United Airlines Flight 834 came in low over the upper reaches of the bay, so low in fact that Robby expressed a good deal of alarm.

"Hey, there's water on the wings, Paul. He's flying awfully low, don't you think?"

"It's ok, he knows what he's doing, and it's probably only condensation. I'll bet it's almost eighty-five degrees out there and we were up at thirty thousand feet where it was mighty cold, hot and cold equals condensation," Paul said.

"OK, yeah, I remember that from science class," Robby replied.

They heard the grind of the hydraulic motors and felt a solid thump from somewhere beneath their feet as the landing gear locked in place. The stewardess made one last look around at her charges and strapped herself into the jump seat on the front wall of the passenger compartment.

Robby was absolutely glued to the window beside his seat, watching in awe as the ground rushed towards them and the runway flashed beneath the wings. It was Robby's first landing and the pilot carefully set the huge metal bird down with a mild clunk, immediately reversing the engines which roared in response and slowed their forward motion.

"Awesome," Robby exclaimed loudly. Paul noticed several of the other passengers in the First Class section smile at the boy's comment and he flushed with what could only be described as parental pride.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Williams. Welcome to Oakland International Airport," the intercom speaker boomed over their heads. "Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened until the plane comes to a complete stop at the arrival gate. On behalf of United Airlines and the entire flight crew, we hope you have a pleasant stay here in sunny California and come see us again. The temperature outside is a warm eighty-three degrees with only a ten percent chance of showers tonight. We'll be arriving at the gate in about three or four minutes, thank you for flying United."

Robby had never flown before and he'd been a little nervous from the moment Paul had suggested the San Francisco trip. But their purpose for being here had overridden any real fears the boy might have expressed and Paul was thankful that the flight had been uneventful.

They each had an overnight bag in the overhead bin which made their departure from the craft much easier than most of the other overburdened passengers. Robby replied with a big smile as the stewardess told him good bye, the young woman gave him more than a casual eye and Paul chuckled.

"I think she likes you," Paul said as they took the ramp up to the terminal.

"What? The stewardess? Aw, come on," Robby replied.

"I'll bet you're the best thing she's seen in a week, kiddo, I'd put money on it," Paul laughed.

"Wasting her time," Robby smiled, "I got mine."

"You better get used to being looked at, this is a town of guys who look and a lot of them are gay," Paul teased.

"They can look all they want, but they better not touch," Robby said.

"Oh don't worry about that, I'll eat the first one who tries and spit 'em out," Paul replied.

As they waited for their suitcases to appear on the baggage carousel, he noticed Robby garnering some looks from several of the more obviously gay men in the area. This was going to be a long week, Paul decided. But here they were and the gayest town in the country welcomed them with open arms, somehow Paul felt like he was coming home.

He'd come here after the Nam experience, depressed and searching for whatever might make the nightmares go away. He remembered the bathhouses with their sordid, dark little rooms and the bars, places where men in black leather felt they were kings instead of just queens.

He'd had a man or two or ten during that experience but finally left the city and headed north into the trees. Those magnificent redwoods, soaring over his head, and there he'd fallen in love as he walked for miles and miles in the solitude of their company.

He remembered the campsite up along the Russian River where he'd met Allyson and spent three weeks of being intensely stoned on the local weed before they fell in love for all the wrong reasons. He couldn't tell her then that he was sleeping with men too, but worse he couldn't tell himself which he preferred.

Paul wanted to see those trees again, walk along the rugged cliffs of the north coast, and go wading where the river disgorged its waters into the sea. This time it would be different, this time he wouldn't be kidding himself, he would truly be with the one he loved.

How could he tell Robby what coming back here meant to him, did he even dare? Since Brian's death three weeks ago the boy had become a changed person…a real man. His persona had evolved, from an angry child frustrated at the loss of his dear friend, to the young man waiting calmly beside him, it was remarkable.

Even his appearance had changed. His hair was perpetually swept back now, tied in a ponytail that made him look years older. It was all part of a grave seriousness that had descended over the boy after the memorial service they held on the boat, there had been no tears after that day; instead it was like a prologue to the new direction Robby now planned for his life.

Paul had first noticed the change when Robby stood up in front of the judge at his majority hearing. It was all a formality, the questions had already been answered, but the judge wanted to see the boy and question his motives.

What the judge got was a ten minute monologue from Robby about how he had turned his back on the ignorance offered by his parents and how he had embraced the education he was now receiving. He told the man his life was focused, that he would be a doctor before he was twenty-five, and that nothing was going to stand in his way. The judge signed the paper with a flourish and stepped down off the bench to shake Robby's hand, everyone in the courtroom was stunned.

Six months ago, Robby had expressed an interest in becoming a doctor to join the fight against AIDS. Paul had decided to stand back and see if the interest was real or just a passing whim born from the tragedy of Brian's illness. But the boy had plowed straight ahead, dragging him along and that's why this trip had become a focal point of that desire.

Paul had made arrangements for them to meet with Dr. Melvin Leonard, chief pathologist for the San Francisco AIDS Project. It had proved amazingly simple to arrange the appointment; in fact, the doctor was the brother of Paul's business partner's best friend's wife. A tenuous means of introduction but it had worked.

Once Paul had that part figured out, he'd written the man, explaining how Robby's medical interest had been sparked and his intensity of purpose. Dr. Leonard had personally written back, offering the invitation for a visit to the project, it was quite a coup to meet with the busiest man in the city these days.

They grabbed a taxi from the airport, crossed the bay into San Francisco and were deposited in front of the Fairmont Hotel where Paul had engaged a suite. It was supposed to be a vacation; he decided to allow himself to be pampered. He knew it might become difficult to get Robby to enjoy this trip once they became involved with the AIDS Project, the horrors they were sure to encounter might just take over if he wasn't careful.

No, this would be a learning experience for them both, but at the same time they both needed a break from the pressures of the past several months. He and Allyson had spent only one night here, their honeymoon they called it. Back then Paul had spent his last dime on the room and an elegant dinner. Now that money was secondary he could afford to be here in style and he wanted to show Robby just what that meant.

The tall windows of the sitting room looked out over the park across the way, and Robby looked out at the unfamiliar city as Paul tipped the bellhop and closed the door.

"The buildings here don't look too different from Baltimore," Robby said.

"Probably not, it's an old city," Paul offered in way of explanation.

"Think we'll get to feel an earthquake?" Robby asked.

"Let's hope not, ok? I know you think it might be cool but those things scare me, it's one of the reasons I couldn't live here," Paul replied.

Paul suggested they might consider a brief run to work out the kinks from their flight and Robby agreed. The sweetest moments of his day were when they ran together, all that youthful energy matching him step for step made him feel like an adolescent all over again.

Robby ran like the wind too, those weeks of combat on the lacrosse field had given the boy a powerful set of legs and Paul sometimes found himself being left behind on the short course. In all he felt like their relationship had challenged him to stay in shape, and he was in great condition, for an old man Robby might say…the brat.

They kicked off behind the hotel after sneaking down the freight elevator, Paul wasn't sure the front desk would approve of their informal togs. He remembered the layout of the city now as they jogged down Mason towards Market and turned towards the bay.

Fortunately the sidewalks weren't crowded as they jogged in place at the light, and passersby hardly gave them a glance as they continued across the street and past the visitor's center. The run took them past the Modern Arts Museum and through the Yerba Buena Gardens. Paul figured they'd covered about three miles when he turned them around and headed back towards the hotel. Both were covered in sweat as the top of the Fairmont came into view once again.

"Oh Lord, that felt good," Paul said, "thanks, I really needed to stretch after sitting so long, how 'bout you?"

"Oh yeah, but then I'm not so old and cranky either," Robby laughed.

"Bastard," Paul grinned.

They sat on a bench across the street from the hotel and watched the afternoon slide by as they cooled down.

"Now I'm starved," Robby admitted, "what's for dinner?"

"Well, we could dress up in tuxedos and do the Top of the Mark, or maybe we could slide by with a nice stiff shirt here in the hotel?" Paul suggested.

"Sounds like I'd rather have room service," Robby said.

"How about we walk over to Chinatown, we haven't done a good Chinese in a while."

"Really? Cool, I'd love some good dim sum," the boy replied.

And that was another thing about the boy; he'd eat just about anything put in front of him. His culinary experience had grown by leaps and bounds since Paul had taken him to some of the finest restaurants in the Washington area. A well educated child meant feeding the mind, body and soul. Robby had been so very far behind in all three aspects but he was slowly gaining ground.

The bathroom in the suite had a large glassed in shower, room enough for two it seemed as they soaped each other's backs. Robby was also eyeing the enormous bathtub; it had to be eight feet square.

"We could go swimming in that thing," he laughed, as he dried his hair.

"Maybe we should get some bubble bath at the front desk; boy wouldn't that raise a few eyebrows around here?" Paul said.

It was nearly six when they hit the street and walked the six blocks to Chinatown. Maybe if they timed it right he could take the boy out to Golden Gate Park and watch the sunset. No, that's what he'd done with Allyson.

She kept getting tangled up in this adventure he was having, and he didn't know how to make the thoughts of her go away. At some point she would have to fade out of his thinking, he had something else now, something he'd always wanted.

The huge Chinese gateway dominating the street opened a doorway into what seemed a distinctly foreign country to them, Robby couldn't stop laughing at how strange it all seemed. The smells, the sounds, even the sights seemed different and ancient; China was manifest here in every way.

"I remember reading the Chinese were brought here as cheap labor, to build the railroads and work the mines," Robby said with authority, "it's so great that they can keep their culture alive."

The smells made their mouths water and Paul dragged the boy into the first dim sum place they came to, it didn't matter, they were all good. They picked out a variety of the doughy goodies and sat at a table so small there was hardly room enough for their cups of tea.

"Mm, this is so good," Robby said, dipping the little dumpling in the spicy sauce.

"Now I know where to take you," Paul said. "I remember this hole in the wall place down the street, had the best soups, oh man. We could go on eating one dish at each place we visit until we run out of room, but with your appetite that'll mean seeing half the restaurants in town."

"Is that a complaint? You always tell me to eat properly and I do," Robby said, "I haven't gained an ounce of fat since we met."

"Well, you were twelve when we first met, I imagine you've grown a little since then," Paul suggested.

"Yeah, that's true, most of it's between my legs, but then you already know about that."

"Well keep it in your pants around here, just pulling on it will draw 'em like flies," Paul laughed.

"Think they'll let me in the bars here?" Robby asked.

"They'll tear the doors off the hinges to let you in. But seriously, let's wait and see what Dr. Leonard has to tell us, it might give the whole scene a different perspective."

"I'm sure. You know I'm worried about seeing all the bad things, but at the same time I'm excited to be so close to a guy like him, does that make sense?" Robby asked.

"Sure, he's a hero in the gay community, we both see him as a celebrity. But the man spends his time looking into the heart of a great disaster; it must make him feel helpless most of the time."

"But that's how they learn, Paul. So many of the great scientists of our age stood close to the abyss before coming to understand just what they needed to do. That's why Dr. Leonard is a real hero to me; he doesn't run away to a nice quiet lab and stare at cells in a microscope. I know those things are necessary too but here he is, right in the middle of hell, watching guys die all around him and yet he goes on caring for them. You gotta love the man for that."

"I'm stunned Robby, where did you pick up all this?" Paul asked.

"If I don't have you around then I read," Robby replied. "I spent the whole semester with my nose in books, a whole library of them. John has an extensive medical collection at his house and he lets me borrow them all the time. Even though I don't understand half of what they say, I get the meaning. Pasteur, Curie, Salk, all of them were right in the middle of it, risking their lives and yet look how successful they were. I'll bet Dr. Leonard knows how I feel, but I don't think I'll ever know enough, it's so frustrating."

"It'll come in time, Robby; he'll tell you that tomorrow. It takes so damn long to find answers in the medical world and even then these guys have to prove it over and over before the truth is finally accepted."

He was glad Robby considered this trip so important; tomorrow's visit to the clinic would teach them a lot. After that, Paul hoped they would get the chance to move on, enjoy the town and go see the countryside. They wandered the streets into the evening, even rode a cable car down to the Fisherman's Warf for ice cream before calling it a day.

Paul could tell the boy was awake even though the bedside clock said it was three o'clock in the morning. He had become so empathetic to those young mood swings and with a touch he could almost feel the blood coursing beneath the boy's skin.

"What's on your mind, Robby?"

"I was just thinking, do you think I could have been exposed to the AIDS virus? I did a lot of stupid things these past few years, aren't you worried about it?"

"I'm always worried about it, every gay person should be. But we both had a blood test in January, don't you remember?" Paul asked.

"You mean for the school physical, why did they test me?" Robby asked.

"I wanted to know, besides Dr. Allen is a good internist, just your past history suggested he ought to take a look at your blood. Frankly, I needed to protect myself and it wasn't just AIDS we were concerned about," Paul said.

Robby rolled on his side and they came face to face.

"So you thought I might have been shooting dope? I never did that shit, I saw it happening but it was way too scary."

"It's not just the AIDS out there. Hepatitis and all the venereal diseases haven't gone away just because there's a new nasty on the block. I did it for you too, kiddo, I want to keep you safe, I want you to be here a long, long time with me."

Robby's hand cupped his chin and the boy kissed him lightly on the lips before snuggling down into the warmth beside him.

"Do you think we're ... like, married?" Robby asked.

"Wow, you really ask me the hard ones. I feel I've made a commitment to you, does that answer your question?" Paul said.

"I dunno, you were married before, does this feel any different?"

"Yes ... yes it does. I was twenty-one years old and an emotional wreck back then. I couldn't have made the right decisions even if I wanted to, I just wasn't prepared. That's why I don't want to rush you into anything; it's not fair to either of us."

"But I want to be married to you, I don't want anybody else, ever," Robby said.

"What brought this on kiddo? I'm not going anywhere, I assure you. What we have is just too precious, too wonderful for me to ever want it to end."

"I just get scared sometimes, you know. I mean, you're all I've got," Robby said.

"And you're all I have too. No way I'm gonna see that change," Paul said. "I guess we both just have to have faith. I want to make plans with you for our future; it's the most important thing I have to focus on. It's just like the frustrations you have, it seems to take forever to get where you're going. But you shouldn't be scared by it, we'll make the journey together and nothing gives me greater satisfaction than watching you succeed."

"You're right, I know. Maybe I'm just being stupid," Robby said.

"There's nothing stupid about showing concern for the future," Paul said. "The whole gay thing is still new to you and your life is really just beginning. The little boy I first met is a distant memory for us both. You've grown so much that boy wouldn't recognize you at all. You've moved beyond being that little boy and become a new man, a more positive man. It's got a lot to do with trust; I think you should trust yourself more, I know I do."

He heard soft snores as Robby returned to sleep; it was alright, they would have lots of time to have conversations like this. Just the ability to express himself so concisely made Robby an easy young man to love, Paul thought. He's got to be confused, he hasn't any foundation for the things we're doing together.

It was probably why he felt so protective, so possessive and so in awe of the boy's ability to adapt and change. Married? It sounded sweet and generated warm feeling inside him, Paul decided, maybe we will, someday. He smiled as the boy cuddled in the crook of his arm and Paul wondered if the he'd ever had a Teddy bear to lull him to sleep as a child, he would have to find out because he sure felt like one now.

Mid-morning found them headed for their appointment with Dr. Leonard, the taxi ride taking them across town to the Project headquarters and clinic in the Castro near Mission Dolores. The early part of their morning had proved Robby remembered every word they had spoken in the night as the boy rewarded him with sincere affection. Now he sat silently beside Paul in the cab, steeling himself for the meeting and exposure to the clinical setting of the disease they all feared so much.

The clinic looked like a hundred other office buildings in the city except for the pink triangle on the door and the name. They were greeted by a receptionist in the lobby and after Paul stated their business, the man smiled and picked up the phone. There were at least a dozen men sitting in the lobby around them and more in the garden beyond the large glass windows set in the wall, some of them looked perfectly healthy, but too many did not.

Within a few minutes, a tall distinguished looking man with wire frame glasses and wearing a lab coat came through a side door. Paul could tell Leonard was well loved by these patients as the faces in the room lit up upon seeing him; it seemed this man was their hero as well.

"Mr. Saunders? Welcome," Leonard said, "and this must be Mr. Barnes. So glad you both could come, why don't we go back to my office and talk?"

He led them back through the door and down a quiet hallway cluttered with shelves, all filled with medical records that overflowed into boxes stacked in the corner. His office was cluttered too; more stacks of medical files and a large computer terminal dominated the huge desk.

"Please, sit down. I don't get too many visitors back here, sorry for the mess. I'm Mel by the way," he said, shaking hands with them both.

"I'm Paul, and this is Robby."

"Robby, yes," Mel said, "your letter said you want to study medicine, that's good, I need lots of help. You know, that's really the biggest crisis we face right now, getting enough trained people to focus on the issue and funding their research. So many of my colleagues are even afraid to touch these patients, we lack so much basic information."

"I'm not afraid to touch them," Robby said.

"And you shouldn't be, simple precautions are all it takes, this stuff is transmitted by body fluids," Mel said. "What we don't know is why some people seem more susceptible than others. There's so much we just don't know yet, Robby, but we do know that semen and blood carry it between people when they have unprotected sex or share dirty needles."

"Robby lost a close friend last month, we're pretty sure he got it having sex," Paul said. "I guess there's no way to know who has it either, so how do you defend against it?"

"In the gay community? You shut down the bathhouses, you stop having oral and anal sex, you learn to love each other enough not to risk it," Mel said. "It's asking a whole population of men and women to stop doing what comes naturally, total abstinence until this thing runs it's course, if that's what will happen."

"Oh Lord, that sounds impossible," Paul said.

"It is," Mel agreed, "but look at what's going to happen because they won't listen. The statistics show this thing like an inverted pyramid, expanding out from the bottom and reaching into every corner of our society. It's not just gay men and women anymore, mothers can give it to babies if they're infected, the straight world is in for a big surprise within a few years if they don't take this as seriously as we do."

"I didn't know you were gay," Robby said, "that's comforting. I sorta thought it might be more difficult for me to become a doctor because I'm gay."

"No, it won't interfere," Mel said with a smile. "Who else is going to protect our rainbow family if we don't? I'm fighting with the state government right now over funding for an educational project, that's the next step for us. If we don't teach the next generation and the one after that to stop having unprotected sex we'll lose them. I can't imagine a whole planet with only old people on it, that's the stuff of real nightmares."

"I can't imagine why people would resist knowing about the disease," Robby said.

"Because ignorance is often the first line of defense for too many of us," Mel said. "Human nature is set up to ignore a problem until it becomes ours, the straight world doesn't see it in their backyards yet, and they're right. It won't happen to them tomorrow or the next day but it will happen someday and by then it'll be too late. Conservative groups are calling this God's revenge on the queers, it makes my blood boil."

"We really wanted to talk with you because Robby and I represent two different approaches to this problem. He can spend his school years aiming for a medical degree and putting in time trying to influence those around him. I've had my own political ambitions stoked by the issue and I'm thinking about running for the county council back home. But I think we're both as frustrated as we can get because we don't know what's available to us right now, what do you recommend we do so we can become involved," Paul asked.

Mel nodded. "I mentioned education and that's probably the first way a non-medical person can become involved. Getting the school systems to hold assemblies talking about the issue, bringing it out in the open, that's vital. This disease is going to out a million gay people in some way or another in the next ten years, we might as well tear down the closet doors right now.

"We need to feed the correct information to the health authorities so they can pass it along to their people in the field. Most of what is commonly known isn't always correct; it puts fear in people's lives when they don't have the correct answers. Just being able to reduce the shear volume of technical data into something a layman can understand is an awesome task, we need so much help in publishing the news about safe sex.

"And people are going to have to get angry I'm afraid. It's the oldest form of motivating our government; we need to protest their inaction. By the time the next election comes around we'll have lost thousands of cases and ten times as many will become infected. Guess you can tell I'm already a dyed in the wool radical on the issue, but I have to be. When I do manage to get a little exposure in the media I go right to the heart of the matter. I suppose it isn't pretty but it seems to work."

"The right information to all the people," Robby said, "it can't be that simple, can it?"

"No, it isn't. The gay community must set an example because it started here. If we're ever to convince the rest of the world that there's a way to stop this thing we have to practice what we preach each and every day. If we can produce statistics that show the incidence of the disease is declining in our community because we took proper measures to prevent the spread of the disease, well...then we'll have something won't we."

Mel took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, he looked so very tired, Paul decided. He hadn't noticed that before.

"I get to see these cases every day; it hurts to know that thousands may die before we discover a cure, if there is one. I have great faith that the guys in the lab can find us some answers soon. Even if all we can do is slow it down I'll think that's a miracle. But right now nothing we know can stop this thing."

He looked at his watch and Paul realized they'd been taking up valuable time the doctor usually spent with his patients.

"I'm sorry, we've been keeping you from your work," Paul said.

"No, that's not true, my work will never go away, it's always there. If you don't mind I have to see a couple of patients upstairs, would you like to come along, it might prove enlightening in some ways?"

"Yeah, I want to go," Robby said. "I've seen what the disease can do, I won't be shocked."

"Good, it takes a great deal of courage to see these people and know that once they were as happy and healthy as you are right now. Most of them aren't bitter about it either, I find that surprising. One of the things we try to do here is counsel them for the inevitable. Death is never far away from us as human beings, but to the sick it's a constant companion. We always try to make their last days the happiest; it helps us all deal with the intolerable."

They took the elevator to the third floor and stepped off into a lobby decorated with paper flowers of all sizes and colors. They could hear soft music coming from down the hall and quiet laughter rolled around the corner.

"We encourage group activities for the ones who can get up and move, right now there's a mahjong tournament going on in the lounge. I used to play with them but I don't have the time anymore," Mel said.

The lounge held about a dozen men all sitting at card tables with the white tiles laid out before them. Their entrance stopped several games as the players waved at Mel and a few called out his name. Paul watched as he moved from table to table, a few comments here and there and some words of encouragement were all these men desired, Mel gave of himself so easily. Some of the men looked very ill but all were smiling when they left. Medicine didn't always come in little tiny pills, Paul thought, and Mel knew that.

He led them down the hall to a sitting room, bright with afternoon sun pouring through large windows. An elderly man was watering several plants that sat in brightly colored pots on the windowsill.

"Don't over water the geraniums, Steven," Mel cautioned.

"I won't," the man replied, his voice could barely be heard.

"I brought some friends with me," Mel said, "and this young man wants to be a doctor."

Steven turned towards them now and Paul could see the ravages of the disease on the man's face, he looked about sixty but his body was so emaciated by the virus he probably was only forty-five.

"Really? Why that's fantastic," Steven said, his face cracking a wide smile as he appraised Robby's appearance. "We could always use a few more doctors around here, especially some handsome ones. Welcome, won't you please sit down."

Paul remained standing by the door but Mel went and sat in the offered chair and Robby went to the bench under the window and sat next to Steven.

"I was a doctor for twenty-three years before the virus caught up with me, it probably makes Mel's job a lot harder having me around to second guess him," Steven chuckled. "But he puts up with me and I'm grateful."

"How long have you had the virus, Doctor," Robby asked.

"About six months at my best guess, but it could have been five or ten years from what they've discovered about the dormancy period. I could have been exposed by any one of a dozen men, I'm afraid. That's the hard part to accept, they may have been spreading it around without knowing they were sick," Steven replied.

"We think it's actually possible for some people to be carriers without ever contracting the disease," Mel said. "We just don't have enough information."

"But we will," Steven said sadly. "I have faith that we'll beat this thing, maybe not in time enough to save me but to protect young men like this."

Robby reached out and took Steven's hand, the touch made the man flinch but his eyes grew warm and Paul could almost see him gain strength under Robby's watchful gaze.

"You're a brave boy, you know that? Most people don't want to touch a man with AIDS, they're too afraid," Steven said.

"I'm not afraid of you," Robby said, "only the disease. I can wash my hands but I can't help wash away your fears unless I can touch you. I learned before my friend Brian died that he wanted to touch me more than anything, it's what makes us human, the need to see and feel."

"Bless you," Steven said, he had tears in his eyes now. "I hope you get to be a great doctor some day, we need more doctors like you and Mel."

He got up from the bench and went into the adjoining bedroom and quietly shut the door. Mel smiled at Robby and showed him to the sink on the opposite wall, the boy washed his hands in disinfectant soap.

Paul had watched the whole thing and had been concerned by the boy's actions, yet he felt elated at the outcome. It was as if some challenge had been overcome. Robby's manner spoke well of his courage and compassion towards his fellow man, where had he come by these noble traits? Mel put his arm on the boy's shoulder and led him from the room while Paul tagged along.

They walked towards the other end of the hall, towards the source of the music. The room they entered was so different from the last, here was a small private space and every inch of the walls was covered in what could only be described as gay kitsch.

Marilyn Monroe's face on one wall stared down on a bust of a ballet dancer in mid leap, this person had to be in theatre, Paul figured. Mel walked over to the tape player and looked at the cassette box sitting on top.

"Ah, thought so, Beethoven. This is Marty, he's our youngest patient," Mel said.

The boy he was pointing at was wearing headphones, even though the music played through the speakers as well. He was leaning out the window staring at something and was startled by their presence when he turned back to the room; he removed the device from his ears.

"Oh, Dr. Leonard, you scared me," Marty said. "I was just looking at that cute guy over at the hot dog stand."

"I'll bet you were," Mel said with a laugh. "I have a couple of friends I'm showing around, this is Mr. Saunders and this is Robby, he's going to be a doctor."

"Pleased to meet you," Marty said, "isn't this place just fabulous? They even let me decorate my own room."

Paul decided the young man could only be about eighteen, if that. He waited for Robby's reaction, Marty was showing a few signs of the virus but he still looked healthy.

"Looks real good," Robby said, "I like what you've done to the room."

"Oh, I've got tons of stuff at home, but then there wouldn't be any room for me in here if I brought one more thing. My mother thinks it's just too gay, but I keep asking her and so what am I, a fish?" He laughed at his own joke.

"She has a hard time understanding I'll bet, my dad is like that," Robby said, "sometimes I wish he would just grow up and accept it."

"Some parents are such a pain," Marty replied, "what can you do?"

"Have you been sick a long time?" Robby asked, it seemed he was going to dominate the conversation.

"Not really, I mean, I only did it with one guy, you know. Just my luck too, this shit happens to me all the time. Like, I was gonna dance in this jazz piece at school last year, and the day before I fell and broke my ankle, what a klutz."

"Do the other kids at school know you're sick?" Robby asked.

"I guess some of them do, I got expelled for it. I mean they said I was smoking in the bathroom and that's why I got thrown out, ya know, but lots of kids do that and don't get expelled. The principal knows I've got AIDS, they just used the smoking thing as an excuse."

"Marty's part of a lawsuit the ACLU has filed on behalf of several other kids who've been kicked out of school, they all tested positive," Mel explained. "We think its blatant discrimination, but then the court will decide the issue this fall."

"Hang in there Marty," Robby said, "give 'em a good fight."

"Yeah, maybe I will, who knows? Thanks for comin by," Marty replied.

They wandered back towards the elevator, it was probably time for them to go, Paul thought. Mel rode with them back to the lobby and stepped outside onto the sidewalk with them to say good bye.

"You see the difference between the patients I deal with? Some old enough to have known better and some who are so young they haven't a clue, no offense intended, Robby. The beginning was all about ignorance, we didn't know it was waiting there to attack us, now we have no excuse at all, it's killing us.

"This city has the largest gay population in the state for now, tomorrow...who knows. Just remember this, preach the word to everyone but always practice what you preach. And you young man, you have a way with people, a very good way. If you ever get that medical degree you can work for me any time you want. It's a long road we're on and I can't see an end to it, there'll always be a place here for talent."

"Thanks for seeing us," Paul said, "this really gave me a lot to think about."

"I hope you get appointed or elected when you get back home," Mel said, "it's gonna be hard to be a gay candidate but the country needs to see us out front leading the fight."

"Thank you, Doctor," Robby said. "You've been a great source of information, I learned a lot today. This is a wonderful place you've got here; I just wish Brian could have been one of your patients. He needed love more then anything to keep him going. There's love here, and your patients really appreciate what you're doing."

He looked at Mel and then gave him a big hug, so very much like the boy Paul knew so well. Mel accepted the gesture and smiled back.

"Go see the city while you're here," He suggested with a smile, "this town is still the paradise the gay community brags about. If we could only control our urges this place would flower once again. You keep after your schooling, young man, and keep an eye on this guy standing behind you; I can tell he loves you very much."

They all shook hands and then Mel went back to face the reality of his world and he was still smiling. Robby watched him go and then turned to Paul.

"Thank you for bringing me here, nothing could have taught me more."

"I think we both learned something and not just about AIDS," Paul replied.

Robby took Paul's hand and they walked down the street. In the Castro they were just another pair of lovers, a welcome sight here in a city of gay men.

They spent the rest of the day wandering the streets and buying gifts to take home. They walked through Buena Vista Park to Kezar Stadium, the site of the first Gay Games three years before. They both decided it must have been quite a sight, thousands of spectators and athletes from around the world gathered here to celebrate gay and lesbian pride through athletic competition. Mel was right, Paul decided, the closet doors needed to come down for the nation to know that millions of its citizens were in need.

They took a taxi back to the hotel in the late afternoon, the gay experience had filled their day and left them with much to consider. Paul decided he should make some arrangements if they were going northwards in a few days. Robby went back up to the room while Paul asked about a rental car at the front desk. When he finally got back to the room he found Robby sitting at the desk writing a letter, Paul didn't want to disturb him so he walked on into the bedroom and stripped down for a shower. The needles of hot water felt damn good, he decided, and then Robby joined him.

"We can't keep meeting like this, you know, it might cause rumors," Paul said.

"Don't worry, I hung the do not disturb sign on the door," Robby replied, and then he went to his knees.

Paul gasped as the boy's mouth engulfed him. He guessed he should be used to Robby's quirky little sex games by now, the boy was capable of initiating the act at any time of day or night. It was useless to resist and only a foolish man would try.

He stroked the wet strands of fine blonde hair and urged himself to hold out for one minute longer, if only he could. But it was to no avail and that greedy mouth swallowed the results and kept coming back for more. Finally Robby stood back up and embraced him.

"Thanks, I needed that," Robby said. "Now I'm glad we both got tested. Mel would agree, monogamy is the only way. I guess that means we have to trust one another."

"I do trust you," Paul replied. "Who were you writing to?"

"To Jeremy, I wanted to tell him about everything we saw today. As Mel said, it's important to share the news, good and bad. Jeremy is the secretary of the club and I wanted him to work some of this into our newsletter."

"Newsletter?" Paul said.

"Yeah, the school gave us funds so we decided to publish a monthly report of G & L issues for the whole school. We even sent a copy of the first one to the Washington Blade in D.C. and they wrote us back, said they'll publish some of our material," Robby said proudly.

"Great, you really got a jump on educating the public already, I'm proud of you," Paul said as he rubbed shampoo into Robby's hair.

"Jeremy doesn't live too far from school so I thought he should keep it up, even through the summer. He's a good kid, works real hard too. Maybe we could use his help on your campaign? He writes extremely well and he's got a huge computer set up at home. Besides, his folks know he's gay and it's alright with them."

"Really? Boy is he lucky," Paul said.

"Don't I know it," Robby said. "His parents are Quakers, you know, Society of Friends? They were pretty active in the anti-war stuff during Vietnam, so I guess they're pretty liberal. Jeremy says he discovered his gay self with another boy in the towel room of the gym when he was thirteen, isn't that cute? Shit, you know what I was doin back then. God I was so dumb."

"Hey, take it easy on yourself, you didn't know any better. It sounds like you envy Jeremy just a little bit because his parents are so understanding, some people are just lucky," Paul said. "But I think it's good that you guys can share so much about yourselves, intimacy is very important."

He watched Robby rinse, making sure all the soap was out of the long strands before turning the boy around.

"So do you want the help?" Robby asked. "You know, on your campaign?"

"I heard you the first time," Paul said, "wash up first, we need to talk."

After the shower, they settled on the couch and Paul broached the subject once again.

"I guess I've been waiting for a couple of things to happen before I begin to play the political game. You had to get settled in school, but that's going well and I can see you're happy there so it isn't a concern anymore. Your majority hearing is over and that was vital to our future as well, remember you're still only seventeen no matter how old you feel."

"In eight months that won't be an issue. But it's the publicity you're worried about, isn't it?" Robby said.

"Yeah, they could kill me if they find out about us," Paul said.

"I'm sorry; do you want me to move out?"

"I considered that but we'd only be kidding ourselves. Better we just be careful and if anyone asks I'll just say you're my nephew, think they'll buy that?"

"Do I have to call you Uncle Paul?" Robby laughed.

"Hardly. The gay thing will come up right away, you know. I plan to push the AIDS button right up front by making the county health department a focal point in the campaign. You know Howard County is still pretty rural; I'll have to appeal to the liberal voters in Columbia if I'm going to get anywhere. It might also mean we get to see each other less as the campaign heats up, how will you feel about that?"

"Oh, don't count me out," Robby said, "I'm gonna be right there with you. I'll bet I can get a thousand kids to make their parents vote for you, wouldn't that be cool?"

"With you beside me, how can I lose?"

They made love before dinner, during dinner and afterwards as well. The boy did it all with his eyes, as Paul stood in awe at the intensity of emotion he beheld in those baby blues. It was consummated in a touch, a gesture and a simple smile as the evening moved on to become their night. Paul had finally given in to the pressure, he knew Robby was toying with him to gain an end, the boy wanted to see the gay world after dark.

They taxied down to the Castro once again, this time they were dressed more casually in shorts and T-shirts; they might fit in better this way. Like a couple of novices, they walked into a leather bar after the doorman gave Robby only a cursory glance. Dressed like this, the boy did look maybe nineteen or twenty, old enough to pass muster it seemed. Paul was amused as a big bear in full leather regalia cornered Robby at the bar.

"Hey, sissy boy," the man said, "want your pipes cleaned?"

"I suppose you're talking to me," Robby said, looking the guy over, "not a chance."

"Aw shucks," the big one said, "and that's my best line too."

Robby laughed and the guy laughed with him, Paul bought them both a drink. The bear's name was Bobby and he'd moved here from St. Louis the year before.

"It's a crazy town," he confided. "We try not to have too much fun. Oh Lord, but you should see the parties, girlfriends just running naked on the streets sometimes. What brings you boys to town?"

"Just on vacation," Paul ventured, hoping Robby would catch the light tone in his reply.

"We did a tour of the AIDS Project this morning," Robby said, diving right in. "Pretty grim place but a warning to us all."

"Oh honey, those people are saints, this bar does a benefit every month for them," Bobby said, "They have such a hard row to hoe."

"You better keep that thing covered up if your pick up line ever works," Robby reminded him.

"Well thank you, sweetie, I keep tryin but they ain't listening. I wouldn't think of having unprotected sex…that would be suicide in this town."

"Good girl," Robby smiled, and then he slapped the man on the bottom real hard.

"Oh dear, I'll give you ten minutes to stop that," Bobby squealed delightfully.

Several other men moved in towards them and Robby turned away, heading for the door, this wasn't the place for them tonight. Paul followed and looking over his shoulder saw Bobby surrounded by men now, Robby had started the whole thing off, what a kid. He caught up with the boy outside.

"That was quite a move you made in there, Bobby would probably like you to take over his social calendar right about now," Paul said.

"Aw why not, it's an old hustler trick. He was a nice guy and he said the right things, I thought I'd do him a favor."

"Explain that please," Paul asked.

"Oh, take a nervous kid who hasn't hustled before and pinch him when the Johns are watching, he'll squeal. It draws some attention his way and that's usually all it takes to break the ice. Brian did it to me early on when I got shy, I don't know, it just felt like it might work here."

Robby took his hand again as they walked up the street looking for their kind of place, there had to be one bar for normal people they both thought.

"You never cease to amaze me," Paul said, "how complex you really are. Life has taught you some pretty interesting things."

"True, but some of it I'd just as soon forget," Robby said. "You know what I realized this morning at the clinic? I haven't thought about Brian in several days, it's like I've betrayed his memory or something."

"He's always going to be with you, Robby. You can't think of him all the time, you have your own life to lead," Paul said.

"I never want to forget him, he did so many things for me when I was growing up," Robby said, and then he laughed. "There's one thing I never got around to doing though."

"What's that?" Paul asked.

"I never did it with a girl; Brian was supposed to set me up and never did. Maybe you should be grateful, I might have liked it," Robby said.

"Right, you couldn't play shower games with them could you?" Paul laughed.

"Got me there. Paul, I'd really love to do things with you right now, ya know."

"Damn kiddo, you're insatiable."


On to Chapter Ten

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"Whistler's Club" Copyright © 2010 by Chris James. All rights reserved.
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