of eighteen and headed for the city. Unsure of himself he had checked into the YMCA and pondered his life. He had the grades and the money set aside to get him into a prestigious college, he just wasn't in a hurry to go anywhere.

His whole life to this point had been about academic excellence, but it left him a social moron. Oh he could talk about any subject in a conversation; he had what they call stage presence. His goal for over ten years had been to become a teacher; he understood that he would be a fine one. What he didn't understand was himself.

The world was populated with attractive men and now he wanted to find out why he admired that beauty. Elias had dated several girls but had no feelings for any of them, at least not the normal feelings he was sure a boy was supposed to have. He could not date boys; it was unthinkable in his school. But then he heard a replay of the song YMCA by the Village People and he finally got it.

Yes, he was gay, or at least that was his understanding of it, for at eighteen he was still a virgin. Intelligence and virginity did not make good companions in his mind, now he had the summer to find out how it all worked. Unfortunately analytical thought was not his best means of discovering himself; his experience at the Y was a disaster.

There were dozens of men sleeping at the Y. His choice of a private room or dorm was a no brainer, he chose the dorm. No reason to isolate himself right off the bat, he wanted to be where the guys were.

Men stood in the gang shower and openly looked at one another, and that was only his first shock. The locker room etiquette since he was fifteen was to not stare at the other boys even if he did want to look. Here the seduction game was played out in the open. But could all of these men be gay?

A twenty something guy followed him out of the shower room and smiled as they dried off together. Elias found his looks enticing; he wasn't as hairy as some of the others.

"You new to New York?" The guy asked.

"No, grew up around here," Elias replied.

"Malcolm ... Malcolm Stevens," The guy said. "I just got here from LA."

"Wow, long trip," Elias said. "What brings you to town?"

Malcolm smiled. "Work ... and guys like you."

Malcolm had a private room; they fucked like dogs in heat all night long. Yes, it was painful at first. No, Malcolm didn't say he was in love first. Yes, Elias learned everything he'd ever wanted to know from this guy. And no, Malcolm didn't stick around, three nights and he was gone.

It was like uncorking fine wine only to discover it had turned to vinegar, the experience left Elias with a sour feeling inside. He stayed at the Y long enough for six other men to use his body and then he went home, he had only been gone ten days.

His life in college was so different. Elias had chosen to stay in the northeast, and Emerson in Boston seemed like a good place to get a degree in English. He drank too much that first year, got bashed up a bit playing football and still managed to take the bus into New York on the weekends to get fucked by anonymous men. Somehow he just knew he would never find a real guy for a relationship, he was a nerd.

He had two bouts with venereal disease and scared himself half to death over the AIDS crisis. He should have bought stock in a condom company, his dresser held dozens of them. But he was one of the lucky ones; he never caught the plague that took so many. It curtailed his weekend activities and he did what he had always done, he retreated into his studies.

Attending Yale for his graduate degree was due to his undying affection for his English literature professor at Emerson. Aubrey Ames was a genius and had a genuine affection for so many of his students. For Elias that equated to candlelight dinners on the man's terrace before they slept together. Unfortunately Elias hadn't discovered the man until his senior year; the affair was short and sweet.

He avoided the fraternities and bars of the upperclassmen at Yale, knowing it would only bring him down in his studies. But Yale culture was different in many ways, and he found himself in a study group that included a handsome man who was also an accomplished writer. Elias flirted boldly and Jason Pierce seemed to enjoy the attentions. There was only one small detail, Jason was married.

Elias backed off once he discovered that, but it only made Jason come after him. It was the first time Elias understood that men could be bisexual, and in Jason's case it just meant he was sexual ... period. Cheating on his wife seemed to mean nothing to the guy, and Elias just wanted attention. Eventually Jason's wife found out and the sham ended, but not in her favor.

Jason begged him to move in once the woman was gone and Elias almost went for it. But somewhere in the back of his mind he knew the man couldn't be trusted, and besides, he wasn't gay. Finally Jason left school after a long drinking binge that ruined his studies. He was the last man Elias saw at the school, and probably a good thing.

The ink was still wet on his degree when by chance he met a woman who lived in New Hampshire at a library symposium. Alicia Everly was old enough to be his grandmother and yet so full of youth and vigor. She was running a retreat for artists and writers nestled in the foothills of the White Mountains. Elias had wanted to write for the longest time, and now with his schooling finished he could. She invited him to take a cottage for the summer and explore the possibilities.

Never in his life had Elias found such peace and contentment as he did that summer. The view was spectacular, the air fresh and clean ... and he wrote volumes. There was a central kitchen and dining hall, but many of the guests rarely left the isolation of their cottages. Elias could not become a monkish person; he wrote and attended the limited social activities.

He could vividly remember evenings on the patio, a glass of wine in hand as several of them discussed Thoreau and Dickens by the hour. He found himself repeating thoughts and ideas gleaned from his class work over the years, and discovered that others were listening to his words. He wrote and talked all summer long until Alicia cornered him one evening in late August.

"I have decided, Elias ... you must teach," She said. "It's the perfect match for your mind and spirit."

"Yes, I've considered that," Elias replied. "I just don't know which college to apply to."

"No, dear, I think you need to be out there inspiring young minds. You can't be a hermit all your life and that is a real possibility. Just think about all those young men and women who need someone like you to energize their studies."

"I ... I wouldn't know where to begin," Elias said. "I don't think the public schools offer much of a challenge."

"Then let me introduce you to some fine educators who run a private school."

Dr. Thorne had just begun his tenure as the headmaster at Bradford when they met and Elias immediately liked the man. They talked about life in general and the things Elias found interesting, there was no mention of a position at the school.

But Elias had attended the Friends Meeting in Boston with classmates at school. He understood the Quaker ways of consensus, he had seen it firsthand. Elias was introduced to several members of the Academy Board of Elders. He stayed at the Thayer Hotel for a full week as the Board members individually invited him into their homes for dinner and discussion.

It wasn't until his final day that Thorne walked with him across the campus in the crisp fall air. Boys scurried about between the dorms and to classes in the various buildings. One such boy approached his headmaster and awaited recognition.

"Yes, Robert, what may I do for you?" Thorne asked.

"It's my rabbit, sir ... it's gone missing in the middle of my experiment. Mr. Poole says I must start the experiment all over again, is that fair, sir?"

"Robert is in freshman biology, Evan Poole is his teacher," Thorne explained. "Robert, will you explain to Mr. Burton the nature of your experiment."

"Yes, sir, I shall. My rabbit was being fed a chemical in her food that was supposed to make her glow in the dark, sir."

Thorne looked at Elias and so he figured he was supposed to respond. "And where did you have the rabbit when it went missing?"

"It was in its cage, sir, just inside the greenhouse. Maybe someone was playing with her and didn't secure the door."

"Ahh," Elias said. "And what would be growing in the greenhouse this time of year?"

"I'm not sure, sir. I think Mr. Poole has some vegetables and exotic plants in there. I can see the grow lights in there at night from my window."

"I think we have your mystery solved, Robert. What do rabbits like to eat?"

"We feed her rabbit food, sir. But she liked the occasional carrot or lettuce leaf ... Oh, you think she got out to eat in Mr. Poole's garden?"

"It seems likely," Elias said. "I'm sure she hides in the daytime when all the students are around and probably eats at night when it's quiet. But you say the grow lights are on and if the chemical is working then she ought to absorb some of that infrared energy. I would suggest you sneak in there after dark and quickly turn out the grow lights, I'll bet she'll be there in the lettuce bed glowing in the dark."

A huge smile lit up Robert's face. "Wizard ... Thank you, Mr. Burton. Excuse me sirs, I have to go tell Mr. Poole." And with that he ran off.

Thorne nodded. "Wizard ... that's a high compliment from the boy you know."

"I never heard the expression," Elias said.

They walked on down the sidewalk and Thorne seemed to be considering his next thought.

"The Elders are going to agree with me, I'm sure. I would like to offer you a position here, Mr. Burton. We need a wizard teaching our boys English. Mrs. Whitehead is due to retire and that leaves us with a need for freshman and sophomore English. I hope you will accept our offer."

"I would be grateful to teach here, Dr. Thorne," Elias responded.

"Good, there is an apartment in Revere Hall at the moment, or maybe you prefer to live in town."

"I would like to stay on campus if I may, at least for the moment. I think I need to engage the students at first, come to know their sensibilities first hand."

Thorne laughed. "Yes, you may find some of them insensible, but they are all fine boys. You may start right away, we need you."

"First thing in the morning if you wish," Elias said.

"I was rather hoping you might say that, let me show you the apartment."

And that's where it all began, Elias thought. Now fourteen years later he was still engaged in discovering the sensibilities of his students and thrilling at their success. He lived off campus now, mainly to keep his personal life ... well, personal. His sexual interests were his own affair, only Tom and Jack had visited with him and his lover of ten years.

Elias envied Tom's openness, and yet he didn't. He was still shy about discussing his private life with the students, although he was sure many of them guessed. Miguel had come into his life and changed everything he thought he knew about himself, that's what love seemed to do.

He was known for his tough yet fair exams, and he was aware of his standing amongst the faculty; they had elected him dean six years before. There was little politics inherent in the position; it was a title and little else. The school was run by consensus; it meant everyone's voice was important.

Now he watched Neil writing in his exam booklet, soon the boy would go out there and seek his role in life. Elias knew he was headed to New York when Jessie went to Julliard. There was no doubt in his mind that they would dazzle the world together.

For Red it was another terrible, anxiety ridden two hours as he slogged his way through the trig exam. He found moments where the formulas blurred before his eyes and didn't make sense at all. He knew time was almost up; he needed to answer another four problems. Fuck, the voice inside his head screamed.

Steve had reviewed the practice problems with him; this one was a lot like the one that had tripped him up before. OK, skip that, move on to the next. Half way through that one he came up with the solution to the one he'd skipped and went back. His mind was in turmoil.

Steve would go home on Thursday and again have to beg his mother for a quick return to Littleton. Only this time she had a new man in her life and wanted Steve to stay and get to know the guy. God, hetero couples were just so boring, poor Steve. Shit, poor me, Red thought.

The thought of being away from Steve for two weeks sucked big time. Yeah, now why does that radius look so different? Ahh, it's in the wrong place, clever bitch. Red changed the equation and smiled. He'd almost messed that up. Two more and he was home free.

Ten minutes later Red tossed down his pencil just as the exam period ended. He looked up to where Adam had been sitting and realized the boy was gone. Shit, the exam probably only took him five minutes with that brain. He handed in the exam and didn't even say thank you like most of the others, he didn't feel polite today.

"How did it go, babe," Steve asked when they met at the car.

"Crummy, it was like I didn't know anything today," Red replied.

"Yes you did, I just think you're tired and distracted."

Red nodded and laid his head on the steering wheel. He only had one exam left and that was the Science of Ecology block. At least he could understand that stuff, nature was interesting. He couldn't find the words, and then he felt fingers run up the back of his neck and entangle themselves in his hair.

"I'm sorry ... I'm distracting you, I wish I didn't have to leave," Steve said.

Red slowly nodded. "Let's go home, sweetie."

They took the road towards the gate and stopped at the corner. Red looked over at Steve and saw tears in the boy's eyes. Yes, they were going to be apart ... but they would survive because this love they shared was so deep.

The evening was one of renewal, an affirmation of their love. Red drew them a hot bath and they sat in the tub until the water began to chill. It felt good to wash away the day. Red's mom had another evening of classes but she'd left money and they ordered pizza. Steve lit a few candles and then put on an old record, Journey's Escape album. They sat on the couch in the semi-darkness and ate the pies while listening to Steve Perry sing about love.

"God ... what a voice," Steve said. "If I could sing I'd want to be just like him."

Red smiled, knowing what Steve was asking and he put down the pizza and began to sing along with Perry. It was enough to make Steve cry again as Red hit the high notes in the song Open Arms and stared into his eyes. This was their song, a sad love song, and yet it gave them both something sweet to share.

Steve stood up when the song was done and pulled Red on his feet. "I want to make love, babe," Steve said, and their bodies came together in an embrace.

It was the most romantic evening they had shared in months, the soft light of the candles, and the sweet scent of soap on their bodies. Red knew he wanted nothing more at that moment then to show Steve what was in his heart.

The skin beneath his fingers was familiar and yet Red allowed himself to discover it anew as he caressed the boy. Their lips melded together softly. Red pressed at the boy's lips with his tongue and they opened their mouths ... then Steve began to giggle.

Red pulled back and stared down at Steve with amazement. "What?" He demanded.

"You taste like pepperoni ... it tastes like I'm kissing a pizza," Steve chortled and then he began to laugh. Red smiled at the joy in Steve's eyes and joined the laughter. The romantic spell was broken and yet now they were still two boys very much in love and that passion quickly engulfed them.

Steve leaned up and tongued Red's nipples, pushing him over on his back as his lips went up behind Red's earlobes. It was the most sensitive place the boy had and Red groaned with pleasure as his fingernails scraped lightly down Steve's back and then dug into the flesh of his ass. And then Red began to hum along with the music playing softly in the background.

Steve trembled at the sound of that voice and kissed his way across Red's throat to feel the vibrations. For in what seemed like so long ago now, it had been the attraction to that voice that drew him close to Red. He still remembered sitting in the theatre as the chorus practiced and no matter what the song, Red's voice rang out above the rest. It was only later, after their love was declared, that Red admitted he had been singing for Steve that night because he could see the boy watching him.

And no matter how hard he tried, every time Red sang to him he would cry as the emotions of those days swept over him. He thought it was the sweetest gesture anyone had even shown him. And now the pizza was all but forgotten as Steve lay down on top of his lover and their bodies came together to began sharing that familiar rhythm.

From the very first moment Red had allowed them to do this Steve swore that it would be the best every time. Tonight was no different, for like practiced dancers they moved with the grace of loving one another. So when Steve stared down into the deep green pools of Red's eyes he saw the flames of desire that he felt inside himself and he was lost.

For Red the most amazing part of this boy was that beyond external beauty there was a deeply caring person inside, one that had changed his life completely. He knew Steve spent a lot of time sharing his moods and habits just to be a part of his life, and that wasn't fair. Despite the moments of love Steve shared he worked hard at being the best person he could.

For a long time Red thought it was because Steve was self-conscious about his life at home and the lack of a male role model in his life. But Steve had admiration for so many people and that seemed to compensate very well. In truth he now knew it was because Steve had always wanted to be a leader and felt the best way to achieve that goal was to be a part of everyone's life.

Now the boy was more secure in his position, he was a leader in the GSA and others looked up to him, a role he gladly accepted. His life had validation on so many levels, not the least was the love they shared. Staring up into those soft blue eyes Red felt himself let go of all the tension and he was swept away to the realm of passion that always preceded the climax of their lovemaking.

Steve felt the moment as it arrived and he sat up, pushing himself down and allowing Red to fill him completely as he let go. It was a mark of their passion that the only sound in the room was the music their bodies produced as their breathing increased during mutual orgasm.

"God, you're good for me," Red said softly.

"Always, babe ... always," Steve replied as he lay down on Red's chest.

Red smiled. "I have a surprise for you tomorrow ... well, Jessie and I do."

Steve pushed himself up. "A surprise ... what is it?"

"Not going to tell you ... but it's just for you," Red said.

"When do I get it?" Steve asked.

"Just be at the chorus rehearsal, you'll see."

"You and Jessie ... :" And then Steve smiled, "Will I cry?"

Red nodded and Steve knew what it was. "That's so sweet."

"Jessie asked me to sing, I chose the song ... so bring a hanky."

"I'll make a fool of myself," Steve said.

"No, there won't be a dry eye in the house. Besides, you're my fool and I love you enough to stand up in front of all those people and sing to you."

It made Steve's day feel surreal, and yet he felt he did well on Elias' exam, his last for the semester. But even as he made his way over to the theatre to meet Red and watch the rehearsal his heart pounded in his chest. What was Red going to do?

He had run across Jessie several times that day and the boy only smiled and nodded his way, it made him tense and yet so proud of the boy he loved. And then the rehearsal started and Steve sat in the third row of seats like he had last year and stared up at Red in the tenor section.

The hardest part was waiting for the moment, for he had no idea when it would happen. But then Red walked over to the piano and Jessie nodded as Red turned to face the auditorium. Jessie laid his hands back on the keys and played the four bar intro.

Steve felt the emotions wash over him as Red began to sing. "Highway run ... into the midnight sun ... " And tears clouded his vision as the opening line to Journey's greatest song 'Faithfully' filled the theatre. The sound of that voice made the tears run down his cheeks and he knew Red was looking down at him and putting his heart and soul into the effort.

He had never heard Red sing like this, he hit every note perfectly and the sound, God ... it was stunning. Steve closed his eyes and allowed the love of his life to serenade him and declare that love openly in front of the whole chorus.

"Being apart isn't easy on this love affair; two strangers learn to fall in love again ... " Red sang.

Steve knew why Red had chosen this song; it was about them ... here ... now. And as Red hit the ultra high notes of the ending he sang the words "Faithfully" again and again with enough emotion to blanket Steve with his love as Jessie pounded out the notes to the final chord and let the tone linger in the air.

The boys in the chorus went wild and applauded like crazy as Red jumped down off the front of the stage and met Steve in an embrace at the beginning of the aisle. There were cheers as the two kissed and Steve looked up through the blur at Tom standing there applauding just a loudly as the rest.

"Oh God, Red ... " Steve sobbed, fully lost in the emotions.

Red held him tightly and Steve could feel him trembling with emotion. Then they heard the strains of the piano as Jessie began the opening bars of the Hallelujah Chorus which was the normal closing piece in the concert. Red didn't take his place back on stage; he stood in the aisle and kept his arms around Steve, singing his part over the boy's shoulder.

And then as rehearsal ended Steve went up to Jessie and hugged him. "Thank you, that was sweet," He said.

Jessie smiled. "He loves you, it was the least I could do,"

Their final night together and Red lay back in the darkness after they made love and wondered if he would cry tomorrow when he sang. No, he couldn't, he wouldn't be able to hit the notes. Thank God Steve's mother wasn't coming, that would be embarrassing. Neil was going to drive them to Boston after the concert, he would be just as sad to lose Jessie for a week.

Steve had been gentle tonight, his mind still filled with the song. Red smiled at the sound and feel of the boy's sleeping breath on his shoulder. He had never imagined love could be like this. All those years, the games, it all meant nothing compared to this.

They slept late, exhausted from the tension of the week and the late night love sessions. Red wouldn't change his sheets the whole time Steve was gone, he wanted the smell to linger, to bring comfort. Last time the boy went home he'd slept with Steve's pillow in his arms, it was all he had. Now he had a mind full of memories to keep the boy close.

Bradford's Christmas concert was an event all the boys looked forward to attending; there was standing room only in the theatre filled with parents and boys. For when the final note was sung the semester would officially be over, everyone would go home.

The gay boys sat amidst the crowd with their parents, except for Steve who occupied that third row aisle seat like he owned it. Tyrone and Brent sat beside him as sadly their parents never attended school functions. But they would be separated as well, that loss shown only by the way their hands clutched and the sad look in their eyes.

The two quiet boys in the gay group, their own moments of love were shared in the darkness of the dorm room or the movie theatre downtown. Ty was sure that Brent would have a better time this vacation since he would spend it with his dad's family and not his mother's.

The black and white duo meant nothing here at liberal Bradford; it would be an issue in Alabama that was for sure. Ty's momma was a soft spoken woman who'd had her baby boy late in life, but she wasn't hung up like so many parents. They lived on the edge of the black community because his daddy didn't want to be too white since his medical practice was one that served all.

The racial issues in his life had seemed minor compared to his gay feelings, but Ty knew that even if the color of his skin caused some people to act stupid that if they knew he was gay it would be far worse. One of the topics he'd written about in his freshman English was the disparity of educational opportunities blacks received in the southern United States.

His own life had been full of private schools thanks to his father. His parents applied their own form of pressure by keeping him apart from the other boys in his neighborhood. That did nothing but agitate them when he returned for holidays, he felt like a prisoner in his own home.

In seventh grade a simple walk to the store had resulted in a week long stay in the hospital after a gang of boys caught him alone. He had been athletic all his life just like most boys his age, but he lacked the skill and nerve to fight, the assault caught him unawares. And to make it worse, among the boys who were arrested there were two of his cousins.

Vacations for Ty were moments of forced solitude, for Brent they had been anything but. His mother's family seemed to live in her home, pushing Brent out of the way whenever they felt like it. His sister had outed him to the family when he was thirteen; he had been oppressed ever since. He had reacted much like boys his age often did, he rebelled.

From thirteen on he had done everything he could to undermine his mother's authority. But that only gave him personal satisfaction; it didn't change the conditions in his life. His father was over a thousand miles away in Texas and yet the man maintained contact, a lifeline that Brent grasped with desperation.

His only outlet was school, and that was because it took him away from home for eight hours a day. But Brent had always been a good student, and as the pressures at home increased he dug in to the only refuge he knew ... knowledge. It was his excellent grades that got him into Bradford, that and the pleas to his father for a greater challenge in life.

After that horrible experience with his mother's prejudicial family about his relationship with Ty, Brent had pleaded with his father to live in Texas. The man wasn't sure it would work, but he gave in to his only son, and Brent's life changed. Having a gay son had never bothered the father; it couldn't because his company was engaged in hospice care for the afflicted, many of them gay AIDS patients.

And so after six years of separation, father and son were reunited and the love between them renewed itself. It was only right that Brent be allowed to choose the boy he loved; his father didn't see the color, just the quality of the person his son had engaged.

So two boys in love, each with their own separate lives had joined together in one common goal; they would graduate and commence life under one roof. The Christmas holiday would only mean a short interruption of that goal. They were content in their relationship, different only in the color of their skin.

Neil sat with Renny and Adam, his mother and grandfather on one side, Wolfgang on the other. They had come to see the chorus but all eyes were on Jessie during the performance. Robert had come to appreciate what his daughter had been telling him, his grandson had hooked up with a winner. Jessie was just as much a part of their family as Renny, and now he supposed he had to include Adam in that category as well.

Now that he knew Adam was the son of Jonathan Marshall he had a greater respect for the boy. The gene pool residing in that boy guaranteed brilliance, but the person he had become was astonishing for one so young. Robert had resisted the affections of people in his life only because his own father had been so cold and calculating.

But that time was over, Renny had seen to that. As they had walked into the theatre a short while ago the boy had run up and hugged his grandfather for the shear joy of seeing him. There was nothing duplicitous in the boy; he was just too real for that. And Adam stood back admiring what he saw, then took his turn.

Hugging Adam was so unexpected, and yet it was welcome. He stood the boy back at arm's length and smiled, thanking him. And in that moment he understood what Renny saw in the boy, Adam was the personification of sweetness, a child of light and wisdom. And as Robert glanced down the aisle at the two of them, hands clutched together, it made him smile. He had been committed to the future of his grandsons, now they each had presented him with other commitments.

The concert began and the parents in the audience looked up at their children on the stage, just as Steve looked up at the boy he loved. Red, standing in his dark green suit, red hair flowing to his shoulders, his Viking blood showing itself. It made Steve smile, for that very same Viking had thrown in his lot with the little boy of Amish descent from Pittsburg, what an odd pair they made.

And after the Christmas carols, the traditional music of Beethoven and Bach, Steve watched Red walk over to the piano and nod at Jessie. Steve slid a hand in his pocket and clutched his handkerchief; he was going to need it. The program had only listed Red and Jessie's names, and the words "A Love Song." And as the four bar introduction rang out in the theatre the audience became hushed in anticipation of the unknown.

It was the same as yesterday, Red's voice carried to the back wall as he sang of the love he felt for Steve. The sound didn't ring as loudly this time because of the packed house, but Red gave the song his all as Steve cried while feeling Brent place a hand on his arm in comfort.

And when the last note of the song rang out it brought the audience to its feet in praise, while Jessie and Red stood and took their bow. Then Red walked to the front of the stage and looked down at Steve with a smile and a nod before returning to his place in the chorus. Steve wiped his face, smiling at Brent and Tyrone who patted his arm in affection.

The opening chords of the Hallelujah Chorus rang out, and as tradition dictated the audience rose to its feet while the boys sang with joy. The semester was over, the boys of Bradford were once again free ... that was definitely something to sing about. Hallelujah.

The crowd rose and milled about as the chorus left the stage. Steve was there, still lost in the feelings of Red's gift when Neil found him.

"That was beautiful," Neil said, "I know you're so proud of him, we all are." And then from behind his back Neil handed Steve a single red rose. "Here, go give this to him in thanks."

Steve looked up into Neil's eyes and saw sincere affection, and they hugged as friends ought to do. "Go," Neil said," I'm sure he's looking for you."

Steve pressed his way through the crowd in front of the stage until he came to the stairs and made his way up onto the stage. Parents were standing there with their boys and through the press of people Steve saw Red looking out towards the auditorium, looking for him. He made his way towards the boy until their eyes finally met and Red smiled.

Steve could feel the eyes upon him as he slowly approached, for the other boys had turned to watch this moment, knowing what would happen. Red finally stood before him and Steve offered him the rose, seeing the tears well up in Red's eyes before he slid into those waiting arms.

"Thank you," Steve said, the tears back in his eyes.

"In love forever ... faithfully," Red said. And then they kissed, unaware of the looks and the smiles from those around them. This was their moment in time, nothing else mattered.

The ride to Boston was filled with talk and laughter, no matter that the four of them might be miserable for days on end; they were in the here and now.

"Don't you get snowed in next week, you have to be back for the New Year," Neil told Jessie.

"Yeah, I'll put in a request to Santa just for you, sweetie."

"God, if only that would work," Neil laughed.

"It's here that you ought to worry about," Jessie said. "Besides you have a week alone with Wolfgang to think about."

"Yeah, what the hell am I going to do with him?" Neil groaned. "Do you think he skis?"

"He's German and they have the Alps in their backyard, I bet he does."

"Great, maybe we can do something with that. If he plays the piano all week I'll only miss you more," Neil chuckled.

"You have your grandfather to entertain as well," Jessie reminded him.

"I think Renny has him cornered, that's just too sweet," Neil said.

"Yeah, I think Mr. Scrooge has met his match."

"True, Little Renny instead of Tiny Tim."

They laughed, while in the backseat Red and Steve hugged and kissed all the way to Boston. Jessie was due back on the twenty-ninth, Red could only wonder if Steve would make that same return date. Neil had promised to wait for Steve at the airport if he could get his mom's permission to return before the New Year. Steve was hopeful, Red wasn't sure. It might be a long two weeks if the boy couldn't get back early.

At the last minute Brent and Tyrone had boarded the bus to Boston, at least they would have the commuter trip and the flight to Atlanta together before they parted. Ty had joked about joining the mile high club after their flight was in the air, Brent wasn't sure he was actually kidding. Sex in the toilet of an aircraft seemed an appalling way to go, but he was open to suggestion.

Robert had watched the moment approach when Renny and Adam would be separated for the holiday. Renny was trying to be brave and that finally got under his skin so he made a suggestion to Nora. He wasn't surprised when she agreed; she didn't want to watch the boys suffer either.

Adam was expecting Nora to put him on the commuter flight from Franconia to New York. But when he got up for breakfast after what he thought would be his last night with Renny for a while they surprised him.

"Adam, I've just cancelled your flight reservations," Nora said.

Adam put down his juice glass. "OK, it's a long walk I hear."

Nora smiled. "No, the flight will be free this time; Renny's grandfather is flying us to New York ... all of us."

Adam looked over at Robert. "Wow, I didn't know you were a pilot too."

Robert chuckled. "No, I have one engaged, he's my employee."

Renny smiled. "You have your own airplane, Grandfather?"

Robert nodded. "A nice one too."

"Is Wolfey coming along?" Renny asked.

"Yes, and so is Neil, we just can't leave them here for Christmas."

Adam smiled. "How long will you stay in the city?"

Robert smiled. "Long enough to bring you back, I'm sure. Renny needs time with you."

Neil returned from Boston and dropped Red off at home. "Thank you, Neil ... if you get lonely this week just call me, OK?"

Neil smiled as they hugged. "I will, but you be sure and hang out with Alan too, I'm sure he'll feel a bit of pain himself."

"Yeah, Dillon looked pretty depressed last night when he got in the car. If everyone makes it back for New Year we ought to throw a party," Red said.

"Great idea, just like Halloween."

"Oh no, I think we've all grown way past what Halloween did for us, there are four solid couples now," Red said.

"I'll invite Mike and Pat, and then it'll be five. God, New Hampshire is becoming a gay Mecca," Neil laughed.

Red laughed as well. "Never happen, we don't have gay beaches."

"Have a good week, Red ... love you."

"Love you too," Red replied, and they hugged again.

Red walked up to his room and sat down on his bed, picking up his copy of War and Peace, the Tolstoy classic. He had all the time in the world to read it now, but he opened the book and looked down at the rose pressed between the pages. He wanted to cry, but he would save that for later ... later when the realization that Steve was gone sunk in. He opened the book to the first chapter and began to read.

Neil arrived home to the chaos of packing. "Hi, honey ... we're going to New York," Nora said as she rushed by. Renny came by. "Don't you have some packing to do?" He said.

Neil wandered out to the kitchen where his grandfather sat at the table with Adam. "What's going on?" Neil asked.

"I don't know," Robert said with a straight face. "I'm old, they never tell me anything."

Adam cracked up laughing and Robert smiled. Then he explained it all to Neil.

"Jeez, this family," Neil said, and then he went about hunting up his own suitcase.

The flight to New York was uneventful, except for Renny who got a few minutes to sit in the co-pilot's seat and pretend he was flying the Lear Jet. Adam stayed at the apartment for dinner before he took a limo ride up the island to his house. It was good to know Renny was so close by, now they could prowl the city together.

Adam suddenly realized that Renny had been here all along, growing up on the street while he lived a life of luxury. Random Chaos, just as he had said, fate and physics had brought them together. This was going to be the best Christmas ever.

"Pat?"

"Yes?"

"You think we'll have a white Christmas?" Mike asked.

"Yup."

"Think we'll get snowed in?"

"Yup."

Mike giggled. "Do you even care?"

"Nope. We have lots of firewood ... and I have you."

"I love you, Pat."

"Yup."

Now Mike laughed. "Is that all you have to say?"

"Nope ... slide over here, I want to show you what love on Christmas really means."

"Sweet," Mike replied. "You make a wonderful Santa."

"Ho, Ho, Ho," Pat said as he reached for Mike. "Wow, the North Pole was never like this."

"I got a pole for you," Mike said.

"Bring it on, sweetie. Oh my, you elves get bigger every year."

"Shut up and turn out the light, Santa."

Authors Note:

For some of you who slept through the 1970's and 80's, Journey was a band that took decades to develop and still tours to this day, even if the band personel have changed quite a bit. But in the early 80's, frontman Steve Perry was the sound of that group, it was said his voice could melt butter at a thousand yards. I went to four of their concerts, I didn't take any butter. Vocally there has not been another quite like him since. Kudos to Sony Music for keeping the sound of that band alive.

The Escape album was the 8th produced by the band, although not all of them under the name Journey. This album remains a classic to this day with sales in the millions. The songs referred to in this chapter can be found in several online outlets. 'Faithfully' garnished more air time on the radio than any other from the album, except maybe for 'Open Arms', a sad love song of great beauty.

You may wish to search on YouTube for the band's music, official copies of both songs are there, provided by Sony Music. Just if you doubt that a boy would burst into tears at the sound of these songs then go listen for yourself, they still make me cry ... but that's another story.

Chris James



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"Seasons for the Boy" Copyright © 13 April 2009 Chris James. All rights reserved.
    This work may not be duplicated in any form (physical, electronic, audio, or otherwise) without the author's written permission. All applicable copyright laws apply. All individuals depicted are fictional with any resemblance to real persons being purely coincidental.

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